Greetings, my dearest friends! Welcome back!
This week’s topic is how listening to other people got me into trouble, or rather, I should NOT have listened to others and trusted my own instincts. And you should, too.
How many times – and I do mean – HOW MANY TIMES did I allow myself to be pushed around by others and giving in to what they told me or wanted me to do or even forced me to do? But I didn’t want to do it, or didn’t feel it was right for me. And after a great deal of rumination, I have come to the conclusion that screw ’em. I am gonna do what I want, regardless! Quelle surprise! 😂🤣
I am sure there are those of you have been in the same sinking boat I have found myself in. You know how it is when some “well-meaning” friend or relative gives you unsolicited advice on how you should handle something important to you or even your whole life.
People in the entertainment industry hear unsolicited advice A LOT. Why do I say that? Because 9 times out of 100, when you tell someone you wish to be an actor or writer or something creative, the first words out of their mouth is – “oh you’re not going to make any money. You should do something else.” Or if you are already in it, they’ll ask “are you making any money? And how much?” And if you’re an actor, they’ll probably ask “where ya waiting tables?” 😡
Please take my simple advice and if you encounter people or know people who try to belittle your dreams, talk you out of something, etc., and you know in your heart of hearts their “advice” isn’t right, WALK AWAY! Don’t listen! If you make the mistake, you make the mistake. Sometimes that is what life is about, so you learn, grow, and hopefully won’t make the same mistake twice.
I am a firm believer of making your own mistakes and making up your own mind. Now, I am not suggesting that you shouldn’t listen to advice, because it can be helpful. But if it is something that is important to you, and it ain’t hurting nobody, then GO FOR IT! And particularly if it’s coming from your heart and soul.
Now, here are Derek’s 10 examples of when I should NOT have listened to others:
- Way back in childhood when I was told by a classmate, friend and neighbor, Tim Allen, who said I should drop Verene Duvall as a friend because other people were talking about me, saying I was gay, a faggot, etc. They thought Verene and I were a little “too close,” if you catch my drift. First of all, we were NOT like that! And secondly, it’s none of your business. And thirdly, I NEVER had feelings in that direction for him. And if I did, so what? Again, none of your business! But guess what? I did NOT listen to Tim Allen (and the others), and I continued my friendship with Verene until he moved away after 8th grade, which made me extraordinarily sad. 😓
- Listening to Darrell Mitchell, my horrible dead ex, who convinced me to have sex with him without a condom. Well, turns out two years later, after he moved to Atlanta, I found out that he was HIV+, and he denied it. Fortunately, I turned out to be negative and still am. But the anguish and torture I went through going through all of those tests!!!! Not to mention thinking I was going to DIE!
- My ex-friend Teresa who told me NOT to let Darrell know I was leaving town with my family for vacation. Her advice was to let him miss me. BIG MISTAKE. We broke up (for the first time), which in hindsight may have been a good thing. But still, that should have been my decision not hers. Besides, he’s dead now, and Teresa and I are no longer friends.
- Listening to now-deceased astrologer Michael Washburn when I was in my early 30s telling me I was bisexual! I mean really!! I had been an out and proud gay man 10 years prior, and I doubt very seriously that I was going to turn and start liking women. This caused me mental anguish for YEARS! In hindsight, what I think he really saw in my chart was that I am ACTUALLY a woman, or at the very least I feel more like a woman than I do a man, but we are not ready to have that conversation. 😉😊
- I dated a guy once who told me I was wasting my time driving across town to the now-defunct Neighborhood Playhouse, to be in a play where I was only in the opening scene. I had the opening monologue in Mama Bear, directed by the late Carol Mitchell-Leon, who was a BIG deal in Atlanta theater and film back then. Mind you, I was later bumped up to play the title character’s grandfather which was a much bigger role, and garnered me a LOT of laughs. I played the part much better than the predecessor. Ha! Oh and the guy I was dating then? Turned out he lied to me about being HIV+! Just like Darrell Mitchell!
- A coworker at that dreadful Children’s Museum told me that my Gay soap opera Fabulous And Gorgeous, “wasn’t going to see the light of television.” First of all, BITCH, how DARE you make such a statement? And how the fuck do you know? This one I took to heart, though, not gonna lie. It made me not believe in myself. 😓
- Listening to anybody who tried to “prophesy” over me and say I was meant to write Christian plays or be a Christian motivational speaker. And do you want to know who said this mess? Black women who didn’t even know me! So, you can see what that was worth.
- Yeah, I even went to this church once where the preacher said “All dreams are not of God.” I took this personally and thought that meant the end of my acting/writing career. It didn’t stop me, though, because screenplays, children’s plays, an entire miniseries, a gay soap opera, a children’s book, and now a published blog, later…
- Oh brother listening to my mother about Facebook and how she thinks it is detrimental to me landing a new job! 🤣😂
- And anytime I listened to ANYONE who put me down in some form or fashion. Anyone who bullied me, tried to intimidate me, talked down to me – whether family, bosses, coworkers, so-called friends, or lovers and beaus. SCREW ‘EM ALL!! 🤣😂
As I bring this to a close, obviously, if it is something very serious and/or even dire, such as you are on drugs or an alcoholic or dating someone who clearly isn’t right for you and others are telling you to knock it off, then I think you should listen to that.
However, something that is close to your heart, such as your desires and dreams, and you have others who wish to pooh pooh those dreams, DON’T LISTEN!
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Well, that’s it, my friends. Please come back next time when the topic will be how soap operas handled queer characters, which is sort of a followup to my “Gays in Hollywood” post. So, stay tuned. In the meantime, please be safe, and as always, MENTALLY WELL!!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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