Category: mental health and well-being

Hi, y’all! I am back!! I feel like it has been forever and a day since I have posted anything. I am trying to play catchup, though.

At any rate, today’s topic is about having that feeling your life is in rinse and repeat mode on the daily. Or as I like to call it – my life on the hamster wheel.

And what do I mean by that? I mean, the same experiences and the same people and the same types of jobs and the same types of living situations, etc., over and over and over and OVER again to the point of just being sick and tired of it.

It is mentally draining, not to mention so exhausting!!!!

Speaking on a spiritual level, you begin to ask why you are attracting the same type of experiences in your life. Is it me? Did I not learn the lessons on this same subject as before? Or is this a refresher course where you’ve already learned the lesson, and the Universe is just testing you?

Well, I am not sure, but it could be a combo of all of the above.

Or just bad luck or whatever. 🤔🤣

Relationships with Poz Men

For me, it is has ALWAYS been about the same type of men. For example, the man that I am interested in or who is interested in me is HIV+ Yes, I said it. And I don’t mean any disrespect to anyone at all. But that has been my constant experience since I first came out. Right out of the gate when I came out in 1989, I was exposed to it. And in 1991, I had an up-close and personal occurrence when my very first boyfriend – yes, you’ve heard the name before if you have been following me – DARRELL MITCHELL – after a year+ of dating him and breaking up and getting back together again – turned out he learned he was positive (ok inconclusive, but later…) before he moved to Atlanta, back in 1992, to accept a new teaching position in music. We had that in common. Anyhoo, this is where the story takes a very sordid turn. Just keep reading… 😵‍💫🫤

When we had gotten back together before he moved to the ATL, he decided to get tested after me BEGGING him to do so. And heck, after BEGGING him to wear a condom during sex, which he initially refused to do.

So, he got tested, and apparently the Durham County Health Department told him his results were “inconclusive,” which worried him to death. And we made love WITHOUT A CONDOM after that. So STUPID of me! But I was a stupid 24yo at the time, who thought he was in LOVE!!! 😏

So, he went back to get retested. But this is where the crossover of events occurred.

First, of all, he moved to the ATL WITHOUT getting his latest test results. (So, he said.)

After he moved to the ATL, this is when I got MY phone call from the Durham County Health Department, saying that I needed to come in and be tested because someone I had been with tested positive.

And this is where my nightmare began.

The health department would never tell me who that person was, but it was Darrell. It could not have been anyone else. And as I recall, I had to contact every man I had been with previous to him, just to be safe. So, I did have to make a few rather embarrassing and upsetting phone calls. 🫣😨

But anyhoo, when I called Darrell in Atlanta to tell him what was happening to me, do you know what that mothergrabber had the nerve to say to me? That it wasn’t him!!

He was trying to backtrack and do what he did best – LIE!!!!!! The gaslighting NEVER ended with him during the entire time we dated.

When I did make that move to the ATL, myself, in 1993, the year after Darrell, I ran into him once at the then-Burkhart’s, and I did not even mention the year previous. As a matter of fact, he acted as though nothing bad had ever happened between us.

And I am just going to end the story there. And btw, I ended up being HIV- and have been ever since!!!!!!

After Darrell, I kept running into men who were positive. And I don’t mean their sunny dispositions!! Some of these men told me right up front, and some of them tried to delay telling me, and some even flat out didn’t say anything in the beginning at all!!!!!!!!!

JOBS!!

I have had my fair share of shitty jobs working with shitty people, and where the same experiences came forth: That any trouble in the workplace is MY fault!

Let’s start with a certain museum here in Atlanta, shall we. Now, you would think that a museum geared towards teaching kids to learn through play, as they were billed – would actually be a fun place to work. No, honey. The complete opposite. For one, we had a lazy boss who took vacations all the time rather than doing her job. Plus, she eventually, albeit, slowly but surely – siphoned off parts of her job to the rest of us. WITH NO EXTRA PAY mind you! (Except for writing the scripts. We did get paid for that if we put our hats in the ring to write the scripts.)

But this bish let the nuts run the farm, so to speak. People who, I will give them this, were talented (somewhat), but who were very opinionated, yet rude and sometimes downright mean. Particularly if you chose to write a script. It was like being put in front of a firing squad! Or put on trial. For murder!! And over a CHILDREN’S SCRIPT!!! And raked over the coals by people WHO DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!!

There was one particular person, older black gentleman (and I use the word “gentleman” loosely) was apparently allowed to talk to the rest of us any way he wished, which normally was vitriolic, rude and nasty, particularly if he didn’t get his way. A lot of us realized that him being black, was the reason why he was not let go. This particular organization didn’t want to deal with the fallout in case he cried racism. But eventually, though, his role was downsized, and he left. Tee hee.

And there is my “buddy” the skinny cow who was in charge of one of the offshoot programs of the actors at said organization. At first me and this person started off fine, very friendly with each other, and she was excited over my work. However, about a year before I left, she became a real BITCH to me, for some reason. To the point that we got into a couple of rows before I left.

Towards the end of my tenure, I was called into “the office,” (my favorite saying like I’m still in secondary school). And I faced the three witches who were supposedly in charge: My main boss being one of them; and the cow; and another one, who is related to a major soap star! And she was also the boss of the other two. All women! During the meeting, I allowed Guillaume to emerge, and he was VERY icy and VERY cold. And then Terence came out and stared daggers through all of them, especially the skinny cow.

After this disastrous meeting, I was written up and then placed on “leave” for two weeks. When I returned, I was dropped from working with the cow. After that, I gave my notice, which is what I am sure they wanted me to do.

Next up – a certain school geared towards training up-and-coming doctors and physician assistants is another horrid place. To keep it brief, I will just say working there as an SP (standardized patient) where you roleplay as a patient to help future medical professionals practice their “bedside manner,” which was horrible and quite lacking, to say the least, at this place. I mean, working there was a disaster from the beginning. It took three months before my badge was finally able to work after multiple attempts to get it fixed. And I remember thinking then, ‘this is NOT the place for you. They don’t want you here,’ and I was proven right. The way they run things is very – how do I say – “conservative.” 🤔

Anyhoo, I was called into the office not once but TWICE over what I thought were innocent comments. One was during an exam, which I was simply asking what the student was doing!!!! And the other was actually during a workshop. Without getting into too much detail over the workshop one, I was told that the DOs/PAs were offended by what I said, which were only comments that I made within the scope of the case. Nothing that I would consider rude, but I do realize that words matter, etc. They. Were. Just. Jokes. NOTHING at the expense of ANY of the students. I am very supportive of students in the medical field!

And in the office, I was shown the video of what transpired, and it didn’t seem bad to me. I did stop the session, because I felt one of the students was grabbing at me!! I felt VERY UNSAFE in that moment, something that medical schools with SPs train YOU as the actor/SP to have autonomy over your own body. Not at this dump.

Well, here I am in the office watching this video with my gown down around my waist, with my fat tatas for the whole world to see!! Bald spot, et al. I was absolutely HUMILIATED! Bish could have just told me what transpired, since she also had NOTES! 😂🤣

I have decided that since this particular joint is training DOs or Doctors of Osteopathic Medicine, and PAs or physician assistants – I have made up my mind that I would NEVER allow these types of medical professionals to treat me, not even in an emergency. Just let me die.

But then again, millennials are extraordinarily and unnecessarily overly sensitive, anyway. After all, when you have medical students entering the room and right off the bat telling you what THEIR PRONOUNS are, and then asking you what your PRONOUNS are, rather than asking your name and the reason you are there. Oh BROTHER!!

Money! Money! Money!

Ever since I left that crappy church way back in the 80s – 1987 to be exact – I feel like I have had nothing but money problems. And my thought was because I was no longer tithing, which I think is a totally absurd construct to get money for the church. It is about GIVING! But the way it was cruelly shoved down my throat, I was told that if you DON’T tithe, you will not receive money. You will always be broke. And I listened to that nonsense and took it to heart. Until many years later, I realized wait a minute. I know a lot of people who do NOT tithe to any church, and they are STILL rich. THEY DON’T EVEN GO TO CHURCH!! So, that didn’t make any sense to me. And a few years back, I let that go. And I also realized that whenever I just let it go and just “let God, ” if you will, the money or opportunities pop up. I just need to get out of my own way.

But being poor and always behind financially has been a hamster wheel-like experience. I am getting better, though.

I have been listening to a plethora of affirmations geared towards making and receiving money. Yes. Affirmations. And what I have learned is that money is indeed a mindset. If you believe you don’t have enough money or say and/or feel like you are struggling, then you always will. However, when you simply relax and let it flow to you, it usually does.

The Unrequited Love

Another biggie. How many times have I found myself either attracted to someone who was unavailable for whatever reason? OR there was a man who was interested in me, and I was not interested in him. As a matter of fact, I dated men that I realized I just wasn’t feeling it.

And let’s not even go there with regard to STRAIGHT MEN! You think I would know better at this age and stage. But it happened again, and we ended up being roommates. Platonically. Of course. 😏

And The Distance…

And speaking of the distance with regard to men. Referencing the Javier Storyline again – NOT THE JAVIER STORYLINE AGAIN! But that was the big, big problem, me being here in Atlanta, and him being back in N.C.

As a matter of fact, there is a guy I am corresponding with now who used to live here in Atlanta, but is now living in Puerto Vallarta!!!! I think he is trying to move back here, but I am not sure. Also, he came back in January to get meds and with a promise of meeting each other, but it never came to pass. He suddenly stopped corresponding. Oh well. C’est la vie. Story of my life.

But then out of the blue earlier this year, he started corresponding again! And this is where I am FINALLY listening to Charles B. Enzor telling me to KEEP IT LIGHT AND AIRY!!

At any rate, I have experienced this so many times! The guy at a distance thingy. The men at a distance are attracted to me; the local men are not. It is almost like signifying Atlanta doesn’t want me. Well, the feeling is quite mutual. 😂

Apartment Living

Now, it has translated back into apartment living. Let me start by saying, it is HIGH time I moved into a house! I can no longer stand living in a dorm-like situation. And my old neighbors, who lived below me, moved at the beginning of the year, which I believe was the catalyst. Because they had been where I currently live nearly as long as I have – seven years. They were not the best neighbors, with the lady in the wheelchair chain smoking – (well, my roomie does that) – and sometimes the man would do drilling and maintenance-type stuff around the joint like it was a house, but at least he was HOT!! OMG! I could have forgiven half the stuff he did, if he had only joined me in my apartment for… a drink. 😂

But his activities tapered off, and they became tolerable, and I eventually was like – well, better the Devil you know, and all that…

When they moved, I panicked! Oh God! No telling what trash is going to move in below us now.

I was proven right when back in February, I was dancing for my exercise. It was a Sunday, around 11 a.m., and I decided to just hook up my stereo speakers this time. Every now and then I will do that. Anyway, I was in my bedroom, and dancing away, (to Pet Shop Boys, I think 😂🎼🎵🕺🏾) until I heard a VERY loud thump, thump, thump on my floor!!

I was like oh HELL NO!!!! We obviously got neighbors now!! I was PISSED! But I kept right on dancing. I would say just as my routine was over, I hear my roommate calling me outside my door. And he confirmed it, that yes, we have a new neighbor. Some black dude with dreads, which also made me groan. Yes. I said it!!! He complained to my roommate. He said he was nice about it – uh I don’t think so, banging on his ceiling/my floor like this is a college dormitory!!!!!! Oh and the kicker? This chap CLAIMS to have a newborn! Like that is my problem!

But are you ready for this nonsense? Both me and my roommate smell his pot smoking!! It reeks!! I can smell it in my bedroom, and my roomie can smell it in his.

This person smokes late at night, too, during the week. I have smelled it as I am going to bed around 10:30 p.m. I have even woken up in the middle of the night – around 1:30 a.m. or even 3 a.m. – smelling that shit! What is this? THE CLUB??? And on top of all of this, he even smokes regular cigarettes!!! 🚬🤮

I have complained TWICE now to the leasing office, and you know how that goes. They are being very lackadaisical about it.

I am saying all this to say, that I have finally had it. I have had it with neighbors being so close, like we are packed up together like a can of sardines. And whether I am complaining about their noise or vice versa. So, I have made the decision to move.

Mind you, my roommate revealed to me that he intends to move when the lease is up, which is another story. But this is more he wants his own place, and had only intended to stay here with me for a year. But THREE years later…

And I told him then that I think I should move and he can stay, and he said we should talk further about it.

But after that conversation and the recent horseshit, I have decided how sick and tired of living so closely around people I wouldn’t even talk to in the street. Next stop: MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!!

All of the above has led me into a whole new paradigm of I am DONE on the hamster wheel.

It is time to get off.

No more bad relationships.

No more roommates.

No more unpleasant, repulsive and nasty neighbors.

No more regressive/repressive, totalitarian jobs, ruled by people who have no life other than said regressive/repressive job.

No more poverty.

NO MORE!!

That is enough of my rant. Please see the clip associated with the post on my “The Days of Derek’s Mind” channel. Sometimes I will be able to attach in advance. And sometimes not. All of this is still a work in progress. And so, thank you for your patience. 😊

At any rate, come back next time when the subject is being the ABSOLUTE best version of yourself! Until then, please be safe and, as always, mentally well.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, all of my dear friends and readers! So, glad you are continuing with me on this journey.

As promised from last time, I wanted to touch on the fact that our gay icons really and truly help with our mental anguish. And not just mental anguish, but also help us and guide us throughout our lives in many ways. For example, they can get us through tough times, happy times, nostalgic times, etc. They help us cope with life in general.

And I shouldn’t relegate it towards just the Rainbow Community, but for all of us. But still, gay men, in particular tend to gravitate to the following artists, personalities, actors/actresses, etc.

Annie Lennox/Eurythmics

From the very first moment an orange-haired Annie Lennox, along with songwriting partner, David Stewart, came on the scene with Sweet Dreams, with their iconic video (yes, with the cow!), a then-15yo me was like what in the world??? It was WONDERFUL! And like Boy George (whom I will be discussing later in this post), we were introduced to androgyny.

Eurythmics got me through low school and into college and beyond. SOOOO many iconic hits by them – Sweet Dreams, Love Is a Stranger, Who’s That Girl?, Would I Lie to You? Sisters are Doin’ It for Themselves, Missionary Man — all of it! Annie’s style, her gender bending, her menacing looks – I have done nothing but try and emulate and copy, not only her singing voice, but her attitude and style as well.

And then she and Dave took a break from each other, and she started her solo career in 1992 with Diva. And oh. My. God. This CD is exactly what I needed at that time in my gay career 🤣😂❤️ – She released this CD during the time I was with Darrell, and Why was THE PERFECT anthem that literally described our chaotic and dysfunctional relationship. And even Stay By Me – the line “dark as your hair,” reminded me of Darrell. And Walking on Broken Glass, was another perfect description of our relationship, and how I felt like that was exactly what I was doing where he was concerned.

But her other hits – Legend in My Living Room reminded me of TRYING to make a success of myself in music. And Cold and the smooth, silky and soulful Money Can’t Buy It, and Precious all hit my soul like a ton of bricks.

And later with her solo album Medusa – with cuts such as No More I Love You’s, which I got to showcase her beginning vocals in Rumpelstiltskin, a children’s show I did at Snow Camp, North Carolina, back in 1998. I played the Prime Minister, who I played very foppish and GAY, and as the PM, I opened the show with this song. It was so hilarious. There was even a moment in the play where I, and the rest of the court, come out in a frenzy, I do the vocals and they answered me! 😂🤣🤣👏🏾

And don’t get me started on her renditions of Thin Line Between Love and Hate and I Can’t Get Next to You – WOW!!

Waiting in Vain, reminded me SO MUCH of the Javier storyline and his disappearances. The song just hurt, as any good song should, as I was reminded of how much I was waiting in vain for him and his love.

Bare showed a more mature gay Derek – yeah, right! Or maybe a more Bitter Derek, as Bitter Pill suggested. It was really that line “Finally the truth has come, I guess I knowed it all along, nothing else I could have done – bitter! I’m bitter! So bitter!” 😁😉

But other notable songs such as the opening track – A Thousand Beautiful Things, Wonderful, The Hurting Time, and Honestly, especially The Hurting Time just, again, hit hard.

Fortunately, I got to see her perform back in 2003 at the Woodruff Arts Center, where she played all of Eurythmics’ signature hits, in addition to her new stuff from Bare. INCREDIBLE NIGHT!! She proved that night that she is indeed A DIVA!!!!

Boy George/Culture Club

Boy George. Boy George. BOY GEORGE!! From the first moment Culture Club appeared on the scene back in 1982, with Do You Really Want to Hurt Me, frontman Boy George with his gender-bending style and making us all wonder is it a boy or a girl – made me sit up and take notice. Just like Annie, I was like “who is THAT?” I was absolutely mesmerized! It was his style, the way he dressed – as he labeled it at the American Music Awards back in ’84, like a drag queen 🤣😂👏🏾- his silky and soulful voice, Culture Club’s music and lyrics – it all just blew my mind! I wanted to BE Boy George!!!!!!!! In my own singing, as with Annie, I have often tried to emulate his voice and his style. I have even gotten compliments from people saying I sound like him!!

Now, Do You Really Want to Hurt Me, may have started it. However, Karma Chameleon, It’s a Miracle, Black Money, Changing Every Day, Miss Me Blind, Mister Man, andVictims ALL from their second album Colour By Numbers – cemented my love for Culture Club and Boy George FOREVER!!

Moving on to the lesser successful, but still iconic album, in my opinion – Waking Up with The House on Fire – with songs such as – well, of course – The War Song. But the opening track, Dangerous Man is THE song to listen to. It is extraordinarily soulful and very 70s Curtis Mayfield, as I like to call it. And then there’s Unfortunate Thing, Mistake No. 3, which they released, The Dive – another of my faves, and the very disco/pop Don’t Talk About It. Closing things out are Hello Goodbye. Both Crime Time and Mannequin exemplify a very bluesy, jazzy 1940s/50s style.

In college, it was all about From Luxury to Heartache, which came out in 1986, when I was in the height of my religious days. Oh Brother. I was THUNDERSTRUCK by not just the opening track and released single Move Away, but I Pray, Work on Me Baby, another discoish song Gusto Blusto, Heaven’s Children, God Thank You Woman, Reasons, and my other personal fave Too Bad, which shows the true side of America. Even then Boy George knew what was up.

And I didn’t miss Culture Club’s appearance on the hit TV show A-Team back in ’86, appropriately entitled “Cowboy George,” where they performed Move Away, God Thank You Woman, and ending with, Karma Chameleon, which was more appropriate for the country bar they were performing in. 😂👏🏾

Boy George didn’t try to hide his sexuality either. At first he admitted to sleeping with both girls and blokes – as he put it. But then eventually came out as full-on gay. And therefore, that cemented my connection to the Boy even more.

And just to be clear, I STILL listen to all of Culture Club’s hits, as well as Boy George’s solo stuff, to this day.

Cher

Now, talk about a gay icon! This lady will NEVER die!! LOLOL Talk about literally growing up with/watching/listening to an iconic artist, it definitely was Cher. I remember Cher going as far back as when I was a little child!! Actually, Cher and I go way back to the Sonny & Cher Variety Hour. So, we are talking the EARLY 70s! And this was also when her son Chaz was actually Chastity. And if any of you try to drag me for referring to her “dead name” you can go fuck yourself. Because it is the truth!

But through the years, Cher has been such a force to be reckoned with, from her movies and TV appearances to, of course, her epochal music. And to go the distance to where her music was played in the gay clubs, shows not only her longevity but her cultural relevance.

Cher’s style and refusing to go away has kept us gay young’uns on our toes, and yes, that would include her hits being played in the gay clubs in the mid-to-late 90s and into the 2000s.

My gay friends and I could not get enough of Believe, Strong Enough or One by One back in the day. And then she released Living Proof in 2001, and I just absolutely fell in love with that album!! Though Song for the Lonely was her big hit from that album, as well as The Music’s No Good Without You and A Different Kind of Love Song, it was all about Rain, Rain a slow, lachrymose and almost tearful and maudlin ballad and Real Love with its upbeat tempo and driving beats, did it for me. I was a 12yo gay then. LOLOL

I even attended ONE of her MANY farewell tours around 2001! What a show!!!!!

Cher’s style, movies and music will never die or go away. After everyone else is gone, Cher will no doubt still live on.

Elton John

Now Elton, like Cher, goes wayyyyy back into childhood for me. It really began in Kindergarten, when I kid you not, it seemed like every time my Aunt Eva got me up for school back then in 1972, Crocodile Rock was playing on the radio!!!!!! LOLOL That and Bennie and the Jets.

And then it was off to high school with I’m Still Standing. Now, you have to understand that Elton, as you already know, has a HUGE catalogue of music, but it was certain songs for me, such as I‘m Still Standing, which I used to rock out during my gay heydey thinking of all the things I had survived up to that point. And I didn’t know about And All the Young Girls Love Alice, until much later in my life. But let me tell you that fucking song is AMAZING! And of course sad, because of what happens to Alice. And the revelation that she is a 16yo lesbian, who “only last Tuesday they found you in the subway dead.” Tragic.

Elton’s outfits made him a more modern-day Liberace in a way, and of course, since he plays piano like Liberace, hence the comparison. And Elton being an out and proud gay man, definitely made me feel that connection to him, as well.

George Michael

And then there’s George Michael, who also holds a special place in my heart, just like The Boy, over not only his music but because he himself was also gay. I found solace in that knowledge, even if it was painful for him to come out. He helped save me, too. And he is so missed.

Now, there is the debate that I started at work who do you prefer between the Georges – Boy George or George Michael. And George Michael seems to win everytime (though I still prefer the Boy) but I digress. George Michael was truly instrumental in my gay life when he released FastLove, because he seemed to be telling us the truth about who he really was, a gay man. And I used to get ready to go out to the gay clubs to that song.

But I cannot forget his beginnings with JITTERBUG – Wake Me UJp Before You Go Go way back when I was in high school. Or Careless Whisper, Everything She Wants, Freedom ’90, I’m Your Man, et al.

George Michael passed away on Christmas Day, 2016. And I was in Washington, D.C., visiting family. To say I was devastated learning of his death, and on Christmas Day of all days, is an understatement. He will NEVER be forgotten. By the by, Wham’s Last Christmas beat out Mariah’s All I Want for Christmas is You this past Christmas 2025!!!! Sorry, Mariah. 😉❤️🎄❄️

Janet

Without me even giving her last name, you know who I’m talking about. Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty. Much like Cher, I remember when Janet was a mere child from the Jackson 5 specials and TV appearances, being the youngest and sassiest member of the family. And of course, her HILARIOUS imitation of Mae West!!

But then Janet grew up, and the next thing you know, she was making TV appearances of her own, appearing in such hit TV shows as Diff’rent Strokes as Willis’s girlfriend, and the television version of Fame. And of course movies, such as Poetic Justice and Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married? Among others.

But again, it was her music that TRULY made the mark, at least for me. Talk about getting me through some rough times from my young adult years till now. Phew! She also helped me come out. When I came out back in 1989, it was all about her Rhythm Nation album/CD, which was actually my very first CD for my-then, brand-new CD/record player. With hit songs such as the title track Rhythm Nation, It’s Alright, The Knowledge, and Lonely, I was able to get myself through the beginning difficulties of being a gay man, particularly with regard to unrequited love. 😔 But Janet continued with the albums and the hits well into my 30s, 40s and even 50s. Later, I was all about If, That’s the Way Love Goes, Throb, New Agenda, Velvet Rope, Got Til It’s Gone, Go Deep, What About, It’s All For You – oh someone stop me, because I could go on FOREVER!! LOLOL You get the point. Janet has wayyyyyy too many hits to even name them all!!!!

And believe you me, each of her songs, especially her biggest hits, have a story to tell, and each has a special place in my heart and life.

Liberace

What can I say about the obviously flamboyant and OBVIOUSLY gay Liberace? I mean, come on, even in the 70s when I first laid eyes on this queen, I knew what was up. His flamboyant costumes and outfits, glittering with gold and sequins, certainly gave it away. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I can name a Liberace song, because I always focused on what he was wearing. 😂 Oh and the candelabra on top of his piano. But he most certainly told the entire world that it was definitely okay to be a homosexual!!! So, I had to include him. Because in many ways, he started it all for gay men to come out and just be themselves, flamboyance and all.

Lisa Stansfield

Lisa. Lisa!! LISA!!!! If anyone deserves the credit for helping me come out back in 1989, it’s this lady right here!!! What CAN I say about Lisa Stansfield??? I had become a bit of a regular at The Power Company at this point. It had to be the fall/winter of 1989 when I was on the dance floor, and suddenly the screen comes down and this chick with short hair and ordinary looks, but with a distinctive beauty mark, who started off by saying:

“I don’t know where my baby is. But I’ll find him, somewhere, somehow. I’ve got to let him know how much I care. I’ll never give up looking for my baby.”

And with that, we were off to the races with All Around the World or as a lot of people know it by “Been Around the World, I, I, I – I can’t find my baby!” LOLOL

Lisa was absolutely instrumental in me coming out. Along with Janet’s Rhythm Nation album, Lisa’s Affection held me together during the first few rocky months of me coming out. Well. They weren’t all THAT rocky. But it was during the Phil Leonard storyline when I was working at A Southern Season in Durham, N.C. And along with Rhythm Nation, Affection was also among the first CDs I bought with my new CD player.

Affection not only carried me throughout the Phil story, but also went deeply into the Charles Enzor storyline as well!!! By the time Charles came along, it was all about Lisa’s You Can’t Deny It and Sincerity, two songs that I felt cemented my strong attachment and attraction to Charles, who again, by the way, bore a striking resemblance to Sam Elliott!! I wore both of these songs out pining after Charles!!

But Lisa’s music didn’t end there. The next thing I knew there was her Real Love CD two years later, with her first hit Change and then All Woman, which I absolutely wore out!! Other notables for me off the CD were Time to Make You Mine, Symptoms of Loneliness & Heartache, A Little More Love, Real Love – the title track, and Tenderly. The entire CD was just out of this world.

And needless to say, I sang all of these songs at the top of my lungs!! 😁😉😂🎤🎙️

Later after I moved to Georgia, her album entitled simply Lisa Stansfield was my jam as I was trying to get over Javier Muro. Yes, the Javier storyline!! It seems that Lisa was instrumental – no pun intended – in helping navigate my way through these men!! LOL

And it was during the whole Javier deal, that songs from that CD like The Real Thing and DEFINITELY Got Me Missing You, were the key to me knowing how much I cared for and loved that man. This CD, like Lisa’s previous ones, I absolutely wore out.

And again, I played my own version of car karoake before it became a thing, by blasting The Real Thing, particularly, and singing “backup” to Lisa’s lead – AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!! 😂🎤

Her albums Face Up and later Deeper and Seven, not to mention her compilation CDs, became a staple in my collection. I much later went back and discovered her 1993 album, So Natural, again thanks to Apple Music.

Following the release of her Deeper CD, a couple of us attended her concert here in Atlanta, a concert that was not to be missed. She put on quite a show!!! And such ENERGY she had!! Quite the ball of fire!!!!

Everything from the Deeper CD and Love of My Life, as well as Deeper, – the title track – are my personal faves.

I will forever be grateful to Lisa for all of the wonderful times – and the help and coping of getting me through some of the not-so-wonderful times – all of the help and comfort she gave to me, and I am quite sure, to a lot of other gay men.

Madonna

Madonna. Madonna. Madonna. What can I say about Madonna? Wow. Just wow. From the moment she came on the scene wayyyy back in the day, with Borderline, I have been hooked on her and her music ever since. I do remember when Lucky Star came out, but I don’t remember which one came out first – Lucky Star or Borderline – but it was Borderline, with its soft and melodic, dreamy opening, followed by the drum intro into the full song, is what got me hooked! As a then-16yo, I was like ‘who is this bish?’ She is fabulous!’ Well, I didn’t exactly think or say that, but I was like ‘look, oh she is really cool’ with her sort of tomboyish look and the song itself. And Madonna was JUST getting started.

She took me through the rest of low school, well into college and BEYOND! She was there when I came out in 1989, too, and BEYOND that!! I have seen her movies. Bought nearly ALL of her music whether cassettes or CDs, and now thanks to Apple Music, I have access to ALL of her music – for the low, low price of $10.99 a month. 😂🤣

But seriously, say what you will about Madonna now, back then she was totally FIERCE!!! She helped me get through soooooooooo much! I literally GREW UP with Madonna, well, you know what I mean. From simply watching her on Friday Night Videos and American Bandstand, et al to being able to dance to her music at the clubs. Her music (and videos) are so incredible. We are talking everything from sad to maudlin to risque and overly sexual. And who remembers when she released her Sex book back in 1992? I mean only Madonna can get away with something like that. 😉

And as we all know, Madonna certainly pushes the limits. She always has. Whether in her music or her style and most CERTAINLY her risque lyrics, Madonna has always been able to stay ahead of the curve. Heck. She reinvented it.

And I would be hardpressed to pick my favorite Madonna song. I can tell you I truly love her Erotica album, her Bedtime Stories album (which she just released the Extended Stories – lol). But of course, Like a Virgin is a great album from beginning to end. American Life, Music, True Blue, Ray of Light! Someone please stop me! Long live Madonna!!

Mariah Carey

So Mariah’s connection with me is DEFINITELY my Javier period with both Fantasy the remix but for sure, the Always Be My Baby remix. But, of course, like everyone else about five years prior, we were first introduced to Mariah because of her first hit single, Emotions, with her screeching high notes! Wow! I was still in North Carolina at the time, about two years before my move to Atlanta, and when I first heard that song, I was absolutely blown away by her vocals! Just damn! Other times she helped me get through tough times was her other single from the same album, Make It Happen, where she describes in achingly, painful detail how she struggled to make it (and I’m STILL struggling! LOLOL).

And then later, for me, it became about The Emancipation of Mimi, with We Belong Together and Say Somethin’ with Snoop Dogg!!!! I was still in the middle of my Kent and Osler phase(s) at that time. Ha!

And I must add that I was NEVER bothered by her song All I Want for Christmas!!!!! Though, as I mentioned earlier, Wham’s Last Christmas kicked her out of that no. 1 Chistmas song spot during December 2025. But heck, Mariah STILL reigns Supreme!!!

Pet Shop Boys

Made up of lead singer Neil Tennant and keyboardist Chris Lowe, their first hit West End Girls, may have been the beginning of it starting in high school for me, but damn it if these guys didn’t continue it for me many decades after.

And before I go any further, Neil Tennant is openly gay. Chris Lowe, the jury is still out on that one. But my guess would be, yes. 😉

But the fact that over the years, Neil was singing about gay life, really cemented my love for the duo.

With hits like Love Comes Quickly, which I actually discovered, I am pretty sure, when I was already out. It was a part of their Greatest Hits CDs. And so, I was exposed to Domino Dancing and It’s Alright and of course, What Have I Done to Deserve This?, which was a hit when I was in college. But these are the songs from that album that really got to me.

Particularly, Love Comes Quickly, because I felt that it always came quickly for me, but the other person – well, that was always another story. 😔

Later it became all about The Nightlife CD, not the song yet, but the CD. And they released this CD at the height of my gaydom LOLOL And so many great songs on there, but the ones that truly stuck out to me were You Only Tell Me You Love Me When You’re Drunk, I Don’t Know What You Want But I Can’t Give it Anymore. (Both songs I have personally lived through.) Not to mention New York City Boys and Happiness is an Option. This CD TRULY captured gay life back then, about the bars and unrequited love and toxic gay relationships.

But then they released the White CD, Release, and then I truly lost my mind over them again! LOL They released this in 2002, and that was one of the worst years of my entire life!!!! But this CD saved me and kept me sane, (well I dissociated anyway, but that’s another story!) 😱😁

Release had two discs, but it was the 2nd one that kept my attention, bolstering such great songs as Home and Dry, Sexy Northerner, Always, Closer to Heaven, (mostly remixes of the aforementioned songs, that were much better than the original, imo.), and of course the actual song Nightlife and Break 4 Love. During this CD, I was in the middle of the Kent storyline, very heavy involvment!!! And the HUGE trouble I found myself back then. So, to say I needed this CD to help me with my sanity, was an understatement.

I believe it was 2002 or 2003 when a bunch of us queens went to see them in concert!!!! PHENOMENAL NIGHT!!!! I believe it was a part of my birthday celebration, too!

Then later I began to backtrack and pick up songs and previous albums of theirs that I hadn’t been exposed to before. The Bilingual CD with Electricity and Before just exploded for me!!!!! Wow!!!

And thanks to Apple Music, I was able to download the rest of their albums. So, the Boys kept me going beyond 2002 and showed no signs of slowing down by releasing the following CDs: Yes, Fundamental, Elysium, Hot Spot, Pandemonium, Electric, Super, Nonetheless, Relentess. They demonstrated they were keeping up with the times by singing about current themes such as dictators, social media, political scandals, musical artists falling from grace, etc. Their last release was Nonetheless, which was released just last year!!! And I am looking forward to more from them, since apparently they have no plans to ever slow down! Or even stop!!!

Before I end my tribute to the Boys, I must say that I am absolutely hooked on their 2020 album Hotspot, again, thanks to Apple Music. Songs such as Will-o-the-wisp, Dreamland, Monkey Business and DEFINITELY Happy People with its funky beat, but almost sadness element to it, have been keeping me entertained lately.

“Happy People living in a sad world,” has some definite truth to it. And it is safe to say, that right now, this album is getting me through these VERY tough political times.

RuPaul

Well, and then there’s Miss Thing!! LOL

You Better Work!! Supermodel of the World! OMG!! A DRAG QUEEN with an album! YES!! Turn to the left! Now turn to the right! Sashay! Chante! 🤣😂

I mean OMG!!!! RuPaul was FIERCE!! Now, this was wayyyyyyy before her drag race show, which I honestly have never seen. Oops. But honestly, I loved her better when she did music than her TV and movie appearances.

And damn, she had Aunt Esther (LaWanda Page), featured throughout her debut album! You couldn’t ask for anything better.

Supermodel of the World was sort of a transition between me being in North Carolina right before moving to Atlanta, and beyond. So, I DEFINITELY remember dancing to Supermodel at The Power Company, but then dancing to it in Atlanta a year later, as well as dancing to Back to My Roots, Everybody Dance, and House of Love! Exciting time to be a new queer! LOLOL

Honorable mentions

• Actor and entertainer Rip Taylor.
• Actor Paul Lynde!!!!!!
• The soaps!!!
• Sylvester!!!!!!
• Harvey Milk.
• Sade!!!
• Bette Midler!!
• Patti Labelle!!
• Donna Summer!!
• Divine!!!
• Freddie Mercury!!
• David Bowie!!!

And countless others who made it okay and fabu to come out, whether they were str8 women who were very accepting or who simply had a gay following, or gay men who were already out and proud and didn’t give a damn. But gotta give it up for our lesbians, such as K.D. Lang, Melissa Etheridge, Wanda Sykes, Rosie O’Donnell. Okay, I will say Ellen, even though her name is mud right now. However, she was one of the frontrunners of gay women who didn’t wish to play by the rules and came out anyway. I am sure we all remember her coming out on her sitcom from the 90s. Trailblazing!

Well, that’s it. I feel that this post was yet another rant, but just a good one. So, forgive me if it is all over the place! 🤣😂. I hope I did the artists listed and named justice for what they brought to my life during both the good times and the very, VERY bad times. The heartaches, the triumphs, the celebrations, the catastrophes, the fun times and DEFINITELY the going out and enjoying gay life!!! LOLOL

Whatever the reason, they helped me to have the courage to get through and endure.

So, please come back next time when I discuss how I feel that my life is in repeat mode, on a hamster wheel. Until then, please be safe, and as always, mentally well!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, everyone! Thank you so much for reading. Today’s topic is the current pop culture. If you can call it that. 😂

Just a QUICK post to examine today’s current pop culture. I mean, is it fun, relevant and exciting? OR Toxic, dysfunctional and just plain nuts?

So, here I go again on my Gen X rant, but I swear our pop culture was better back then as opposed to today’s. We had such RAD stuff during the 70s and 80s such as:

• The Rubick’s cube.
• Roller skates (not roller blades).
• Skateboarding.
• Farrah!!!!!!

• Disco!!
• Well, the music from the 70s and 80s!
• CB radios.
• The fashion. Yes. The fashion. 😂
• The hairstyles!!
• The dolls, such as The Cabbage Patch kids, Raggedy Ann and Andy, and Barbie.
• The psychic hotline.
• The soap opera hotlines!
• The SOAPS!!

• Nightime Soaps!
• THE MOVIES!!
• The Sitcoms!!
• TV and music overall!
• The talk show circuit!!
• Game shows!!!

I could go on and on. It was such an exciting time, despite the Cold War of the 80s, and nuclear meltdowns and hostage crises. We actually had a good time back then. Now, in the 2020s, we’ve got… well… we’ve got. Okay, well here goes:

THE PANDEMIC!! Kidding.

• Reality TV.
• Speaking of, THE KARDASHIANS!!!
• The competition shows.
• Questionable music and questionable, dubious musical artists.
• And because of the latest controversy with the upcoming Super Bowl, we have Bad Bunny!
• Unbelievable political scandals that are not just affairs, but pedophilia and fascism!!
• The Royal family, but seen through some not-so-good lens.
• TAYLOR SWIFT!

• BEYONCE!

• SOCIAL MEDIA!!
• Influencers. And please tell me what the hell they are influencing!
• Tik Tok! Oy!!

• News now being on social media, such as Facebook and YouTube, et al.
• More of a digital age than ever before.
• CELL PHONES!
• Reaction videos. 🤮
• Apple and Microsoft.

• Ordering consumer goods on online platforms, such as Amazon and Etsy, et al.
• Streaming services.
• Climate change being front and center.
• The Left v. The Right, politics.
• MARVEL!

Pop culture of today seems awfully hollow and shallow. There doesn’t seem to be any substance to it at all. It seems like it could be blown over by the wind at any moment. In other words, it just doesn’t seem… well, fun. Or grounded. It seems fake and plastic and absolutely mediocre. It’s almost as if any old thing goes, and we see that particularly with TikTok and with the reaction videos, which are just the stupidest thing, in my opinion. And the “everybody gets to be a star” phenomena, because now everybody has a frickin’ cell phone with the ability to record video. It’s all empty and vapid to me.

Also, pop culture now seems VERY toxic and even downright dysfunctional. The heroes and sheroes that people turn to today are so stomach turning. Can we say The Kardashians? Or as some people refer to them as The Kartrashians? 😂😂😂 What are they really about? It just seems they are about absolutely NOTHING! The latest from them, specifically Kim Kardashian? Skims thongs with fake pubic hair. Oh. brother. 🤮

As I said in a post on Fakebook – er Facebook – stupid rich people do stupid things to appeal to stupid people to make stupid rich people even richer. Which actually is kind of smart on their part. SMH.

And the constant shoving down our throats of the following: Beyonce, Diddy and all his DESPICABLE actions, TAYLOR SWIFT, Prince Harry and Megan Markle and all the royal garbage going on, and now it is Bad Bunny and the Super Bowl nonsense. Or as I call him – Bad Bunny Rabbit – and the Supper Bowl. Ha!

And of course there is always POLITICS. That is if you can call it that anymore.

This is what we have to look forward to? This is the pop culture that is supposed to be fun, exciting, interesting and entertaining? It is rather flat, dull and lackluster, especially when it is the same, tired and monotonous people/celebrities/politicians we see over and over and over again. Ad nauseum.

It’s Not ALL Bad, I guess 😒

The only thing about today’s pop culture that I actually find of value is YouTube. YouTube is where you can find EVERYTHING!!! From entire movies to entire series to just fun and, yes, silly stuff. I live on YouTube actually. 😂I find it utterly fascinating. And you can find so much pertinent information. There is a plethora of self-help and motivational videos on the platform, as well as DIY stuff. I even have SEVERAL playlists there! Not to mention the fact that I have two profiles… no wait…. now THREE profiles on my fave social media platform! 😂And two of them have so many doggone playlists of miscellaneous stuff and music that I have collected over the years. And my third channel is where my vlog clips live. (The Bitter Queen of Mayfair – check it out!) 😂😉😀😁

I will also give kudos to the streaming services. Back in MY day (I sound so old 👴), we had the three channels and then later cable TV. Well, all of that has morphed into having SEVERAL streaming platforms where you can find not only old content, but new and original stuff, as well. All sorts of movies, both old and current. Though the quality may not be up to par with regard to certain shows, the quantity is certainly vast, to the point where you have no idea what to watch!! So, many (too many) choices! I am already several shows behind myself! 😂

Ye Old Cell Phones – i.e. Our Extra Appendage!

I think the cell phones are a wonderful invention. It allows us to be, and stay, connected with others in our world and yes, even around the world. With the ability to look up information right on the spot without having to go to a library or a newspaper, the information is now at lightning speed.

If you have an emergency, such as a car breakdown or, heaven forbid, witness a crime (please don’t film it first, though) or find yourself the victim of one, you can immediately call the authorities, without waiting to get home or to a pay phone. Do pay phones even exist anymore???

The downside is we are literally stuck to our phones now. We have traded true socializing with our outside world to socializing on well… social media.

Pedro Pedro Pedro!!

And then there is this guy – the very yummy, sexy and delicious new daddy on the scene – Pedro Pascal!!! That man is EVERYWHERE! Thanks, in part, mostly to social media. But he is also definitely everywhere in terms of magazines, talk shows, the Red Carpet, Saturday Night Live, and of course, the movies. And most notably HBO Max’s, The Last of Us. My only fear is that we have become so saturated with him, particularly all over social media, that he will burn out or we will burn out because of him, which is another downside to social media – OVEREXPOSURE!!

Okay. That’s it. Stepping down off my soapbox. 😂 Back next week with our beloved gay icons and how they actually help with our mental stress and unwellness. So, please be on the lookout for that. And until then, please stay safe, and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello, all! I am so glad that you have rejoined me for another fun-filled trip into my madness! 🤣😂🤣

This week, I am talking about a topic that just occurred to me recently. And that is how your nervous system plays a HUGE role in your mental health and well being. Let me explain.

First of all, in a lot of the research I have been doing on the subject of your nervous system, I have come to the conclusion, based on several sources that we as humans – earth things – are not meant to be exposed to so much stress, whether it is internal or coming from outside forces.

It’s as if we are operating on survival mode 24/7, much like our ancestors having to fight wild animals for safety, and having to hunt for our own food. You know, the whole fight or flight thingy. But why in such a day and age of comfort and gadgets and technology, we are all still so damn stressed, anxious, nervous, and suffering greatly from mental health challenges?

And for us Gen Exers, a huge fight or flight mentality was definitely during the 1980s with regard to the whole Cold War phenomena and worrying that we were going to be annihilated because of nuclear war at any moment!!!

Currently, human beings are exposed to SO MUCH negativity, including the threat of war. Our current everyday existence consists of:

1. Having to pay bills.
2. Having to work for a living, which BARELY meets our needs.
3. Having to go to college and study hard to get a job that won’t pay.
4. Having to pay taxes!
5. If you have children, that’s an added stress and responsibility.
6. The news!!!!! (MAJOR source of stress and anxiety)
7. Living in a world that, for some reason, wants to destroy itself – i.e. threat of nuclear annihilation, climate change, and (yes, the constant wishing for The Rapture – that never comes!)
8. LIVING UNDER THIS CURRENT, CARTEL/CRIMINAL ADMINISTRATION!
9. All of these differing opinions and belief systems, i.e. not only politically, but also with regard to religion.
10. CRIME!!
11. Worrying about your health!
12. Healthcare! Or the lack thereof.
13. The threat of healthcare, etc., being taken away.
14. Car breakdowns/expensive upkeep of cars.
15. Lack of transportation!
16. Trying to find a relationship or maintain one.
17. Not making enough/having enough money!
18. Worrying about going backwards in time, but not in a good way – if you catch my drift.
19. And if you are a child (and of course a parent), worrying about going to school and whether or not you will return home safely, because the flipping people in charge don’t think we need sensible gun laws!!!! 🤬
20. Speaking of, the feeling that NONE of us are safe anymore ANYWHERE!! We could get gunned down simply shopping at the grocery store, restaurants, EVEN church, and as we all know by now that schools are no longer a safe place.
21. And these days, just being around other people are causing people anxiety and stress!!

And the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on…

We are constantly in a state of heightened anxiety, constantly in survival mode. And out of all this can most certainly arise physical health challenges, such as heart disease, stroke, and mental health disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, PTSD, and even suicidal ideation.

Our systems are not designed for all this madness and chaos. And as adults, we believe or have been conditioned into believing that that is just the way it is. We cannot do anything about it. It is a never-ending cycle of BS! And I talk about what it is like to REALLY be an adult. Please see that clip below:

But what can we do to counter all of the madness?????

One of the tricks I have learned to calm my nervous system is, in the morning before I get out of bed or the first thing when I get out of bed, I place both hands on my heart and breathe in for 5 counts, hold for 5 counts, and then blow it out for 7 counts. You are supposed to do this 3 times in a row. I also believe you are supposed to feel your heartbeat as you do it. I am finding that it really does relax me.

Also, mindset. I am (slowly but surely) changing my mindset with regard to anxiety and lack. I calm myself down with affirmations and am striving for having a more relaxed attitude and calmness. I have even slowed down a bit more, and for a Taurus that is saying A LOT!! (We are known for moving at our own pace.) 😂

I have been saying for a long time now, but MEDITATION and MINDFULNESS is a great relaxation technique. Just sitting quietly, no thoughts. Allowing the everyday nonsense to leave your mind. Focus on your breathing. Focus on how your body is feeling. Focus on how YOU are feeling.

Every day, I try and do a check in with myself – at noon, at 3 p.m. and at 6 p.m. How am I feeling? How is my body feeling?

And really just STOP. Just stop and sit and relax. Listen to calming music. Watch something funny on TV. (I find that laughter helps me TREMENDOUSLY!)

And finally, when I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I just repeat the word “calm” over and over in my mind. It really helps. I slow down. My heartbeat slows. It really works!

In the end, as the old saying goes, we may not be able to change what’s going on in the outside world, but we certainly can change how we feel and how we react to it.

That’s it. Short and sweet. For a change. LOLOLOL Anyway, please return when I tackle the subject of pop culture of today. I am probably going to rant and rave on this one. So, don’t miss it!

Until then, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

And here are a couple of videos on the subject. I do hope they help. 😉

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

I am so glad you are back and have joined me once again, my dear friends. Today’s blog post is going to be somewhat poignant.

Over the past couple of years, there have been some VERY significant deaths in the soap opera world. I am talking longtime characters who graced our soap screens, characters we fell in love with, or even hated, and became fixtures in our lives for YEARS. Heck, DECADES!

And how oftentimes when the actor, portraying said beloved characters, passes away, we feel as though a member of our own family has died.

So, count this as my memorium to some of these great actors and actresses. Because I could be on this topic ALL YEAR, I have decided to mention the actor and their most prominent role in daytime TV.

BE FORWARNED: IT IS A LONG POST!!! 😀

I shall start with the most recent soap passings and go backwards. So, here we go!

Tristan Rogers

Tristan Rogers – (June 3, 1946 – August 15, 2025) Oh my God!! Tristan Rogers’ Commissioner Robert Scorpio was just THE right character to bring onto General Hospital back in 1980/81. With his Aussie accent and suave demeanor and charming good looks, he really and truly stole the hearts of Port Charles and those of us watching. Tristan, fortunately, was a mainstay for pretty much over a decade before Tristan left to pursue other opportunities. And shouldn’t he? He really could have been the next James Bond! Not kidding! He was soooo damn sexy! NO ONE else could EVER play Robert Scorpio. Part secret agent, part commissioner, full-time father and lover and husband, he ran Port Charles the way it should have been ran. And there would be NO WAY IN HELL Sonny Corinthos and Jason Morgan Quartermaine – whatever – could get away with what they have gotten away with in PC’s later years. Tristan made on and off appearances in the latter decade on GH. And fun fact, but he also appeared off and on on Young & the Restless as a CRIMINAL for a decade or so plus. So, totally against his Scorpio character. I am still grieving Tristan since his death just happened. He will most certainly be missed.

Denise Alexander

Denise Alexander – (November 11, 1939 – March 5, 2025) Denise Alexander was EVERYWHERE back in the day. We are talking the late 60s here. Ms. Alexander started on Days of Our Lives, going up against Susan Seaforth Hayes’ Julie Olson!! In the late 80s, she popped up on Another World as the presumed dead Mary McKinnon. HOWEVER, her role on General Hospital as Dr. Lesley Webber is what she is most famous for. She was Laura Spencer’s (Genie Francis) bio mom! The sensible, kind, very real and fierce Dr. Lesley Webber, was married to Dr. Rick Webber (Chris Robinson, who also passed away this year!! Gee, I am getting depressed with all of these GH passings 🥹). Dr. Rick had an affair with Leslie Charleson’s character, Dr. Monica Quartermaine, whom I shall also be discussing later in this post. And poor Lesley endured the humiliation of finding out about their affair and supposed child together while Lesley was helping Monica deliver A.J. during a snowstorm! 😂 Denise Alexander handled it like a pro!! She even slapped Monica at one point in the storyline!! 😀😂

I always felt like Denise was one of my beloved teachers. It was like you could listen to her give you advice, tell a funny story, and just be a real person, ya know? I remember back in 1984, coming home from school and my grandmother telling me that Lesley died in a car accident. I was SO upset!!! Denise will be fondly remembered.

Mark Dobies

Mark Dobies – (April 3, 1959 – March 11, 2025) Mark played Nora Gannon’s (THE Hillary Bailey Smith) husband Daniel Colson on One Life to Live. So, let me start by saying Mark’s character was an in-the-closet gay man on the show! Which I thought was BRILLIANT and so realistic. But he was also a killer!!! LOLOL In my opinion, Mark truly was what the show needed at that time. I believe he was on from 2004 to about 2006. But in the story, he was having an affair with a young male college student, while married to our beloved Nora, who was formerly married to Commissioner Bo Buchanan (THE Robert S. Woods). And it was Bo who outed Daniel in front of the whole town!! I remember that, too! Great acting across the board. I thought Mark brought a very quiet, calmness to the role of Daniel Colson. And I actually friended him on Facebook and he accepted! I think I told him how much I appreciated him being on OLTL, and he responded with kindness. So, you can imagine how shocked and saddened I was to hear of his passing this year. Again, what I really appreciated about his role was the truthfulness of being a gay man who is married to a woman and the heartache and pain for EVERYONE involved!

Leslie Charleson

Leslie Charleson – (February 22, 1945 – January 12, 2025) Monica. Monica. Monica!!! I loved me some Monica!!! Yes, also from General Hospital. Leslie Charleson took over the role from Patsy Rahn way back in 1977 and maintained and kicked ass in that role until 2023 due to health challenges. Monica endured a lot while on GH, but she also stirred up LOTS of trouble in Port Charles, too. Her biggest pot stirring was her affair with Dr. Rick Webber. As stated above, Dr. Rick was married to Dr. Lesley, and boy did that create obvious tension between Monica and Lesley! 😂😂😂

(So, before there was Grey’s Anatomy with all of the multiple affairs going on in the hospital, there was GENERAL HOSPITAL! BOOM!)

Anyway, Monica was married to Dr. Alan Quartermaine (the absolutely phenomenal Stuart Damon, whom I will be discussing below, as well.)

But Monica had other affairs, too. Another notable affair was with Sean Donely (John Reilly, whom I will ALSO be discussing later in this blog post.) But one of the biggest and most shocking was her affair with her own nephew (not by blood, thank God!!) Ned Quartermaine (portrayed at that time by Kurt McKinney).

Monica had other drama, such as a long-lost daughter, breast cancer, and dealing with her husband Alan’s affairs!! But Monica and Alan brought the drama together, too!! They were meant for each other, definitely!

As I am finishing up this blog post, this week GH is dealing with Monica’s passing on the show. And surprise! Surprise! Erika Slezak (ex-Viki from OLTL) is supposed to show up as Monica’s long-lost sister!!!!!!!! In my opinion, I couldn’t think of a more fitting way to say goodbye to Leslie Charleson’s Monica.

Drake Hogestyn

Drake Hogestyn – (September 29, 1953 – September 28, 2024) This man was some VERY SERIOUS eye candy!!! Let’s see if I can get all of his characters str8. 😂 Um when he first appeared on Days of Our Lives back in ’86, he was Roman Brady, who was formerly portrayed by Wayne Northrop – who has ALSO GONE ON TO GLORY! Jeez! By the way, Wayne was married to Lynn Herring, who is Lucy Coe on GH!! Anyhoo, turned out that Drake’s Roman was not the real Roman, but a priest named John Black and a whole host of other characters! 😀😂 Let’s see – at one point he was known as the Pawn, Forrest Alamain, and I think several others. 😂😂 The point is Days went wild with trying to figure out what to do with Drake once the real Roman reappeared. At least that would be my guess. Eventually, he and “Doc,” became an item – Dr. Marlena Evans (Deidre Hall), who herself has been on Days for forever and a day! The show lost such an incredible talent and hunk as Drake Hogestyn.

Robyn Bernard

Robyn Bernard!!!! – (May 26, 1959 – March 12, 2024) Okay. So, this one is a total shocker! I JUST learned about Robyn Bernard’s death. Apparently, she was found dead in a field last year, having died from acute alcohol intoxication!! So, flipping sad. She portrayed Terri Brock on GH back in the day. She was Bobbie Spencer’s stepdaughter from Bobbie’s marriage to D.L. Brock – played by David Groh who is also deceased! Damn! All three of them are GONE! Robyn’s Terri was such a BITCH in the beginning, especially to Jacklyn Zeman’s Bobbie, with Bobbie being the new “stepmonster” and all. 😂😁 However, over time the two bonded and became very close. Bobbie became a real mother to Terri, particularly when D.L. was murdered by Jenny Blake. Long story. Robyn also utilized her amazing singing talents on the show. 🎶 So, there were storylines surrounding that, even pairing her with Shaun Cassidy!! And what I REALLY liked about Robyn’s Terri was her SCREAMS!!!! Now by today’s standards, her screams would be considered “over the top,” terminology I actually hate. Because she was dealt with storylines that, well, were shocking and called for screams LOLOL. So, I guess you could say Terri was soap opera’s answers to Jamie Lee Curtis’s scream queens. But whatever, I truly enjoyed Robyn Bernard’s Terri. Fun fact: Her sister was Crystal Bernard from Wings.

Tyler Christopher

Tyler Christopher – (November 11, 1972 – October 31, 2023) Laura Vining Webber Baldwin Spencer Collins’ long-lost son, Nikolas Cassadine. Yes, child, CASSADINE! For those of you who know GH, know what a shock that was. Okay, so it was revealed that while Laura was missing between the end of 1981 and 1983, she was held on Cassadine Island, where she was forced to marry nutjob Stavros Cassadine and got pregnant with and had Nikolas. At one point, they tried to retcon it and say that Nikolas was the product of Laura’s affair with Stavros’s brother Stefan (Stephen Nichols from Days!!) while she was on the island. GH tried to say she fell in love with Stefan because he was gentler and kinder than the very cruel Stavros. In the end, Stavros ended up being the baby daddy after all. 😂 I remember when Tyler first came on the show way back in 1996. It seemed that Laura’s daughter, Lulu, who was a toddler at the time, needed a bone marrow transplant, and no one else in the family was a match. So, Laura called on a HUGE favor of the Cassadines and asked, no BEGGED if Nikolas could come and save her baby. And Tyler’s Nikolas arrived and then we were off to the races! Oh BOY what a major bombshell in the Spencer household! Nikolas did NOT get along with either Luke, Laura’s hubby at the time, and Lucky, Laura and Luke’s oldest. There were MANY fights between these three, and yes, even physical ones, particularly between Lucky and Nikolas. I thought Tyler did an exceptional job in the role. Now, there were other Nikolases who followed, but they just weren’t Nikolas in my opinion. And later by the time I had stopped watching GH, Tyler had left the role altogether. I think at one point he returned and left again. And then we lost him forever. I was so stunned to hear of his death. I just couldn’t believe it. There is someone I work with over at the Emory School of Nursing, who was a HUGE fan of GH, just like me. And we would lament over the number of soap stars from GH who passed away. And Tyler’s death was certainly a huge shocker.

Andrea Evans

Andrea Evans – (June 18, 1957 – July 9, 2023) THE REAL AND ONLY TRUE TINA!!! Andrea sadly passed away from breast cancer. Andrea portrayed the devilish, greedy vixen Tina Lord Clayton Roberts on One Life to Live. Andrea started on the show way back in 1978, at first as Viki Riley’s (Erika Slezak) goddaughter. But then in a strange, yet wonderful twist in 1985, it was revealed that Tina was actually Viki’s half-sister!! This revelation sent Viki into a tailspin, causing her to become Niki Smith again! GREAT STORYLINE, which really rocked Llanview and revitalized the show.

Andrea is just Tina. Other actresses came in and portrayed the role after Andrea had to leave in 1990 due to a stalker. I mean, both Karen Witter and Krista Tesreau (Mindy from Guiding Light!) did all right. They brought differences to the role, which were good. However, they just weren’t Andrea. Fun fact: I actually met Krista Tesreau back in ’95 during a soap event here in Atlanta! I met her and Keith Hamilton Cobb, who was on
All My Children at the time as Noah Keefer.

Anyway, Andrea returned in 2008 to OLTL, but I thought her return could have been and should have been better. She returned, again, towards the end of OLTL, and fortunately they got her back together again with John Loprieno’s Cord, her true love, and they remarried!!!!!! Again. I know. But I believe in my heart that it was forever this time. As a matter of fact, in my dream version of OLTL, Tina changed. I mean, she was still TINA, but she wasn’t scheming anymore. Perhaps she became more like Lucy Ricardo!! 😂 And she became a doting grandmother. And in the end, Tina sadly passes away with her loving family surrounding her, including Viki and Tina’s many nieces and nephews, Tina’s children and grandchildren. And of course, dying in Cord’s loving arms. Andrea will FOREVER be a fan fave!!!

Jacklyn Zeman

Jacklyn Zeman – (March 6, 1953 – May 9, 2023) Jackie portrayed the fabulous and fierce ex-hooker turned Head Surgical Nurse Bobbie Spencer Jones on GH. Bobbie was a mainstay starting back in 1977 until her death in 2023. What is funny is the day her character on OLTL, Lana McClain, died, her new role of Bobbie was stepping off the elevators on General Hospital! LOLOL Bobbie was such a fixture and force in Port Charles, enduring everything from blindness to paralysis to pretending to return to a life of prostitution in Florida to save a teen girl to illegally adopting a baby she later learned belonged to a friend of hers to finding her long-lost daughter who slept with her then husband, Dr. Tony Jones!!! You didn’t mess with Bobbie, because she would get into a catfight with you in a hot minute! Just ask her main rival, Lucy Coe Jones (played fiercely by Lynn Herring!!) And yes, she was the younger sister to THE Luke Spencer (Anthony Geary). Bobbie left quite a legacy on General Hospital, and she is sorely missed and much needed.

Stuart Damon

Stuart Damon – (February 5, 1937 – June 29, 2021) Dr. Alan Quartermaine on GH. You have heard some about Alan from above. But let’s take a deeper dive. Alan ALWAYS loved Monica, even though at times it seemed she didn’t love him, but she really did. Truthfully, they were meant for each other. One of Alan’s first big stories back in the day was when Monica left him for Rick, and he – uh – well, he tried to kill them both – TWICE! Failing both times. He actually tried to drop the roof of A.J.’s (HIS biological son, not Rick’s) nursery on top of the two of them, saving them at the last minute. And another time he was walking up the stairs outside where Rick and Monica were in bed together, and Alan planned to shoot them, but a gas main explosion stopped that! Now, Alan had his affairs, too. Lucy Coe (yes, Lucy Ho Jones LOLOL), Charity Gatlin, Rhonda, et al. But in my opinion the time he and BOBBIE were contemplating an affair was truly significant! Bobbie was married to Tony at the time, by the way. But they couldn’t go through with it. Thank God! I was so PISSED when they killed Alan off in 2007. But Stuart would continue to appear as a ghost, mostly to his sister Tracy Q (Jane Elliott). But I’m telling you Alan Q, was something else. He even battled a pill addiction. And if Stuart did not win an award for his portrayal, he was cheated. Stuart Damon was a class act, and STILL missed!!

John Reilly

John Reilly – (November 11, 1934 – January 9, 2021) Sean Donely from GH. Sean Donely was Robert Scorpio’s best buddy and ex-WSB (World Security Bureau) agent. What can I say about Sean? John Reilly was such a HOT and GOOD-LOOKING HUNK of a man! His Sean was so debonair, handsome and charming, much like Tristan’s Robert Scorpio. When John first appeared on GH, he was a villain. He was duplicitous and after the Aztec Treasure. Long story. And you can imagine the horror when Robert found out what a scoundrel Sean was!! Sean went to prison briefly, mended his ways, got out and even married Robert’s ex, Tiffany Hill (Sharon Wyatt)! And yes, Robert forgave Sean, and Sean became a family man and fixture in Port Charles for YEARS! GH even addressed Sean’s death. FYI – John Reilly also appeared in the soap Passions, alongside Andrea Evans at one point. But most notably to me, he also appeared in a couple of The Bionic Woman episodes with Lindsay Wagner back in the day!!

Clint Ritchie

Clint Ritchie – (August 9, 1938 – January 31, 2009) Clint, Clint, Clint. What can I say about this man? I am just absolutely IN LOVE with this guy, though he has been dead now since January 2009!! I don’t care. I admit my obsession with Clint Ritchie, who portrayed THE Clint Buchanan on OLTL from 1979 to 1998, and then with appearances off and on between 1999 and 2003. Jerry verDorn (ex-Ross Marler, Guiding Light) took over the role of Clint in 2005. And though he did a good job, because it is, well Jerry verDorn, the true essence of Clint Buchanan was lost. And instead, they turned Jerry verDorn’s Clint into a replica of Asa (Phil Carey). BIG MISTAKE! Mr. verDorn did a great job playing the nasty and mean Clint. But he wasn’t able to give us that raw passion that Clint Ritchie’s Clint Buchanan possessed. And ANYTIME Clint Ritchie’s Clint cried, it was heartwrenching!!!!! It was so raw and real to see a rough and tough, tumble cowboy break down. And by the way, speaking of cowboys, I never bought it from Jerry. Just didn’t buy that he was a cowboy. Clint Ritchie was a TRUE cowboy – boots, lingo and all.

Speaking of cowboys, yes, Clint Ritchie owned a ranch out in Arizona, which ended up being featured in a couple of storylines. Let me start by saying that Clint had been shot in the head in late 1987 by the evil Jamie Sanders (Mark Philpot) which left him blind!! Thinking it would please Clint, Viki moved the entire family out to Arizona to the ranch. In early 1988, against Viki’s wishes, Clint went out riding, his horse Oakie threw him, he hit his head, and when he woke up not only was he no longer blind, but he was in 1888!! 😂 He met up with lookalikes for both Asa and Cord, both of course playing dual roles, with Asa portraying Buck Buchanan, Clint’s great grandfather!! LOL

In the end, Viki had to go back in time to bring him back to the present! I originally skipped this story in 1988, because I thought it was too boring. But then I decided to watch the whole storyline on YouTube many years ago, and I was absolutely mesmerized and blown away!! The story was really good, with plenty of twists and turns, and even a dual role for Erika Slezak as Miss Ginny Fletcher!! The acting across the board was top notch. But most notably was Clint Ritchie’s performance, for which he should have won a Daytime Emmy not only for his realistic portrayal of a blind man, but of playing such a level of reality in the Old West story. Heck, the man should have won regardless during his tenure on the show.

And just like my Andrea Evans’ Tina’s ending, to this day in MY future version of OLTL, Clint Ritchie’s Clint lived long enough to remarry Viki, and Clint peacefully passed away with Viki and his family, kids and grandkids and great-grandkids by his side. And afterward, Viki vowed that she would never remarry again after Clint’s passing. EVER!

Honorable mentions: Before I end this post, I wanted to give honorable mentions to several other soap stars who have either recently passed OR who passed years ago, but they truly left a special place in our hearts.

Shell Kepler (Amy Vinings – GH) October 5, 1958 – February 1, 2008

Phil Carey (Asa Buchanan – One Life to Live) July 15, 1925 – February 6, 2009

Jeanne Cooper (Katherine Chancelor Sterling – The Young & the Restless) October 25, 1928 – May 8, 2013

Kathryn Hays (Kim Hughes – As The World Turns) July 26, 1934 – March 25, 2022

Thom Christopher (Carlos Hesser AND twin Mortimer Bern – One Life to Live) October 5, 1940 – December 5, 2024

Chris Robinson (Dr. Rick Webber – GH) November 5, 1938 – June 9, 2025. Yet ANOTHER shocking GH death this year alone!!!!!! My apologies, I should have included him above. But I had just learned about him passing recently.

Eileen Fulton (Lisa Miller Hughes Eldridge Shea Colman McColl Mitchell Grimaldi – As The Worlds Turns) Child, did I get all of her married names right and in the right order?? 😁 September 13, 1933 – July 14, 2025

And so many others! I would be here all day trying to bring closure to so many soap deaths. All I can say is one big old THANK YOU to all of our dearest and most beloved soap actors and actresses who kept us on the edge of our seats with their intriguing and larger-than-life characters! Rest high!

I don’t know about you, but a great many of these passings saddened me, as I felt like beloved members of my family died. And of very sad note, a lot of GH stars passed away this year alone. And GH was my show back in the day!!!😔

As I close this, it is vitally important that we keep our soaps alive!! 💖

Please return next time when I talk about Nervous System overload. Hey, maybe it is deeper than just anxiety or depression. So, please stay tuned!! And until then, please stay safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello, hello! Welcome back for another jolly good time! 🤣😂

So, I actually did a quick vlog clip (ha! Quick!) about what it is like to be different. And so, I am reversing the process and writing a blog post about it.

Let me start by saying, I just don’t feel what everybody else feels. I just feel like an alien on this planet. Like I don’t fit or belong, especially the older I get. I feel disconnected from everything and everyone.

Nothing to me makes sense anymore.

So, please take a journey with me on how I am different than others.

Boys are supposed to be with Girls Bullshit

The first time I KNEW I was different was when I realized I liked boys more than girls. I was TOLD that it was boys and girls together as a romantic whatever. I watched it on TV and in the movies. Men and women together in their everlasting love. BLECH! But when it came down to “playing house,” I wanted to play with the boys instead of the girls. And I did. And I also didn’t feel like a boy. I felt more like a girl! See my girl, girl, girl post below:

I’m a Girl! Girl! Girl!

Now, please click on the video clip “I’m a Girl! Girl! Girl!” from my new YouTube Channel – The Queen of Mayfair!! Enjoy!

RELIGION!!!

Okay, get ready – I guess I’m “going to hell” on this one. 😂 But my next instance as a child where I knew I was different was with regards to religion. Even then, I felt it was stupid for people to be fawning and falling all over some entity you couldn’t see. And getting worked up if you didn’t follow said entity, ESPECIALLY when you read said entity’s “good book,” i.e. the Bible, and some of the dreadful things in it. I’m sorry why would ANYBODY want to follow somebody like that? I found it downright scary, particularly when I read some of Revelations as a child. My goodness!!! But even then there was a tiny part of me that felt this wasn’t right. I guess we shall see. 😉

Ye Olde Sports

Oh then there’s the sports. I have NEVER liked or cared about sports. Oh don’t get me wrong. I have had my moments. For example, I watched wrestling RELIGIOUSLY because of the HOT men! And their tights!! LOL I got a little bit into baseball for the same reason, those sexy men in their tight uniforms. And football maybe the same. But it was the Carolina basketball that I really got into. And yes, even the track-and-field type stuff on Sundays, especially with the celebrities from different networks competing against one another to see who was the fastest and the fittest. Those were a lot of fun.

But sports in general, I just never understood the appeal. I realized this particularly the older I got. And being besties with Charles back then in school, I felt I had to “pretend” to like sports in order to be liked. Then I grew older and realized I don’t have to pretend to like this shit if I really don’t. And even most recently during a training session on Zoom, when I voiced this, a hetero male acted as though I was green and my head turned around! LOL

Allow me to elaborate on a specific sports example from my adulthood, which DEFINITELY proved my disdain for sports. Right before the pandemic, a couple of friends took me to one of these United Atlanta soccer games. It was VERY crowded, of course, (in my best Southern accent) cuz round these parts, it is quite popular. It wasn’t so much the crowds, but all of the cheerleading. From the fans!!! They had these silly songs and rituals and the worst part, whenever they scored a goal – (is that what you call it? a goal?) – everyone next to each other would grab you by the waist and chant some ridiculous chant and rock back and forth!!! It was GROSS! I do NOT like strangers fucking touching me!!! My friends explained this was part of the ritual. As a matter of fact, this dude near us got mad at someone who refused to participate!! INSANITY!! I NEVER went back!!!

Gotta Pay Them Taxes!!

And taxes. Everybody but everybody is so scared of the IRS. I’m not. Fuck them! This is OUR MONEY! They didn’t work for it; WE DID! When I owe, I just call them up and say I can’t pay, and I end up on some sort of a payment plan. People have been socialized into this bullshit where they get a refund at the end of the year not realizing that it is actually YOUR MONEY TO BEGIN WITH! I mean give me a break!

“Reality” TV – Reality. Yeah. Right.

Reality TV is another one. It is total and complete trash, yet people fall all over themselves to watch that garbage. One of my former roommates was into The Biggest Loser, you know, that show where the fat ass who loses the most weight wins a $200,000 prize. And I said to myself ‘so we are going to award you 200 grand for losing weight that you either shouldn’t have put on in the first place or that you should be able to lose without some sort of monetary prize as motivation for doing so!!’

And don’t even get me started on the real housewives franchise. Let’s just say I am not a fan of Andy Cohen…

Open Relationships

Now, I really don’t care what str8 people do in their relationships. But gay men engaging in open relationships, though that is of course your choice, I have always found a bit odd. I have always wondered why get involved with someone if you know you are not going to be physically intimate with them or true to them in that fashion? And there have been so many excuses, such as my personal favorite – men are NOT capable of fidelity. Bitch! Speak for yourself! Don’t hand me that. If you can commit to your dog or cat, your job, your responsibilities, you CAN commit to one person! And why not just stay single? Sounds to me like someone wants it all. I shall refrain from the old saying having your cake and eating it, too, because cake after all is meant to be eaten! 🎂🍰

The Latest Foolishness

Tik Tok. I call it Ticky Tacky. And all of the unsolicited videos I am constantly receiving from everybody, whether it is through Messenger on Facebook or in my text messages (thankfully not email!) I don’t do that to anybody. I do not flood people’s inboxes with such foolishness, and I don’t understand why people do that. But maybe I should, now that I have my own YouTube channel. 🤔🤔

And further foolishness – anything the Internet or social media grabs a hold of and won’t let go. The dumbest of the dumb shit that ends up getting plastered all over Facebook, et al. I think the latest now is the whole jeans/genes thing. I think I remember some chick named Sydney Sweeney (that her name?) who made a controversial statement saying she had the best GENES or something along those lines, while wearing Calvins. And that she, I think, is MAGA??? Who cares? To quote Mariah Carey, “I don’t know her.” I am just not into all of that mess, and now Facebook, et al, is all up in arms. Showing different memes of different actors/personalities/people wearing blue jeans. And I’m shaking my head saying, this country is falling apart each and every day, and THIS is what you care about??? And again, no WONDER the country is falling apart at the seams each and every day.

And let’s not forget Wordle. I just don’t get it.

Update: Now it’s the Cracker Barrel logo!! 🤦‍♂️🤦🤦‍♀️

You’ve Got Me Feeling Emotions

The other thing is the emotions thing. So MANY “adults” all try to say just how chill they are. Or how grown up they are. And how blessed they are. Or how NOTHING affects them. Bullshit! I have made MANY said adults SO MAD! LOLOL But this whole don’t show emotions or don’t cry or be calm is such garbage, in my opinion. I am not saying you should get or be out of control if something bothers you. However, if something does bother you, I think you should express it! Holding all this in can lead to cancer, in my opinion. The whole “don’t cry out loud” thing is a great song, but I don’t think is healthy in real life.

TV

The TV shows. How many times have I been asked if I watch something or the other and I say I don’t, and people’s heads just spin around like in The Exorcist??? Or if I TRIED to watch something, and it completely turned me off? Take Will & Grace as an example, you know, THE supreme go-to of go-to gay shows. I mean, ALL the gays are supposed to love that show. Not me. Hated it!! I particularly could not stand the Karen character. She was HORRIBLE! Her voice, her meanness were absolutely IRRITATING! But especially that horrid voice! What really did it for me was when the bitch didn’t know who Hall & Oates were or James Earl Jones, or something along those lines. Basically, she dissed both of them. And I’m like little girl, you need to sit the fuck down. They will be remembered LONG after your ass is gone! I just never got the appeal of that show.

Musica!!

And now let’s talk music. Everybody but everybody LOVES Lady Gaga – or as I call her Lady Gagme. How many arguments have I gotten into over this chick that EVERYBODY says is so talented. I don’t see it. I really don’t. Sure. She puts the costumes on, and she can play the piano. But quite frankly, so can my dog. And I don’t even have a dog. Yet. Her music is NOISE to me! And I don’t know the name of that horrendous song where she goes Ga-ga-ga-la-la or whatever that warbling is (it’s the song where she sounds like she is saying “cutie pie”.) It truly hurts my ears. But all the gay men (and str8 people, too) think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. They think she INVENTED music. She invented NOISE!

And trust me, there are other examples, like oh – I dunno – BEYONCE!! Because now she apparently has invented country music! 🤮

What is Derek into?

• Music and lots of great 70s, 80s and 90s club music.
• Astrology.
• Epic and vintage soap operas!
• Reading.
• Film and video editing.
• Bar hopping (at my age). 😂😉🍸🍹
• Being alone.
• I LOVE dogs!
• Screenwriting.
• Writing PERIOD. Hence, the blog.

I am going to end with it is nice to be different. I thrive on it! And if you think you’re different from the average Earth Thing, please let me know in the comments! We “aliens” RULE!! 😂😀

Thank you for allowing me to rant, yet again!! 😂 Stay tuned next time when I will be discussing the passing of soap stars and how that affects us.

So, until then, please be safe and mentally well!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my dearest friends and readers!

So, a couple of weeks ago it was Hooray for Blacks in Hollywood! Part 1 – TV. Please click on the banner below to be taken to the previous article:

Hooray for Blacks in Hollywood! Part 1 – TV

And as promised I am back with Part 2 – Film and movies!

In looking back at the previous black films and movies of yesteryear, I was struck by all of the nostalgia from a truly epic and enjoyable part of film history. And as in part 1, I did commence with what Hollywood got right and what they got wrong:

So, I am going to start by saying I LOVE the “blaxploitation” films of the 70s!! There are MANY stereotypical tropes from said movies. HOWEVER, I ENJOYED those movies!! 😂🤣🤣And so, yes, I am going to be mentioning a couple of those, as well!

To me some of these movies were fun and action driven and just crazy! Some would call them “camp” by today’s standards.

However, the other contributions that black actors and actresses gave to the movies, despite the genre, is amazing and phenomenal. And as you will see from this TINY list (because I am well aware there are SOOOOO many movies to mention), black people demonstrated effectively and powerfully that they could play just about anything our white counterparts do!

So, let’s begin!

What They Got Right

Imitation of Life 1959 (the Lana Turner version) – This is such a sad story, heartbreaking, depressing, you know all of the things that make a good movie. 😀 If you are not familiar, this movie basically tells the story of a young woman, born light-skinned to a dark-skinned mother, who goes through the movie trying to “pass” (as white) and, therefore, attempting to deny her own mother because of the color of HER skin and deny where she came from. Sarah Jane, portrayed by Susan Kohner, was absolutely confused as to where she fit in and belonged. Again, she COULD pass for white, and she did. Her mother on the other hand, Annie portrayed by Juanita Moore was a VERY dark-skinned African-American woman. So, seeing the two together caused some confusion for a lot of people, simply not believing that Sarah Jane actually belonged to Annie.

We see Sarah Jane endure a lot of pain and internal struggles throughout the movie in trying to deny her roots and true identity. However, nothing compares to the pain and misery she placed upon her mother, poor Annie. She denied her own mother time and time again, to the point that it eventually just broke poor Annie’s heart and led to her getting sick and eventually dying. SORRY SPOILER ALERT! 🤣

Now, this is a movie that was a staple in our house when I was growing up. My aunt watched it. I watched it. So, you can say it was sort of passed down. LOLOL The acting is UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING! Again, such heartbreaking performances from both Kohner and Moore. And yes, Lana Turner and Sandra Dee star in it, as well, as mother and daughter with their own drama going on. Child! Fighting over the same man! Played by hottie John Gavin!!!

By the way, Lana Turner’s character, Lora, an up-and-coming actress who eventually has it ALL, honey, in the beginning of the movie hires Annie as her maid. We get to see both Kohner and Dee’s characters grow up, as Annie becomes a mainstay in Lora’s household.

But the movie really displays something that was quite prevalent back then and that is light-skinned black people trying to “pass” (for white). And I think this movie digs really deep into the psychological scars it can have on everyone affected. I mean, Sarah Jane’s nonsense spilled over even into her relationships with Turner’s character and Dee’s character.

Such a great movie from beginning to end! It does NOT disappoint! And the ending – just have your hankies ready is all I’m saying!!

Shaft 1971 – The entire movie is such a wild ride into 1970s hardcore inner city culture. Crime riddled, sexy, urban, dangerous, gritty! Richard Rountree portrays John Shaft, a private detective – or private dick as Isaac Hayes says in the title song. 🤣

I know there are those who would say that this is blaxploitation at its finest – or worst. However, say what you will about this movie, the soundtrack by Isaac Hayes is PHENOMENAL!!! It is superb! The soundtrack is a blend of sexy, throbbing, upbeat, depressing, wild ride, scary, lachrymose. All the things! Just like the movie, which was a wild ride from start to finish, with John Shaft, who was one sexy mother*&%$#@ – hush yo mouth – to the ladies! LOL The inner city feel, the drug dealers, the desperation, the crime, the ACTION! It checks off all of the boxes. All of it was captured wonderfully in this movie.

Now, I can’t give an assessment on the Samuel L. Jackson version, which I have never seen, and I do plan to catch it at some point in time (because I LOVE some Samuel MOTHEFUCKING Jackson!). But what I didn’t know is that it is the SEQUEL to the original movie, and Samuel L. Jackson portrays John Shaft’s nephew!! 😱😱😱

Blacula 1972 – once again if blaxploitation is your thing, then you will LOVE this gem of a movie! The thing that I love the most about this one is the African-American viewpoint. I mean, who said that Dracula has to be white each and every time?

Again, Blacula brings the inner city, urban black experience to full life in this film. And William Marshall is absolutely mesmerizing as Blacula, who was originally an African prince named Mamuwalde but was transformed into a vampire and renamed Blacula by, well Count Dracula.

We get the typical scenes and story with regard to dealing with a vampire, yes being either killed by Blacula or turned into one by him. And Blacula accomplishes both. And there is the underlying “love story” where Blacula believes the character Tina, portrayed by Vonetta McGee, is his long-lost lover, Luva – I mean we are talking really long lost as in 1780. 🤣😂 And Vonetta portrays both parts. By the way, giving props to Vonetta McGee in not only her performance in the movie, but being one of those HUGE black stars of yesteryear!

We get to see the gritty side of city life, as opposed to some dark castle in Transylvania, though that is where the movie starts, back in 1780. But then we catch up to 1972 where we see nightclubs, shady characters, and get the feel of the 70s. Not to mention the fact the soundtrack is updated to funk, with contributions by the Hues Corporation! Oh and we even get a GAY COUPLE, who are antique dealers!!! Great movie!

Roots 1977 – This was a miniseries on TV, which was based on Alex Haley’s novel of the same name. It traces his family roots – hence the name – all the way back to the late 1600s/early 1700s starting off in Africa, and yes we witness slavery and all of its disgusting horror. And it continues into Roots: The Next Generation, which includes a young Alex Haley through his adulthood.

The story follows a young Kunta Kinte who is captured by slavers and brought to America to begin a life of mistreatment, torture and abuse. This VERY powerful and PHENOMENAL true story that translated to TV as a MOVIE was absolutely gut wrenching. Heartbreaking. Triumphant. With so many stars from back in the day:

Cicely Tyson; Louis Gossett, Jr.; LeVar Burton as the young Kunta Kinte; John Amos as the adult Kunta Kinte; George Stanford Brown; Leslie Uggams; Ed Asner; Robert Reed; Olivia Cole; Sandy Duncan; Chuck Connors; Lynda Day George; and the big names from back then that just go on and on and ON!! It was wonderful!!

AMAZING performances across the board with some VERY notable black actors and actresses, as well as white!!!

The depiction of how slaves were treated, being kidnapped in their own home continent of Africa and being forced to come to America to be continually abused, whether mentally, emotionally, or sexually – was abysmal. It really was the first time blacks (and whites) got to see the absolute reality of the grotesque brutality, pain, struggles, and heartache of slavery. And the blacks were PISSED!!!!!! I definitely remember that! But Roots did such a skillful job of showing all of it, including a very strong sense of dignity and courage from the black slaves.

If you have not seen this movie, regardless of your race, do yourself a favor and go watch it now!

The Color Purple (the 1985 version) – This. Was. An. OUTSTANDING movie!! The 1985 version. I will NOT watch the current movie version, with the singing. I have seen a scene from it and it was AWFUL!! The acting, the line delivery, AWFUL! Well, Fantasia played Celie. ‘Nuff said. It’s called stay in your lane. You may be skilled at singing, but not necessarily acting.

Anyway, Celie’s story done in real time and with voiceover, was truly stellar, heartbreaking, strong, triumphant – of her life in starting as a young girl in the 1930s, essentially being raped by her father – well, turned out to be her stepfather – but who impregnated her not once, but twice! And both babies given away. And then being married off to the abusive Mister, who’s true love was saloon singer Shug Avery!

Wow! Such a story of betrayal and love, and the performances were off the chart! We are talking Oprah Winfrey (Sophia), Danny Glover (Mister aka Albert 🤣), Adolph Caesar (Old Mister), Margaret Avery (Shug Avery) and of course, Whoopi Goldberg in her first starring role as Celie. POWERHOUSE! Now, talk about a quotable movie. Toooooo many humorous lines to even count!!

Oh and did I mention that the 1985 version was filmed in my county of Anson County, in Marshville, North Carolina? But the exterior courthouse shot near the end, is actually IN my hometown of Wadesboro. So, I have an extra special feeling about this movie. Not to mention the fact that a lot of the extras, I either went to school or church with!!!

Candyman 1992 – Tony Todd, may he forever Rest in Peace and Power. His Candyman is tall, handsome, brooding, charismatic, sexy, yet dangerous, deadly and downright evil. And I am so happy they chose a black actor for the role. I really don’t think any other actor could have done as phenomenal a job as Tony Todd did. And bringing the African-American experience to horror in the 90s, this was an excellent choice!

The Help 2011 – By now a lot of you are very familiar with this movie starring Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, and Sissy Spacek. Again, so raw and truthful about what it was like to be a domestic – okay a maid – in the South working for white people. There were those whites who appreciated your work and didn’t care one bit that you were “the help;” it was as if you were a part of the family. And then there were others who treated black people as you would expect, horrible. Like they were not people. Just servants.

I think the one thing I really love about this movie, other than the amazing performances by Viola Davis and especially Octavia Spencer, with the chocolate pie LOLOL was again, the quiet dignity and honesty portrayed. Though it is one of those movies that show us as maids and butlers, which I complained a little bit about in my Part 1 of Blacks in Hollywood, you can’t help feel a connection to these strong ladies, whether black OR white. What they had to endure and put up with in a society that basically looked down on them and looked at them as trash.

Job well done!

• Spencer won Best Supporting Actress for The Help!!!

Get Out 2017 – Again, talk about a true first. A black male as the lead in a horror movie!!! Kudos to Daniel Kaluuya! Thanks to Jordan Peele (can we say the modern version of The Twilight Zone) as well as other movies, such as Get Out, we see black characters front and center, now in the horror genre. We are starting to FINALLY cross over when we should have been crossing over into this genre, which happens to be a favorite of mine, by the way – HORROR and SUSPENSE.

• Get Out won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay!!!

The Green Book 2018 – oh boy! Talk about a movie that quite frankly was a bit ahead of its time, yet based on a true story about a black GAY piano player/entertainer who hires a WHITE straight man to be his driver to get him safely to and from his gigs in the South, (by using the Green Book which showed the safest routes for blacks to take), was such an incredible tour de force! Holy shit! Actor Mahershala Ali did such a wonderful job as Dr. Donald Shirley!! Though set in the 60s, I am so glad this movie was done, because for one, the black guy hired THE WHITE guy portrayed by Viggo Mortensen! LOL You don’t see that too often, if at all in movies. So, it was a nice turn. Also, I LOVED the fact that the black lead was gay, and it was done with few, if any, stereotypes. Painful truths, yet some great happy surprises. And some very heartwarming Driving Miss Daisy type friendship between these two, obviously, different men.

• Ali won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for The Green Book!!

Black Panther 2018 – oh my GODDESS! FINALLY, a superhero movie with virutally an all-black cast of superheroes and heroines is exactly what we needed and STILL need! As far as I know, this was the first time this has ever been done. I do not ever remember a black superhero like a Superman or an Aquaman or Wonder Woman. And the performances were STELLAR, paricularly from late actor Chadwick Boseman. I think it is fair to say that he truly left his legacy with this film.

• Black Panther won three Oscars for its technical achievements: Best Original Score, Best Costume Design, and Best Production Design!!

Honorable mentions to other damn good black movies: Waiting to Exhale, Super Fly, Do the Right thing, Set it Off, Foxy Brown, Eve’s Bayou, To Sir with Love, Hidden Figures!

What They Got Horribly Wrong

Lawd, Meet the Browns – So, I know that Tyler Perry is HUGE in Hollywood, and particularly with his movies. But his TV shows are (yes, I know I am talking about TV again) — well – how do I put this. They SUCK!! I ended up watching an episode of Meet the Browns several years ago when a former coworker (who used to work at that dreadful place here in Atlanta that I dare not mention) – Ha! – He was in an episode, and you know the whole ‘oh let’s support our fellow actors BS.’ So, me and my then roommate at the time did just that. And child, to say that we were horrified would be an understatement. Our coworker’s acting was HORRIBLE!! This particular episode was HORRIBLE! The show was just a train wreck. Everything from the portrayals – especially of our coworker – and the dialogue and the acting across the board was just abysmal and shameful. It was like the show itself just didn’t make any sense. I wouldn’t say it was ghetto, per se. But well – you’ll just have to see for yourself.

Pootie Tang – Oh brother what a train wreck of a movie. If you can call it that. It just hit every blaxploitation trope you can imagine, and sadly with an all-star cast, including Jennifer Coolidge, CHRIS ROCK, WANDA SYKES, and for God Sake’s even ROBERT FUCKING VAUGHN was in this trash!!! Pootie Tang is sort of a jack-all-trades in the sense that he becomes famous for a variety of reasons, particulary with regard to children – Lord help us – and even sort of becoming a superhero of sorts with his belt. Yes, his belt. I kid you not.

Some of the Madea movies – Lort! Once again, Tyler Perry. So, in my opinion – and again this is just my opinion, but in the beginning when we were first introduced to Tyler Perry’s titular character – no pun intended – Madea, originally from Meet the Browns, Madea was hilarious. But then something happened that oftentimes happens when you overdo a good thing. Madea was in EVERYTHING! Madea goes to Jail. Madea’s Boo Halloween. Madea’s Christmas. You get the point. It just became too much. What eventually started off as comical turned into a farce, and not in a good way. It was just overdone.

Oooo and I can see the black community coming after me over dragging Tyler Perry. Oh. Well. Again, it is just my opinion. Because in the end, I think Tyler Perry HAS DONE a lot of tremendously good things for the black community. After, all he does reside here in Atlanta, and he has a major studio here. So, that means jobs, and I myself was once an EXTRA in one of his movies — Meet the Browns!!! with Angela Bassett and Rick Fox And we won’t even talk about the miniscule pay I received for that. But again, I think his movies were the bigger success, because it did deal with a lot of black issues, particularly related to black women. So, on that point he got that one right.

Overall black movies that miss the mark imo – The portrayal of the loud-mouth, hetero black guy who is “down” and the “class clown” who constantly engages in buffoonery, seems to be what black audiences like and can even relate to. Whereas if you have a black character who is highly intelligent, well spoken, that can come across to many black people as being “white” or “uppity.”

So, what am I saying? It seems to me that the class clown type of black character is more relatable, which I think is what is wrong with not just black society but society overall. Yeah. I said it.

Also, in terms of black movies, I really don’t think it is necessary to ALWAYS go there in terms of racism. How about we be more mainstream and that some of the problems our white characters face black characters can also relate to?

Well, that about does it for now. This concludes my two-part series on Hooray for Blacks in Hollywood. And I know I missed a lot – and I do mean a LOT – of truly phenomenal black movies!!! Perhaps there will be a followup post. Tee hee.

Anyway, come back next time when I delve into what it is like to be different, and not fitting in with everyone else. Please don’t miss this one. And until then, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Sources: A lot of Wikipedia, but mostly memory and fondness 😊

Welcome back, my dearest friends and readers!

As promised, this week I am delving into how blacks have been – and are -portrayed in Hollyweird – er Hollywood – over the years! 😂

In the past, I have written about how gays have been portrayed in both daytime TV (soap operas) and in primetime TV and Hollywood. Please see the banners to the links below:

How Soap Operas Handled Queer Characters

Gays in Hollywood, an Often Inaccurate Portrayal

The contributions that black actors and actresses, and black entertainers, comedians and comediennes have made to television and the movies is astronomical and vitally important.

We have shown that we can go beyond portraying the overdone and stereotypical slave/subservient/butler/maid roles and take on more challenging roles often portrayed by our white counterparts. The yes, ma’am/no ma’am trope does get a little old, as well as the junkie, the hoodrat, the drug dealer, and even the doorman. We can do so much more than that.

The one thing I have always liked is seeing black actors and actresses take on roles where THEY are the rich and powerful, where they are the villains but not in a stereotypical way.

But let’s take a step back in time to see how Hollywood treated black characters in some very iconic TV shows. I will be exemplifying the good AND the bad.

Let’s start with the good.

What Hollywood Got Right

It was in 1966 when we were introduced to the original Star Trek, yes the one with William Shatner (Captain Kirk).  What was very interesting was the main female crew member was black. And that black female was Nichelle Nichols who portrayed Nyota Uhura.  And the show did something very interesting back then:  It featured the first interracial kiss between Kirk and Uhura!!!  VERY ahead of its time.  I would say that Nichols’ portrayal was very ahead of its time, as well.  She was a very important part of the crew, very knowledgeable and capable. And there wasn’t anything, to my knowledge, making references to her race or to her being female.  And to even have a black FEMALE actress on this show during the turbulent 60s was EXTREMELY bold and cutting edge. 

Julia with Diahann Carroll!!!  Yes!  The first TV show to show a black female in the lead, but who was also SINGLE raising a child!!!!  Well, Julia was widowed.  But still.  And she was a professional. She was a nurse!! The fact that there was a show from, again, the 1960s that focused on a black female as the lead was rare and simply unheard of.  This show even came before The Mary Tyler Moore Show, which focused on a single, white female navigating her way through the 1970s. 

Side note: Diahann Carroll, two decades later, would appear on Dynasty as, well the way she put it “the first black bitch on primetime TV!” AND she was Blake Carrington’s (John Forsythe) sister!!!! 😱📺

The Jeffersons!!!!! The entire cast was beyond amazing and hilarious!  Enough said!!  But again, a show focusing on the success of a black male, and not portraying any stereotypes, was fabulous!!  I loved the fact that George Jefferson, this 5-foot nothing guy was feisty AF and able to stand up to the likes of an Archie Bunker (Carroll O’Connor), since The Jeffersons was a spinoff of All in the Family.  Honestly, I am just glad that George wasn’t a drug-dealing black buffoon!!! What we seemed to move to in the 1990s, just saying.  But I will save that for later…

Don’t forget Louise Jefferson (Isabel Sanford) and Helen Willis (Roxie Roker) were so well written.  They were very classy BLACK ladies.  

And Lionel, I felt, was portrayed realistically by both actors who played the part. (Mike Evans first, then later Damon Evans, no relation, with Mike Evans returning for seasons 6, 7, and 8). 

Also, a bit of trivia – Mike Evans was also a creator and writer for Good Times!! Often wondered where the character name Michael Evans came from… 🤔

Lionel was someone who was smart and well educated, but who also knew his culture and where he came from.  And he was NOT hood in any stretch of the imagination!   

And then there was Florence, the maid, played to hilarious perfection by Marla Gibbs, who of course went on to star in her own show 227, with of course Jackee Harry!  227 was another show with a predominantly black cast that didn’t delve into stereotypes. 

Then there’s SOAP, with another brilliant cast, no matter the race!!!  Well, mostly white, but then we have the character Benson, portrayed by Robert Guillaume.  Watching Benson be sassy and ask Jessica Tate (Katherine Helmond) “Do you want me to get that?”  whenever the doorbell rang, was HIGH-LARIOUS!!! 

Robert Guillaume’s Benson was so successful and popular that he was spun off into his own show, which ran for SEVEN seasons!!!  Benson still had his wisecracks, but he totally took over the household of the governor, Jessica Tate’s ditzy cousin Eugene Gatling (James Noble).  And at the end of the series, Benson even ran against the governor for well… governor!!  (Sorry for the spoiler alert!) 😂🤣

Speaking of running a household, Nell Carter COMPLETELY took over the Kanisky household in Gimme A Break!  Nell Harper, as the character was named, came to run the Kanisky household when her friend, Margaret, died of cancer.  That meant looking after Margaret’s husband, Police Chief Carl Kanisky and their three girls, Katie (Kari Michaelsen), Julie (Laurie Hendler), and Samantha (Lara Jill Miller).  What I really liked about the show is how tough Nell was with those girls, but it was with love.  You saw that, though she could be strict, she truly loved those girls.  And keeping up with the chief – and HIS father – was no picnic either, but it made for a lot of laughs. 

Nell was not portrayed as the “mammy” to this family.  Instead, she was not only a member of the household, and not just a part of the staff, but a treasured and valued member of the family.  Often the girls came to her for advice, like a mother, and oftentimes ran interference between the girls and the chief. And when the chief died, because sadly in real life actor Dolph Sweet died, that mother role really intensified.  Great show with a lot of laughs and a lot of heart. 

Sanford & Son! Starring Redd Foxx, Demond Wilson, and LaWanda Page!  What can I say about this iconic show about a black junk man in Los Angeles running the business with his son, Lamont (Demond Wilson)? I mean, this show was off the chain with the funny!  And in my opinion, there really would not have been a show without LaWanda Page’s Aunt Esther.  Goodness me, her fights with Fred Sanford (Redd Foxx) were the highlight of the show, especially when she would go into her “oh glory!” religious routine, but as religious as Aunt Esther claimed to be, she always came with the zingers, SUCKER!!  🤣😂😁

Good Times, a spinoff from the popular show Maude – a show about a  black family – husband, wife and their three children – in the projects, was something you really wouldn’t expect, considering for the first three seasons of the show, you had a very strong role model in the father, James Evans, portrayed by John Amos.  The stereotype has always been that in the projects, a single mother was raising her children on her own and possibly on drugs and having a lot of different men running in and out of the household.  But not this show. Esther Rolle, who played Florida Evans, INSISTED that she have a husband.  She did not want to perpetuate that stereotype.  Unfortunately, James Evans was written out of the show, at the end of the third season, killed in a car crash in Mississippi. 😔

I think the one thing I definitely loved and appreciated about Good Times, besides the fact that it featured a core family with a father who worked and was right there to raise his three kids, but that each of these kids were very talented in their own way:  J.J. (Jimmy Walker) was an extraordinarily talented artist.  Thelma (Bern a dette Stanis) was an aspiring dancer and actress, and of course the “militant midget” Michael Evans, portrayed by Ralph Carter, was the smart one in the family and VERY pro black!  Rounding out things was neighbor and best friend Wilona Woods (Ja’Net Dubois) and of course later Janet Jackson was added to the cast as Wilona’s adopted daughter, Penny.  Oh and can’t forget the underhanded and sometimes scheming, yet funny, Nathan Bookman (Boogah as Wilona called him) played by Johnny Brown, who coincidentally was very good at impressions.

I have to give honorable mention to The Cosby Show, I mean regardless of what we all may think about Bill Cosby, I greatly appreciated the fact that the show was about an upwardly mobile black family in the late 80s/early 90s.  Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) played an OB-GYN and Phylicia Rashad played Claire, his lawyer wife. Again, regardless of what we now know about Bill, the show was ground-breaking in a sense that this was a black family that was upwardly mobile and didn’t resort to ANY stereotypes.

I can also appreciate the fact that The Cosby Show was a good antithesis to Good Times, where you are seeing blacks of affluence rather than a poor family from the projects.

Norman Lear

Now, I must give credit where credit is due to Good Times, Sanford and Son, and The Jeffersons – and that credit actually goes to a WHITE man named Norman Lear.

Mr. Lear came into prominence with All in the Family back in 1971, and then Sanford and Son. Pretty much after that, it was spinoff after spinoff after spinoff, with both Maude (starring Bea Arthur) and The Jeffersons coming out of All in the Family, and Good Times coming out of Maude.

Because of Lear, American black families were shown in a realistic, yet dignified way. He showed that black people had a voice and a right to be heard. Though they were sitcoms, he was able to exemplify poverty, or emerging from the poverty, while also showing some of the darker sides of not just black life, but life in general. To say that Norman Lear was a pioneer would be an understatement.

Honorable Mentions

I must also give some honorable mentions to the following shows:

Living Single – Kim Fields, Kim Coles, Erika Alexander, and of course Queen Latifah

Martin! – starring the HIGH-LARIOUS Martin Lawrence, of course; and Tisha Campbell; and Tichina Arnold!!

In the Heat of the Night – Howard E. Rollins and Carroll O’Connor

The Wayans – Okay. They are HILARIOUS, enough said!! But seriously, the Wayans actually capitalize on making fun of the black stereotypes, in my opinion, which I think is great.

Yes, 227 as mentioned above!

Sister! Sister! with Jackee and, of course, twins Tia and Tamara Mowry.

That’s My Mama with Clifton Davis, Theresa Merritt (as Mama), Ted Lange (Isaac from Love Boat fame), Theodore Wilson (feat. prominently in Good Times as Sweet Daddy Williams!!!) and Lynne Moody (who coincidentally later appeared on Soap as Danny Campbell’s (Ted Wass) love interest in an interracial relationship)!

And speaking of Clifton Davis, welcome new soap opera Beyond the Gates in which he is now appearing. This new soap focuses on a very wealthy BLACK family! And this new soap is being filmed here in the ATL!!! And also starring Tamara Tunie from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit!

Truthfully, I would be here all day if I delved into all of the phenomenal black-driven and written TV shows of Hollywood’s past.

So, let’s move on to some shows that got it WRONG!!

Where they got it WRONG! (In my opinion, of course) 😀😉

Designing Women – the story, as MANY of you know, centers around four WHITE Southern ladies, two of whom are sisters, who run a design company in Atlanta, GA – HATED IT ALREADY. They employ a BLACK man, an ex convict named Anthony Bouvier (portrayed by Meshach Taylor). To me, the way Anthony was portrayed was VERY subservient!!! Like a slave. I am used to empowered blacks from shows such as the ones listed above, especially from SOAP – Robert Guillaume as Benson, The Jeffersons – with Sherman Hemsley as George Jefferson and Marla Gibbs as Florence, the maid. These people TALKED BACK! And I know a lot of you are saying well, they would have been fired. Would they?

It’s like Anthony from Designing Women had no backbone. Yes, ma’am. No, ma’am, bullshit. And he was supposed to have a friendship with Delta Burke’s character, Suzanne Sugerbaker. It seemed one-sided to me. Now, keep in mind I didn’t see the show, but unfortunately got roped into doing the stage version here in Atlanta called Designing Women Live, with all of the female parts portrayed by men in drag. Great concept, but I thought the show itself SUCKED! And I swear to God if I hear that Julia Sugarbaker the night the lights went down in Georgia one more GOTDAMN time, I am going to HURL!!!

Amos ‘n’ Andy

So. I have to be honest about this one. I have never really seen Amos ‘n’ Andy, but I have heard plenty about it. And from what I understand these two characters, black of course, were portrayed in a rather, extraordinarily stereotypical way. It was the dumb/ignant’/low-class/po’/uneducated black person. This stereotype was no doubt perpetuated by white producers who wanted to laugh at black culture at the time.

And again, this is why I must applaud Norman Lear in the 70s for stepping on those outdated and rather tired tropes and showing that black characters were not only strong, but rather educated and very capable individuals like our white counterparts. Not to mention the fact that blacks were not just from the ghetto or gang bangers or drug dealers or drug users.

I am for having TV shows that feature black characters, but I really don’t think it is necessary to ALWAYS go there in terms of racism either. How about we be more mainstream and that some of the problems our white characters face, black characters can also relate to?

And fortunately, there are a lot of current shows on mainstream TV and even on streaming platforms, where black characters are just regular people. And yes, there are/have been TV shows in the past that show black life in particular. But thankfully, these shows have been done with good taste and dignity.

Please return next time when I delve into Part 2 where I talk about some of the black movies. Until then, please be safe and as always, mentally well!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my pals!!!

In this post, I intend to “out” myself or at least out a part of my childhood. When I was a little boy, I used to run around the house with a towel on my head and say I was a girl. Girl! Girl! 😂🤣

Now, I know a lot of you are going to say – ‘well, now where’s my surprise face?’ 😂🤣👌

Some of you may giggle and laugh. And some of you may even relate, especially the gay men.

And some, of course, may judge me, which of course, I don’t give a shart.

I don’t know every gay man’s backstory, but dollars to donuts, I will bet MOST gay men have been in drag, or as little boys, pretended to be little girls.

I thought about this topic and I realized that this isn’t really just about me, but about our transgender community and what they go through.

But I shall start with –

My story:

I am not quite sure what age I started doing this, so I’ll guess around 6 or 7. But I would put a towel on my head and walk around the house, IN FRONT OF MY grandparents and aunt – the people who raised me – and utter my little phrase – “I’m a girl! Girl!!! GIRL!!!!”

As a matter of fact, sometimes my aunt would even help me fashion my towel hair into a ponytail using one of her hair rollers! Kid you not! 😂🤣

(And don’t some of you DARE drag my aunt – drag, no pun intended – and say she shouldn’t have encouraged me. I know how some of you str8 people can be!)

I would put my towel hair on and pretend to be Wonder Woman or Jaime Sommers (The Bionic Woman) or Kelly Garrett from Charlie’s Angels. Whenever I watched them, I felt that I could identify WITH them.

And even playing outside and without my “hair,” I still pretended to be these iconic heroines. I didn’t care and I had no shame.

At first they thought it was cute. But then over the years – YES OVER THE YEARS – when I continued to do it, they didn’t think it was so cute anymore.

As a matter of fact, I remember when I was about 10 or 11, my aunt and grandmother went from thinking it was cute to “TAKE THAT MESS OFF YOUR HEAD! YOU AIN’T NO GIRL!!!”

So, I started doing it in secret — all the way up to graduating from high school!!!

And that is why DECADES later, I came to the conclusion that – wait for it – I WAS a woman in a prior lifetime or LIFETIMES! It makes sense. It fits. (And yes, I do believe in past lives!) There are SO many things I do and say and the way I carry myself that is soooooooo feminine. And I know there are plenty of feminine-acting men, both gay and straight (yeah right) that do NOT identify as women inside. But I do. Again, save your judgments for YOURSELF!!  🤣😂

Which brings me to my next point.

Transgender People and What They Are Up Against

Transgender people who may happen to read this, may identify with what I’ve said thus far. I don’t know. But I can sure tell you that the part where I was told to take that mess off my head, can perhaps in a way translate to transgender people hearing ‘you are NOT a man/woman! You are the sex/gender you were assigned at birth.’ And this is EXTREMELY problematic for trans people.

There are people, particularly trans people, who do not feel comfortable in the body “assigned” to them at birth. Hell, I STILL feel more like a woman than I do a man. I have NEVER been one of those “guys” who would take off his shirt for any reason in public (well, except at the gay bar 😂🤣), because I honestly felt so exposed as if I had breasts like a woman.

People who feel trapped in the wrong body may experience gender dysphoria, or a feeling that their true gender identity does not match up with the gender or sex they were assigned at birth. Plain language:  A biological boy may feel like a girl inside and vice versa.  Or they may feel like they are not a particular gender at all! 

They feel outside their body, as if the body they were born with doesn’t fit. They feel trapped inside this foreign body with parts they just don’t relate to. However, the rest of the world expects them to conform or fit into this world they don’t understand, and they didn’t create. But they are supposed to follow these odd rules of sexuality, sexual orientation, and gender identity. It’s heartbreaking, particularly when the majority (str8 people) don’t get it.

Oh before I go any further, gender identity is very different from sexual orientation.  So, just because a woman is trans, for example, doesn’t mean she is necessarily attracted to men. 

I cannot begin to imagine the hate trans people receive. I mean, I received a LOT of hate for just being gay. Can you imagine you say that you don’t identify or feel like a man, but more like a woman and you decide to alter your appearance and begin living your life as a woman? Or as a trans man if your assigned gender at birth was female?

Also, if I delved into the number of trans murders, particularly those of trans women of color, we would be here all day!

And what we are seeing under this current criminal, cartel administration is abysmal. The cruelty towards trans people is astonishing. But it was bad before, but now the cartel administration is now trying to ban trans people from serving in the military. However, a smart judge has blocked the attempt! Ha! Let’s hope it holds.

I am reminded of the recent incident where Texas Republican representative Keith Self PURPOSELY misgendered Delaware Rep. Sarah McBride by referring to HER as MR. McBride!!!! But she clapped back and said “thank you. MADAM chair.” 😂🤣

Rep. Bill Keating from Massachusetts set his ass straight though, and called Self out. Self abruptly adjourned the session. Please see the clip below:

Just absolutely disrespectful!!!

And this mess about there only being two genders. Do some of you not realize that multiple genders have existed for centuries? You see it in the Native American community with Two Spirit people. These people lived as multiple genders, and yes, with male-presenting people dressing as women and vice versa.

And I am personally sick and tired of STR8 people screaming that it is man and woman or Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Shut up! Well, if Eve, a WOMAN hadn’t eaten that damned apple… just sayin’…

In summation, leave trans people alone!! They are not bothering you! It is just your intolerance, bigotry, hatred, and ignorance that is the problem. They want to live their lives just like everyone else.

And no, it is not a mental illness!!!!

Before you depart, please check out the Derek Store. You won’t be sorry!

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Please come back next week when the topic will be about blacks in Hollywood. So, stay tuned! Until then, please be safe, and as always, mentally well!

Photo attributions: Nicolas Ladino Silva (fashion Divas), Manny Becerra (Pride Parade), Jon Tyson (stats on trans people), Mubariz Mehdizadeh (trans man). And of course the remarkable Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!! 😊😘❤️

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Greetings my dear friends! Welcome back to the madness! Haha!

Last week I got super serious about the current criminal, cartel administration. This week, I shall keep it light and airy. 😉

Yes, I do live in a time warp. And yes, I have decided to go back in time to the year 1985 when I graduated from low school. Why did I choose this particular year? Well, yes, it was 40 years ago (which means I have been out of low school 40 years!), but I mainly chose this year because it was much more peaceful than now. 2025 has been riddled with nothing but angst, and this is only March! However 40 years ago in March of 1985, life was much less complicated and filled with, for the most part, happiness and the promise of new beginnings with my high school (low school) graduation coming up that June.

The music was on point!

As were the TV shows and movies.

I mean, sure there was that dreadful Cold War looming over our heads, and I have written extensively about that before.

But my life was so much better back then. No responsibilities except finishing school. No gotdarn bills to pay. It was heaven. And what was I thinking? Wanting to grow up and be an adult, because adulting is HARD!

And to be brutally frank, I can no longer tolerate today’s times. It SUCKS!!

The other reason why I am pro 1985 right now, is I have decided to start my life over from that point in time. I call it being 17 again. And this time I am being more focused on what I want out of life, even though I am actually 57! 🤣😂😉

Hey, it’s never too late to start over again.

This time around, I have more of a plan, a direction for my life. And of course, as I have learned, be prepared to alter those plans and direction if necessary, because life circumstances have a way of throwing curve balls. 😉😉

This time around, I am not giving a damn about friendships. Let me explain. I am not dumping friends, per se. It’s just that I am not hanging my all on people like I did in the past.

This time around I am not being so easily upset with family. I am trying to be more tolerant, especially with my aunt being in a nursing home.

This time around I am TRYING to be more business minded and money conscious. Note I said TRYING! 😀

This time around I am trying to focus less on the boys and more on myself. 😉😉

But most importantly, this time around, I am trying to heal that rift from when I started UCF and wasted my life between the fall of 1985 to the summer of 1987. This is very important to me. This may sound strange to some, but sometimes you have to return to the scene of the crime even if it is in your own mind.

So, this isn’t really about a nostalgia trip, but more of a mental healing. So, let me explain and try to give it a bit more context.

For those of you who don’t already know, starting in the fall of 1985 my first year at UNC, and after I entered into that dreadful cult, United Christian Fellowship or UCF, that fall is when I started to lose my mind. I have written about UCF previously. In my 5-part series, Religion: Is It Helpful or Harmful?

Please click on the banner below.

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 1

There is no other way for me to say this except to say that I started hearing voices. Quick backstory and as explained above, UCF’s Pastor Evans or Pastor E as we called him, said that listening to secular music was a sin, which tore me to pieces. I ended up throwing all of my cassettes away, and believe you me, I had amassed quite a number of them. However, in April of 1986, which was still my freshman year, Culture Club released their From Luxury to Heartache album, which was A-MAZE-BALLS! So, against Pastor E’s orders, I went to the-then Record Bar on Franklin Street and bought it, listened to it, and then promptly threw it away. And I did that twice. Stupid, I know. But I was in a CULT!!

However, the voices thing really came from Culture Club’s Waking Up With the House on Fire’s Dangerous Man with the line “He could word it out like a dangerous man. Martin (meaning Martin Luther King, Jr.) had the Devil just like anyone can. He spoke words they were frightened to mention.” When I thought about it, with Dr. King being a man of God, in my twisted mind with the Devil lyric, I thought I had blasphemed the Holy Ghost.

According to the Bible, blaspheming the Holy Ghost is the one sin that you can never be forgiven for. (Yeah, my intrusive thoughts were a thing even back then!) So, I lived in fear of that until I spoke with Pastor E about it, and he assured me that I had not done that.

But what a mess I was between 1985 to 1987. In 1987, I finally left that church because Charles Mills, my former bestie who also had been in that church left, too. I wanted to leave, but he gave me the impetus, just like moving away up to north campus into my own dorm room. Ha!

I feel like that period between 1985 and 1987 I was cheated out of part of the life I should have had, that I should have experienced. And I really need to sit down and go back in time and see what that would have looked like for me. Let me think:

1. I probably would have joined the marching band at Carolina. I had made plans to do that, I think, my sophomore year, but by then I was a music major and didn’t feel like I had the time.
2. Maybe I would have ended up with a BOYFRIEND!!! HA!
3. I most certainly would have started drinking sooner. Double Ha!!!
4. And here’s the kicker: But would I have become a music major? Hmmmm Or would I have been on track to becoming a doctor or pharmacist? (Pharmacy was my declared major back then). Well, probably not pharmacy, because ooooo that chemistry kicked my arse!

What I am trying to say without saying it, is religion brought me down into the beginning of mental illness. I don’t know, but maybe if I hadn’t joined that stupid church, maybe I would have spared myself some of that anguish. Who knows? Perhaps Ralph (the destructive intrusive thoughts in my head) would have found a way to find me, as he actually did even prior to 1985, which is a whole other story…

Just a thought… 🤔🤔

But at any rate, perhaps 1985 to 1987 is the bridge to reclaiming my sanity.

Now, before you depart, please check out the Derek Store. You won’t be sorry. 😀😀

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Please stop by next week when the topic will be me discussing a part of my past that I never delve into. Ooooooo! Suspense! You won’t wanna miss. Until then, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).