Category: mental health and well-being

Hello, my fellow friends of the mind!

I trust and hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

And this is, actually, what this post is about. No, not Thanksgiving, per se. But about giving thanks daily for what you have. Very simply, this is about gratitude. And I promise to keep it brief. 🙂

Are you grateful for what you already have? Or do you feel that something is missing or lacking?

One of the things I have learned over the years is to be and to remain grateful every day for what I already have. Every day is not only a gift, but also a gamble. Yes, you heard me. One never knows how a day is going to unfold, and we certainly hope it doesn’t unfold in a horrible, bad or even tragic way. And for reaching the end of a day relatively unscathed, I am always thankful.

Expressing gratitude is a terrific mood booster, too. It increases and improves your mind and makes you happier. You place yourself in a mindset of joy when you think about those things that make you happy and that you already possess. Think about it: Keeping your mind on things that make you feel good and happy HAS to improve your mood, put a smile on your face, and make you feel wonderful. That happy feeling most certainly gets your mind off the dark and/or intrusive and horrible thoughts that may pass through your mind. And that is definitely a good thing!

Staying in gratitude and thankfulness does not have to be about possessions or money either. It could be something as simple as good health. Or delicious food. Or your family and friends. Flowers. Nature. Earth. Your favorite TV show, movie or song. A kind word or a simple hello from a stranger at the grocery store. It’s all good!

I learned from watching Oprah Winfrey that when you focus on what you already have, you will have more. It magnifies. But when you focus on what you lack, that is what you will experience, the lack. So, yes, I am going to focus on and be thankful for what I already have. Whenever I simply thank my Higher Power, God, angels, spirit guide, the Universe, The Powers That Be – whatever your terminology is – I receive more.

By the way, you do not need a particular religion to express gratitude. Gratitude is universal, and it transcends any particular belief system. Nope, you don’t have to be Christian, Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, etc. to express your thankfulness. Heck, you can most certainly be agnostic or atheist, too!

I even keep a gratitude journal, where I Iist at least five things EVERY DAY that I am grateful for. And yes, I got the idea from Oprah Winfrey DECADES ago. It has certainly magnified my life experience in such a positive way. It keeps me from focusing on the negative all the time. I started doing a little bit of it back in 1999 and off and on in 2000. But it was late 2001 when I started doing it every single day, and I have kept up with it ever since!! That’s right – 20 years!! And I have even kept up with it during the pandemic!!! And I still have all of my gratitude journals. The funny thing is, I also write what has happened to me during the course of that time, too! LOL

I ratchet up my gratitude even when I am disappointed. If something that I expect to happen doesn’t happen or I don’t get what I want, I refuse to let it bother me. At least I don’t let it bother me for long. I shake it off and tell myself thank you anyway, for what I already have.

How you can remain grateful:

1. Count your blessings.
2. Just say thank you out loud or to yourself.
3. Keep a gratitude journal as the one I outlined above.
4. When you feel bad or down, think of at least one thing you are grateful for.
5. Then go for two, then three, all the way up to 5 or even 10 things that you are grateful for.
6. Do affirmations that circle around what makes you happy.
7. Pray and/or meditate.
8. Enjoy and appreciate nature!
9. This may sound awful or even cliche, but always remember that no matter how bad you think you have it, someone else has it a whole lot worse. And therefore, by the Grace of God …
10. Just simply close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

So, what are you thankful for? Tell me in the comment section below. And remember to always remain grateful. There is always something to be thankful for, believe me. And what better way than to keep a gratitude journal by expressing your Best Self!

Until the next time, and as always, be mentally well!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Greetings, my friends! Welcome back to another post about mental wellness! Yours and mine 🙂

So, from last week’s post, music is not the only form of entertainment that can have a positive effect on your mind, body, and overall health. It turns out television, film, and theatre can also have positive effects on our psyches. See last week’s post below:

MUSIC IS NOT JUST FOR LISTENING, BUT EXCELLENT FOR OUR MOODS AND MINDS

I cannot think of anyone who doesn’t have a TV set in their house. And technology has gotten us to a point that we can view just about anything at anytime now, even on our computers and phones. With the advent of YouTube, streaming services, and yes, still cable, we have the visuals at our fingertips, so to speak.

And because I have a theatrical background, I most certainly cannot discount the positive benefits of live theatre.

One could argue that too much TV watching can be detrimental to you in some way. But I shall only discuss how it can keep you and help you to remain calm, stay sane, get your mind off things, and literally take you to another world. (Speaking of, anybody remember the old soap opera of the same name???) Ha!

Anything involving the arts SHOULD transport you to another world. Whenever I watch something, whether it is live theatre or a movie or TV show, I expect to be transported to another time and place. I expect to be told a story, to be lost in the moment. I desire to forget all about MY life, my struggles and troubles. I want to see their struggles and troubles. I don’t need to be reminded of mine. LOL But TV and film can do much more for us than that.

Educational

Yes, television and the movies can be quite educational. And anything that educates us, definitely improves our minds. TV and film can take us into worlds that we didn’t know existed, can show us different cultures and countries, languages, and how other people live. TV and film can also give us insights into our own bodies and how they work and about diseases and disease prevention. Television can even simply show us how to do mundane tasks and chores effectively.

Shocker of shockers, but you can even learn from watching soap operas. Back during the Golden Age of Soaps – the 60’s, 70s, 80s and 90s – viewers learned about diseases such as breast cancer, diabetes, HIV and AIDS, and even mental disorders, including depression, suicidal ideation, bipolar disorder, and even DID (dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder). Viewers also gained insight into socially relevant issues pertaining to drug and alcohol abuse, spousal abuse, prostitution, and even the negative effects of smoking.

Of course, other daytime television programs such as talk shows, gave us an even deeper dive into the above subjects with real people. So, here’s to Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, Geraldo, and Sally Jessy Raphael (loved her glasses!!!) and Montel Williams, to name a few. And yes, I went old school LOL

Honorable mention to educational channels, such as The Discovery Channel, Planet Earth, and The History Channel. And shoot, I love a good documentary about famous and well, infamous people, too.

But let’s not ever forget the fabulous PBS channel, and old school shows such as Sesame Street, The Electric Company, and Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, to name a few. These shows taught you your ABCs, your numbers, and different languages such as Spanish. They taught us grammar skills and even taught us how to get along better with our neighbors and how to appreciate their differences. Hey, I grew up on those shows and learned quite a lot!

Total escapism

Naturally, most of us watch television and movies for simple pure escapism. But that’s okay, because that is great for our minds, too. As I stated above, this pure escapism can relax our bodies and minds, getting our minds off our own problems and bringing us into a total state of a healthier being. And what great way to do that than to laugh. That’s right. Your fave comedies can promote happiness and good health, because as they say laughter is the best medicine. And laughing releases natural endorphins or your feel-good chemicals, which can promote not only a healthier brain, but a healthier heart, too. So, tune into your favorite comedies and laugh it up! If this clip from I Love Lucy doesn’t make you laugh, then there is something wrong with you!!!

Become an actor in YOUR favorite show!

One thing I have done my ENTIRE life is pretend I am certain characters on TV or in the movies. I have acted out many scenarios, especially my soaps, to see if I can do it and be just as convincing as what I see on TV. Or to see what acting choices I would make in the same situations. Sometimes I turn it into a masterclass of emotions, i.e. will I cry in the moment, get angry, etc.

And playing or pretend is great for the mind since it enables you to use your imagination and creativity. And it is loads of fun! I started way back with The Bionic Woman, Charlie’s Angels, and Wonder Woman! Yep, I was Jaime Sommers, Kelly Garrett, and Diana Prince twirling, et al! LOL And I even made the neighborhood kids act out the episodes right after they aired. Oh tremendous, TREMENDOUS fun! I should have known I would later turn to acting and directing 🙂

Ain’t Nothing Like Live Theatre

I got my acting start doing theatre, and it was the best training ground EVER! I mean, other than acting along with the TV! Delving into different characters, the audience response, and the flying by the seat of my pants was actually excellent for my mind and brain. I developed skills which kept my mind sharp and active. After all, you are having to learn lines and deliver them on the spot from memory. And if you go up on a line, you have to figure a way out of that jam!

But from the audience’s perspective, visual arts and aesthetics is a great moodlifter, too. Not to mention you are immersing yourself in culture, while at the same time still learning something perhaps you had no prior knowledge of, the same way television can work towards educating you.

You gain a greater appreciation for the arts, I think, through attending theatre and other visual arts shows. And anything that promotes a greater understanding, is great for your brain, too.

And then there is the laughter! There is nothing like live laughter from the audience. And it’s real, not canned laughter like you get from some TV shows! And overall, of course, laughter is great for your health.

One of the Family

When I think back on the shows that have changed my life or that I have really gotten into, I think of the ones where I feel like I am a part of that TV family. Soaps are the perfect example of this. Watching my “stories” gave me insight into someone else’s melodramatic life LOL And I literally grew up with so many soap characters, I mean we are talking DECADES of time watching children who were born on the show, watching them grow into children, teens, and even adults! That is mindblowing to me!

And all of my primetime shows I grew up watching – The Brady Bunch, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, et al – just watching the characters and their antics was highly entertaining and very funny. And speaking of The Brady Bunch. It was like I was a member of the family, going through all of their shenanigans, troubles, heartaches, joy and fun. When they were lost in the Grand Canyon, I was lost in the Grand Canyon, too!!

So, I am also saying you feel a sense of belonging with your TV family. And anytime you feel like you are a part of something, that you belong, definitely promotes good mental health and wellbeing.

Stress Relief

Film. Television. Visual arts. Theatre. All of those are wonderful stress relievers. Whether you are the actor or the audience, you are allowing whatever stresses you out, whatever horrors are on your mind, it gives you a moment and space to let it go. You are suspended in time for 30 minutes to an hour or two hours or more. You are not thinking about your problems, your job, your finances, your relationships. You are entering someone’s world.

Inspiration

I think anything that inspires you in a moving and positive, enthused way is amazing for your mental health. And watching television as a child definitely inspired me to become an actor later in life. I wanted to do the things I saw Jaime Sommers do in The Bionic Woman. Later, it was all about Erika Slezak’s Viki Buchanan on One Life to Live that cemented the deal. I do not regret my decision to become an actor. It has been one of the most thrilling and rewarding things I have ever done, besides my interest in music.

Well, my friends, that is it for now. I hope you enjoyed this post. And as always please be safe and mentally well! Until next time – ta!!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Oh and don’t forget to check out my underpriced products below LOL Some great Black Friday sales! 🙂

Sources:

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Hello, my fellow ment binders – er bent minders! 🙂

Welcome back to another round of “I’ve got this in the fight for my mind!”

I have decided to keep it light and airy today, as a dear old friend used to say. And I promise to keep it short. Today I wish to discuss music and its positive effects on our hearts, souls, and yes, our minds. Madonna also said that “music makes the people come together.” 🙂

I start my day with music (and affirmations), and I do the affirmations to the music, which is a great boost for me energetically. And I also listen to music while I work, if I am working from home. Actually, I am listening to music right now as I write this post, of course. LOLOLOL This is what I am listening to at this moment, Hall & Oates’s I Don’t Wanna Lose You:

This is how important music is to my existence: I exercise to music. I clean to music. I write to music. I hate exercising and cleaning anyway. So, the music keeps me in a good mood and enables me to complete those chores I detest. Writing to music is not only helpful in setting the mood for whatever I am writing, but it also helps the words just flow onto the page! When I am working on my web series, which is set in the 1970s, I typically will play 70s music to set the scene and get the feeling, emotion and tone of that era. It is really helpful.

Good music makes you feel wonderful. In my opinion, music is SUPPOSED to make you feel. Period. And think. Music can recharge you. And of course make you want to DANCE! (Nothing beats terrific dance music, ESPECIALLY DISCO and 80s music!!!) Great music should take you on a rollercoaster of emotions – happiness, sadness, anger, etc. Great music should tell a story. But again, truly great music makes you feel something, especially if it makes you feel tremendous joy, happiness, and love.

Remember the old saying: “If music be the food of love, play on.” This is actually taken from Shakespeare’s play Twelfth Night. And I could not agree more with the sentiment. When I think of my favorite songs, this certainly applies. I become so enraptured in my music that it is not only like food or love, it is actually like breathing. Not only do I listen to it, I play it on a musical instrument. (My trumpet currently, as my poor clarinet and flute need to go to the shop). 🙁

Music has most definitely gotten me through the darkest moments of my life. I truly believe that I would not have survived those dark times without music to uplift my mood or console me or just simply to soothe me. And Daryl Hall & John Oates are artists I can always turn to to cheer me up! By the way, studies have shown that listening to music can actually aid in keeping depressive states away and bring you to a more positive state of mind. So, thanks Daryl and John, et al!!!

Quite often my needle gets stuck, so to speak, on certain songs for months! One such example is Culture Club’s The War Song, as if some of you couldn’t guess.

Another of my very favorite artists is Annie Lennox of Eurythmics. From day one back in 1983 with the release of Sweet Dreams, I was mesmerized by the then orange-headed, androgynous Annie. I am still a super, huge fan to this day. I feel like she is singing her songs about me. It’s as if she is my spirit animal, and we share the same feelings and emotions, especially over heartache and loneliness and, yes, bitterness. Check out one such very bitter song, one of my favorites by her without Dave Stewart, Bitter Pill.

On to other songs that match my exact feelings and emotions at that moment. Check out Janet Jackson’s Lonely, because I have felt that way too often in my life.

Or feelings of definite rage, pain and anger, such as displayed in Tears for Fears Shout.

But it’s not all a Debbie Downer, as there are songs that are electric and bring me joy, such as Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Want to Have Fun!!

Music also has healing properties, too. More and more studies are showing that music therapy is quite helpful in the healing process, everything from depression to lowering blood pressure to pain management to even cancer!! I know for a fact that listening to music has helped in lowering my blood pressure. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure back in 2004. And from that moment on for a very long time, I was always afraid of the doctors and nurses checking my blood pressure at the doctor’s office. It was always slightly elevated, sometimes even on medication. So, I decided to start singing before going to the doctor, and miraculously it helped!!!

And of course, music is definitely good for the mind and the brain. Studies show that music is excellent for placing your brain in a positive state of mind. It can also stimulate brainwaves and promote alertness and better concentration. Classical music, believe it or not, is great for reducing stress, boosting your memory, fighting depression, improving sleep, sparking creativity, and even reducing pain!!! Bring on Beethoven and Mozart!!

Well, my friends, that is it for now. Do me a favor and leave me a comment below with some of your favorite songs. Which songs lift you up? Which songs make you sad? Which songs do you just love to dance to??? Let me know. And until the next time, be mentally well, always. And let the music play!!

P.S. 70s/80s/90s music still remain the best, especially the 80s!!! 🙂

Sources: Please check out these articles on the healing properties of music.

https://www.lifehack.org/289981/8-reasons-you-should-listen-more-classical-music

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER 2: I do not own the copyrights to any of the above-mentioned songs. They are just for your listening pleasure. And mine. 🙂

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Mini disclaimer: Today’s blog post may come across to some of you as rambling and all over the place, because my thoughts are definitely all over the place on this topic. So, please bear with me. Thanks!

Big greetings to all of my friends! Hope you are well and happy!

As the headline states – is dealing with other people driving us insane, to utter madness?

I am writing this post, because of all of my DECADES of dealing with human beings. I know I am focusing on my negative experiences, such as dealing with the overly religious people, the people who were mean to me and who tried to bully me and belittle me, and the human beings I had to act a certain way around or say certain things to. It was soooooo tiring. I am absolutely tired of it. This is why I desire to be alone more and more. I even have a desire to live away from people out in the country somewhere. And I NEVER thought I would feel that way. I just feel now that people are in my way. I even go to the grocery early in the morning to avoid the crowds. And yes, I even take social media breaks. And that is okay!

People – earthlings – or “earth things” as I like to laughingly refer to them, can be EXTREMELY complicated. Simple yet complicated at the same time because of emotions and belief systems and their underlying “stuff” or “baggage” that all of us come with. It can be VERY arduous to handle.

So many different personalities to deal with on a daily basis. So many different ideologies. Different energies emanating from different people. It can be so mentally draining and such a mindblower. But I suppose the world would be boring if everyone was the same. However, sometimes at the end of the day after dealing with all of the people madness, you just wish to be alone and chill. (And no wonder so many people prefer animals/pets to other people)!

But speaking of different energies, I firmly believe that you can tune into the vast energies of others. It happens all the time. Some people may be very happy when you see them. Others can be very sad or depressed. Others angry. Others just simply blah. I can almost tell the state of an earth thing when I see them. And we pick up on those energies, and they can permeate through us and, definitely, affect us, too.

But some people’s energies can be too much to bear. Whether they are that chatty person who will not shut up.

Or the nagging person who will not shut up LOL

That family member who is always making caustic statements that they claim are just joking comments.

Or that sort of “friend” who does that sort of “joking,” which quite frankly pisses you off.

Your partner or loved one or significant other who is constantly putting you down.

Or the partner or significant other who is not independent at all, but clingy and cloying.

The buttinsky in-laws.

The noisy neighbors!!

What about those coworkers who are rude, inconsiderate, talk your ear off, or bring all their drama to the workplace????

Also, in managing these divergent individuals, you may find yourself watching what you say so as not to make them angry.

Or question you.

Or belittle you.

Now, there are basically four types of earth things that I cannot stand to deal with:

1. Overly religious people. (I feel like I have to walk a tightrope around them, watch what I say.)
2. People who talk too much. (They never let you get a four-letter word in edgewise. They are draining and often put me to sleep as I tune out.)
3. Those individuals who must belittle you constantly. (They think they are being funny; they are just being obnoxious.)
4. Humans who correct EVERYTHING you say, i.e. again, you feel you must watch what you say around them. (Another set of a draining bunch, the know-it-alls. I don’t like being corrected as it is, but these people take it to an extreme!)

I want you all to know that I am not in any way blaming anyone else for my/our problems. But one thing I have discovered about life and people in general, is that it can be rather laborious to have to navigate around and through other individuals, whether they are your family, close friends, your more personal and intimate relationships, and just people in general.

The other thing I have definitely learned is that sometimes it is not life or even life circumstances that bring us down. It’s the people.

I am also going to be transparent in saying I know for a fact that I have been a challenge to deal with due to all of my problems and mental imbalance and neuroses. I used to take my mental horror show out on others, which is a big NO NO. (And unfortunately, I just did it again, which will be another blog post.) We should NEVER do that. But I know sometimes, we unfortunately do. I have allowed my emotional instability and nonsense to affect everyone from family to close friends to even strangers. It was horrible. So, I am putting myself out there first and foremost.

And, of course, there have been MANY times I have been affected by humans and their whatever. We all have.

And so addressing the question again, is dealing with people making us insane? Or maybe insane is a strong word. Edgy? Cautious? Careful? Nervous? Anxious? Crazy?

I asked a friend and frequent reader of my blog what bugs him the most about people. His answer was their selfishness. I can see that. There are those individuals who CLEARLY only care about themselves. For me, it is the tiny ways in which people show their selfishness. Whenever you are at the grocery store and they want to block the aisles. Or they are in their car and another car is on the other side of a two-lane road or street, and they decide to hold a conversation from their cars. Of course, there are bigger ways people show their selfishness, such as thinking of themselves rather than the needs of others.

I also find the expectations and pressure people put on us extremely draining. There are the expectations from family, friends, PARENTS, and yes, even children and significant others. You try to match said expectations and live up to them, which is intricate, wearisome and downright exhausting.

The best one can do in this situation is to breathe, take a step back, and realize that you can only expect the best of yourself, and that you do not have to live up to the expectations of others. Children, of course, are different I would imagine. But also, as long as your children are provided for and well cared for and nurtured, I think you should still make sure you are taking care of yourself, too.

Ending on a positive, try gravitating to those individuals that energize you, prop you up, bring a smile to your face. THOSE are the people I wish to be around.

However, it is okay to be by yourself to refresh. Reframe. Recharge. And we need to seek the comfort of ourselves from time to time to simply regain balance.

Well, this is the end for today. I hope you enjoyed this post, and I look forward to seeing you next week.

As always, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back for another round of the Battle of the Minds!!

As I discussed in my last post, I decided that enough is enough. I am beyond sick and tired of these recurring and intrusive thoughts that have marred my entire life. It is now WAR!!!

Please see last week’s post below for Part 1.

I HAVE DECLARED WAR ON MY OWN MIND! – PART 1

Fear

Before we dive in, I definitely think one component of this whole thing for me and for anyone else suffering from recurring, bothersome thoughts is fear. I have discussed this previously. I personally think that fear is at the root of intrusive thoughts. Think about it. If it was something great and wonderful that crosses our minds, we wouldn’t mind that at all. And actually, we look at good thoughts more like daydreaming rather than being intrusive or bothersome.

So, I am challenging myself (and you, as well) to face those fears. Whatever is troubling you or being intrusive, etc. FACE IT. Have the courage to face it head on. Perhaps that will lessen the thoughts.

Now. How does one declare war on their own mind? Very simply: It is like a “we’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take it anymore!!” mindset, no pun intended.

And how do I plan to engage in a battle with my own mind?

By being more vigilant as to what I will and won’t allow into my thought processes. It has been said that we cannot control what we think. And to some extent that is true. However, I do believe that you don’t have to fall for the negative thinking or go down the rabbit hole, as I like to put it, of a negative thought. Just don’t feed the monster.

For example, if I think ‘oh my God! What if one day I will go blind,’ I have three choices (probably more than that), but here are my top 3:

1. You can talk back to that thought and say ‘no I’m not’ or ruminate on it, which actually makes things worse.
2. Just ignore it.
3. Think about something else.

Talking back to your intrusive thoughts

This may sound strange, but it is true that we talk back to our thoughts. We wonder ‘why did I think that?’ which takes us down the rabbit hole of ‘there must be something wrong with me for thinking that thought.’ This is when we get into ruminating over our negative, intrusive thoughts, which gets us into trouble. I know it has gotten me into trouble lots of time.

I have read many articles on the subject of intrusive thoughts, and that is the one thing they all say you should never do is engage with these horrible thoughts. That is only going to make them worse and stick around much longer. So, in other words, don’t talk back to them (or in this case, “think” back to them – ha!). Just let them pass through your mind. Which brings us to the second point.

Ignore them

Easier said than done, I know. But you can do it. We have sooooo many thoughts that pass through our minds every single day, that when you think about it, there are those that we ignore. They are so quick and so fleeting, that we don’t even think about them. For example, you may think “I need to go to the store.” Okay, you realize that and don’t even pay attention to it anymore. So, how come we cannot do the same with a horrible thought such as ‘I could just run over that small child’? Oh how gruesome, but our brains are wired that when something like that comes into our minds we feel grotesque, evil, and strange. So much so that we want to turn this awful thought around and around and around in our heads. We want to know WHY we even thought that. We wonder if there is something wrong with us. And no, actually, there isn’t. It is our minds. And as I have realized we are NOT our thoughts.

Think about something else

I discussed in yet another blog post a while ago about changing the channel in your mind. If you feel like you are stuck, change that channel. Think of something else. Allow your thoughts to be flooded with another, more positive, happier thought. For example, ‘I could just run over that small child’ or ‘oh my God! What if I go blind,’ why not think of beautiful flowers? Or a trip to Europe? Or eating good food? Who says we have to be stuck on the horrible thinking?

And if you are having trouble thinking of something else, distract yourself with music. Try talking to a friend. Watch television. Read a book. Be around people. Something/anything to get your mind off things. By the way, check out the blog post where I discuss changing that channel and other helpful tips in dealing with your intrusive thoughts. Please see below:

The Lies of the Mind

Affirmations

You’ve heard of them PLENTY of times by now. Why not use them in your/our battle against intrusive thoughts? I do them EVERY day, and I find it helpful. When all else fails, I will fall back on them. One of my personal faves is “no person, place, THOUGHT, feeling or thing has any power over me.”

But here is a list of some affirmations that I use daily that are more in line with mental health issues:

1. I no longer allow my thoughts to interfere with my life.
2. My mind is unstuck and normal and working properly.
3. I refuse to worry or obsess needlessly.
4. I am no longer fearing the future, and I am not catastrophizing anymore.
5. I will not let my thoughts bother or upset me.
6. My mind is clear and free of fear.
7. I am no longer allowing recurring and intrusive thoughts to hold my mind hostage.
8. Stop being afraid of your own mind.

These are just some of my own personal affirmations. Feel free to use them or create your own.

Another way I am amping up the fight is to simply meditate even more. I go inside my mind and picture the best possible images I can. I even see myself going way outside of my body into outer space and seeing swirls of smoke (I’ve heard meditation gurus say to visualize balloons to represent your thoughts. So, choose whatever you like). The swirls of smoke represent my negative thoughts that I just allow to move seamlessly past me. I have no connection to them. I pay no attention to them as they float by.

And regardless of your belief system, prayers can also be helpful.

Overall, I have decided to not allow myself to be eaten alive by my own mind. It is a struggle, yes, but manageable. I truly do believe that sometimes it is an extreme deep dive into your consciousness and also even your own life and what is going on with you. ALWAYS check in with yourself to see how you are feeling, holding up, etc. Keep fighting the good fight.

And, of course, if the battle is too much, by all means seek professional help.

Again, I wish to thank all of you for reading and continuing with me on my/our journey. And until the next time, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Hello there, all my dear friends following this blog!!

Things are going to get a bit strange. So, hang on. Today, I am declaring war on my own mind. That’s right. You read it here. It’s a showdown. Derek v. Derek’s Mind!

By now, you all know I suffer from intrusive and/or recurring thoughts. These thoughts are like a scratchy and broken record that just won’t turn off!!

And I have had enough of this shit! I realize that I have been tolerating this long enough. I have been putting up with it and suffering in silence. I have allowed my mind to just go off the rails for far too long. I have already spoken at length about my intrusive thoughts, thoughts that have plagued me for YEARS. Hell, for DECADES! Since childhood.

However, they have gotten worse. I personally believe it is because of the past four years. And we all know what happened the last four years. So, it is of no surprise that that would be such a major trigger.

I am going to take a deeper dive into these thoughts. So, here is a timeline of the horrors that have gone on in my mind. I am hoping that this will help someone else who may be suffering from this rather strange disorder.

Before we start, I revealed some of these recurring thoughts in my last post. Please see below.

Possession Obsession

Anyway, the time has come to finally once and for all stand up to this crap and face ALL my fears from the past, and now in the present. This means WAR!!!

A Dresser Drawer, Derek???

My earliest scare and subsequent thought(s) that got stuck in my mind was wayyyyyy back when I was living in Washington, D.C., as a child, and I was dreaming that the dresser drawer in the living room would come to life in my nightmares. And it would tickle my back. Strange, I know. But I lived in fear of going to sleep at night. And this was one of the things I obsessed about, referring back to some of my obsessions from last week’s post. I would even talk to this chest of drawers during the day to try and understand why it was attacking me at night. I was so frightened and talked about it so much that my mother even considered taking me to see a psychiatrist!!! Sometimes I wish she had …

Of Course I would obsess over DEATH!

My next memory of vivid intrusive thoughts was when I was living in North Carolina, and I began obsessing over death for some strange reason. I was in about the 1st grade, I think, when this started. I always thought I would not make it to the next grade, and I don’t know why. I don’t remember ever telling my family about this one. I just suffered in silence. And every movie about death and dying that I saw on TV made the thoughts worse. One such movie was Dark Victory with Elizabeth Montgomery, not the Bette Davis one. I feared that everything that happened to Elizabeth Montgomery in this movie, would happen to me. So, when Elizabeth’s character developed a brain tumor, so did I. She lost her memory and so did I. She had blurry vision and so did I. And so on, if you catch my drift. It was a nightmare. (But Elizabeth turned in a bravura performance, though – LOLOLOLOL)!

And this is where the fear of memory loss came in during this time. I remember constantly saying to myself over and over my name, my address, my birthdate, the names of my parents, grandparents and aunt to make sure. I did these little check-ins. So, in hindsight, I guess this was my compulsion, going back to the previous post from above – “Possession Obsession.”

At the Height of Things

Next up was the height thing starting in about 7th or 8th grade where I thought I would NEVER grow taller. All my other classmates suddenly were GIANTS compared to me, including the girls. But my growth spurt hadn’t happened yet. So, what did I do? I stuffed my sneakers with socks so I would appear taller. I thought I was taller because of doing it, but I probably didn’t appear that way to everyone else LOL!

And for the record, I did get over this one, because suddenly later in life I was taller than everyone else. And to me, suddenly other people were short!! LOL

WAR!!!!

Let’s skip to the 80s and high school and the Cold War between the U.S. and Russia. Oh. My. God. This was the time I thought we were all going to get nuked off the face of the map!!! Those of you alive back then know exactly what I am talking about. And everytime I would visit my parents and brother in D.C., I lived in constant fear that a nuclear war would break out, and we would all be dead. And of course, the movie The Day After didn’t help ease my fears or quell my intrusive thoughts over the matter. And there were other such movies of that theme back then, such as Threads and Testament, but The Day After was the WORST!! It was so graphic!!

Around this time, Culture Club released one of my absolute favorite songs by them, with one of THE BEST videos EVER! (Sorry Michael Jackson’s Thriller). I think the song and video depict this horrible topic quite well. Check it out.

Losing my RELIGION!!

Ugh! This storyline picks up when I started college.

Quick backstory: When I entered UNC-Chapel Hill’s hallowed halls back in August of ’85, my grandmother was immediately on my back to go to church. After all, I had been forced – yeah. I said it. – FORCED to go to church every Sunday from the time I started living there in 1972 to go to school. And my grandmother wanted to make sure that I continued to do so. So, I ended up going with my then friend whom I referred to as “Big Daddy.” His sister, who was a year ahead of us, was attending this church known as United Christian Fellowship. So, I went with them. Oh my God that turned out to be a HUGE mistake. Let’s just say it turned out to be a cult. True, we could come and go anytime we wanted, but the rules were so strict. We couldn’t have anything to do with the “world” at all. No secular music or TV programs, which meant no more Culture Club or Hall & Oates, et al or soap operas!!!! I was in pure HELL – so to speak.

So, it didn’t take long for my mind to begin to spiral out of control. And at the very center of this was actually another Culture Club song entitled Dangerous Man. There is a line in there that goes – “Martin had the Devil just like any man can,” and I began to suspect that I had blasphemed the Holy Ghost. I just knew that by singing that particular line in that song that I was going to burn in hell for eternity, because according to the Bible, that is the one sin you can never be forgiven for.

So, I went to the pastor of the church at the time and told him my fears. He actually convinced me that I was not going to burn in hell because of that. But I needed that validation. Eventually (and thankfully), I left that church! And later, organized religion all together!

Hey, but the song that started this is HOT! Needless to say, I am well past that nonsense, and I have continued to enjoy this song and sing that lyric ever since. LOLOL Check it out!

Insanity and Sexuality

Skipping ahead to 1999 when on a road trip with some friends back to North Carolina, I saw an astrologer whom I had seen previously before I moved to Atlanta. Well, I decided it would be fun to see him again. Big. Mistake. To cut to the chase, he told me two things that frightened the hell out of me: That Atlanta and several other American cities, especially New York, would be destroyed in a nuclear war. Yeah, so THAT old fear came flooding back. But actually the most troubling one was when he told me that I was bisexual. BISEXUAL??? WTH???

Needless to say my mind went into yet another tailspin. I hadn’t declared myself as bisexual since I was 13, and even then I felt more homosexual. I guess I just wasn’t ready to acknowledge my true homosexuality at that age. But by 1999, I was 32 years old and VERY homosexual!!! I had had several lovers and many, many, MANY tricks and same-sex encounters. And I never once had been with a woman nor had I desire to be with one. I never even masturbated thinking of a woman. It had ALWAYS been men.

But then after the session with my astrologer, I began questioning myself. What if I really was? And that is when the intrusive thoughts began. Every time I would see women from that point on, it would pop into my head something sexual about her. It got to a point where I didn’t even want to be around women for a period of time. Fortunately, that first bout didn’t last very long, and I was able to move forward and continue to have sex with men and not even think about any women. I was also able to maintain my friendships with women with no problem of the thoughts.

However, many years later it crept up again. And it was worse than the first time. Just awful things that would pop into my head about women. I couldn’t even watch TV shows or movies when women would appear in a scene, because my mind raged out of control. What if I want to kiss her or have sex with her?? And on and on and on. It got to the point that I sought psychiatric help, not because I doubted my sexuality, but because I was actually annoyed over the thoughts. At this point, I had been doing research – yes online – about recurring and intrusive thoughts, and I knew that I was not alone.

And to be honest, over the past year and a half of isolation, the problem came back again! Thankfully, I am at a point where I am like NO! We are not doing this again.

I can’t see. I can’t see! I CAN’T SEE!!! I’ve Got My Eyes Closed! (old Three Stooges joke)

Then there are the fear of blindness thoughts. Years ago, again, stupid me had to conduct research online about my eye floaters, a common occurrence of people who are near-sighted, which I am one. But what I read on the subject caused me to go into yet another of my mental tailspins: If the eye floaters worsen or there are suddenly a lot of floaters in your eyes, it could mean retinal detachment and eventual blindness. And ever since then every now and then, I will think I am going to go blind. And awful thoughts will pop in my mind saying that I even WANT to experience blindness, which is not true! And these are the recurring thoughts that dominate my mind at this very moment of me writing this!! It is pure torture. And I am considering seeking professional help again.

What’s more in my study of manifesting the kind of life I want, I’ve read that if you focus on something a lot, it expands. So, these intrusive thoughts of blindness don’t help with that.

I know I am not going blind and that I have nothing to fear, but my mind tells me otherwise.

So, my friends, I have said all of the above to say again, I am officially at war with my own mind. I absolutely REFUSE to continue this way.

Please allow me to stop there, as this will need to be continued in a Part 2 next Friday.

In the meantime, remember you’ve got this journey, and stay and be mentally well always!!

And especially to my intrusive thought sufferers, hang in there. You are NOT your thoughts!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I am now an Amazon Affiliate! If you love and enjoy Amazon as much as I do, please check out today’s offer shown below!!!

Hello, my fellow mental wellness friends!!

Back with another topic: Obsessions.

I must admit that I am totally guilty of this. I have been obsessed with all sorts of things throughout my life. Note the following:

• Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries.
• The Bionic Woman.
• Wonder Woman.
• Music – more specifcally Culture Club, Eurythmics, and Hall & Oates – hence the title of this particular post, which is one of their songs – “Possession Obsession.”
• Soap Operas.
• Food.
• Men.

So, what I am saying on top of all of my other neuroses, is I have an obsessive personality, apparently. The above list are fun obsessions, obsessions I most certainly do not mind and even truly love.

But what about when obsessions become troublesome and they are not fun? Or they get stuck in your mind to the point of being extremely bothersome?

We have all heard the term OCD – obsessive-compulsive disorder – many times before. And one could say that we are all a little OCD about certain things. But if it begins to interfere with your everyday life, then it becomes a problem.

OCD is when a person obsesses on something or cannot get their mind off of certain things and has the “compulsion” to do something over and over again, normally to combat the obsession. These thoughts (and compulsions) are often uncontrollable. The person suffering from the disorder cannot help it. When we think of OCD we think of people who are worried about germs and, therefore, feel a need to constantly wash their hands. Or the person who must check all locks and lights REPEATEDLY in their home before leaving.

So, breaking it down even further, the obsession is the thought part of OCD and the compulsion is the active doing part to try and neutralize or counteract that obsession. In other words, the person who has the thought that germs are everywhere will try and counteract or neutralize that thought by washing their hands repeatedly.

And when all of this gets out of hand, it can become downright horrible for the person who is going through it.

And just for the record, people with this condition do not want to have these thoughts and may even realize that these thoughts and even resulting behaviors or compulsions are ridiculous and don’t make any sense.

Different types of OCD

• The need to repeatedly check things, as mentioned above, such as light switches, the oven, door locks, etc.

• Fear of contamination. Again, this is the one a lot of us have heard of, where people feel the need to wash their hands repeatedly after touching doorknobs, handles, shaking hands with others, anything others in public would touch or handle, etc. Think the television character/show Monk.

• Everything must be in order. Having to have things in alignment or ordered in a certain way. For me it was my CDs. Ha! Funny now because I don’t listen to CDs anymore. My music is all on my phone! LOL

• Intrusive thoughts. Ahhhh my personal fave!! Thoughts that you just cannot get out of your mind. And no, they are not pleasant. As a matter of fact, they can be downright disturbing. Thoughts that are sexually explicit about someone you would never have sex with. (I mean, I would rather think of Christopher Meloni naked, but when thoughts of some old woman pops into your head instead – see? That’s what I’m talking about!) Or thoughts of hurting someone that you would never hurt. The types of troublesome recurring and intrusive thoughts are endless!

Derek’s Story

My OCD is mainly uncontrollable, bad thoughts. I don’t really have a compulsion to do anything to counteract what goes on in my mind, except sometimes I will think or even say NO! Or ENOUGH! or STOP! – as a way to neutralize my racing and/or intrusive thoughts. So, you can have the obsessions without the compulsions.

Believe me, if you suffer from this, you would know exactly what I am speaking of.

I have begun to realize that I have always had obsessive thoughts my entire life, even as a child. I remember obsessing on death and even thinking that I would not make it to the next grade in school when I was a little boy.

That later turned into obsessing over my height and thinking I was too short. So, I started stuffing socks in the soles of my shoes starting around 7th grade to make myself appear taller.

Later on it was an obsession with nuclear war, dying of AIDS, and a fear of losing my memory and even a fear of going blind. I felt as if my mind was out of control, like my mind had a mind of its own. And when I look back on all of this, it makes total sense to me that OCD was at the root of my problems.

But where does it come from? I don’t think anyone really knows. Perhaps it is stress. Or anxiety. I honestly believe mine stems from fear, fear of something bad happening. Or just generalized anxiety, which is ANOTHER topic to delve into. I was actually diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder a couple of years back, which also explains a lot about me. Generalized anxiety disorder or GAD is exactly how it sounds – you have a generalized or overall anxiety about pretty much everything. It is the feeling that something bad is going to happen.

And that is where the thoughts and the obsessions can begin, which can lead into the compulsions.

Sadly, there is no cure for OCD. BUT it can be managed through therapy and yes, medication. I am on paroxetine or Paxil. It does help somewhat, but I do a LOT of meditation and a great deal of just ignoring those thoughts that are troublesome. Believe me, it takes a great deal of mental strength to do it, but it can be done.

There is a great deal more about OCD that I cannot even begin to cover in this post. By all means check out the source material below for further information.

Well, that is it for today, my fellow ment binders. Hahahaha! As always, please be well and stay safe and mentally well!

Sources:

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Hi there, my fellow ment binders – er I mean bent minders LOL I am hoping you are all well and happy today!

Today, we are revisiting everyone’s favorite topic: SOCIAL MEDIA!

If you didn’t see my previous blog post on this hot topic, check it out:

Toxicity in Social Media Validation

Gosh, social media has completely taken over our lives, hasn’t it? I remember a time PRE social media when we met up with each other and talked, had conversations without documenting it for the world to see. Not documenting where we were or with whom and most certainly not documenting and taking pictures of what we ate or drank! The only time people saw pictures of our weddings or anniversaries or birthdays or vacations is when they were in an album, and you had to see the person – in person – to see said pics. But now all of this is at our fingertips, easily accessible at any time. On one hand that’s good. But on the other hand, it kinda sucks.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am beginning to feel bombarded wishing EVERYONE a happy birthday or happy anniversary or congratulations on this or that or liking this or that. Liking where someone ate, WHAT they ate, where they’ve been locally or travel/vacation wise. It. Is. OVERWHELMING!

Don’t get me wrong I am happy for all of my friends’ happy occasions, but when you see an endless stream of the same. Tired. Thing. Over. And over. And OVER again – it gets to be a bit much. I have even questioned didn’t so and so JUST celebrate an anniversary or birthday????

It’s in your face DAILY (if you choose to go on there daily, that is). Actually, even if you take a break and come back it is still there.

Oh and yes, it can make you feel inadequate if you are not getting a lot of likes or views on your own pictures/posts. You may even feel like your life isn’t measuring up to friends and family. God knows I’ve been there. But then again, God knows I also remember who I am and my own accomplishments, and that I don’t compare myself to ANYBODY!

But my question is this? Are we all still acting like we are back in high school or heaven forbid, junior high?? Where we strived to be liked and popular and seen, etc. I don’t know about anybody else, but I am happy that I finally left high school (or as I jokingly refer to it as – “low” school) behind. The year I left was 1985, to be exact!

Getting through junior high and high school was tough enough. But now that we are out of it, it seems that it still wishes to return. After all, if you’re like me, on your social media feed, particularly Facebook, you are “friends” with people you grew up with, went to school with, including college, etc. And they’re back!! Now with kids and even grandkids of THEIR own. And I think it is a good thing to keep up with them. It is actually kinda cool to see the next generation. And yes, the babies are soooooooo cute!

But the rest of the sharing sometimes feels like a popularity contest. Someone’s new house. New car. Latest vacation. Big promotion. With 1,000 likes. And you look at your own feed and go – oy! They DON’T like ME. I am not as popular as so and so. I only got FIVE likes or none at all. Perhaps you go into junior high or high school mode. And who needs that? That is why I remember to be grateful whether I get just one like or hundreds of them.

It’s like a drug. I think when you post something even though on the surface you tell yourself you just want to “share,” and so whatever happens happens in terms of “likes.” But I also think deep down we want to be liked and validated, just like Oprah said before:

1. Did you hear me?
2. Did you see me?
3. Did what I say mean anything to you?

We all want to be validated and celebrated by others. However, sometimes I think it gets out of hand on Facebook, et al from time to time. Again, it is easy to compare yourself to others and their accomplishments. But you cannot do that or you will be sad and upset and bitter. Like me LOLOLOL

But seriously, before I compare myself to anyone else on social media or otherwise, I remember to march to my own drum. Or in my case TRUMPET!

But seriously, step away from social media. It will be there. Trust me. I really don’t think it’s necessary to keep up with EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME. I really don’t. Especially if it starts to mess with your mind and with you.

This is why I have to take a break from social media from time to time. And I am not the only one. Other people have told me that taking a Facebook/social media break does wonders for them and their mental health. And I refuse to return to a place in my life where I was constantly seeking others’ approval and validation. I just take Facebook, et al with a grain of salt. And I actually like when I step away, because I no longer feel the need to be caught up into whatever everyone else is doing or going through. Your mind needs a break every once in a while. So, take it if you feel overwhelmed, because social media is not high school!

In summation, I think it is not only mentally healthy to break away from social media and the screens and the phone, it is almost necessary. Give your eyes a rest. For gosh sakes, give your MIND a rest. Go back to having real conversations with people and in person if possible. (I know COVID still makes it a little tough.) Reconnect. Try sharing the vacations, someone’s big promotion or anniversary or birthday – THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY for a change. In person.

Oh and do not compare yourself to anyone else. Ever.

Okay, my friends, this is it for now. By all means, stay mentally well and safe!

By the way, I am now an Amazon affiliate. Please check out the Amazon link above and below. I don’t know about you, but I am constantly needing audio jacks to play my music from my phone on my car. I swear by Amazon products. So, check them out!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Hello, my fellow friends battling mental imbalance (and those who aren’t)!

Boundaries. We all have them. However, there are many times when people try and push past them. So, how do you handle it when they do?

Some examples of boundary pushing are:

• People not being mindful of your time.
• When friends or family won’t get off the phone when talking to you for hours, and you’ve given EVERY indication you are ready to hang up!
• Taking or borrowing your things without asking.
• Saying things to you that you find inappropriate.
• Touching you or even hugging you without your permission.
• Not asking permission. Period.
• Making assumptions that you will or will not do something.
• Borrowing money – oh boy what a sticky one, expecially between friends! And if you are always loaning money to someone!!

You get my drift.

I am a person who has spent MOST of my life with people pushing past my boundaries, and I am still learning how to set my own personal boundaries, even at age 54. There are times when I do keep my mouth shut over some things and others not so much. Some boundaries are easy to set, while some boundaries, especially between close friends and even family and people you like, may not be so easy.

The Phone

Well, one boundary I have begun to set for myself is in regards to the phone. We live in a society where we ALWAYS have our phones with us now due to the invention of the smartphone. But I have realized that I would rather have someone text me than call me. Yes. I have become THAT person. I will only accept phone calls from close family and close friends. Everyone else can just text me unless it is an emergency. And if it is, then may I suggest 911? My little joke.

I am no longer into idle chitchat, and I think some of my friends and associates are starting to get the message, so to speak. I let the phone always go to voicemail, and I always have it set on silent. I will call back when I have the time, which could be the following week. Or two!! LOL

Your Job/Work/Coworkers

I have recently been reminded of boundary setting by two friends/coworkers who have no problem speaking up for themselves. And this made me question am I doing the same? I feel like I do, and that I have. But am I really?

I recently had to explain to one of the coworkers I mentioned above that she stepped over my boundaries by speaking for me in regards to something as simple as going to the movies. She told the other boundary-setting coworker that I would be happy to go with her to see the movie “Aretha.” In other words, she spoke FOR me. And I was not happy with that, and I told her so. She was completely understanding. So, I guess I do speak up for myself. LOL

I think one of the ways to know your boundaries is to know yourself and what you will and will not tolerate or put up with. As I’ve heard many times before, know your worth! What may be okay with one may not be okay with another. Back to my coworker who crossed a boundary with me, well previously, she did not like it when me and another coworker were whispering to each other. That doesn’t bother me unless we are at dinner or something. But at work or anywhere else, I wouldn’t care. But it obviously bothered her, and she let us know. And whispering in front of others is considered rude by many people.

The Boss

And yes, I think it is important to set boundaries with your bosses, too. Just because they are your boss or director, doesn’t mean they have a right to overstep. Yelling at coworkers or speaking inappropriately to them is crossing a boundary. In the past, I had someone who actually was not a boss, but a music director who said that the music he was directing SUCKED! Mind you, I had written the play for this music and the lyrics, and had gotten an outside composer to compose the music. In other words, I did not go with the normal composer he always used, and he was mad at that. But what he said in music rehearsal was offensive, childish and totally crossed several boundaries.

Your Body is YOUR Body!!

Your personal space and your body. Okay here we go. I just had a friend reveal to me that he feels that a friend did not respect his boundaries by trying to have sex with him. Now, this is territory that should not have to be explained, but still people will try and cross that boundary. And no, I am not talking about rape, but your body and personal space and its boundaries still need to be respected.

For example, I do not allow women to touch my body in places that I consider to be personal. That is a HUGE no no. And they do it because they think they can, because I am gay. And that as a gay man, that will not have an effect on me, so to speak. That still does not give them or anyone else the right to touch me inappropriately. As a matter of fact, there are men that I do not wish to touch me inappropriately!

ASK me, don’t TELL me!

Seriously, one of the things that has always bugged me about some friends is when they make assumptions that I will do something for them. Rather than asking my permission, they just assume. And you know what they say about assuming things: You make an ASS – out of U – and ME! But it’s true. That is a definite huge boundary push for me. One should always ask someone’s permission rather than telling them what they are going to do!!

How do you communicate your boundaries?

Now. How to communicate said boundaries discussed above. This part is truly difficult. Just how do you let someone know that they have crossed a line? Especially if it is a family member or close friends or even your significant other.

I am curious to hear your responses in the comment section below.

But I have found the best way to handle it is to pull that person to the side and gently explain to them how you feel. Arguing about it (which is what I’ve done in the past) is definitely not the best way to handle things. And if you feel you can’t directly tell that person, try a mediator – someone who can act as a go between, particulary if it is a work situation.

In summation, I wish to add that I, too, have to be mindful of respecting others’ boundaries. I have to remember to not ask nosy questions. I am and have always butted into other people’s business by asking said nosy questions. But I have since realized that perhaps I am being intrusive and annoying. If someone wants to confide in me or tell me something, they will. I don’t even ask friends personal questions anymore unless I feel it is okay to do so.

So, set your personal boundaries with regard to your time. Your body. Your money, etc.

And if people won’t respect your boundaries, tell them to STAND BACK!!!

That’s it for now, my friends. Hang in there! Keep your chin up, and hold your heads high! You’ve got this!!!!

FYI I am now an Amazon affiliate! Please click on the link below for some cool products. Thanking you in advance!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Welcome back for more fun in Bent Mindland!!! I am hoping you are all well!

So, when I say the word “gaslight” or “gaslighting,” what do you think of? Do you think of someone trying to drive you crazy? Do you think of the movie of the same name?

Or do you think of someone lighting someone or something on fire?? Well, if you guessed any of the above answers, you would be correct.

However, I am speaking of the type of gaslighting where someone makes you doubt your sanity. According to Webster’s Dictionary, gaslighting is “to attempt to make someone believe that he or she is going insane (as by subjecting that person to a series of experiences that have no rational explanation) or a term often used by mental health professionals, to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy.”

And yes, the term gaslighting comes from the above 1940 movie of the same name, which is quite brilliant. In the movie, the husband (Anton Walbrook) is slowly but surely driving his wife (Diana Wynyard) insane. (And there is the 1944 remake starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman!) More trivia: Before either of the movies, it was a 1938 play written by British playwright Patrick Hamilton, entitled “Gas Light.”

Gaslighting, though, may not in all cases be intentional or as insidious as outlined in the movies or the play. However, it is still manipulative!!!! In my opinion, it is designed to make you believe you are less than or it is YOUR fault in certain situations and that the gaslighter takes NO RESPONSIBILITIES whatsoever for THEIR actions. I like to think of it as they think they are right and you are WRONG!

I also say that gaslighting will make you doubt more than just your sanity, but who you are.

Again, there are numerous ways to gaslight someone without intentionally trying to bring them to the brink of insanity. However, gaslighting is still a form of abuse. I should know. Examples:

1. Making someone doubt they said something when they actually did.
2. Discounting someone’s feelings.
3. Accusing someone of being too dramatic or too sensitive.
4. Trivializing how someone feels.

Just take a look at the chart below:

How many of you have been there? God knows I have. And as Blanche Devereaux would say, many, MANY times!!! Too many to count.

It started with my family. Yes, I have described them in previous posts. See below:

Am I Actually Suffering from Complex PTSD? – PART 1

But it was also done to me by so-called friends and yes, even boyfriends.

Oh and DEFINITELY bosses and coworkers.

Here are some of the labels directed towards me. See the chart above AND below!!!

1. Derek, you are SO dramatic.
2. Derek, you are defensive.
3. Derek, you are making things up.
4. Derek, you’re a liar.
5. Derek, I was only kidding.
6. Derek, you imagined things differently than I did (said my abusers). It did not happen that way or it didn’t happen at all. You imagined it.
7. Derek, you’re LOUD!

I am not a saint, and I would NEVER pretend to be. I have done and said things that would make Mother Theresa hang her head in shame. But I am not making up the things that have happened to me or that were said to me. And I am not trying to play a victim or get sympathy. That is the furthest thing from my mind. However, these things happened, and I am sure they have happened and/or are happening to some of you NOW! Don’t. Stand. For. It! Walk away if you can! Put a stop to it. Call them out on it!

In summation, LOVE who YOU are!! Know that you are not imagining things. And again, don’t stand from this type of abuse from ANYONE!!! Not from your job, work, bosses, coworkers, friends, lovers, or family!!! You are NOT imagining things!!

And please tell me your experiences in the comment section below.

And of course, be mentally well!!!

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AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

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