Welcome back my fellow friends in the fight against mental illness and for mental wellness!
I am honoring my promise to keep things light and airy during Christmastime, and I shall. And speaking of the phrase “light and airy,” that is what today’s topic is about – or rather, the person from whom I got the phrase: Mr. Charles Baxter Enzor.
I first met Charles at The Power Company, a gay bar in Durham, N.C., way back in 1990. It was during my Phil phase (which is another long story – which I shall also endeavor to keep brief someday 😂). Anyhoo, I was hanging out with people I met at the bar that night, and another friend, Herman Best, when I looked across the bar, and I glimpsed this rather hot and sexy, silver fox, who bore a striking resemblance to Sam Elliott! I couldn’t help it, but I found myself drawn to him, and I was so bold back then, that I decided to go over to him and say hello.
He was sitting alone on a stool at the foot of the stairs that lead up into the top part of the bar. I should insert here that I was NOT myself that night; I was one of my alters – Nick Montraire!!! And I hadn’t realized that until I saw the manuscript in which all of this is detailed (I kept journals detailing my experiences with Charlie B). Anyway, it was NICK, the slut, who approached him. We had seen him before at the bar. So, it was Herman and Nick who went up to him. I introduced myself as Derek (confused??? 🤣). Oh Charles was absolutely sexy! He had a thick, bushy moustache and salt and pepper hair that hung almost to his shoulders. He was a Hollywood dream! And as I said before, he bore a very striking resemblance to Sam Elliott!
Well, “Nick,” Herman, and Charles chatted for a while until Herman decided to rejoin the other two guys we were with earlier, THANK GOD! Thought he’d never leave! That just left Nick and Charles.
Fortunately, during the course of the conversation, Nick vanished and I reappeared. And I learned that Charles was an ex-limousine driver from Charlotte. He was in art restoration. When I told him that I was a Carolina student, he admitted that he, too, had attended Carolina years before. Charles said that he was 38 years of age; I was a mere child of 22 at the time. I was just coming out at the time. I had only been out about six months or so when I first met Charles.
We chatted for a long time that night. And I – Derek – made it a point to look for him every Friday night at The Power Company, as that is when he said he was normally there. And so, over the next several months, we did run into each other.
Well, fastforward to the Friday night following my birthday in May 1990 when I ran into Charles. We chatted again as always, and we had a great time talking and dancing. Oh, what a fantastic dancer he was! Charles could really move those hips of his, around and around in a circular motion to the music. It was so erotic!
Anyway, as the bar was closing, I was about to say good night to Charles when he asked me where I parked. I told him that I had parked on the deck. He offered to drive me to my car, and hell yeah I accepted! When we got to where my car was on the deck, I fully expected to thank Charles, get out of the car, and that would be that. However, Charles never gave me that chance. I couldn’t believe my ears over what Mr. Man had to say:
“Finally, we are alone! No Herman!”
“Yeah, I know. He’s your friend, but I didn’t want to be rude. But he has been getting on my nerves!” I explained.
“He’s not really my friend. I know him through another friend. And Herman gets on my nerves, too!” He chuckled.
“I’m surprised to hear that.”
“Don’t be. It’s true. But enough about Herman. I finally have you alone, which is what I’ve been wanting to do for a long time!”
The next thing I knew he kissed me! (And I didn’t have to BEG him the way I did Phil the previous year!!) Our lips touched, then his tongue found its way inside my mouth, and my mouth graciously accepted! Our tongues played with each other for a bit. Then Charles would pull back, look at me, smile and go “Woof! Baby!” (So, I knew about the whole “Woof” thing before it was a thing 😁.) Then we’d continue kissing. I was in pure heaven! Finally, one of my dreams was coming true, and I didn’t need a plot, scheme or a faux alter to make it happen. Charles was actually attracted to ME! He obviously had felt the same way I did; he had wanted to get me alone as much as I had wanted to be alone with him.
We stopped kissing after what seemed like an eternity, and we began talking again. During the course of our conversation, I learned that he was from a small town three hours away from Chapel Hill called Fair Bluff, N.C. I also learned that he worked at JR Short & Sons, where he did the art restoration. In actuality, he did a lot of running around for his roommate John Short, who owned the biz. Charles had been working there for the last 10 years or so. He began doing that following his stint as a limo driver in Charlotte in the late 70s. He and John owned that business together, too. This is when I learned that John and Charles had actually been lovers! Duh! He told me that they were no longer lovers, more like roommates. I didn’t question it any further than that.
Over the next 2 to 3 years, for the most part, I spent as much time hanging out with Charles at The Power Company and The Capital Corral (more affectionately known as CCs in Raleigh located on Hargett Street) as I could. We had several little adventures/misadventures, and it was all such a blast!! So, much fun!
I remember how I would run to him with all of my adolescent problems with my college friends back then. He always took the time to listen to me, a messed-up twink who was still coming out, and he never dismissed me. We would dance and kiss, and kiss and dance some more. One of the biggest lessons I learned from him was to keep things “light and airy” between yourself and people. That way you don’t let them get too close and too comfortable, (and you don’t get hurt), a lesson I would forget over the years in my endeavors to be – close to people.
Needless to say, after all the dancing, kissing and wanting to be with Charles, I was in love with him. I couldn’t deny it. Hahahaha. I even finally admitted to Charles that I wanted to sleep with him. However, he sort of put me off, because in retrospect, I think he was afraid of giving me something. And I don’t mean a diamond ring.
You see, it was in December of 1990 the day before his 39th birthday, when he returned from a business trip in California, and he showed up at The Capital Corral looking extremely emaciated and exhausted!! He did not look like the same sexy and husky man I knew. In my heart I knew he was sick. I had never seen him look so thin and gaunt. When we talked, he said that he had had the flu and a sore throat, several times over the course of the last couple of months. But I knew.
I remember driving home that night being so depressed. The next day on Sunday, I couldn’t get off my couch. I canceled my private trumpet lessons that I was teaching at the time, and I did not go into work. I cried all day. I realized that part of the reason he was putting off sleeping with me was not because he didn’t want me, but because he was afraid he’d pass AIDs on to me. He even almost once said so!! Sitting in the piano room at the Capital Corral, we were talking about sleeping together and even planning it, but he said “I don’t want to be the one to give you …” and he stopped. And I asked what? And he never told me, and I never pressed the issue. Because again, deep down I knew.
Eventually, I ended up in a rather abusive relationship with Darrell Mitchell. So, I didn’t see much of Charles. Darrell and Charles did meet one night when we were all together at The Power Company, and Darrell was IMMEDIATELY sooooo jealous of Charles. He would even taunt me and say I wanted to be “with my old man.”
Following an HIV scare with Darrell (among other horror stories) and him moving to Atlanta, (and before I, myself, moved to Atlanta), I reconnected with Charles. It was then that Charles admitted that he did, in fact, have AIDs. I didn’t tell him I suspected as much. I just listened to him.
I moved away to Atlanta in 1993, and I never told Charles I left. And I don’t know why. I could have certainly called him. To this day I don’t know why I did that. Upon a return to North Carolina (and The Capital Corral), I learned from a former friend of Charles that he had indeed passed away in 1994. I was deeply saddened – and guilty – that he was gone and that I never told him I had moved away. What is so ironic is that I was with ANOTHER boyfriend (the married one) who had traveled with me back to N.C. for a visit!! I seem to have a penchant for learning of the death of former boyfriends/love interests when I am with a current beau!! WTF???
But Charles Baxter Enzor was gone. My only regret is that I never said goodbye …
Anyway, Charles had such a profound effect on my life, to the point that I even based one of my characters in my web series on him!!! The hunky, limo driver from North Carolina.
I still think of him fondly. All the nights we spent dancing and talking and yes, kissing, were magical and heavenly. I wouldn’t trade my time spent with him for the world, even if it was just as friends, bar friends. But I don’t care. It meant so much more to me than that.
I wish he was still here, because I often wish I could run to him with my problems LOL! He was a great listener and advice giver, something I have sorely lacked all. These. Years.
And as of the writing of this post, today is his birthday. He would have been 70 years young.
Here is one of the songs we used to dance to, “Nothing Compares to You,” Sinead O’Connors’s version, not Prince’s. And yes, we danced in each other’s arms.
Well, that is it for today, my friends. I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane with me. Until the next time, and as always, please be mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
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