Category: mental health and well-being

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Welcome back, fellow mindbenders!

I am going to start off by saying again and again and again – I AM NOT A DOCTOR OF ANY KIND! I am not offering medical advice whatsoever. Rather, I am shining a light on what, I perceive to be, is wrong with ME. And I have no business self-diagnosing. So, I will be following up with a professional about this. But If you happen to see things in my posts that resemble you, then all right. Let’s talk about it. My blog is intended to be interactive, but not for medical advice. But that is where it ends. I want to make that very abundantly clear. I am not here to diagnose people, but to shine a light on some things that we may connect on.

With that said, I feel compelled to talk about something that is fairly new to me: complex PTSD. What is complex PTSD? Everyone, of course, has heard of just PTSD – posttraumatic stress disorder – which has typically been referred to or about people who have gone to war and who have returned traumatized. (Think Vietnam. Hell, think Afghanistan.) OR anyone who has experienced any sort of traumatic event. But there is another kind.

And again, I have no business self-diagnosing myself. But I first came across the topic of complex PTSD on YouTube. YES, YOUTUBE. However, after clicking on it and listening to what they had to say, I felt I needed to do some more research.

So, let’s a take a deeper dive into the world of complex PTSD.

What is complex PTSD?

Complex PTSD or c-PTSD (complex posttraumatic stress disorder) is what happens to a person who has undergone months or even years of repeated trauma or abuse, as opposed to PTSD which is over a shorter period of time. Sufferers are people who have endured extended periods of:

• Physical abuse or violence.
• People who are prisoners of war.
• Ongoing childhood abuse or neglect.
• People forced to traffic themselves or forced into prostitution.

Symptoms

And the resulting behaviors or symptoms have been compared to the PTSD we know, such as flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty sleeping or concentrating, or being startled by loud noises. But there are other symptoms, such as:

• Avoiding situations (and people) that remind them of the trauma. (Me!)
• Being in a continual state of high alert, i.e. hyperarousal. (Me!)
• Belief that the world is a dangerous place. (Me!)
• A loss of trust in self or others. (Me!)
• Often consider themselves to be different from other people. (oh DEFINITELY Me!)
• Holding a negative view of the world and the people in it. (Again, DEFINITELY Me!)
• Losing faith in previously held beliefs. (Me!)
• Losing control over their emotions, such as experiencing intense anger or sadness. (Me!)
• May have thoughts of suicide. (NOT ME!!!)
• A person may dissociate, which means feeling detached from emotions or physical sensations. Some people completely forget the trauma. (DEFINITELY ME – dissociating, not forgetting)
• It is not uncommon to fixate on the abuser, the relationship with the abuser, or getting revenge for the abuse. (Me!!)

As you can see, I put “me” next to each of the above symptoms/behaviors. I am “outing” myself, because I have just described the things I do or have done to cope with my past traumas. So, we may as well dive into my personal story.

My story

There is no other way for me to say this except to say that I was emotionally and mentally abused as a child. The culprits were my paternal grandparents and aunt, the people who actually raised me. I hate to throw them under the bus, but they are exactly where my problems started. There is a LOT to this story. So, you are going to have to bear with me. I will try and give the condensed version.

I was told all sorts of horrible things from the family who raised me. My grandfather often told me that I was going to grow up to be “sorry,” which meant I was going to be lazy and not amount to much.

I was also told on more than one occasion by my grandmother that she was sick and tired of raising me, and that she wished my parents would take me back.

My aunt called me names and slapped me several times across my face, once drawing blood (this was actually in front of my parents in Washington, D.C. They did or said NOTHING about it!).

And yes, I got the belt from both my grandmother and my aunt. Funny how the belt didn’t hurt nearly as much as the words that were used to cut me down.

I also witnessed on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION them fighting amongst themselves. I actually found it amusing at times, but at the same time I was glad it wasn’t directed towards me.

Living in that house was a nightmare at times, because I never knew if and when they were going to get mad and direct their anger towards me. When I look back on it, part of me was actually walking on eggshells as a child, which is the high state of alert mentioned above.

By the way, I experienced the same in school from teachers and most definitely some of my classmates. And I was afraid of EVERYBODY!

From intense fear to intense anger

But things began to change. You see, the older I got, the angrier I got. I grew sick and tired of my family mistreating me, and there were times in which I rebelled. Big surprise. Nothing major, in my opinion; I would simply talk back. A lot. And there was the time when my grandmother tried to whip me with the belt when I was 16, and I grabbed it and basically took it away from her. Big no no. Oh boy I never heard the end of that one. They all were upset with me over that! LOL

There was also the time when my grandfather had prostate surgery, and could not drive for over a month. So, I had to take my grandmother and aunt shopping. The Saturday trips to the grocery store were all on me, driving to church, etc. And I HATED it! Which is another subject and no doubt added to what I now suspect as complex-PTSD. According to my familial passengers I was either driving too fast. Or I needed to watch out for this car and that car. Slow down. Hit the brakes. And driving my grandmother was THE WORST! She always acted as if she had a set of brakes on her side!! LOL

Well, one day after school, my aunt came home and said that she needed me to take her uptown. I told her that I would do it in a minute. Let me rest first. Oh no that wasn’t good enough. She had to go NOW. So, that started an argument, which led to full Armageddon between me and the rest of the family. It was so bad that my grandfather, who had been sitting on his ass for over six weeks at this point “recovering” (he was milking it for all it was worth) drove her. But boy did I hear about it from grandmother and from him and my aunt upon their return.

Turns out my grandmother revealed to me about two years after this when I was in college, that my grandfather had had several affairs on her, one of which produced two outside children. And that I actually went to school with my own uncle and didn’t even know it!!!

This reveal rocked me to the very core of my existence. So, NONE of this was my fault. It was my grandfather’s all along. The very same man who said I was going to grow up to be “sorry.” I hated him after that. And my anger grew more intense. (And actually, my grandmother and I grew closer and bonded. She told me afterwards that she did not see a difference between me and my aunt and my father. That I was HER child. So, that actually made up for the past between us.)

Nonetheless, the anger didn’t stop there where other people were concerned. Over the next several decades it grew and grew and grew. It got much worse. Anyone that I lived with, for example, ended up seeing – and receiving – the full brunt of my anger.

I would just blow up for no reason. It was awful!! And again, sometimes it would just come from out of left field.

I am going to stop here before this article gets too long! LOL But there is definitely more to my story and to the whole c-PTSD thing. So, stay tuned for PART 2!!

And in the meantime, as always, be mentally well!!

Sources:

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Welcome back, my friends! Today we are going to explore when it is time to seek therapy when things are getting too tough for you to handle. And remember, there is no shame in our game!

They are just WORDS!

Let me start by saying that the terms “psychiatrist” or “psychologist” or even “therapist” may sound scary or even shameful to a lot of people, particularly if there is a suggestion that one needs to seek professional help. I say that these are just WORDS, but it is understandable, again, that these words can be triggering to some. In other words, people may take offense or even be frightened at the thought of seeing someone for professional help. So, look at it as simply going to talk to someone about your problems. Just you and that professional who is there to help, listen, and guide you. Not tell you what to do, but simply provide some tools to help you with whatever you are going through.

I was talking with a friend the other day about the benefits of therapy. He told me that he had lost his lover way back in 1992 after a 13-year relationship, as well as losing two brothers — all to AIDs. He was swimming in a pool of loss and despair, loneliness and depression. And he didn’t even realize it.

It wasn’t until he spoke with another friend who told him that perhaps he should see someone professionally. At first, he balked at the very idea that he needed to seek outside help. But he also realized that living alone in his house, his inner demons were speaking to him day in and day out. And this went on for years.

Once he realized that he was in dire need of help, he got it. And he began to cope with his losses. However, others do not realize they need help or they do, but feel they can’t afford it, which is understandable.

The Shame and Stigma of it all!

It is a shame that in this country, we do not have Universal Healthcare. It is also a shame that we do not recognize that mental illness is a MAJOR problem here in America. Just imagine instead of treating people with mental health issues as if they are criminals or freaks or scourges or outcasts, you treat them with kindness and compassion and understanding. Things would be vastly different.

And I might add there are a LOT of people walking around who think they are okay, but who could really benefit from therapy or simply talking to someone about what is really going on with them.

So, let’s see if we can take the stigma out of not only mental illness, but asking for professional help or seeking therapy, too.

Only Human

First of all, it is okay to NOT be okay. That’s right. I said it. Let’s face it, we are not – I repeat – we are NOT going to be 100% tiptop, superman/superwoman/super nonbinary all the freaking time!! Everything is not going to be okay and perfect every single day of our lives. If you do believe that, then you don’t reside on the same planet the rest of us do.

I am not at all saying wallow in it, but what I am saying is we are human. I don’t care what religion or belief system you hold, we are all still HUMAN!

Secondly, it is definitely okay to ask for help. But when should you?

• When whatever you are facing or going through just becomes absolutely unbearable.
• When you realize that your problems are affecting your life, your job, your work, your family, your activities, YOU.

Check out the link below that goes more in depth:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-should-i-go-to-therapy-8-signs-its-time-to-see-a-therapist-0118197

I’ve Been There

Again, I am not a doctor. But I will tell you I have, myself, sought therapy for anger issues in the past, and I found it beneficial. I learned the root cause of some of my anger and how to effectively manage and deal with it. (I sense another blog post!!! LOL)

And yes, I even sought help for my intrusive thoughts and found it helpful, as well. I am even considering seeking help yet again.

The above friend I mentioned stated that he found it helpful just to talk to someone about what he was feeling. And sometimes that is all a person needs is to just talk to someone and have them listen.

Crisis mode

In the research that I have done, if you feel you are in severe crisis mode, i.e. you are contemplating suicide, it is best to contact a crisis or suicide hotline first before delving into therapy.

I recently learned that someone who was in extreme crisis, actually checked himself into a mental health facility for about a month. He said it helped him tremendously. Again, there is no shame in our game.

Now, before I go, if you feel that therapy is for you and you are not in immediate crisis, then click on the link below. And you can do the therapy sessions in the comfort of your own home!

And in the meantime, and as always, please be mentally well!!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Sources: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-should-i-go-to-therapy-8-signs-its-time-to-see-a-therapist-0118197

• I Am Different – and I am. So. Damn. PROUD OF IT!!
• Hooray for Blacks in Hollywood! Part 2 – Film
• Hooray for Blacks in Hollywood! Part 1 – TV
• I’m a Girl! Girl! Girl!
• The Year is 1985, NOT 2025 (for me anyway)😂

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I cannot believe that it has been 52 years since the Stonewall Riots happened. Now. I am sure many of you know about Stonewall or what it is and what it represents pertaining to the gay community on the eve of Gay Pride. If not, here is a brief history lesson:

Way back in the day starting in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, (I was only two years of age then, and clearly had no idea of what a Stonewall was), Stonewall Inn, which was then located in New York City on Christopher Street, was the site of riots, which led to the gay movement, which led to all of those Gay Pride parades that so many conservative Christians LOVE to try and infiltrate, interrupt, and protest. Ha! You see what happened was gay bars were subject to raids back then by the police – big surprise. But on that night/early morning of June 28, 1969, the gay community had had enough. And they pushed back. Hard. Fights broke out when the police arrived. Confrontations occurred within the bar, as well as outside on the street. The police arrested about 13 people, one being a lesbian who allegedly said to fight back. So, the already pissed-off crowd did just that, throwing all sorts of objects at the police. The pushback was so fierce that the police ended up barricading themselves inside the bar with some of the prisoners they had arrested. Some of the patrons outside, which by now included part of the neighborhood, set the bar on fire!! Fortunately, the police and prisoners were able to escape.

The fighting lasted for several days. But this led to what some call the beginning of the Gay Liberation Movement. The following year, on June 28, 1970, was the very first Gay Pride parade, which has continued to this day across the entire country and even around the world. At the publishing of this post, this weekend will celebrate 52 years of “freedom” for the LGBTQ community.

Marsha! Marsha! MARSHA!!!

And depending on whom you ask there is one name, in particular, that is given credit for the uprising on June 28, 1969. And that is Marsha P. Johnson, a fierce black drag queen, who was born Malcom Michaels, Jr. Some of the accounts seem to tell a different version of what happened that night and how Marsha was involved, but it is no doubt that her name has become synonomous with the Gay Liberation Movement.

“Johnson has been named, along with Zazu Nova and Jackie Hormona, by a number of the Stonewall veterans interviewed by David Carter in his book, Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked the Gay Revolution, as being “three individuals known to have been in the vanguard” of the pushback against the police at the uprising. Johnson denied starting the uprising. In 1987, Johnson recalled arriving at around “2:00 [that morning]”, that “the riots had already started” by that time and that the Stonewall building “was on fire” after police set it on fire.^[11] The riots reportedly started at around 1:20 that morning after Stormé DeLarverie fought back against the police officer who attempted to arrest her that night.

Carter writes that Robin Souza had reported that fellow Stonewall veterans and gay activists such as Morty Manford and Marty Robinson had told Souza that on the first night, Johnson “threw a shot glass at a mirror in the torched bar screaming, ‘I got my civil rights'”. Souza told the Gay Activists Alliance shortly afterwards that it “was the shot glass that was heard around the world”. Carter, however, concluded that Robinson had given several different accounts of the night and in none of the accounts was Johnson’s name brought up, possibly in fear that if he publicly credited the uprising to Johnson, then Johnson’s well-known mental state and gender nonconforming, “could have been used effectively by the movement’s opponents”. The alleged “shot glass” incident has also been heavily disputed. Prior to Carter’s book, it was claimed Johnson had “thrown a brick” at a police officer, an account that was never verified. Johnson also confirmed not being present at the Stonewall Inn when the rioting broke out, but instead had heard about it and went to get Sylvia Rivera who was at a park uptown sleeping on a bench to tell her about it. However, many have corroborated that on the second night, Johnson climbed up a lamppost and dropped a bag with a brick in it down on a police car, shattering the windshield.”

And as we approach the 52nd anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, I am wondering what would have happened if Stonewall HADN’T occurred. Where would we, as an LGBTQ community, be today? Would the riots have eventually happened? Would they have happened elsewhere? Would police raids STILL continue?? Well, Atlanta sure saw one several years ago when the Atlanta Eagle was raided by police, which resulted in several lawsuits! THIS is why we do what we do!!

So, this is why Stonewall means a lot to me. I am touched by the fact that our community fought back instead of sitting on their behinds and taking the abuse straight society has perpetuated on us for EONS. We don’t want to fight you; we just want to be your equals. I know to some the parades are nothing but fluff, an opportunity to get drunk or naked or participate in debauchery, or whatever that means for you. However, there is always a deeper meaning, and I don’t want our community to ever lose sight of that meaning. And that is the freedom to simply be who we really are without fear, without judgment, without hatred. And as much as I hate to say this, when it comes to thanking the military for my freedom, I don’t. I thank those wonderful people who led the way back in 1969, as well as the brave abolitionists and slaves who also had had enough!!!

And I don’t think we should ever take for granted how far we have come ( marriage equality, etc.). We most certainly still have much farther to go. However, if it weren’t for the Marsha P. Johnsons and others on the night/early morning of June 28, 1969, we would still, no doubt, be harrassed by the police and others without any consequences.

If you are wondering what does this have to do with mental health, PLENTY!! I cannot stress enough that it is very unhealthy and toxic to live in a world that caters to a majority, where there is no equality or a place for you at the table. So, in summation, however you celebrate Pride this weekend, remember to say a THANK YOU TO THE STONEWALL INN PATRONS for having the courage to risk their lives so that people like you and me can be free to be ourselves! HAPPY GAY PRIDE!!! (And old, straight white men who are out of touch can just get over it!) ☺

Sources: https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsha_P._Johnson

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Welcome back, my dear friends!

Today’s topic pertains to Gay Pride – or simply Pride – and the microaggressions that my people face.

Now, I do not intend for this blog to be a finger pointer or a rant. But just some things for our straight allies to understand. So, you will have to forgive my tone. If it comes across as angry or “salty,” well, so be it. We’ll all survive. After all, the LGBTQ community have survived certain comments for eons.

I was inspired by the article by Huffpost entitled “14 Microaggressions LGBTQ People deal with All the Time.” I have included the link below. But you know I had to include my own personal microaggressions. And please do not be offended; it is what it is.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/microaggressions-lgbtq-people-deal-with_l_60c12080e4b059c73bd556e2

But first, what is a microaggression? According to Webster’s Dictionary, it is defined as “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority).” Or in this case, the LGBTQ community.

Though intended to be funny or as a joke in some instances, these microaggressions are actually ignorant, hurtful, and downright stupid. And yes, they take a toll on your mental wellbeing in having to either explain yourself over and over and OVER again. Or just simply having to hear them, making you feel less than or that you are not a real, worthy, or equal person (to your hetero counterparts).

There may be a crisscross between the Huffington Post list and mine, by the way. They listed 14, and I am listing 14. (But there are MANY others!!) So, here we go:

1. Your “LIFESTYLE.” What the heck??? WHAT lifestyle? Is this The Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous with Robin Leach??? Because that is what I think of whenever a straight person says this, like we are talking lots of money or fancy houses and vacations. It is totally ignorant and ridiculous. Is there a HETEROSEXUAL lifestyle? By all means, let me know. And it seems to be the go-to term to describe the LGBTQ community. However, I NEVER hear it when referring to straight people. It is rather tired and annoying.
2. From the conservative Christians or Christians period: “I love you. Just not your LIFESTYLE.” Again, what lifestyle? And do you know how condescending this is? As if anyone cares whether or not you LOVE us. All we ask is that you do not be condescending or cruel to us or, heaven forbid, hurt us. This implies that you are better than us, and that we should be pitied. You don’t have to “love us.” Just accept us for who we are, and that we most certainly aren’t going anywhere. Oh. And you don’t have to tolerate us either, which brings me to the next one.
3. I tolerate your LIFESTYLE or people like you. What are we? Annoying children that must be tolerated? Or perhaps we are your in-laws that must be “tolerated” whenever they come to dinner or come to visit. You have to put up with us?? Well, we’re not the majority. You are. So, who needs to tolerate whom???? Again, VERY condescending.
4. The gay bars. Here we go: Now, I remember inviting my straight female friends to go with me to the bars wayyyyy back when I first came out. I had one who flat out refused, because she “didn’t want to be seen in such a place.” Hey, that’s cool. Whatever. Over the years, I have certainly had my straight female friends, and even straight male friends, come with. Again, really cool. However, what I have seen over the past decade or so is that it appears to be a “straight invasion” into the queer bars. For God sakes’ WHY? It is nice to have visitors, but damn! You’ve taken over!!! Some people, especially the women, act as if they OWN the joint! I cannot tell you how many times I have witnessed straight women, particularly, coming in and trying to take over! They are loud, rude, and very, very obnoxious! And even “handsy,” if you know what I mean. Keep your bloody hands to yourself! And whenever a great song comes on and I am dancing or another gay man is dancing alone, why do they feel a need to join you without asking for permission? Very annoying. Look at it this way, when you are in your own bars and a straight man comes up and starts dancing with you that you don’t know, how does that make YOU feel? And especially if he starts touching you. Same thing in a gay bar. And heck, there are gay men that I don’t like touching me. So, why would I want a woman to touch me? And please find another venue for your bachelorette parties! I understand you feel comfortable in a gay bar. But you are starting to make us feel UNCOMFORTABLE. Oh and for the record, I am not saying stay out. I am saying BE RESPECTFUL!!! So, don’t even begin to think this is misogny. We gay men LOVE our hetero female counterparts. Heck, we ARE you in a lot of ways. But how would you like it if we started coming into your bars and coming onto and being overly friendly with your husbands and boyfriends??? I’ll wait …
5. Is that your preference? YES! My God!! Is being straight yours???? Why are straight people not asked these insipid questions???? LOL
6. One that I am surprised has come up recently is “How do you know you’re ‘that way’ if you haven’t tried it?” Meaning being with a man/woman if you’re gay. Well, trust me you know!!! How do you know you’re heterosexual if you’ve never been with your same sex?
7. Speaking of “that way,” what does that mean to say that someone is “that way?” Which way? Is this a direction? Are we going someplace??
8. “You’re gay, so you are not a ‘real man’ or a ‘real woman.'” Hmmm okay, so define what a “real man or woman” is. I’ll wait. So, it is just based on biology or science or whether or not you can procreate or desire to or desire to be with the opposite sex?? Believe you me, I know PLENTY of LGBTQ peeps who are more of a “real man or woman” than a lot of heterosexual people I know, because of the fact that they are simply brave enough to be THEMSELVES by facing scorn, ridicule, danger or even death.
9. “Why would you want to be that way when there are soooooo many women/men out there?” Again, why would you want to be “that way” when there are sooooo many of your same sex out there to choose from? And I guess here is where I have to say it: YOU ARE BORN THAT WAY!!
10. And that brings us to “You weren’t born that way. God didn’t intend for you to be ‘that way’!” Seems like “that way” comes up a lot, huh? For as long as I can remember, I felt different. Very different. All the other boys around me were looking at the girls, talking about them in a suggestive manner. And I NEVER felt that energy. I was looking at them, the boys instead! LOL So, yes, I was born “that way.”
11. “The right man/woman can CHANGE you!” Um no. They cannot. A woman would not be able to change me from gay to straight. She doesn’t have the right – um – stuff LOL Not to mention there is ZERO attraction there. Yes, I think there are sooooo many beautiful women out there, but that is as far as it goes, acknowledging they are pretty or beautiful. But I do not wish to have sex with or be with any of them.
12. “I never knew you were gay. You don’t act it.” Or even the opposite. There are sooooo many effeminate-acting men out there who claim they are NOT gay. And I have met many of them, and I don’t think they are. And just for the record, there is NOTHING wrong with “acting gay” or if you’re a lesbian “acting butch.”
13. Making assumptions about gay people that are quite frankly stereotypical. In other words, lesbians must LOVE sports or look or act a certain way, and are handy with tools. While gay men LOVE musicals, love fashion, love to shop, and have great fashion sense, oh and can interior decorate like nobody’s business. Just dumb, dumb, DUMB! We all like different things! And can do different things. So, that means that straight women can’t be handy with tools or love sports and not have any fashion sense? And believe me, I know plenty of gay men who LOVE sports! I have never liked them, but there are gay men out there who do. And I can’t stand musicals, and I definitely am not a slave to fashion. As a matter of fact, in the spring and summertime, I prefer a T-shirt, shorts, and flipflops wherever I go!!
14. No homo by the “bruthas” when they hug you. Ugh!!! So, this implies that gay men find EVERY straight man attractive. And that is definitely a big NO!!! And again, very condescending to make the assumption that even from a simple hug, that we would even want you. Please do NOT flatter yourself. So, every time you hug a straight female, does that mean you want her or vice versa??? Just curious ….

Well, those were 14 of my personal microaggressions. What are yours? I definitely want to know and how it has affected you personally. Leave me a comment below!

And in the meantime, please be mentally well! And again, HAPPY PRIDE!!!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Hola, my fellow bent minders! Welcome to another round of get me through my mental illness!

Today, I would like to talk about facing social anxiety, especially as it pertains to the pandemic.

First of all, what is social anxiety? WebMD describes social anxiety as a common mental health disorder where a person feels extremely uncomfortable and nervous in social situations. A person suffering from this condition may have a fear they are being judged or watched by others. You may have physical symptoms, such as a fast heartbeat, sweating, dizziness, an inability to catch your breath or even stomach ailments, including diarrhea. That last one affected me whenever I felt anxious. TMI.

This disorder is certainly common in social situations, such as work, parties, gatherings, perhaps even going to the grocery store. It can even be present when trying to meet people or when dating.

Now. Let’s break it down as it relates to before, during and “after” the pandemic.

Before

I can tell you that I suffered from social anxiety in the past wayyyyyy before any pandemic. I know. Hard to believe, right? But it is true. It was when I was much younger, actually when I was in school. I really felt very awkward as a child/teenager and even a bit beyond. However, the older I got, the less it became prevalent, particularly as I got into acting.

According to the WebMD source/link, “social anxiety disorder usually comes on at around 13 years of age. It can be linked to a history of abuse, bullying, or teasing. Shy kids are also more likely to become socially anxious adults, as are children with overbearing or controlling parents. If you develop a health condition that draws attention to your appearance or voice, that could trigger social anxiety, too.”

I can certainly testify to the bullying part. When I look back on it, the bullying made me shut down and not speak up at times. There were MANY times when some of my classmates in the earlier grades made me cry over something I said or did. And over time, that made me feel VERY socially awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin. And again, there were times that I was hesitant to speak up. But boy, you can’t shut me up now LOL

During

It is obvious that we were in a state of panic during the pandemic. Will I get it? How long will this go on? Are we going to die? Perhaps the social anxiety was not as bad for people who normally suffer from it, because suddenly we were isolated. I don’t know. I would imagine for those of us who really aren’t big fans of being around a lot of people, it was actually a relief. For me, it was great! I felt like it was a nice change of pace and a break to not have to be around people as much as before the pandemic. But then for others, I can imagine it may have been lonely.

After (well, not really)

As we “near” the end of the pandemic, I am wondering if the anxiety is still there for a lot of us. I suppose we feel safer now that there are vaccines, and a lot of us have gotten ours. Having been to a couple of vaxxed-only parties, I do feel safer. I think we still have much further to go, though. And obviously this thing isn’t over. But the point is, now that a great many of us are fully vaccinated, we are starting to get back into the swing of real life, even if we are still wearing our masks. But is the anxiety still there?

For example, I just started going back into work after spending over a year working from home. And it liked to have killed me LOL! It was just strange suddenly being around people again. To be honest, I wasn’t that thrilled to be around people face-to-face. I didn’t feel ready. I felt very drained and exhausted by the time I got home, I mean more so than normal. I know for a fact that others are VERY happy to be back at work or school or to simply be around people again. I’m not. I love being by myself! I absolutely love it!

I think now I just don’t want to be around people as much as I used to, and from what I’ve heard from others, it is an age thing. The older one gets, the more comfortable you are just being alone and doing your own thing.

And it occurs to me that part of the anxiety for some may be the thought that you could STILL contract the disease. That makes total sense. After being careful, safe and isolated all this time, and now suddenly things are a bit more relaxed, people are returning to work and school, the thought of getting it would certainly make someone VERY anxious.

But social anxiety is nothing to be ignored. I have included some sources below from medical professionals on the subject. And yes, one of them is WebMD LOL I mean, you know what they say about checking symptoms online, you feel that you get that disease. BUT please do not be afraid. Just see if maybe you have some of the symptoms.

https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-social-anxiety-disorder

And as I always say, there is no shame in our mental-imbalanced game. Help is just a click away. Check out the online therapy offered below.

https://www.online-therapy.com/?ref=234176

In the meantime, I want all of you to be mentally well. So, until the next time!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Derek’s additional disclaimer: Some of the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. ☺

Welcome back, my fellow bent minders! And HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! And to start Pride month off, let me tell you how I began my gay career. Ha!

Unrequited love. Le sigh. I have been there. Too many times to count. Being in love with or obsessed with or infatuated with someone who cannot or will not return my feelings. Or he is just not available, whether he is straight or married or partnered or in another city or state or even country. Or planet. And quite honestly I’m sick of it.

My little story goes wayyyy back to 1989 in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. I was 22 years old at the time. So PICTURE IT! LOL I began working in the bakery section at a gift shop and gourmet food place known as Southern Hospitality. It may have been my first day there, but I saw this man – short, muscular, dark-haired and moustached (definitely my type) – walking around wearing an apron. He worked in the coffee section of the store. I thought he was Puerto Rican or Mexican perhaps. Turns out he wasn’t. But his name was Paul Gilbert Lassiter. He was 36 years old at the time. What can I say, I like ’em older! And over the course of the next several months, I became absolutely obsessed with this man!

I began talking to him and spending as much time in the coffee section with him as much as I possibly could. It didn’t take long for me to realize that he was gay!!! And this was as I was already coming out, because earlier that summer I had been to my first gay bar, the Power Company, in Durham. Well, he started talking about The Power Company and Boxers and Capital Corral in Raleigh. So, I tried going to all of those places in hopes of running into him.

To cut to the chase, my infatuation culminated Halloween weekend of 1989. The Power Company had a Halloween bash of sorts. Paul said that he was going to be there in costume as some sort of weird bird. So, of course I went, too. I spent the earlier part of the evening with close friends on Franklin Street. I was dressed as a white man, which morphed into James Brown or somebody. I had a brown wig and was wearing my father’s old leather coat from the 70s. It was all very strange.

Anyway, after I hung out with my pals, I took to The Power Company, because of course I HAD to be with Paul. Well, he was there dressed in that weird bird costume. Or whatever the hell he was supposed to be. We danced and hung out. He introduced me to poppers. And we literally danced the night away.

Then the end of the evening approached and as was customary, Power Company played something slow to indicate they were closing. Paul and I melted into a slow dance together. I was in heaven. We danced for a few minutes, but then he suddenly pulled away. The bar was indeed closing. So, we walked outside to the parking lot to his tan Subaru, actually. We stood there talking for a while. That is when I asked him to kiss me. He smiled, but he refused. He said that he saw us as friends FOREVER, sitting in rocking chairs – or some nonsense. I told him how I felt about him. He said that he didn’t feel the same way. But then he leaned in and he kissed me (tongue and all LOL) for what seemed like an eternity!!!!! And then it was over. He said that he would see me at work later that day. He got in his car and left, and I walked up to my car on the parking deck in TEARS!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, I was a mess. When I got home, I just simply collapsed on the floor of my bathroom, a wreck. When I woke up the next morning, I remembered that I had to be at work! God, that meant I had to see him. I quickly showered and dressed and drove like a bat out of hell to work. When I got there, I realized that I missed a time change. I was an hour early!!! LOL Well, at least it was an hour early and not an hour late, as one VERY annoying coworker pointed out.

But yes, I did see Paul. And I apologized to him for making a fool of myself. He said no apology was needed. Later on in this particular storyline, I did invite him over to my place to hang out, which he did. And I still chased after him. That is until he was replaced by another man I chased after. But that’s another story.

Apparently, this became a pattern for me over the next several decades. I just recently realized at 54 that it is time to stop and let it all go. As they say there is nothing like an old fool. But going within and seeing my patterns and asking myself all the important questions of why I do this. Is it because my parents “gave me away,” which is how I looked at it for years (which is another story)? But my mental wellbeing comes first, and all of the chasing after Paul and other men did me no good. After all, the ones I chased, I did NOT end up with. All I did was bring myself down further and further into a cesspool of low self-esteem and yes, mental illness. Because you see, there is more to the Paul story, but I will delve into that at another time.

In summation, after FINALLY realizing that the best way to break free from this unrequited love BS was to focus on ME. To love ME. I know it is so cliché. We have all heard it a million times – love yourself, focus on other things blah, blah, blah. But it is even more than that. I have found that it is a true and deep going within and breaking off that part of yourself that does those clingy things. To stand up for YOU. And believe me, that isn’t easy.

More to come, because this story is FAR from ovah. So, in the meantime, be well!

And again, HAPPY PRIDE!!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Sissy!

Faggot!

Punk!

Were just a few of the names that I was called growing up in Wadesboro, North Carolina. These awful names hurt me. A lot. I was mocked and ridiculed by not only classmates and some of the neighborhood kids, but also in some cases teachers and other adults. And I didn’t know what I did to deserve it. Apparently, I acted like a “girl” when I was a child, which APPARENTLY warranted such abuse. But it wasn’t just the words that hurt. It was the attitude of society, of the entire planet that may have hurt the most.

Trying to hide my identity was so mentally draining. I did everything I could to not let my secret be exposed – or rather – to try and prove everyone wrong, that I was NOT a sissy, faggot, punk! I didn’t do it by dating girls, though I did take one to my senior prom. One thing I felt that I could do was pretend to like sports. So, I feigned an interest so that my then-best friend, who was really into sports, surely didn’t believe that I was queer. I never liked sports. Well, that isn’t entirely true. I did like wrestling, because of the men in their tight trunks LOL I did develop a taste for basketball, mostly college basketball such as the UNC Chapel Hill team and I, of course, later attended and graduated from UNC!

But in secret, I would put a towel on my head and pretend to be a girl. I put on my aunt’s makeup and bra and heels and would parade around the house that way when no one was home. I worked the runway, honey, before it was a thing! But ahhhh the towel on my head thing. Let’s go back even further.

It started when I was very little. I don’t remember the exact age, but I would guess I was probably 6 years old. What I would do is I would put a large bath towel on my head as my long hair and parade around the house and say “I’m a girl! Girl! Girl!” LOL I did this for YEARS! Well, at least for the first couple of years out in the open. I would even do it outdoors and walk around that way, and I didn’t care who saw me!!!! Heck, my aunt would even sometimes fashion the towel into a ponytail. I thought I was hot!! LOL But the years went by, and I believe I was around 10 at the height of “The Bionic Woman,” (and yes, I definitely put my towel/wig on and pretended to be Jaime) but around this time, my grandmother and my aunt both started yelling at me to “take that mess off your head!” I felt hurt and crushed. So, I did what they asked. And that is when I started doing it in secret all the way through high school!!

When I look back on it, I wonder if they hadn’t stopped me and encouraged me instead, if I would have become a drag queen or female impersonator. Or maybe transgender.

Religion/Christianity

You’re going to burn in hell if you’re gay!

Mankind shall not lie with mankind! It is an abomination unto the Lord!

God hates Fags!!!

More damaging rhetoric. And, of course, it comes from religion. And, of course, I have to mention it.

So, I was also an abomination. God didn’t even like me. No he HATED me. Religion didn’t like me. It was constantly talked about in my household how obviously being gay was frowned upon and that God didn’t approve. They had a “little sugar in ’em,” as my family used to say. Or the use of the Fred Sanford (“Sanford and Son”) wave of the hand to indicate someone was “funny” was used quite a lot in my house. All of this talk made me feel as though I was an alien, an outcast, dirty, filthy and disgusting. There was a minister in our church, at the time, who was “funny.” They talked about that man all the time, and good things were not said. They made fun of him. So, I knew that it was not okay to be effeminate. But to be a minister and “that way,” oh boy!

And nothing hasn’t changed in terms of how some “Christians” feel about homosexuality. How many times have I heard from straight Christians “I love YOU. Just not your lifestyle.” Lifestyle????? What is this the “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous?” Is heterosexuality a LIFESTYLE??? Because I have NEVER heard it called that. And do you know how condescending it is to hear someone say that? They love YOU but not your lifestyle, as if being straight is such a superior, wonderful thing to be. Well, straight people have their privilege. The privilege of being able to walk down the street holding hands without receiving any stares. The privilege of having the benefit of the doubt and the assumption that you are straight. The privilege of being able to have and adopt children freely and without question. The privilege for being automatically understood, accepted, loved and never judged just for being straight. And the list goes on and on.

One summer visiting my folks and brother in D.C., I saw this Christian pamphlet on homosexuality and how wrong and abnormal it was and sinful, of course. From what I remember, it told the story of a young boy who was “lured” into homosexuality by an older man in a park. How. Stupid. As if that is how it happens. But it made it seem that that is how homosexuality starts, from a depraved older man preying on boys. That is NOT how it happens!!! And it doesn’t “happen.” Either you are or you aren’t. Yes, you are BORN THAT WAY! There is no horrific event that “makes” or “turns” you gay. Is there a single event that makes or turns you straight? I’ll wait. But reading that pamphlet made me feel even worse about myself. I felt guilty and ashamed. And alone.

And for the Christians reading this who feel the need to pray over me and my “lifestyle,” save the prayers for YOUR ignorance, bigotry, and stupidity. Yeah. I said it.

Toxic Media Images – It’s the Straight way or the HIGHWAY!

Now, let’s talk about the images we, as gay people, see on television, in the media, magazines, and in the movies, etc.

Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Pretty much the end of the story. Boy and girl live happily ever after, and raise their little family. Blah, blah, blah. So on and so forth. Everyone applauds and approves of such a union. Growing up, I never saw boy meets boy. Or girl meets girl. Instead the images and portrayals of gay men were always about us being made fun of, beaten up, or even murdered. No happily ever after. None of that. In other instances, we eventually became the best friend to the heroine. Or the comic relief. We were the hairdressers TO or the confidante OF the female bestie. We NEVER got true love stories or happily ever afters of our own, I suppose, because we were seen as the joke, the clowns, the deviants in our secret homosexual world with our sick and sordid backroom sexual antics that were never spoken of. Only in whispers and stares. But gee. I wonder who put us there. Hmmm …

The Big Secret

Being gay, you’re the big secret. The awful thing that struggles first with your identity, but then after you realize who you really are, you must decide whether to either continue to keep it a secret or to come out to your family and tell them the truth about who you really are. It is VERY stressful, to say the least. And some gays and lesbians cannot deal with all of this and fall into severe depression and even decide to end their lives. Gee, how many straight people end their lives over being … straight? Again, I’ll wait. Cricket. Cricket. It is horrible to think that you don’t feel your life is worth living, because you feel that you cannot be your true, authentic self. And that really hurts and is quite damaging to your self-worth, psyche and mental wellbeing.

Yes, it does take a toll on your mental health. You cannot imagine what it is like having to deal with all of this. And the older you are, I would suspect the more trouble you had coming out. I do feel like things are easier now for the LGBTQ community in terms of coming out and being accepted. Goodness! You have CHILDREN coming out now!!!! But there are hordes and hordes of people out there who will NEVER accept who you are. And people who will forever remain in the closet out of fear. Again, this is very damaging to your mental health and wellbeing.

In summation, growing up gay in a straight world was NOT easy. And yes, it really, REALLY SUCKED!!! The mental and emotional toll it took on me (and countless others) was devastating. This is why I encourage people to be themselves. I am a huge supporter of transgender rights and for people to be called or referred to whatever they wish to be called or referred to. You know, it is not for any of us to try and understand or judge. Just let people be and accept – not tolerate because that implies dealing with something repugnant and/or putting up with something you don’t really care about in the first place – people for who they are. Just embrace and accept people as you would expect them to do for you.

This topic is far from over, by the way. More to come. And don’t forget to leave me a comment below.

In the meantime, peace! And be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Welcome back to another wild ride to maintain our sanity!! Woo hoo!

Today, I wish to delve into something that I discovered about life and the choices I/we make in this life. And let’s face it, a lot of our lives revolve around the following:

• Relationships (typically romantic, but of course family and friends).
• Our jobs and careers.
• And any other life situation, like living arrangements or where you live, et al.

But what do you do when you find yourself stuck in this ENDLESS cycle with the same job. The same people. The same relationship. The same tired situation that you have been stuck in for the last several hundred/million years? And worse yet, it hasn’t gone anywhere or improved. More importantly, are you happy in said situation? We have ALL been there.

Relationships

They are EVERYWHERE! People who are married, partnered, dating, together, etc. You cannot escape these people. And they LOOK happy (ESPECIALLY on social media). But sometimes beneath the surface, there is a lot more going on. Maybe one of them is NOT as happy as the other. Maybe they are BOTH unhappy. Maybe there is some sort of abuse going on, whether physical, mental or emotional. Maybe one is a substance abuser. Maybe one works long hours and barely has time for the other. You get the picture. But the question is if you are involved in a dead-end relationship, are you happy? Well. Are you? And if you are unhappy with the situation, why are you staying? Uh oh. Here we go:

• If I leave him/her, I will have no one.
• I will be all alone.
• Well, I’m USED to the _______________ — whatever it is. (You can insert in the blank any of the following: Drinking. Drugs. Loneliness. His/her long work hours. His/her toxic family. The cheating. The condescension. The lack of sex. The mental/emotional/physical abuse).

But why do we settle? Do we not know our worth? I do realize that in any relationship, there is something you are going to have to “put up with,” (let’s hope it is something simple as snoring, which can be annoying, too). But I think if it interferes with YOUR happiness or mental wellbeing (because isn’t this what this is about??), then is it worth it? I am definitely no relationship expert, but I most certainly have had my fair share of them, and I know what I will put up with and what I won’t. And I think it all boils down to self-respect. Or do you just want to be in a relationship to say that you are in a relationship? And I know it is easier said than done to just up and leave or end things. There may be kids or a house in both names, property, etc. But it is also fair to think about where you are headed in said relationship.

Jobs

Picture it Atlanta, sometime in the 21st century. A beautiful and handsome – well to be honest HOT, GBM (gay black male – yes, me bitches!! LOL) works for a company that is “supposed to be fun.” A company where he/I get to display my talents as an actor, playwright, singer, director and musical director. And the first few years WERE fun. It was like being in a dream, especially a certain component of my job which allowed me freedom and mobility in the community. However, over time it became quite clear that there was no leadership, no true direction, and TPTB (the powers that be) did NOT value their employees. It was more CORPORATE driven than ACTOR/ENTERTAINMENT driven. It was supposed to be educational, but there was always a battle as to the best way to make that happen. Eventually, the workload from the “boss” (or one of them, actually, because we had several), the workload transferred from our main boss to the acting team. I am talking the scripts, the directing, the musical direction. All of it. At first, it seemed like a good idea, but it became quite clear who the team players were and who wanted to hog the spotlight for themselves, and who wanted to be in control of EVERYTHING. This particular workplace eventually grew to be one of the most toxic work environments I have EVER encountered. And hell, I thought when I first arrived in Atlanta back in 1993 to teach was bad. Oh girl!!

After seven years of this nonsense, I finally had had enough, especially after another one of my bosses began to judge me on my facial expressions when I came into work, i.e. I didn’t LOOK like I wanted to be there. I DIDN’T! Newsflash: When you do not treat your employees properly, why would they want to even appear to look like they wish to be there? And I’m the type of person who does NOT hide their feelings or facial expressions. Though, I’m an actor, I definitely am not fake.

Anyway, I was not judged on my work performance because when I asked, this person said, and I quote, ‘Well. I haven’t seen you on the floor with the parents and children. So, I don’t know. I’ve just seen you back here.’ (meaning offstage). Insert major eye roll here. So, you are judging me on my FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. NOT my actual WORK PERFORMANCE. Okay. As actors we do our thing in front of the audience, but when we hit backstage we are ourselves. But this was “corporate,” so apparently you had to pretend you like being at work. You know, the fake way a lot of you do. Yeah. I said it. Mind you, I didn’t say not one cross word to any of the “corporate” people ever. I was always cordial. But my face! Oh BROTHER! Such rubbish! (This is exactly why actors HATE working in corporate!!!!!!)

Anyway, I should have sued. But to preserve my mental state and wellbeing, I left. And I have NOT looked back since. I have not even allowed myself to be in a toxic work situation like the one I just described. Where I am currently is the complete OPPOSITE of the nonsense I just described above. We are valued and respected. No fake positive people at all. Everyone is very sincere. So, when I show up for work, I am who I REALLY am. A fun and happy person. Put me in a toxic, negative situation, I am the environment I am in. And that is NOT good for one’s mental state.

But, of course, I can understand the reasons why people would choose to stay in a job, even a very bad one:

• Jobs are hard to find.
• The money is good. So, what if my boss treats me like trash?
• I’m too old to start over.
• I’ve got mouths to feed, including mine.

And the list goes on and on and on.

But ask yourself this question. What is in it for you? What do you get out of being in a toxic situation? Is it money? Sex? Power? Comfort? Ahhhh comfort. Some people REALLY don’t wish to get out of their comfort zone. Again, I understand. I’ve been there. But the older I get, the more I realize that nothing is worth my mental health and wellbeing, including being comfortable.

Living Situations

Ah the dreaded living situation. Well, as you have read in my previous posts, my roommate moved out two months ago. THANK GOD! And he is not missed. This one can be a tricky one, as well, because no doubt of finances. And also, what if you are living with your parents? Again, that could be a financial situation or perhaps you are the caregiver.

So, let me just speak from the roommate perspective. I am NOT a roommate person. And I knew this wayyyyyy back in college during the 80s. I just can’t deal with a roommate. However, because of money, I felt I had to have one. But not anymore. I have decided for my mental wellbeing to just take the plunge and go it alone, which is what I should have been doing all along since I left home at 18!!! Or at least when I realized I can’t live with other people.

Two BRILLIANT examples of escape from ANY situation, whether relationship, jobs, etc.

I realized that there are two examples that represent escaping a horrible, toxic situation. Though these examples really pertain to romantic relationships, I think they can apply to ANY horrible situation, because of the fact that there is a breaking away of said situation. And yes, these are movies. LOL

The first one is “The Color Purple.” Yes, THE COLOR PURPLE is a great example of FINALLY breaking free of a toxic situation – as an abused and put-upon Celie, portrayed in the movie by Whoopi Goldberg, of course, finally leaves her husband after many years of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. When Celie chooses to leave, I feel that jubilation, that weight being lifted off when you at long last break free of this horrible situation that has numbed your mind, body and soul FOR DECADES!!!!!

Bit of trivia: “The Color Purple” was filmed very close to where I grew up in Wadesboro, N.C. The exterior shot of the courthouse towards the end of the film is actually the courthouse in my hometown!!! And there are SEVERAL familiar faces in the church scenes, people I grew up with and/or went to school with!!!!

You experience that same freedom in Tina Turner’s story displayed brilliantly in the movie “What’s Love Got To Do with It?” starring the fabulous Angela Bassett. That moment when Tina, who is bloodied, bruised and tired from yet another beatdown from Ike Turner, runs across that highway escaping from him, running to the hotel across the street, oh my GOD! I am in TEARS!!!!!!! I have a breakdown moment, because I am sooooo happy for her!!! By the way, I saw this movie THREE times in the theater before I moved to Atlanta!!!! It was THAT powerful!!!!

Believe me, when you’ve had enough, you’ve had ENOUGH!!!

So, in summation, why are you staying in whatever has you stuck? What is in it for YOU? Because there is ALWAYS something, a reason. And most importantly, are you happy? Perhaps you haven’t asked yourself yet. Ask yourself today. Tonight. Right now. After all Celie got out. Tina got out. And yours truly got the hell out.

Well, that’s all I have today. Make sure to leave a comment below.

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I am hoping this provides some help to you. And as always, please be mentally well!!!

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

Welcome back, everyone!!! Tonight’s post is going to be a fun one. I wanted to talk about something that DEFINITELY helps me with my mental imbalance and brings me such joy, and that is reading the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries! Yes. You read that correctly. Let me explain.

But first. Picture it. Wadesboro, North Carolina, 1977.

A very cute and fabulous little black boy is sitting in Mrs. Matthews 5th grade class, end of the day. (Thankfully!) Yes. Me. And I am reading “The Shattered Helmet,” one of the Hardy Boys Mysteries. This particular book in the series would prove to be important surrounding the birth of my brother, because one of the characters in the book was named Dimitri, which is my brother’s middle name. However, his is spelled Dmitri, which is quite clever. When he was born in early winter of 1978, my father revealed that that’s what he and my mother wanted to name him. Well, imagine my surprise!! I was ABSOLUTELY thrilled to hear that!!! Quite the little connection.

I was always reading these stories. I was OBSESSED with them. On Saturdays when my grandfather would take my grandmother to go grocery shopping, he would drop me off at the library just so I could browse the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries. I, obviously, checked out several LOL

But my obsession didn’t end there. After the birth of my brother, whenever my aunt and I would visit my parents and brother in Washington, D.C., we would always accompany them to Toys “R” Us to buy diapers for my brother. And color me surprised when I discovered they had an ENTIRE section devoted to Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew!!! Well, needless to say, I began purchasing them. In order. And over time, I had nearly amassed the entire collection through #56 or 57 in both. Fortunately, my grandfather had built TWO sheds in our backyard, and one of them housed all of my books. (Sadly, many years later when I was well into adulthood, he threw them all away. 🤬)

Anyway, imagine my joy when they turned the stories into a television series in the late 70s, starring Pamela Sue Martin as Nancy Drew, and Parker Stevenson as Frank Hardy, and Shaun Cassidy as Joe Hardy!!! And yes, I watched every single episode!! They weren’t exactly based on the novels themselves, but they were fun to watch back then. (But child, me and one of my former roommates sat down to watch an episode as adults, and we discovered that they were BAD!! LOLOL) But as kids, you think some things are just the greatest.

Well NOW picture it. Atlanta, GA, pandemic 2020/2021. A VERY sexy and handsome YOUNG gay man of 54 decides to start reading them again. Yes. Also me LOLOL I just one day decided to pick up where I left off in the series. And this year, I have been steadily reading them ever since!!

Below is a pic of some of the books that I have purchased in 2021.

And yes, the books are VERY dated. The situations are a bit contrived. And the endings are very convenient in how SUDDENLY they catch the bad guys. Sometimes they end up working on two mysteries at the same time that end up being connected somehow. Of course. And sadly, different cultures are oftentimes portrayed very stereotypically. And let’s not forget that Frank and Nancy are 18 years old, and Joe is 17. TEENAGERS! Yet, they are all well-known DETECTIVES, and even trusted with military secrets!!!! LOLOLOL I mean, come on!! That would NEVER happen in real life. For starters, who’s going to hire a couple of teens as detectives??? But it is all in good fun, and it brings me back to a happy part of my childhood. Or rather, a time when these books got me through all the bullying I endured at that time.

And they have been a source of comfort during these troubling times we have found ourselves in. So, yes, they have helped me mentally, as well. I start each morning off reading one of them. I am currently on #66 of the Hardy Boys, and I am about to finish it and start #66 of Nancy Drew!

Oh. And I cannot close without giving honorable mention to The Three Investigators, which was another obsession of mine as a child!

So, by all means, please share with me your childhood joy or something you have returned to or rediscovered during the pandemic that has helped you to get through it. Doesn’t have to be from childhood. And doesn’t have to be from the pandemic. But perhaps it is a passion you had long since forgotten or responsibilities took over and you had to drop it. Leave a comment below.

And until the next time, stay mentally well!!