Category: mental health and well-being

Hey, everybody. So, I decided that regardless of who won or lost, that I was going to do a quick blog post on the subject. Of course, I was hoping that I would be writing one that was very upbeat, believing that Kamala was going to win. But unfortunately and rather sadly, that is not the case.

I am going to do this short post, albeit, with some venting no doubt, but I also wish to offer some hope and mental health skills to deal with this travesty.

So, yes. By now, we all know that the orange THING “won.” I put won in quotes, because quite honestly, I have my suspicions on that. And for the moment, I will just leave it at that.

And as of this writing, he is adding some of the most heinous and despicable cast of horrid characters to his cabinet, if you can even call it a cabinet.

A great many of us are not just unhappy with the election results. We are devastated and frightened. And rightfully so. Because if this POS is allowed to do what he wants to do, that means our democracy, freedoms and possibly even lives will be gone.

I have no doubt that he is going to execute his second term via a Hitler playbook, and those of us who know history and have studied it, know exactly what I am talking about.

I wish to now speak on those MAGGOTS, er I mean MAGA “people” who think that we should just return to normal and all be friends. Bullshit! I am your enemy! As far as I am concerned, you are all a bunch of Nazis! People like me – gay and black – are no longer safe around you. Well, let me include women, POC and marginalized people – are not safe around you. And you have the affrontery and utter gall to think we can just let bygones be bygones. The very idea of offering a hand across the aisle in friendship and solidarity is utter bullocks and nonsense, and it ain’t happening! And I am not the only one who feels that way.

Anyone who voted for that hot mess is NOT your friend.

There are even people in my camp who are espousing some of the same garbage. NO!! Stop it! Do you honestly think these Nazis care about you? Because they don’t!

I even have a friend, whom I THINK voted for Kamala who is saying that, well, maybe now the 🍊Shitler can unify this country and bring everyone together. PUH-Lease!! Ha! That’s a hot one. Are you that dense? Someone who did NOTHING but espouse hatred, division and chaos, you think suddenly is going to bring everyone together?? All he did was tear this country apart!

I also find it quite laughable that the MAGAs even have the audacity to say that we are the hateful ones. Ha! That’s a good one. Nice try at a feeble attempt at gaslighting. So, this is my very simple response to that bull: Well, we learned it from you. But most importantly, we learned it from your hateful, orange leader. 🎤

And my dears, I have no doubt that he intends to deport all undocumented immigrants – and I do mean ALL – because I get the feeling it isn’t just Hispanics, but other noncitizens as well.

I have no doubt that he will enact Project 2025, though he tried his best to distance himself from it.

I have no doubt that, yes, he will be sending people like me to concentration camps.

So, again, please stop with the hope that NuHitler is going to unite anything.

Now. For the hope part. And I do hope this helps.

Please DO NOT give into fear and despair. This is NOT the time to do that. Please stay aware, informed and prepared.

My advice is to conduct your life as you would anyway. Write that screenplay. Write that novel. Buy that home. Etc., and etc. HOWEVER, please consider an alternate plan to make sure you are safe. And I don’t know what that may look like for you. In other words, as much as I hate to say this, have some sort of plan to flee the country, if all you are doing is going across the border, if you catch my drift.

GET YOUR PASSPORT NOW!! I am so glad I have mine, and I got it two years ago when I went to Europe.

Stock up on supplies. I am not trying to sound like a doomsdayer or conspiracy theorist, but you may wish to consider this.

Get a gun, honey. Just sayin’.

I honestly would suggest packing what I am going to call a “flee” bag in case you literally have to flee in the middle of the night kind of thing. Packed with clothes – for all seasons – medicines, phone numbers, bottled water, First Aid, etc.

If nothing else, at least consider moving from red states to blue states.

Get your affairs in order! Whatever that may mean for you!!

KEEP CASH ON HAND!

I have stated the dramatic stuff. 😁🤣 (And it may not come to that, hopefully. But somehow be prepared!)

Now, for stuff you can do for your mental health.

Breathe. Yes, BREATHE! And deeply.

Remain calm.

And self care is the key. Exercise if that is your thing. Drink plenty of water!!

Give in to nature, i.e. go for a good walk.

Focus on fun stuff you like to do.

Yes, eat that junk food, honey!

Drink the booze!

Talk to a friend. And or family. Who also voted for Kamala! I have already spoken to SEVERAL friends since this NIGHTMARE has gone down, whether on the phone or via texting or social media. Because truthfully, it is safer in numbers.

Get together with friends and loved ones.

Give fierce hugs!!!

Do what makes YOU HAPPY!!

Please hang onto hope. I always say “expect the best, but prepare for the worst.” Because I have a feeling this ain’t over, folks. Just stay tuned, and again stay informed and prepared.

Because I REFUSE to believe that the majority of this country prefer that horrid, ugly hot mess as dictator. Yeah, dictator, not President because that is exactly what it wants to be.

Anyway, just HANG IN THERE!! And we need to hang on to each other (those who voted for Kamala). 😉😁

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Thank you so much for stopping by. I know this may have been a really hard post to read, but I hope I was able to offer some sort of comfort. Anyway, I am back with some regular posts next week. So, please stay tuned.

Until then, please stay safe and be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello, all!

I have decided to keep it light and airy this week, and short and sweet, because I know I shall be discussing some heavy-hitting topics this fall. Oh I don’t know, like the current CARTEL/CABAL U.S. ADMINISTRATION! To name a few! 🤣😂

So, today I am choosing to discuss my love of The Three Stooges and other things that I seemed to have returned to either from childhood, my teen years or young adulthood. And why.

So, without further ado, introducing all of the Stooges: Moe Howard, Curly Howard, Shemp Howard, Larry Fine, Joe Besser and Curly Joe.

I was first introduced to The Three Stooges when I was a child, of course. I immediately fell in love with them. The first three appearing in the original shorts were Moe, Larry and Curly. Then it was Moe, Larry and Shemp. Later it became Moe, Larry and Joe Besser. And finally, Moe, Larry and Curly Joe for the movies and the cartoons.

They were simply HIGH-LARIOUS! Curly and his crazy antics and woo woo woo’s brought many laughs, and Moe slapping him and slapping Larry, too.

The zaniness continued when Shemp came along. Shemp’s nuttiness and vocal tics – hebehebehebe’s along with Moe’s perpetual bossiness and Larry just standing there either observing or falling victim to the arguments between Moe and/or Curly and Shemp. All of the insanity kept me LOLing! 🤣🤣🤣

It’s hard to explain the appeal, because at first glance people could say that Moe is a bully and has anger issues. But it just works, because to me it is simply absurd for him to just get mad and pop off like that. A slap here, an eye poke there. And sometimes Moe used hard, blunt and even dangerous objects to get his point across. However, Moe also got his in return either from one of the other Stooges or the silly circumstances the boys were involved in.

To give a little background, Moe Howard, Jerome “Curly” Howard, and Samuel “Shemp” Howard were brothers in real life, all born with the surname of Horwitz, which they later changed for the act. Shemp was the elder of the other two, then Moe, and Curly was the baby. There was another brother, who was not a part of the act. Larry Fine was of no relation.

And what a lot of people don’t know is that Shemp was actually one of the original stooges along with Moe and Larry. Not only that, but Ted Healey headed the trio as Ted Healey and HIS Stooges. Then Shemp wanted to go solo, and then in stepped his younger brother Curly. Moe, Larry and Curly got out from under Ted Healey, who later died. And that is the trio we were introduced to as kids – Moe, Larry and Curly.

And what a lot of people may not know is that Curly actually had a full head of beautiful CURLY hair, hence the name. However, Moe and Larry convinced him to shave his head to give him a unique look versus Moe’s bowl haircut and Larry’s frizzy, afro-like hair.

Speaking of Larry’s afro – 🤣🤣😂, that really wasn’t the way his hair was normally styled. After taking a shower, the group noticed how frizzy and unkempt his hair was, and they convinced him to keep it that way for the act.

Anyway, after more than a decade of performing together, unfortunately, Curly suffered a series of strokes and was, therefore, unable to perform, and Shemp stepped back in. You can even notice Curly’s decline in the last several shorts he appeared. His speech was slower. His voice had dropped into a lower octave. And he was even thinner. It was very sad.

I think my favorite Stooge from childhood was Curly. And I really liked Moe. But now my fave Stooge is Larry. And I am not the only one who feels that way. There are PLENTY of fans who now watch Larry and his facial expressions and reactions to the other two. Not to mention the fact that Larry has a LOT of funny moments of his very own.

Okay, so let’s just discuss the elephant in the room with regard to any Stooge fan. And that is Joe Besser.

So, a LOT of Stooge fans cannot stand Joe Besser. Joe Besser actually had a solo career before he became a stooge. And you can find his shorts (along with Shemp’s) on YouTube. Apparently, he was adamant when he became a Stooge, that he did NOT want to get hit. Well, if you become a Stooge, that is a HUGE part of it. Moe is gonna hit you. And sometimes Larry, too. As a matter of fact, Larry offered to step in and take the brunt of the blows. And for me, that is one of the reasons I am not a Joe Besser fan. I mean, he’s “okay.” But definitely not my favorite stooge. Over time, he did take some of the hits, and he did have some funny moments. But I think maybe Moe or Columbia, I am not sure, wanted to recapture some of the original Curly magic. And went in the direction of someone who was heavyset like Curly. But it just didn’t work.

Though I will give Joe Besser his props. He played his part as more effeminate and prissy, I suppose, to really be different from the other Stooges, past and present. Some of his schtick was actually pretty funny, such as his trademark “not so loud!” Or “I oughta give you the hot face!” whenever he was smoking a cigar or cigarette.

And Curly Joe I flat out do not like! He said some things about the Stooges I just didn’t appreciate, saying they weren’t that funny. So, he can piss off.

The Curly Joe era ushered in a plethora of Stooge movies. So, that I am definitely okay with, just not with him. As a matter of fact, there were a lot of Stooge cartoons during that time. And the Stooges ended up with a whole new generation of fans!

They had become so popular, that they were even going to star in their own television series! Unfortunately, they filmed just the pilot, and it didn’t go anywhere. I believe there were two attempts at this, once when Shemp was a part of the group. And then later with Curly Joe.

But anyhoo, I rediscovered The Stooges during the pandemic. I’m pretty sure it was first through YouTube, and then I realized that MeTV does a Stooge marathon on Saturdays from 6-8 p.m. And now I just can’t get enough of them, to the point of actually purchasing the entire DVD set of the shorts – not the movies with Curly Joe as most of them are already on YouTube. But so are the Stooge shorts, but someone would put them up and then take them back down. And I just got sick of that and decided to buy my own.

And to cinch the deal, I even purchased a brand-new Blu-ray player! 🤣😂

The Stooges give me so much pleasure and laughs!! I HAVE to watch them EVERY DAY!! Whether I am working from home or not, the Stooges are going to be on at some point during the day AND night for me!

And believe you me, there are a legion of Stooge fans out there. As a matter of fact, I am subscribed to a couple of Stooge fan pages on Facebook. Also, some of the Stooges’ own relatives, particularly the Stooge grandsons, sons and great-grandsons have a Stooge channel on YouTube where they perform as their predecessors and post and show Stooge clips. They even post the shorts in order, as well as the cartoons! The Stooges are simply going to live FOREVER! And that is just fine by me.

Now, I have to mention some other returns from yesteryear, some of which also got restarted during the height of the pandemic and shutdown and some most recently.

I have mentioned my return to reading Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys, treasured books I enjoyed as a child. I even started purchasing them again, picking up where I left off as a kid. I mean, the writing is dated. BUT I still enjoy going along with Nancy and the Hardys trying to figure out who did what and who is behind the mysteries!

I am currently reading The Hardy Boys’, The Swamp Monster, no. 83 in the series.

And on Friday nights, I will watch Friday the 13th, The Series, as well as Friday Night Videos from my high school days during the 80s!

And now even on Saturdays it is a return to The Adventures of Superman and also Wonder Woman – the REAL Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter!!!!!!! Also, I like to put on Soul Train, Justice League, Sid & Marty Krofft and American Bandstand!!

Sundays sometimes it is Mama’s Family, Solid Gold, or Casey Kasem’s American Top 40, all of which I watched (or listened to) religiously when I was in high school on the weekends.

All of this is just as I remembered from those exact days when they all originally aired.

I am just a nostalgia junkie!

Now, I know why my Aunt Eva always used to love to watch westerns when I was growing up, because that is what SHE watched when SHE was growing up!

And definitely I must thank the heavens for the Roku Channel, which has Charlie’s Angels, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, Dennis the Menace, Hart to Hart, et al!!

And it has done wonders for my mental health!! I just immediately go into my happy place when rewatching any and all of these great shows.

And now that I am subscribed to Philo TV, I can also catch The Facts of Life, The Rockford Files, The STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO, CHEYENNE, and of course The Golden Girls, just to mention a few!

Please tell me what are your nostalgic go tos and returns. And if you are also a Stooge fan, by all means, PLEASE let me know!

Oh and don’t forget to catch the Stooges on MeTV every Saturday from 6 to 8 p.m., EST!!!!!!! 😯😛

Thank you so much for stopping by. Before you leave, please check out what I have in store for you at the Derek Store.

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Please come back next week when I shall discuss my favorite Generation — GEN X!!! I might have to get a little down and dirty with this one. So, you won’t wanna miss. Until then, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Greetings, all! Welcome back to another round of my warped mind and what it thinks! Ha!

So, lately I have been on the OCD track, which is really what my blog posts are designed for, actually. However, I wanted to change things up a bit.

Today, I’m talking about how my Alphabet Community, i.e. the LGBTQ+ community, has been portrayed and depicted in Hollywood films and TV. This will mostly be geared towards gay men, since that is MY experience. However, I will do my best to include other segments of the Alphabet Community. So, here goes.

Hollywood, at times, wanted to show the tragic side of gay life, the disease (AIDS/HIV) that is “supposed” to be associated with our “lifestyle,” which I find utterly repugnant and grotesquely out of touch. Every gay man does not have AIDS, neither is every gay man HIV+. And there is nothing wrong with anyone who happens to be either! But Hollywood seemed to only want to depict that in such films as An Early Frost with Aidan Quinn, Philadelphia with Tom Hanks, and Longtime Companion with an all-star cast.

Don’t get me wrong, these movies most certainly served a purpose in telling stories with regard to the AIDS epidemic. Education goes a long way. So, I applaud that aspect.

However, there is also a fun, light side – and even a romantic side – to gay life. This was brilliantly depicted in Big Eden for example, with a very nice romantic tale where even hets were behind the pairing of two gay men. Truthfully, it could have been written for a heterosexual couple, because it wasn’t just about homosexuality, imo. It was about two people in love. Now, there would be naysayers that would say that it was such an unrealistic portrayal. Well, I have seen MANY het romantic movies that to me were unrealistic. So, there.

Now, I am going to discuss two series, one that I feel got it right with regard to my community. And another that got it horribly wrong, at least towards the end.

Let’s start with the horribly wrong.

Soap

Way back in the day, in 1977 to be exact, there was this hot new show on ABC called Soap. I am sure a lot of you Gen Exers and Boomers remember it. The show featured notable stars such as the fabulous Katherine Helmond, Cathryn Damon, Robert Mandan, Richard Mulligan, Billy Crystal, Jennifer Salt, Ted Wass, Diana Canova, and of course Robert Guillaume as Benson. Heck, I could also do a blog post on how blacks have been portrayed in Hollywood. Hmph. Think I will. 🤔

But I digress.

Now, I am going to focus on Billy Crystal, a star that EVERYONE knows, who has gone on to do a plethora of wonderful movies. He is a heterosexual actor who portrayed a homosexual character named Jodie Dallas, on Soap. This was, of course, before Billy Crystal really took off.

I remember thinking then as a 10yo kid how bold, how cool, how exciting to see a homosexual character being displayed on national TV. During this time, I was the subject of bullying and being called sissy, faggot or punk by some of my classmates. But to see another homosexual male, and on TV, truly piqued my curiosity and interest.

As a matter of fact, Jodie Dallas was a HUGE first for national TV, a gay character!!! Big deal for the times.

They even gave Jodie a boyfriend, Dennis, played by former athlete Bob Seagren, who was another one of those actors from back in the day who was in EVERTHING, including Wonder Woman. And yes, Bob Seagren was also heterosexual. (Makes me wonder why heterosexual actors were always portraying gay characters and gay actors weren’t.) 🤔

Jodie was very much involved with Dennis. And at one point, Jodie was even considering a sex change, which was another bold move on the part of this very forward-thinking show.

They never took it that far, because then the show took a turn that I absolutely disliked with the Jodie character.

I could tolerate a little bit of the fruit jokes and intolerance from the other characters on the show. After all that is exactly how narrow-minded heterosexual people think. But the one thing that I could NOT tolerate was having Jodie sleep with a woman named Carol, portrayed by Rebecca Balding, and get her pregnant. I think it was the whole thing where women used to think they could change a gay man by sleeping with him. Or the curiousity angle and/or ‘try it. You might like it’ BS. And that is the stupid decision the show decided to go with.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, but the last season of the show, they had him fall in LOVE with a GASP – WOMAN!

It was Maggie Chandler played by the fabulous Barbara Rhoades, a detective who was helping Jodie find his kidnapped daughter Wendy, by Carol. Don’t ask. In the process, the two slept together and fell in love. And I must mention how freakish the whole thing was, I mean not just because Jodie was supposed to be gay, but the fact that Barbara Rhoades was a whole foot taller than Billy Crystal!! It was clownish, in my opinion, and a joke. I was PISSED!! Because they left the show on a cliffhanger where Jodie had regressed to a 90yo Jewish man (again don’t ask) with Maggie vowing to stand by him until he, hopefully, snapped out of it! DUMB!!

And to this day I am STILL pissed about that. And the fact that they ended the show on several high drama cliffhangers that never got resolved!

So, if they had written Jodie as bisexual, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. But Soap acted as though being gay was just a fad, a phase that men may go through. And I realize there is fluidity. So, again, if they had gone in that direction, I and others, would not have had a problem.

Queer as Folk

Now for a show that got it right, as far as I am concerned. Queer as Folk. QAF came decades after Soap, and blew the doors off Soap with its portrayal of gay men, in my opinion. They basically said FUCK THAT Jodie Dallas nonsense. !! I am who I am, and there isn’t a damn thing you hets can do about it!!!!! 🤣😂🤣

By the way, QAF is the American version that aired on Showtime from 2000 to 2005, and usually during the summer. So, you had to wait an entire year for the next season! And baby, they had some helluva amazing cliffhangers!

The show was so damn good, we used to have viewing parties back in the day! And some were at my place! 😁🤣🍹

Queer as Folk starred Hal Sparks, Gale Harold, Randy Harrison, Peter Paige, Thea Gill, and Miss Sharon Gless! Yasssss! Sharon Gless was Hal Sparks’s character’s mom, but she was like a mom to all of them. Her character was soooooooo pro gay! The show featured gays and lesbians, in real-life situations.

At the time I was a gay in her 30s, so I could definitely relate to the relationships, the crushes, the unrequited love, the cruising, and of course the partying, especially at the bars. Also, the dancing and the “backroom” activities. 😂🤣😂🤣😎

And in Derek-style retrospect, I can see myself in ALL of the gay male characters:

Brian, the whore (Gale Harold).

Michael, wide-eyed and STILL in love with/carrying a torch for Brian, (Hal Sparks).

Emmett, the flaming queen/wide-eyed optimist (Peter Paige).

Justin (Randy Harrison), the young gay/twink determined to have his man, and in this case it was Brian.

Ted, the put-upon gay man who NEVER gets what he wants romantically and who ALWAYS gets his heart broken. LOL (Scott Lowell).

And believe it or not, I have been all levels of these gay men.

So, I could definitely relate.

Soap did NOT show any of this with Jodie. Only his on-again/off-again relationship with Dennis. But QAF took things to A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL!!!!

It was soooo realistic, including the sometimes VERY graphic sex, with the lesbians and with the gay men! STEAMY HOT!

There was bathroom sex, too. Not that that is typical gay stuff, mind you. 😉😉😁

I honestly thought it was so well done, and so timely. At the time. We are talking the early 00s. Times have certainly changed with the advent of the apps and all.

I would also like to add, that yes, QAF had a gay character who did have AIDS and SPOILER ALERT – who eventually did pass away, but from a complication due to his HIV medication. Jack Wetherall portrayed Vic Grassi, Michael’s uncle and Deb’s (Sharon Gless) brother.

And sadly, there was a gay bashing incident involving Justin’s character.

Oh and honorable mention to Noah’s Arc, the all gay black male TV show on Logo.

Other early TV shows depicting homosexuality that really stood out to me:

Starsky & Hutch – “Death in a Different Place.” A season 3 episode that focuses on the death of a childhood mentor and police colleague of Starsky’s who is found dead in a place known as a gay male hangout. I have not seen the episode in ages, but from what I recall it was handled with taste and sensitivity, without so much of the “shaming” as certain generations like to call it. And it also put in check, so to speak, Starsky & Hutch’s own homophobia. And the banter between the two at the end was cute. 😉

Charlie’s Angels even went there – TWICE!! Season 3 episode “Angels in Springtime” and “Caged Angel” in Season 4. Both episodes touched on lesbianism. In “Angels in Springtime,” it is quite evident that two of the women are lovers. Not to mention the fact that the angels go undercover at this spa that is for WOMEN ONLY! No men allowed at all! And the way the female doctor subtly comes onto Kelly is VERY obvious!

“Caged Angel” has Kris (Cheryl Ladd) going behind bars, just the way her sister Jill did with Kelly and Sabrina back in season 1’s “Angels in Chain.” However, this time in “Caged Angel,” the lesbianism is downright blatant, with Shirley Stoler’s character hinting that Kris will have to put out in order to get protection from the other female inmates. LOLOL

The Golden Girls gave us a good lesson in “tolerance” and acceptance. By the way, I truly HATE the word tolerance with regards to people and their sexual orientation. It makes it sound like you are eating your spouse’s horrible cooking because you have to. NO! The Alphabet Community does not need your tolerance. Your acceptance, yes. Your tolerance, no. You may agree to disagree with me on that.

Anyhoo, back to GG, I am referring to the episode where Blanche’s younger brother Clayton (Monte Markham) came out to Blanche. She could NOT accept it. Not at first, but at the end of the episode she did.

And she REALLY had to be taught a lesson when Clayton comes back in a later episode, but this time with a man he intends to marry. And this time it is Sophia, of all people, who teaches her a VERY brilliant lesson in acceptance by simply asking her why did she want to marry her late-husband George. Blanche’s response is “We loved each other. We wanted to make a lifetime commitment, wanted everyone to know.” Then Sophia responds with, “That’s what Doug and Clayton want too. Everyone wants someone to grow old with. And shouldn’t everyone have that chance.” MIC DROP!!

Next up, I am going to make a list of some notable “gay” and “lesbian” movies. And next to them whether I thought it TRULY captured the realism of the Alphabet Community with a simple yes or no. Again, feel free to disagree.

Here goes:

The Children’s Hour starring Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacLaine. NO! (really good movie, but no!)

SPOILER ALERT:

And I was appalled to see that Shirley MacLaine hanged herself at the end of The Children’s Hour because she realized she was a lesbian, who had sexual feelings for Audrey Hepburn. I really enjoyed the movie, but that ending was very tragic and albeit meant to shock us. But was it necessary? Couldn’t Shirley MacLaine’s character have simply left the school? What sort of message are you sending impressionable gays and lesbians? ‘Oh, I have homosexual feelings, therefore, I should die? I should kill myself? My feelings are NOT valid???’

I understand it was a different time and all, but when I look back upon it, I find the ending a little disturbing.

The same with Suddenly Last Summer starring Elizabeth Taylor. And no, I won’t give away the ending. But I will say that with gay men of today, you’ve got a bunch of men surrounding them, typically they want sex!! Not the ending to Suddenly Last Summer. Just sayin’. 🤣😂. And I guess Hollerwood isn’t ready to have that conversation. 🤔😉 Oh and by the way, I vote NO!!! 🤣😂😂

An Early Frost starring Aidan Quinn. Sad but YES!

Making Love starring Harry Hamlin and Michael Ontkean, and yes – KATE JACKSON as the wife! YES!

Brokeback Mountain starring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. YES AND NO!!

Cruising starring Al Pacino. YES! Sorta. 😂

Longtime Companion starring Bruce Davison, Dermot Mulroney, Campbell Scott, etc. Sadly YES.

Philadelphia starring Tom Hanks. YES, SORTA, BUT NOT REALLY. 🤣😂🤣

The Boys in The Band. HELL YES!! (I was fortunate enough to do the play back in 2008!! I had such a BLAST doing it!!)

Milk starring Sean Penn. YES, but it’s a true story, so then there’s that.

Angels in America. All star cast, including Meryl Streep. YES! But that angel sex scene, HELL NO!!

Bound starring Gina Gershon, Jennifer Tilly, and yes, CHRISTOPHER MELONI!! Interesting concept. So, I’ll vote YES.

Boys Don’t Cry starring Hilary Swank. I’ll say, YES, but the tragedy of the TRUE story really got me. So sad.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch, starring John Cameron. Good movie. Strange, but NO.

Priscilla Queen of the Desert, starring Terence Stamp. YES, BUT IN A CUTE WAY.

Love! Valour! Compassion! starring Jason Alexander, John Benjamin Hickey, Justin Kirk, et al. Honorable mention to Nathan Lane in the Broadway version. YES!

Big Eden. Arye Gross and Eric Schweig, and the fabulous Louise Fletcher and Nan Martin!! YES, BUT IN A CUTE WAY. ❤️❣️😂

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. Starring three hets as drag queens. Yeah. I said what I said. Wesley Snipes, John Leguizamo and Patrick Swayze. I’ll still vote a reluctant YES, because I did enjoy the movie and the rallying of acceptance behind the three leads.

Then there’s the camp:

“Initially, most of these Hollywood depictions were in the context of campy, funny characters, often in drag on some sort of adventure or farce, while teaching a lesson in tolerance, if not equality.^[3] Drag portrayals also made a comeback in many films of the 1990s, notably The Birdcage (1996), starring Robin Williams and Nathan Lane, Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), also starring Robin Williams, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994), starring Guy Pearce, and To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995), starring Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo.”

And I have already mentioned some of the “campy” gay movies above in the form of …Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Too Wong Foo. And don’t get me wrong, these movies do have a place in our lives and society. However, I am wondering if these types of movies are geared more towards a heterosexual audience for the laughs, and/or that’s how they see us. And perhaps the gay-man-has-AIDS is more for the gay audience, because a heterosexual producer/filmmaker thinks that is something we can relate to, that is our sole experience.

I must say at this point that it seems that Hollywood doesn’t want gay couples to live happily ever after or that it all must end tragically, as in Brokeback Mountain. 🤔

Or having our story end tragically or just flat out killed, as in Boys Don’t Cry, Milk, and Brokeback Mountain.

Personally, I think we embody all of the things, the good and the bad. There is no sure fire ‘oh this is a gay movie’ because it has the “gay things/elements” in it. Obviously, there are things the Alphabet Community doesn’t have to worry about that the het community does and vice versa. However, there are certainly universal elements that bonds BOTH groups, such as LOVE. And yes, death and dying that has NOTHING to do with AIDS or an immuno-compromised disease.

Also careers and making money. Buying a house, etc. Or simply SURVIVING in a world that doesn’t care and won’t hand you anything.

Again, I am all for education, i.e. educating audiences as to a side of life they may know nothing about. Soap operas do it all the time, whether it is shining a light on breast cancer, mental illness, rape, homelessness, etc. However, I just don’t want the het community to think the bars and cruising and disease and drag queens are the ONLY things we are about.

So, what am I doing to combat this nonsense? I am writing MY OWN GOTDARN GAY TV SERIES! 😁😱😉❤️

Mine is set in the 1970s, and it does depict gay men in the bars, but it also depicts their lives OUTSIDE of the bars and in real-life and sometimes surreal-life situations. In other words, I decided that whatever the hets can do in film/TV, so can the gays!!! ‘Cept I know nothing ’bout birthin’ no babies! Ha!

So, I cannot do this blog post without discussing str8 actors playing gay roles. For some reason, this has always bothered me a little bit. And why? Well, because str8 actors have, for the most part, always played str8 roles. However, it seems that actors in the Alphabet Community have had to always portray hetero roles, too.

And you have those patrons who utter the stupid phrase – “it’s called ACTING!” Well, what do you know about it? And furthermore, you are correct in the assertion that your sexual orientation shouldn’t matter when it comes to portraying a part, because that character is not you. You are stepping into the shoes of another person, so to speak.

However, it is almost as if gay male actors – and I shall use them as the example – shy away from parts that are homosexually oriented, for lack of a better term. And I wonder if it is because they don’t want to be “typecast.” It’s as if portraying gay says that you are “playing yourself,” (and I’ll get to that in a minute), but playing str8 shows your versatility as an actor.

And I suppose a str8 man portraying gay shows his versatility.

But when a str8 man portrays a character that is his own sexual orientation, no one says anything. But a gay man portraying his sexual orientation, he is playing himself. And yes, I have been told that a couple of times, which infuriates me. Can we say HOMOPHOBIA? And yes, this came from str8 male actors.

I don’t think that gay actors are given the same grace as str8 actors. I really don’t. It’s almost as if we as gay actors have something extra to prove, whereas str8 actors are automatically given the benefit of the doubt.

A Tom Hanks or a Heath Ledger or a Jake Gyllenhaall or a Sean Penn portrays a gay man, they are up for an Oscar. A Nathan Lane or a Billy Porter or a RuPaul does it, again they are playing themselves. And no one cares.

In summation, the Alphabet Community has certainly gotten its due. However, I still believe we have further to go in terms of how we are portrayed and the stories we can tell. There are new shows out there, thankfully. However, it seems they are only on cable or streaming platforms. We need to be more mainstream, in my opinion.

I have covered a lot of ground in this post, yet I feel like I have a great deal more to say. I know there are other TV shows and movies that I have missed. So, perhaps we will pick this topic up at a later time. Stay tuned… 😉

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Thank you so much for following me on yet another rant. Please return next time when I haven’t a clue as to what the topic shall be. LOLOL Whatever it is, it’ll be good. 😉🤣

But until then, please be safe and, as always, mentally well! Take care!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello, my dear readers! Welcome back!

As promised, I decided to talk about my OCD and the inner workings of my warped mind from the standpoint of if it was a person inside my mind/brain saying the most hateful, heinous, and nasty things to me. And I decided to name those intrusive thoughts, Ralph.

I chose Ralph, because for one, I think Ralph is such a dull, uninteresting name. It just sounds gross, actually. And I had an evil boss named Ralph, from way back in the day who tried to send me to prison for computer trespass. 😱😱😱. If you want details, just message me. 😉

Anyhoo, I think I started calling my OCD intrusive thoughts Ralph this past year. It helps me to identify which thoughts are actually mine. Do they belong to me? In other words, are these MY natural thoughts about what I need to do in a given day, thoughts about where my life is heading, thoughts about what to prepare for dinner, etc.? You know, normal thoughts.

Or OCD/worry-type/evil thoughts, such as “you want to stab someone, as in for real.” Or “what is it like to be blind?” or if you’re on a plane, “you know this plane is going to crash.” Or the negative what-if stuff. “What if someone breaks into your house and kills you?” “What if you just drove your car over Spaghetti Junction?” Shit like that.

So, basically it has been a continuation of the catastrophic/untrue thinking, that we all have. However, for those of us, we can get stuck in that loop I talked about previously, or that ridiculous rabbit hole. Now, we all know that this is called rumination.

Please check out the previous blog posts on the subject, listed below.

(Don’t Go) Down the Rabbit Hole!

When Your Mind Gets Stuck in a Loop

Ya know, I kinda look at Ralph as being The Blob, that 1958 movie starring Steve McQueen. Ralph is The Blob in that he contains all the garbage and scary, frightening and what-if thoughts all rolled into one. You see, The Blob in the movie contained all of its human victims, all rolled into one gigantic blob. Sorry. Spoiler alert. 😂🤣

Ralph just LOVES to keep me trapped in catastrophic thinking. 

And we actually go back a LONG way.

Ralph was the one who told me that I would not live past a certain grade when I was a child.  That kept me worried, but then I would get to that grade and then another and then another.  Fortunately, pretty early on, Ralph stopped telling that lie, as apparently it wasn’t true.  Heck, I even managed to make it all the way to 57!  Hahahaha!

Ralph told me during the 80s, and at the height of the Cold War, that we were going to get nuked.  He also told me that going to D.C., which is where my parents and brother live, was a BIG mistake.  If you don’t already know, when I was growing up, D.C. is where I spent my summers.  It was fall, winter and spring living with my grandparents and aunt and attending school in Wadesboro, and then up to D.C. for the summer.  And yep, Ralph, kept telling me that I was going to hear sirens signaling a nuclear attack, any minute now…

When I was in the cult (from 1985-87) in 1986, Ralph also told me that I had blasphemed the Holy Ghost because of a certain lyric from a Culture Club song called “Dangerous Man” from their album Waking Up With the House on Fire – “Martin had the Devil just like any man can.”  You see, Ralph convinced me that because Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Man of God and, therefore, filled with the Holy Spirit, that I had damned myself for all eternity because I was always singing that song, since according to the Bible, all sins can be forgiven except for blaspheming the Holy Ghost. The preacher of said cult convinced me that this wasn’t true. Ralph also convinced me to throw that tape away, because it was secular.

So, after DECADES of this kind of thing and a LOT of research on the subject of intrusive thoughts, I am learning more and more not to pay attention to Ralph and his nonsense. Because that is exactly what it is, NONSENSE. ‘Oh that’s just Ralph.’ ‘Ralph is here today, so no need to worry. He is trying to scare me.’

And that is exactly what he is trying to do.

So, labeling and naming these thoughts Ralph has actually been a tremendous help.

In further research on this, I have learned that it is the brain’s way of actually trying to protect you, as strange as that might sound. It is the fight or flight response, but gone completely and totally haywire. It is sort of the brain’s way of trying to protect you in case of an emergency or a catastrophe. However, it can become very problematic and bothersome, as in my case, and in the case of millions of people.

I think I handle mine pretty well now. It has not caused me to stop what I’m doing or keep me from doing something. I REFUSE to let Ralph do that.

I’ll give a recent example. Last month when the assassination attempt happened to that thing that wants to be a dictator, there were reports that the far right would try and retaliate. And one of the places they would try would be the gay bars. Well, the attempt on the orange baboon occurred on Saturday, the 13th of July, and I went out on that Sunday as I normally do, to the Atlanta Eagle. Well, Ralph went into overdrive saying things, such as:

“You probably shouldn’t go. You’re gonna get shot up.”

“What if someone bombs the Eagle? It’s not like people haven’t set off bombs here in Atlanta before, and you were living here at the time when those happened!”

“You’re gonna get shot, bitch!”

I hope I have made myself clear about what I – and so many others – go through. It isn’t easy, but manageable. And if necessary, therapy may be in order.

Before you depart, please check out what I have at the Derek Store!

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Thank you so much for coming back. Please stay tuned next week when I tackle something EXTREMELY important to me, and that is how gays have been portrayed on TV and in films. Ooooooooo!

But until then, please stay safe and as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, dearest readers!

Okay, so I could not let any more time pass without mentioning the latest and heinous garbage the very compromised “Supreme” Court has allowed to pass.

You will have to forgive the rambling of this post, too, by the way.

Not gonna mince words with this one, as the title suggests, since yes, the “Supreme” Court (and I put Supreme in quotes as I certainly question their true authority and common sense in making these decisions) – has pulled some BS yet AGAIN!

Oh and please check out my previous Roe v. Wade post below:

GO TO HELL, SCOTUS!

And if you don’t know what I am talking about, then let me quickly catch you up to speed:

The SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) decided to essentially give tRump, aka the Orange Shitler, immunity from prosecution if his acts are considered of an “official” nature, although that immunity is supposed to extend to current and future Presidents, as well.

In other words, SCOTUS is handing The Orange Shitler the power to get away with whatever he wants to do, even though it is “presumptive” that he has immunity from criminal prosecution.

In my opinion, it goes back to his statement way back in early 2016 when he mumbled “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters.”

DISGUSTING for a then-Presidential candidate to think, let alone even let roll out of his lying, hate-spewing mouth!! 

And now, with this latest SCOTUS ruling, I suppose tRump can LITERALLY do it now and yes, get away with it.

But then again, President Joe Biden should be able to do the same thing, RIGHT?

However, we all know the SCOTUS decision is slanted towards Orange Shitler. And gee, now why in the world would Fake Tan Fat Ass need such a ruling or even need immunity from prosecution? Hmmm…

I also wish to convey that there would be no need to even uphold such a ruling if certain former occupiers of the White House were above reproach, which they are not.

As far as I am concerned, SCOTUS is saying the Orange Shitler IS GUILTY!!! Well, he is now a convicted felon, so there is that. And yet, he still remains on the ballot! 🤬🤬🤬 Another repulsive first in American history.

We all know that this is designed to give him the ability to take revenge on all of his enemies if he returns to the White House.

Is there a connection to our/my mental health?? You bet your mental imbalance it is!!!

People are now EXTREMELY terrified if NuHitler returns to occupy the White House! And they should be. This is absolutely unheard of, a very dismal first in our sad and pathetic American history, which by the way is hanging from a fragile thread as it is.

My mental health has been fragile as it is, but now I feel like my OCD is off the charts. My mind is racing with catastrophic thinking, now more than ever. I am anxious and scared; however, I am not what I would say depressed. I mean, I still go on. I don’t think I have a flat affect. I probably have more of a scowl on my face, though. 😂🤣😁

Oh and I have not even delved into Project 2025, which now that I am thinking about it, may just end up being another post. But in the meantime, LOOK IT UP!! (if you haven’t already)

Personally, I feel that the proverbial rug has been pulled out from underneath my already wobbly legs in light of this horrendous and very corrupt SCOTUS decision. If that thing – the Orange-wannabe-dictator Herr Shitler gets back into the Oval Office, he will virtually have unchecked powers to do whatever he wants to do! Not to mention setting him up to be the dictator he has always dreamt of being.

And so, yeah, mentally I, and scores and scores of other Americans, are not doing well at the moment. Hell, there are other countries who are horrified by the SCOTUS act.

Our democracy and rights are being stripped away bit by bit. First Roe v. Wade and now this. And I am quite sure there is more to come.

And a federal court judge in Florida also just dismissed the documents case against Fat Boy as well! 🤬🤬🤬

By the way, I will not be discussing the most recent “assassination” attempt on that thing, because I truly believe it was staged. But moving on….

I am truly sickened and grieved and disgusted. I fear for our country, our democracy, and for all of us.

That’s it for now. Before you depart, please check out my Derek Store below.

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Okay, rant over. Please return next time when the topic will be did I inherit my OCD from my grandmother (I apologize in advance as these posts were out of order).

But until then, please keep your head held high, stay safe, don’t give up hope, and by all means, stay mentally well.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

TRIGGER WARNING: SOME IMAGES MAY BE UPSETTING AND WELL… TRIGGERING!!!

Good Day, my friends!

Today I am discussing what happens when your mind gets stuck in a loop of intrusive and bothersome thoughts.

Lately, I have been talking about OCD and the rabbit hole of intrusive thinking, etc. So, I figured it was just natural to have a convo about what it feels like when you think the same thought over and over and yet over again. It is truly sickening.

Also, please click on the banner below to catch a glimpse of my most recent post about the rabbit hole.

(Don’t Go) Down the Rabbit Hole!

It is all related, what I have been elaborating on, with regard to intrusive thinking and going down the rabbit hole of horrible thoughts, especially catastrophic thinking, etc.

Maybe it starts with something you see on television, something terrible in the news, for example. This time I’ll use the nuclear war example.

That lame-ass mofo Vladimir Putin says he’s going to blow the United States to Kingdom Come if he doesn’t get his way, especially with regard to Ukraine. Blah. Blah. Blah. And blah.

But then you start GOING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE of WHAT IF he does follow through with his lame threat? After all, you have been hearing all about the END OF THE WORLD, and/or the Bible and Revelations and the END TIMES, and NOSTRADAMUS’s predictions, etc., etc. and etc.

So, your mind latches onto this thought of WHAT IF it finally happens this time. And oh shit! I DO live in a major U.S. city like New York or Atlanta or L.A. or Miami or Dallas or you know, just a big-ass metropolitan city.

You start thinking about hearing it on the news that Russia has gone and done it and launched a first strike.

This is it. This is the end. Well, in your mind anyway.

In your mind, you see and hear the people panicking and running in the streets. You think about seeing the bright light right before it all ends.

Or maybe you think WHAT IF you survive this catastrophe?

You think about how you will probably NEVER see your loved ones and friends ever again.

You are all alone, perhaps like Mr. Henry Bemis (the wonderful Burgess Meredith) from the Twilight Zone episode, “Time Enough at Last.”

You imagine the radiation eventually making you sick. You lose your hair. You lose weight because the food is now contaminated. You don’t have access to clean water, and the air certainly isn’t clean.

You’re a goner.

And think about how this goes on and on and on in your mind all the time now, day in and day out. Every single day this thought crosses your mind. In one horrific, terrible LOOP.

It is like a sick tape or recording that you just cannot shut off. It SUCKS, too! Because you feel out of control and that you cannot stop it.

This is called rumination, which again, I discussed in my rabbit hole post. So, begging your pardon if I am repeating myself. But this is vitally important for me (and others) to get an understanding of why this happens.

So, let’s see if we can find out what causes this ruminating.

I hate to say this, but nobody really knows what causes this. All I can tell you is that the ruminating is a subset of – WAIT FOR IT – OCD!!

And underlying anxiety, depression, and even phobias are some of the main culprits of causing your mind to go into this endless loop.

Also, my new favorite for us catastrophic thinkers – the UNCERTAINTY of life itself!!

Maybe by ruminating we feel we can control the outcome of said event or catastrophic thought.

Or maybe we are just trying to understand why we are thinking what we are thinking. I know this is part of my big problem with my own looping. I am forever trying to understand why I am thinking that terrible thought.

But it never works. You will forever be STUCK in this LOOP of frightful bullshit if you try to figure out your own thoughts and mind!

In the ruminating, you are trying to understand the how’s and the why’s of the looping. You feel that if you think about it long and hard enough, you’ll find the answers as to why and, therefore, be able to stop it.

However, that is not how it works.

You see, the more you ruminate or give in to the loop, the more bothersome the thoughts become. In other words, they will just keep coming back like some annoying gnat or fly.

As a matter, many experts say to not even try to stop the thoughts!

At any rate, all of this excessive thinking, ruminating, looping can create a great deal of anxiety, depression, and turmoil within the sufferer.

How to stop or at least manage the looping thoughts.

It boils down to telling yourself that your thoughts are just, well thoughts. They have no basis in fact or reality, even if it is something that could possibly happen.

You have to learn to tell yourself that you are safe, no matter what. That nothing bad is happening to you or will happen to you.

Your thoughts cannot hurt you!!

And most importantly, breathe.

And again, if necessary seek treatment.

Or you can check out some CBD products at the Derek Store, which might be helpful in helping you to relax and reduce your anxiety. Click below!

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Thank you, as always, for stopping by. Please return next week when the topic will be the Supreme Court!! That’s right. The “Supreme” Court. So, you KNOW it’s gonna be a dilly! LOL

Until then, please be safe and MENTALLY WELL!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

The Science of Rumination, Intrusive Thoughts, and OCD: Understanding the Inner Workings of Our Minds

Welcome back, my dearest friends and readers!

I hope your summer is going along swimmingly! And coolly! 😁😂🤣🔥🌵😎🆒

Today, I want to talk about going down the rabbit hole, almost like from Alice in Wonderland. However, this is more of we don’t really wish to do that. But then again, did Alice?

And what do I mean by going down the rabbit hole? Well, first of all, it is a term I picked up from work when dealing with our medical students or learners. We don’t want to lead them down a path that doesn’t have anything to do with the case we’re portraying. Or that isn’t important or may lead them astray from their real purpose. Make sense?

Also, going down the rabbit hole can be a good thing, if you are thinking good or fun thoughts. And for me in my writing, going down a rabbit hole with certain storylines is actually a wonderful and fun thing to do.

I have now been using the term “the rabbit hole” in my own life, but in my case, it pertains to my INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. So, when I say to myself ‘Derek, don’t go down the rabbit hole,’ I mean do not allow your thoughts to take you down the path of negative or catastrophic thinking or anticipatory anxiety thinking. Don’t go there. Don’t go down the rabbit hole.

This has been a long journey, battle and war between me and my mind. EVERY DAY I struggle with intrusive thinking, be it unwanted sexual thoughts, catastrophic thinking, etc. It’s like my mind isn’t my own.

A negative, horrible thought will pop into my mind, such as ‘You want to go blind. Or you’re going to go blind one day.’ And sometimes I will create these horrible WHAT IF scenarios in my head about ways it could happen.

And the whole blindness OCD (yes, there is such a thing. And I am learning that I am not the only one who suffers from it), started years ago when I did a search ON THE INTERNET (yep, Ye Olde Purveyor of Potential Doom and Gloom) on eye floaters. And reading that, though harmless and normal, that if you get enough floaters all at once, it could be a sign of retinal detachment, which COULD lead to blindness!

Well, then my mind WENT DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE of ‘Oh my God! I’m going blind!’

This would go off and on in my mind for a while, and then there were long periods when I wasn’t bothered by these thoughts at all. But now they’re back, and because I also study krav maga, a form of martial arts, now the blindness OCD is taking me down the rabbit hole of WHAT IF in sparring with someone or actually fighting, you lose your eye??? And that turned into what if someone PURPOSELY blinds you? Which turned into then ‘sounds like you WANT to experience being blind!’ It’s HORRIBLE!! Because nothing could be farther from the truth.

But this is what I mean by going down the rabbit hole, particularly of catastrophic thinking. How one simple thought can turn itself into a disaster!

And this doesn’t apply to just blindness. Obviously, it can be ANYTHING you may find distasteful, horrid, abominable, unimaginable, etc.

Another example, was the rabbit hole I took myself down during the 80s during the Cold War. You know the one where we Gen Xers lived in constant fear of nuclear war.

Every time I would set foot in Washington, D.C., home of my parents and brother, I would imagine getting nuked. Any major city I found myself in back then, I was deathly afraid that nuclear war would break out, and I would get vaporized, the same way those poor people did in the 1983 movie The Day After.

And the same occurred when I was told by an astrologer that I was bisexual!!! This was back in 1999, and I was an out and proud gay man even then (and still am DUH!). I knew full well who I was. (Oh and by the way, this same astrologer predicted that soon New York, D.C., Atlanta, and other major cities would not be here due to NUCLEAR WAR!)

Back to the bisexual bullocks, after he told me that, my mind went down that rabbit hole of ‘Oh my God! My life is a lie! I actually am SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN!’

So, my mind took me down the rabbit hole of every time I would see a woman, I would think ‘Do I want to go to bed with her? Do I want to have sex with her?’ For a long time I just didn’t want to be around women for fear of seeing something in them that would make me think I’m sexually attracted to them. I went down horrible, little rabbit holes thinking of sex acts with women, that I didn’t want to think, but my mind took me there anyway. And I was also “checking” to see if I was attracted to them. So, I would see if the thoughts would “get a rise out of me” if you catch my drift. And they NEVER did.

So, it is disturbing to think that our minds can do something like this to us, especially an obsessive mind – a person suffering from OCD.

The act of ruminating is the same as going down the rabbit hole. You allow your mind to take you there, and it really is very hard to get out of it. You are stuck in that loop, which I will be talking about next week.

The deeper you go, the harder it is for you to come back to reality.

As an example, you hear about a break-in in a friend’s house. The friend is okay, but several big-ticket items were stolen. After hearing about this, you start ruminating or going down the rabbit hole of what if it happens to you?

You start to realize that your dwelling may not be as secure as you thought.

Then you start imagining WHAT IF someone breaks into your house. What if they aren’t just satisfied by taking your stuff? What if they wish to harm you and/or your loved ones? What if they KILL YOU??

(Notice “what if” comes up a lot!)

You begin investing in home security, perhaps even placing cameras outside your home.

You get a gun. Or five.

But you still worry and obsess CONSTANTLY about being safe in your home.

But it just doesn’t stop there. You begin obsessing about whether you are safe in public. You are now in constant worry and fear over something bad happening to you whether it is at home or work or anywhere.

Perhaps this is an overexaggeration, but I think you get where I’m coming from.

Your mind just won’t stop. It won’t let the thoughts go. It is stuck in your head, and you are thinking about it and ruminating and obsessing over it again and again and again. And yet AGAIN!

Congratulations! You are now down the rabbit hole! And believe me, this is nothing to congratulate anyone over.

And it is easier said than done NOT to think about whatever it is you are obsessing over.

But how do you treat this if you cannot get out of the rabbit hole?

Here are some things that help me:

1. Meditation.
2. Practice mindfulness, where you are just in the moment. For example, if you are outdoors, observe the trees, the nature, the cars passing by, buildings, etc.
3. MUSIC!!! I am telling you this REALLY helps me!
4. Distract yourself. Play a game. Read a book. Listen to music. Watch TV.
5. There is a therapy trick called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, in which you expose yourself to the thing you fear. Give it a shot.
6. I tell myself ‘NO! I REFUSE to go down this rabbit hole! This isn’t real. This is not my experience. I am staying ABOVE the rabbit hole!’ Or something along those lines.
7. And of course seeking professional help is not a bad idea, if you are really stuck and trapped down the rabbit hole. And yes, it can even mean medication.

Above all, don’t give up hope. Stay grounded, always.

Now, before you go, please check out my Derek Store.

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Thank you so much for stopping by. Please return next week when I talk about how the obsessive mind gets stuck and gets into a loop of intrusive thinking. And until then, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my darlings!

This week, as promised, I wanted to delve into what I believe is the true basis of my OCD.

Before I delve into this, I want to make a blanket statement that this post is in no way, shape or form designed to denigrate or be angry with my beloved Grandmother Costella, the wonderful lady who helped to raise me.

I see now that she was just as much a victim as I was.

Also, to give further context, I have ALWAYS suffered from horrible intrusive thoughts stemming from OCD, anticipatory disorder, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and LOADS of catastrophic thinking.

All my life, I just didn’t know what it was. But after EXTENSIVE and EXHAUSTIVE research, yep that is what I suffer from. And I know, I know. Some of you are perhaps thinking I am suffering from the WebMD syndrome! LOLOL

But the symptoms fit. And I have seen therapists who have told me the same thing.

I have gone from the Dark Victory Syndrome of am I losing my memory?

The Dark Victory Syndrome

To the current blindness OCD or fear of going blind (and this one did start with an WebMD search)!

And every other OCD-related trigger in between.

Well, honorable mention to the threat of nuclear war/the Cold War thingy of the 80s.

The intrusive thoughts began to manifest themselves in college, when I was in the cult.

So, enough of my mini background. On with the actual show.

Miss Cos

My grandmother Costella was such a worrier. For being someone so strong, self-assured and having a very strong belief in God, she was a bit nervous. Okay, a LOT nervous.

These are just SOME of the examples of growing up with grandma:

When I was a little Derek, whenever I was playing outdoors, Costella would often come out on the back porch and SCREECH my name!!

“DEREK, WHERE ARE YOU? STAY WHERE GRANDMOMMY CAN SEE YOU!!!!”

She was just so afraid, for some reason, that something was going to happen to me. Maybe she was being extra careful or cautious since I wasn’t her child, and she knew she would never hear the end of it if something happened to me on her watch.

And then I became a teen. When I was first learning how to drive and even after I had gotten my driver’s license and she would make me take her to get groceries or to church (mostly at the insistence of my grandfather, because he was a jackass and okay, okay, because he needed a break since there was now another driver in the family. He just went about it the wrong way). But anyhoo…

I would drive, with my grandmother in the passenger seat, and talk about a backseat driver. 😂😂 Whenever I would brake to slow down or stop, I could feel her foot pressing into the floorboard of the car on her side. She thought she, too, could control the car! 😁😁

She would DEFINITELY tell me to slow down. Or to move. Or to stop, etc. It was very frustrating and nerve wracking for me, who was not the most comfortable driver at that time. And ANY driver will tell you they don’t appreciate hearing from the peanut gallery about their driving habits.

Also, how many times did I hear “Be careful” before leaving the house as a child, and especially as a teen when I was driving?

Later in life, I began to exhibit some of the same fears, albeit for the most part, I kept them to myself. However, my mind constantly played out all sorts of disastrous scenarios, including hypochondriac thoughts, such as Moe Howard in character below. 😁😁😂😂

Dr. Douglas Bloch, who is a depression and life coach (he can be found on YouTube) calls it being “nervous in the service,” where you are scared of EVERYTHING. And that certainly described me as a child.

This describes my grandmother to a tee. And again, for someone who supposedly had such a strong faith in God, it was just odd to see her be so EXTREMELY “nervous in the service.” She worried about EVERYTHING! She worried about her children and grandchildren, including my little brother, particularly when he came to visit in the summertime.

And I know she was concerned and loved us. However, looking back I could tell how much SHE suffered!

You witness this over and over and over, I have to wonder if it doesn’t become ingrained in you, despite doing everything in your power to fight against it. I told myself multiple times that I wasn’t going to end up like my grandmother in that regard, but I did.

I finally feel like I am rising above it, though, or at least I am trying to. And RALPH doesn’t make it easy. Ralph is what I call that intrusive thinking/OCD part of my mind now. No doubt very soon, Ralph will be the subject of one of my blog posts. 😉

THE TRUTH!

I now know the real reason, or at least part of it, behind Miss Costella’s neurosis. It was my grandfather. And I revealed that in a previous blog post, too.

He cheated on her. That’s right. I lived a lie in my household on 1002 Montgomery Street. There were numerous fights, yes. BUT I didn’t know that my grandfather had been cheating on my grandmother and sired not one, but two other children outside of his marriage to her.

So, I could see whenever he would leave the house, she would be afraid or nervous that he was going to go see the other woman. Which he probably did.

In the end, this isn’t to blame my grandmother. I am not mad at her at all. This is about my healing and understanding. And understanding her even more. As a matter of fact, I feel sorry for her. I am so sorry for what my grandfather put her through. I can see now how he really destroyed her in so many ways. And how he destroyed all of us.

But in the end, he isn’t going to win! And there is much more to Costella’s rich legacy than HER intrusive thoughts!

That’s it for today, but before you go, please check out the Derek Store!!

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Please return next week when the topic will be how your mind takes you down a rabbit hole in terms of your intrusive thinking. So, until then, please be safe and, as always, MENTALLY WELL!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello all, and welcome back!

Today we are talking about how a good job can actually promote good and sound mental health. And of course, I have got to go there and talk about how a bad one can do the exact opposite. I should know. I’ve been there, and I’m sure you have, too.

You have in mind the perfect job for you. You research and research AND RESEARCH until you’ve found said job. You submit your application/resume, etc. and cross your fingers and hope and pray you land it. You are surprised when you actually either get a call or an email saying they wish to interview you. You are beyond ecstatic. You agree to an interview date, have the interview, and everything seems to go well.

Perhaps you still have to wait a bit to hear back or maybe you land the job on the spot during the interview. Either way, CONGRATULATIONS! You got the job!

You are so nervous when you start. But you are so happy to be there. Maybe you show up on your first day a little early. After all, you don’t want to take any chances of being late. Anyway, you meet your new boss or bosses and new team. Everyone seems friendly and nice. And after a few weeks, it turns out they really are.

You enjoy the work, the friendship and camaraderie of your team. However, you realize that everything isn’t perfect on the job. Maybe there is an aspect you don’t particularly care for. After all every job, even the good ones, has a part that you may not care for, but still don’t mind doing. However, you realize you STILL enjoy the job overall. And the people.

This continues until the next thing you know a year or two has gone by, and you are in heaven! And why? Because of the overall positivity of the workplace, which is not faux positivity. The overall atmosphere is very warm and welcoming, with no drama. The morale is VERY high! There is no gossiping. Okay, perhaps a little fun gossip, which I think is normal in any workplace. But it isn’t the type of gossip that is malicious or hateful.

You even go out to lunch with your coworkers. You all have such fun together. Heck, even the boss goes, because the boss is so much fun to be around. And you realize they are just a regular person like you. The boss has your back, and so do your coworkers.

Perhaps there is even a little socializing outside of work.

There are holiday parties and fun little gatherings. Everyone just clicks very well.

You find that you actually have FUN at work, while doing your job.

And everyone stays in THEIR LANE. No one, other than your boss, tries to BE your boss.

Your performance reviews are always EXCELLENT! And get this: The company wants to know how THEY are doing! That’s right. They ask you to evaluate THEM!

Your ideas are accepted or at the very least, considered without mockery.

You LOVE to go to work! Or at the very least you don’t mind. And this continues. Oh and your boss and coworkers actually care about you as a person, as a human being. They value your input and your time there. This is actually how it is. You have never been happier in your life. And if you are waiting for the buts, there are none!

You sleep well at night. Your other relationships even get a boost. You WANT to be at work.

But what does all of this do for your mental wellbeing?

1. You have a boost in self-confidence.
2. Great self-esteem and self worth.
3. Feelings of belongingness.
4. A feeling that you are doing and achieving something good.
5. You are contributing to something.
6. Overall, you feel good about yourself.
7. You are simply happy.

Now. Let’s re-run the first part of this post from the top. All the way up to the part where you land the job, and it is your first day. But with some slight differences. Tee hee.

Everything starts off fine on your new job. The people seem friendly enough, and your boss does, too.

But slowly over time, you begin to see little, subtle shifts. For example, maybe your boss seems to be absent from work. Well. A lot. You also notice a shift in your duties, as in you are now getting extra duties normally relegated to your boss, but you are not getting their pay or at least anything extra.

Those nice workplace friends? Well, they are starting to show their TRUE colors. One turns out to be a bully, who wants his way at every turn. He says mean-spirited and malicious things, even during team meetings. And it turns out there are several coworkers who are afraid of him, including the boss; therefore, they side with him, thereby displaying their true loyalty.

The gossip in this place is off the chain! People are gossiping about each other. They gossip about the boss. And they are even gossiping about you.

Your ideas are shot down and you are humiliated and questioned over them, like you are being interrogated.

Arguments begin to break out, and constantly while at work. Mostly, you are a witness to it, but sometimes you are also involved. And nine times out of 10, it involves the workplace bully.

It gets so bad that maybe there are meetings with HR to act as mediator, but even that doesn’t help or solve the problem. It descends into pure hell to the point that you now HATE to go to work! Morale is VERY low!! The atmosphere is EXTREMELY negative and highly TOXIC!!

And suddenly people are saying to YOU that “you act like you don’t want to be here.” Excuse me, but neither do they! Pot? Kettle? And why would you want to be at such a horrible place surrounded by horrible, disagreeable people?

You come home every day completely and totally drained and tired. You wake up in the morning still tired from the previous day. You DREAD going to work. Your drive to work is a nightmare, because of your constant thinking and overthinking about how you have to deal with your toxic coworkers. And simply how you are going to get through another day.

You are in the middle of a VERY toxic workplace.

Your sleep suffers.

Your overall relationships with others begin to suffer, because you are now CONSTANTLY talking about how much you HATE your job!

Instead of the positive feelings from the above list, you instead feel:

1. A tremendous drop in self-confidence.
2. Low self-esteem and self worth.
3. Feelings of not belonging.
4. A feeling that you are not doing anything worthwhile and achieving nothing of importance.
5. You are not contributing to anything, because your ideas aren’t appreciated or taken into consideration anyway.
6. Overall, you feel bad about yourself.
7. You are simply unhappy. Very unhappy.

It goes without saying that I have had my fair share of shitty jobs. I encountered basically every negative scenario described above, and some of those assholes had THE NERVE to tell me that I acted like I didn’t want to be there. And I didn’t. Who would want to be surrounded by such hateful c****, er I mean such negative drama? 😂🤣.

So, my mental health deteriorated to the point that yes, I began acting out. I became as rude as some of my coworkers. I don’t know if my self-esteem plummeted or not, but my anger sure rose to new heights, again, to the point that I displayed my disdain for my workplace. I was a mega bitch. And even when I was written up, I was STILL a mega bitch. I know for sure one of my alters took over, the calm yet icy one. LOLOL

In the end, do you really wish to sacrifice your sound mental health for a paycheck? I have finally learned that I do not. I will simply walk out. After all, now I have multiple jobs to choose from! 🤣

Remember, there is help for you if you are encountering the negative job and/or things you can do. I know it is easier said than done to quit and look for another job.

However, this is what I say if you do decide to stay. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Set clear boundaries with your coworkers and even your boss, if necessary.

Tell your rude coworkers that you will, in no uncertain terms, be disrespected by them EVER!

One thing I wish I had told some of my rude coworkers, especially here in Atlanta, that “I am NOT one of your Atlanta, hoodrat, ghetto friends. Therefore, you will NOT speak to me as such!” BOOM!!

When you leave work, leave it THERE! Do not take it home with you.

Do not accept extra duties without extra pay!

Treat yourself and OFTEN!! Perhaps a massage, pedicure, good music, exercise, and definitely good food! 😊

I know to some of you, these suggestions are no brainers. But to others, they really don’t know what to do. But now you do.

Oh and if you already have that dream job with the dream team, DON’T LEAVE!!! 🤣😂

In summation, a good job that cares, takes pride in their employees. They value them and very much want them there. I really wish I had learned the difference early on.

Now, before you leave, please visit the Derek Store. You never know what you might find. 😁😉

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That is it for now. But by all means, please come back next week when the topic shall be “did I inherit my anxiety from my grandmother?” Oooooo! It’s gonna be a good one! So, stay tuned. And until then, please stay safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, everyone! Today’s post is designed to sort of poke fun at myself while admitting a TRUTH and at the same time also tying it back to mental health. So, wish me luck! 😂🤣😉

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS POST GETS DOWN AND DIRTY AND IS NOT MEANT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART!! AND I MAY COME ACROSS AS A RAVING LUNATIC!! 🤣🤣🤣

But to quote Curly Howard of The Three Stooges – “I don’t care!” 🤣🤣

This is my I DON’T GIVE A FUCK post!  I am letting it all hang out!!!! Total Stream of Consciousness.

So, you’ve been warned!!

Now. On with the show!

One of my favorite quotes from The Golden Girls is in reference to Sophia Petrillo. During the “Moonlight Madness” episode, several of the characters refer to her as “the mean old lady like the paper boy says.” And then finally Sophia admits it herself. 🤣😂 And I have now been saying that about myself, too! It cracks my friends up.

And the below song, by the FABU Annie Lennox, has sort of been my theme song. I have included it before. But please listen again!

Because I AM BITTER!!!! 😁😁😂😂

The older I get, the less I like people. Yeah. Much like Frieda Claxton from The Golden Girls. “I’ve got no use for people and never have.” 😂And I KNOW that I am not the only one.

Animals I love, though. ❣️❣️❣️Oh and I do love the elderly. Lots of wisdom to be gleaned there.

Anyway, that is how I feel now. I am not exactly sure how or where it all began. Hmmm but let me see if I can count the ways:

Being called homophobic slurs as a child (and as an adult) didn’t help.

My own family turning against me and criticizing me, particularly my grandfather, that didn’t help.

Teachers, classmates and so-called friends in secondary school turning against me and criticizing me didn’t help.

And let’s not talk about “The Church” and its hateful homophobic and misogynistic garbage and rhetoric.

And we won’t EVEN begin to delve into my romantic life. Or lack thereof.

Or the mean-spirited, hateful and loathsome people I have worked with over the decades.

The vicious roommates.

Working for certain companies and jobs that brought out THE WORST in me!

Being a part of a certain band that brought out the WORST in me!

Hateful, mean-spirited comments lobbed my way.

Oh and get over it?  No, I think not.  You can still be a BPQ (Bitter Prissy Queen) and be KIND and NICE.  But ready to lob grenades on any other BITCH or BASTARD that tries to go there. 💣

Oh and by the way, if I am coming across as a victim, I DON’T CARE!! 😂🤣

These are MY feelings. Not yours. And I believe in expressing my TRUE feelings regardless of what others think!

I am a total bitch!  I used to be nice.  Okay, I’m still nice. 😉🤣 BUT because of the life circumstances outlined above, and not getting what I want – well… I know.  I am sounding like a whiny, petulant child.  But truthfully?  I am tired of PEOPLE!!  And social media doesn’t help, with all of the constant validation seeking and same tired posts and selfies.  But not just social media.  People in general with their bullshit and those who support TRUMP for some ungodly reason, et al. It all gets on my ever-loving nerves!

I am also sick and tired of people’s rudeness and lack of common sense and courtesy. 

I am sick of SOME millennials with their holier-than-thou attitude and their thinking that they have all of the answers when all you have to do is say BOO and they are offended and crying.  Literal tears.  And acting as if they are so superior and worldly and their belief that they are reinventing the wheel and not realizing it is not about them.  And for the record, my pronouns are:

1. None of your business.
2. Designed for those who are either transitioning or who are nonbinary.  Fight me on this!
3. My pronouns are – ALL OF THEM!!  I DON’T CARE.  Address me by Derek.  Miss Bitch if you’re nasty!! 😂🤣

Oh.  And you don’t have the patent on what is respectful, courteous or politically correct, simply when a joke is a joke.  People are so sick of you. 

I am also a bitter bitch because of how I was treated growing up.  How many BLACK people have come for me during my lifetime?  So, let me make it clear and if you want to try and use this against me later, by all means please do.  But I am not here for you either! 

AND STOP USING YOUR TIRED RELIGION AND CHRISTIANITY TO WEAPONIZE GAY PEOPLE!!! 

And str8 black men, stop acting as if gay men WANT YOU! Maybe the thug-chasing gay white males do; but nine times out of 10, the gay black queens don’t!!

And str8 black actors who refuse to wear a dress on stage, it is FUNNY! It is NOT about sexual orientation! It is COMEDY! Do you not realize that centuries ago, women were NOT allowed to do theatre at all? So, the male actors had to DON A DRESS! It has NOTHING to do with sexual orientation or emasculating your ridiculously fragile ego!

And yes, I am a SISSY, FAGGOT, PUNK and the novel with the title Confessions of a Sissy/Faggot/Punk WILL be coming forth.  Ha!!

Ya see? In essence, this is what happens when:

1. You don’t get what you want.
2. You don’t get the man you want.
3. You don’t get the money you want.
4. You don’t get the toys you want. 😂
5.  You don’t have the life you want.
6. You have been bullied and intimidated your entire life.
7. You are CONSTANTLY surrounded by STUPID PEOPLE!!

At the end of the day, maybe I just need some good old-fashioned sex!  😉😂🤣😁🤔

And a BPQ is all about her convenience. The older I get, the more I prefer to be at home with my creature comforts.

And I don’t think that I am mean.  I just have strong feelings, opinions and thoughts I feel that perhaps should be kept to myself. 🤣😂

But I certainly feel safe stating them here.

The prissiness.  Well, I can thank my homophobic classmates and former friends for that.  Sissy.  Faggot. Punk. I felt soooooo ashamed over being myself.  And afraid to be myself. But now I go up and down those grocery aisles sashaying. Because I am a PRISSY queen!

But at the end of the day, I am so much fun and still loving, despite being a proud Bitter Prissy Queen.  BPQ! ❣️ 🤣😂

A good friend has a t-shirt that says “Tomorrow is not promised.  Cuss them out today!!”

Mentally how has this all affected me? Well, I turned into a BPQ because of all of the above!! 😂😂😂

But seriously, all of the homophobia lobbed my way (and my brothers and sisters’ way) made us all feel down on ourselves. We suffered from low self-esteem, and feelings of unworthiness. And please don’t say we all feel that way at times. I am talking about sexual orientation here. And I doubt very seriously the hets were made to feel bad over being hets.

That truly messes with your mind. It toughens you up, and yes, it can turn you into a BPQ. I don’t know what the lesbian antithesis of this would be. Oh hell, we’ll work on them next week. 😂

Mentally, you don’t have a choice but to toughen up. Perhaps I have taken it to an extreme. But I think not. It is just who I am. And as long as no one gets hurt.

That is all. Off of my soapbox. 😉

Now. Don’t you go away, ya hear? Until you’ve checked out the Derek Store by clicking on the banner below!

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Okay. I’ve ranted and raved enough. Please come back next week when the topic shall be good jobs promote good mental health. Until then, please be safe, and as always, MENTALLY WELL!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).