Category: mental health and well-being

Greetings, all!

Welcome back for a never-ending, fun-filled trip into my mind! 😂

I’m going there today, not that I don’t already in my blog posts.

But I really wish to discuss and elaborate on why I have chased after men I couldn’t or SHOULDN’T have.

Warning: This post is so long that it will be in three parts!! And VERY revealing!!

And as the above song by Daryl & John states, I wanted to be One on One with my guys. However, some of them didn’t want to be One on One with me.

Anyhoo, I opened Pandora’s Box on Halloween with a post talking about the chase of one of my “men.” Please click on the banner below to get some context:

In the above post, I discussed my 1989 infatuation with my then coworker Phil Leonard.

But today, I’m going to examine ALL of my main “men” in what I call THE DEREK CHASE!!! (kinda like the movie and TV series The Paper Chase. Get it?! Oh never mind!) 😂

Let’s go back to the beginning, shall we?

It all started in North Carolina.

Though, I have already discussed Phil, here are some highlights:

The Phil Chase – I followed him home, or at least made the attempt once. (I even got a speeding ticket after Thanksgiving 1989, rushing back from Wadesboro to Chapel Hill to see if I could follow him! Served me right!) And I did figure out where he lived, with a bit of Charlie’s Angels-like detective work and ingenuity.

I manipulated him – or tried to – on a couple of occasions. I did get him to come to my apartment to give him a Christmas present back in ’89. He showed up all right. With his dog. Woof!

I also manipulated him – or tried to anyway – to kiss me at PC on his 37th birthday in February 1990. He didn’t fall for it, though. DAMMIT! And he was very angry about it and called me out on my manipulation!

And all I really wanted was for him to take me to his heart. ❤️😓😁

Dave and Annie wrote a song about it. Check it out!

I did everything and pulled every trick in the book to get next to him. I played every love song that was popular back then, fantasizing about him being my lover. Particularly this one:

Because to me, he WAS my everything! That’s just how sick, twisted and deluded I was. And I can say that now.

The Charles Chase – But moving on. I have already discussed Charles Enzor, as well.

But here are some highlights:

I had more success with Charles, because he DID return my attraction. We used to dance together at both PC and CC – Capital Corral in Raleigh – both to the fast AND the slow stuff. And he did NOT hesitate for a moment to do either!

As a matter of fact, one of my fave slow dances with him was Sinead O’Connor’s version of the Prince song Nothing Compares to U. Rest in peace, Sinead. 😥

Because NOTHING compared to him. I mean, the man was the epitome of the Marlboro Man. He was the spitting image of Sam Elliott!

We used to close down both PC and CC, and he generally always walked me to my car, which always ended in a very steamy kiss. WOOF!! (I actually learned the term woof from him, which is now used rather extensively in the gay world!)

I tried to get him to come over, too, but it never happened.

I also called him – LOTS!

And I even figured out where he worked, passing by it as often as I could. So, I guess a bit of stalking on my part. I just never had the nerve to go in. He worked with his lover/roommate/best friend/whatever label Charles gave this guy (because it seemed to change every time I saw him). It was an art restoration and gallery.

There was a sort of sad, major climax to this tale, though.

There was that horrible night when I saw him around Christmastime, 1990. I hadn’t seen him in a while. And when I caught a glimpse of him, he had lost a great deal of weight. He was so emaciated and bone thin. So, I knew what the deal was: I realized that he had contracted the AIDs virus.

We did talk that night, but he did not confirm my suspicions of his illness. And yes, we danced, et al, like nothing had ever happened.

However, I spent the next day on my couch in tears!!

We continued to meet up with each other at the bars, until the Darrell Chase in 1991, which is coming up.

Later, I moved to Atlanta in ’93, and I NEVER told him I left. I don’t know why. And then on a return trip to N.C., and to CC (and with my Israeli Chase – whom you’ll meet in this story), I was told that he passed away. And I have lived with the guilt and the regret of all that ever since… 😓

But then there was Darrell Mitchell, who was a whole other story.

The Darrell Chase – My relationship with Darrell can be summed up with the above song by Eurythmics – Put The Blame On Me. Because everything was MY fault, according to Darrell.

However, there is much more to it than what the lyrics convey, but there is that one line that DEFINITELY nails it – “Where are you tonight? Are you sleeping on your own? I need to know where you are tonight. Are you sleeping on your very own? Tell the one that’s lying with you, to get right up and go back home.”

Yeah, I could have easily said this to Darrell. As a matter of fact, knowing me, I probably did. So, draw your own conclusions from those lines what you will. 🤔🤔🤔

At any rate, Darrell was my first OFFICIAL lover. I was around 24 at the time. He was 37. We met in 1991, somewhere sort of in the middle of the Charles storyline. And yes, we met at the very electric Power Company. 😂 As I’ve said before, it was my home away from home back in the day.

I first saw Darrell at the very-well lit end of the bar at PC. There was the whole cruising each other, at first, to gauge interest. The locking of the eyes and then looking away, and looking again to make sure there WAS interest. Then the actual meeting, followed by the light banter. And I think I asked him out to lunch or something like that, upon which he wrote on a napkin “let’s,” along with his phone number.

Yeah. That’s how we met and got each other’s phone numbers back during the Stone Ages! 😁😊😂🤣

We fooled around on our first date. And to cut to the chase, I technically lost my virginity to him on our 2nd date, in which he violated me. And for now, we will just leave it at that. Again, draw your own conclusions. 🤔

From then on, our sex life consisted of me asking – no BEGGING – him to wear a condom, which he consistently refused!! I don’t know, there was this thing going on at the time killing gay men, called the AIDS crisis. 🤔

He did acquiesce, but stupidly used Vaseline as a lubricant, which of course can cause a condom to rupture. And it did, which further sent me into panic mode!

And on top of that, he would forever talk about his exes, especially this drug-addicted, jailbird named Everette. He would tell me on more than one occasion that Everette was better built and better looking than both of us.

He also BRAGGED about having an affair with one of his UNDERAGE male students!!!

Whenever we were out, he would look at other men, and make the most disgusting and lurid remarks about them.

Because of his abuse (okay and my own STUFF), I splintered off from myself. By now, it is no secret that I called myself Daryl & Company back then. And as my other selves, I did some TERRIBLE things and said some TERRIBLE things to Darrell. And I own that now.

(Ironic that I called one of my alters Daryl and I was dating a Darrell, different spellings). Haha!

Being sort of religious – HA! – Darrell would call me “legion” from the Bible, because there were many (of me, so to speak). Hey! I only had three back then, as opposed to 13 now! 😁😂🤣

As a matter of fact, when I found out Darrell cheated on me (I found a letter from a Willie Terrell in Atlanta), I turned into Terrible Terence and plotted to drug him, tape record him and get him fired from his choral teaching job!!! 😱🫨

I didn’t follow through with it, thankfully.

Yet, I stayed. After the psychological, sexual and emotional abuse, and the cheating, I. Stayed. And I actually never STRAYED, oddly enough. And I definitely had plenty of offers back then.

We actually broke up towards the tale end of 1991. He sent me a Dear Derek letter. 🤣😂😂 He said he just couldn’t take it anymore. Whatever.

And that should have been the end of it. But it wasn’t. Because in early 1992, we reconciled. As a matter of fact, he contacted me. Nothing much had changed. Eventually, we fell back into the same old habits.

It was the summer of 1992 when things sort of came to a head, so to speak. An unbelievable denouement.

Darrell got a teaching job in Atlanta, where this Willie Terrell person lived. But before he left, he told me he got tested for HIV!! He was very romantic and loving, and we made love one last time. I say made love, because it was the most tender and loving I had EVER seen Darrell!!

Then he moved. And it was Over. Or was it???

Then I got the call from the Durham Health Department that someone I had recently slept with tested positive for HIV.

Well, who the hell else could it have been but Darrell????

I called him in Atlanta and confronted him about it, and he lied saying it wasn’t him. He didn’t have it. LIAR!!!!!

I went through (more) HELL because of him!!

After NUMEROUS tests, fortunately I didn’t have it. And I have NEVER contracted it, THANK GOD!

The Elliot Chase – But let’s skip over Darrell and move onto John Elliot. I tried to get close to him, but let’s just say his dog wouldn’t let that happen.

He was a professor at Duke, and for the life of me I don’t remember what he taught.

He was rather short, bearded, and his house was like a museum! And he talked about his ex, too, a Dante, who he would drone on and on about how this Dante cheated on him! Oh brother.

But are you bitches ready for this????? Apparently, Darrell and Elliot shared the same man – EVERETTE!! Well, not at the same time. But in discussing Darrell, of course, I brought up this Everette. And that is when Elliot dropped a bomb on me, by saying he, too, had been with Everette!!! As a matter of fact, I remember when Elliot told me that he once visited Everette in jail for drug possession, and he was in shackles!!!!

Oh boy, I can sure pick ’em!!

I decided in the summer of 1992 to fly to the Bahamas. WITHOUT Elliot. I don’t think he liked that. And we broke up afterwards. Oh. Well.

Then in July 1993, I moved to Atlanta, yes, where Darrell was also living!!

I ran into him, once back in ’93, at the then Burkhart’s. (Too bad I wasn’t in my car! Hahaha! My little joke 😂) And he acted as if nothing had happened!! And I kept my mouth shut when I shouldn’t have. And he touched me, and it absolutely made my skin crawl and cringe upon itself.

Fast forward to Valentine’s night 2001 – I found out on a date with another guy that someone had shot him in the face and killed him outside a gay bar in Augusta, GA. I read about this in The Southern Voice. Oh. Well.

That’s it, kiddies!

But before you go, check out my new website and business venture – The Derek Store!

Come back next week when we take this journey into Atlanta! You won’t want to miss Part 2! Until then and as always, please be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hey, all!

I’ve decided that since today is Halloween, and soooooo many people really dig Halloween, that I would write a short and fun post on the subject. (Well, considering the story, maybe it isn’t quite so fun.) 🎃🦇👻

I am not necessarily as big a fan of Halloween, per se, as my counterparts, but I have certainly done my fair share of dressing up, both as a kid and as an adult. I have attended plenty of Halloween parties. And I have also gotten into trouble at Halloween. Here is such a story from 1989.

This occurred wayyyy back when I first came out. I was working at A Southern Season in Chapel Hill, in the bakery at the time, and if you’ve heard the story before, you know I simply referred to it as ASS. Because a lot of the people who worked there were just that: A bunch of asses.

And I recently learned that the place closed back in 2020 due to bankruptcy. Ha! Oh. Well. 😃

Anyhoo, it all started when I went to Andy Triana’s party. Andy and I were in the music department together at Carolina back then, and we were such good buddies. We were ALWAYS getting into trouble! At any rate, I started off dressing as a white man for his party. Or at least I TRIED to. I put on pancake makeup, donned a short wig designed for a white guy, and my father’s long leather coat. And off I went.

But where I really wanted to be was at the Power Company Halloween party that Phil Leonard had told me about. Because he was going to be there, too. Tee hee.

If I have never delved into the Phil story, he was 36 at the time, and I was 22. And I was madly in love with him. He also worked at ASS back then, but in the coffee section. He was so fucking sexy as hell! LOLOL He made going to ASS totally worth it!

Anyway, I ditched Andy’s party early on and off to the Power Company I went.

Oh I wrote a post about that joint, too, in talking about my other pal, Charles Enzor. Here it be. 😂🤣

I got to my home away from home, The Power Company (or PC as I used to call it), and there was Phil dressed as some sort of bird creature. And I had gotten rid of the makeup and was calling myself, James Brown, at this point.

Phil was very enthused to see me. We spent a lot of time talking and drinking. And drinking and talking. As a matter of fact, he really filled me in on the cast of characters at ASS. Talk about DRAMA! 🎭

And we danced. We danced to the fast stuff. And we even shared the closing slow number together, though he acted at first as if he was reluctant to do that. But he did it just the same. We closed the joint, and we walked outside together. And this is when it became my worst Halloween EVAH!!

For some reason, I spilled my feelings to him. Maybe it was the alcohol, I don’t know. But I told him how much I loved him. And that I wanted him to kiss me. He smiled and then he told me “No. I see us just as friends. As a matter of fact, I see us old, sitting in rocking chairs, together, as friends.” Well, I may be in the rocking chair, but you’ll be dead by then, buddy. I didn’t think that then, but I should have. 😂🤣

But get this, he kissed me ANYWAY! And yes, with tongue!!! It lasted what seemed like an eternity. And then he said good night, and that he would see me at work the next day.

He was parked close to the entrance of the bar. I was parked on that parking deck that I grew to know and love so much. And in the freezing cold, it was back to that wonderful friend, the parking deck, that I trudged to – in scalding tears.

Yes, tears. I had just been rejected. My first “romantic” rejection. But I think it was the kiss that put me over the edge. It was delicious. And wet. And warm. And sexy. And now when I think back to it, it was a kiss off.

Needless to say, I cried all the way back to my apartment. When I got home, I didn’t even bother to take off my clothes. I just curled up in a ball in the bathroom, still drunk mind you, and cried myself to sleep. On the floor.

When I woke up, I realized that I STILL had to go to work!!

And I was still on my bathroom floor!!! Yikes!!

So, I pulled myself together, showered and changed, and off to work I went.

Turns out the time had changed, too. We had fallen back, and I was a whole hour early for work!!! And one of my creepy coworkers who worked in the deli, and who was also gay, reminded me that it would have been worse if I had been an hour LATE. I never liked him.

I was a bit embarrassed when Phillip showed up for work later. I apologized profusely, and he assured me that it was all right. But it wasn’t all right. But a very long life lesson of not chasing after someone who isn’t interested in you. And a painful lesson to learn on Halloween of all nights!

Well, I still made my mistakes in that arena of chasing after unavailable men. Just not at Halloween. Tee hee.

That’s it. Short. And bittersweet.

But don’t leave until you’ve checked out my FIVE CBD webpage!!

Thank you all for stopping by. It really means a lot! Come back next week for yet another tale! Stay tuned!

Until then, please be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Or the WebMD Syndrome.

Hello, hello! And welcome back my dearest friends and readers!

So, just gonna dive right in here. Basically, all of my life, I have suffered a bit from hypochondria. And if you don’t know what that means, it means that you believe that you are sick and even possibly dying, when you definitely are not. It is brought on by underlying anxiety and fear.

But is it a form of OCD? We’ll find out in a moment…

Hypochondria or hypochondriasis (or health anxiety or illness anxiety) can take over not just your mind, but your entire life, too!

Even though it is all in the mind, I don’t want to say that it is just in the mind. In other words, I definitely don’t want to diminish the feelings of the hypochondriac.

When it starts in your mind, then you “feel” it in your body or think you do. The sensations. The feelings. Uh oh. You KNOW you have a problem. There is the if you think about it, focus on it, then it “manifests” itself in your body – type of thing.

We all know by now if you focus on something a lot, especially something bad or horrible, it does expand.

And that happened to me.

Starting as a child, whenever I heard about someone’s illness or particularly would see a sick and dying person on TV, I suddenly had that disease!!!

I call it the Dark Victory Syndrome. Wrote a post about it previously. Care to see it? Here it go! 🤣😁

In the Dark Victory Syndrome post, I talk about how when I was a child watching the brain tumor movies, such as Dark Victory – first the remake with Elizabeth Montgomery, and then years later the original with THE Divine Bette Davis, any little headache made me think I had a brain tumor, too. After seeing the Elizabeth Montgomery version, I was forever going around the house reciting my age, birthdate, address, phone number, etc., to make sure I didn’t have any memory loss that could potentially point to a brain tumor or any sort of brain abnormality. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t have blurry vision like Samantha did – er Elizabeth – I mean, the character. Honey, I was a mess!

For the most part, I got over it as I grew older. But I am here to tell you that for one, being diagnosed with high blood pressure back in 2004, did not help matters.

Any little twinge in my chest meant I was having a heart attack.

Any strange feelings in my head, I was having a stroke.

I could just up and drop dead at any minute!

Just to show you how powerful the brain and the mind are, I talked myself into going to the emergency room at Grady, at one point, because I THOUGHT I was having these strange sensations in my head, which made me THINK I was having a stroke. And turns out, of course, I wasn’t.

I wasted a 12-hour trip sitting in the ER for naught. But I suppose it’s better to be safe than to be sorry.

But this is the nightmare a hypochondriac faces.

A persistent cough means you have lung cancer.

An upset stomach means you have stomach cancer.

Aches and pains in your back and legs can mean some sort of muscular dystrophy or musculoskeletal disorder.

Eye floaters means you’re going blind. (the latest source of my angst!)

Any sort of dizziness or light-headedness could mean anything from a stroke to heart disease to multiple sclerosis. (Another of my latest angst after passing out at the Heretic a couple of months ago!)

And now, any little sniffle or cough or aches or pains isn’t just the flu, but it is COVID!!!!

You get the horrible, overthinking picture.

It’s awful.

And for the record, any and all medical tests come up NEGATIVE for said and above illnesses.

And child, don’t take to the Internet or WebMD to self diagnose yourself!! You REALLY will be in trouble, psychologically speaking that is.

So, my biggest “illnesses” thus far, (according to WebMD and the Internet 🤣) are:

1. HIV
2. Stroke
3. Heart attack
4. Blindness
5. Brain tumor

Of course I do not have any of these or have suffered from any of these. But in my mind I am on the verge, because of fear, worry and anxiety.

And a very good friend just recently pointed out to me it could be sympathy pains for anyone who is actually suffering or has suffered from a chronic disease. Well, it is possible, I suppose. In the mind of the hypochondriac, you can attach yourself to someone else’s illness and while feeling empathy for that person, suddenly feel like you ARE that person and you’ve got that illness, too!

Also, just think of the poor germaphobe who consistently suffers, thinking that any touch of a doorknob or the shake of a hand means they are going to catch something. (Think Howie Mandel!!) Now, THAT IS OCD! And if you have been following my blog, I do speak extensively on OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

OCD is a brain disorder that has its roots in anxiety and fear. And I am here to tell you that when your obsessive brain attaches itself to something horrid, it just runs with it. Hence, I am tying it back to my earlier question – is hypochondria a case of OCD?

Update: According to sources, OCD and hypochondriasis are NOT connected! So, hypochondria is NOT OCD! And I do find that interesting that it wouldn’t be. But okay!

What causes this Devil called hypochondria?

Doctors have determined there are several causes of hypochondria:

1. Perhaps you or someone close to you experienced a serious illness or medical condition.
2. You already suffer from some sort of mental health disorder, such as anxiety, depression or a compulsive disorder.
3. As a child, you suffered from some form of neglect and/or abuse.
4. Or you have a “personality that tends to make everything worse than what it is.” Ding! Ding! Ding! This would be me!!

I want to talk about this a little bit more. And I have covered this in my above and previous blog post The Dark Victory Syndrome.

And please forgive me for being redundant, but all of my life I have had this death wish. No, I never wanted to die or desired to kill myself, but as far back as I can remember, once I completed a grade in school or got to said grade, I would say to myself, ‘Oh. I won’t make it to the next one. I’ll die.’ And then I would get to the next grade, get through it, and prepare to enter the next one, and say this to myself all over again.

For the life of me, I don’t know why I would think such a horrid thing.

This was when I was a young child. By the time I got to the 7th grade back in 1979, that sort of thinking kinda stopped. I now label it Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And that can be an entire blog post in and of itself. I don’t think I can write enough about that subject.

GAD = living under the belief and worrying constantly that something horrible is going to happen to you at any moment.

And even now, I am back to the – ‘oh my God! I think I’m going blind!’ And this is because of the eye floaters. And no, I am not seeing a lot of them, which in doing my WebMD research, if you suddenly see a lot of them and/or flashes of light, that could mean a sign of retinal tear or even retinal detachment, which CAN lead to blindness! When I researched eye floaters years ago and found the same thing, my hypochondriac mind went into overdrive!

What has brought me back to this thinking is I noticed a slight dark flash in my right eye – and I mean very slight – when I sometimes look up and down. And of course, I’m thinking the worst!

And yes, to be on the safe side, I went to the eye doctor recently, and everything is FINE!!! He said the eye floaters and even that slight flash is a sign of normal aging! So, in other words, I’m just old y’all!!

But again, this is exactly what I’m talking about, the hell a hypochondriac goes through.

But how does one treat such a distasteful monster?

Treatment options

In researching this topic, one of the treatment options I came across was cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT, is a form of therapy designed to reduce the symptoms of various mental health conditions, particularly anxiety disorders and depression. Its goal is to help you identify unhelpful and even intrusive thoughts and learn how to effectively deal with them.

For example, you have a fear of crowds and you are extremely anxious about them, then you would expose yourself to large crowds. In other words, you expose yourself to your fear.

And CBT can be very effective in helping patients suffering from OCD. However, we have learned that hypochondria is NOT a form of OCD.

Other treatment options include seeing a therapist to address the underlying issues. As I always say, therapy can be your very best friend. And there is no shame in your game of getting a professional to help you unpack your mental stuff.

And whether you believe in it or not, medications may also be prescribed.

Anyhoo, don’t leave until you’ve got your hunger satisfied by clicking on the banner below for DoorDash!!

That is it for now. Thank you for your patience as I have been on and off posting for a bit. The next time, let’s talk about Halloween!! Tis’ the season, you know!

Until the next time, please be safe and mentally well! 😉😊

Sources:

Photo attribution: Armin Lotfi – Man with bandages on face – Unsplash

Towfiqu Barbhuiya – Pills in hand – Unsplash

Brittany Colette – Man with Kleenex – Unsplash

Moe Howard from the Three Stooges short, Idiots Deluxe

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello, everybody! Well, it is back to the hard-hitting stuff that could affect our mental wellbeing and health.

This week, it’s about rejection.

I did a blog post about this earlier this year, as a matter of fact. Please see below:

The above post was more general. Today, it is going to be specifically geared towards GASP!! 😱 love and relationships and romance. (Cue the violins) 🎻🎻🎻😁

Nobody but nobody likes to be rejected romantically.

And it has happened to all of us.

And no, Madonna, it is NOT the greatest aphrodisiac, as you stated in your glorious song, Forbidden Love. 😓😁😓😉

The past hurts, rejections, and romantic disappointments most certainly plays a key role in us acting like scared little crybabies today. Okay, I shall speak for myself. 😁🎻

When someone rejects us in that way, we feel unworthy, unloved, unlovable. We ask “well, what’s wrong with me?” “There MUST be something wrong with me.”

No. There isn’t.

People have the right to feel how they feel. And if they don’t feel an attraction to you, that’s okay. We most certainly don’t feel an attraction to everyone we meet, do we?

Sounds good. But of course, getting rejected STILL hurts!

But what do you do when getting rejected turns into a blow not just to your ego, but to your self confidence and mental health? What happens when it affects your overall self-esteem and mental wellbeing? Then it’s time to evaluate things.

Getting rejected, especially if it happens constantly, can become a bitter narrative in your head of why should I bother to even try again if I am going to get rejected anyway?

After it happened to me repeatedly, I just didn’t want to try anymore. I was afraid to put myself out there. I suffered from the “why bothers.”

Why bother when I am going to get rejected anyway?

Why bother when I am going to lose?

Why bother when I am only going to be told no anyway and not get what I want? Again.

As I said above, this rejection thing can turn into a broken tape being replayed over and over again in your head of “what’s wrong with me?” “Why doesn’t anybody want ME??”

Am I doing something wrong? Should I reevaluate myself?

And you do reevaluate yourself, and STILL it happens!!!

I am not going to rehash the ENDLESS and voluminous times I have been rejected romantically. We’d be here all day.

So, I will only mention the two most recent ones.

In 2022, I faced not one, but TWO romantic rejections. The first was at the beginning of 2022, and by someone I had dated 13 years prior who came back into my life. And yes, I think it was during a mercury retrograde, and I’m just going to leave that right there. 😉

The second occurred at the end of 2022, when after initially meeting someone for coffee, he told me right then and there that there wasn’t a sexual spark. Well, I never!! I wasted a trip out, especially when I was going to leave anyway when I thought he had stood me up!

Then I remembered what someone told me once that rejection means not you, not at this time. I suppose that lessens the blow a bit.

Or you can look at rejection as a good thing, that perhaps the thing you want isn’t good for you after all.

In the above two “romantic” situations, I now consider it a good thing. 😊

And to be fair, I’ve done it, too. Rejected someone romantically. And in some of the most horrific ways, particularly not calling someone back, which is now referred to as “ghosting.” Who comes up with these inane terms anyway?

As adults, it is definitely going to happen. But it is how we handle it that makes the difference. Are we going to move on and not let it bother us? Or are we going to sink into a deep hole of feeling not just rejected, but feeling worthless?

Will the rejection keep us from trying again?

I would never presume to tell anyone how to handle a romantic rejection, but I can sure tell you I’m much better able to handle rejection now than the first time it happened, and I was at the receiving end of Phil Leonard’s rejection at the Power Company back in 1989! We’ve come a long way, baby!

I would hope I wouldn’t let it bother me. The old me would have taken it extremely personally and would have cried, like that cold night in October 1989 when Phil Leonard told me he wasn’t interested in me romantically. I think the new me would be more angry, to be honest, and say “Well, what’s wrong with me?” 😂😂😂

But seriously, I just think I would be more adult about it, and develop a who cares mentality.

My new strategy is more of getting a feel for the person or situation first. See what their vibe is and where they’re coming from before I declare my undying love. 🤣😁😂

Feel the waters, as they say.

And then strike 😂 – er I mean, keep it light and airy and see if they want to hang out.

I don’t want this to sound like Derek’s dating advice, but I’ve been down this road too many times. The one thing I definitely don’t want to do is assume anything. I assumed too much in the past and misread signals.

I definitely do not want to play a scared little rabbit who let the previous jokers and tokers keep me from putting my toe back in the proverbial water. I don’t want them to have power over me.

Atlanta Men, Cliques, Tricks, and Apps

Now, I am going to talk about the Atlanta gay men. Le sigh.

Now, they say that gay men are the same all over. But are they? I wouldn’t know. I have only lived in North Carolina and Atlanta as an adult.

Not meaning to make generalizations – oh hell, yes I do — but Atlanta gay men seem to be very cliquish and into their little categories – the gym bunnies. The bears. The twinks. The white men who only prefer black men. The black men who only prefer white men. It is rather boring.

So, sometimes in trying to break into said categories, the rejection quota went up. In other words, if you don’t look like them or act like them, then go away. And no, I am not crying racism!

Times have changed. And so have the men. The Silver Daddies now all WANT to look like Santa Claus!!! Ugh!! And now EVERYBODY and their gay mama flock to the damn gym! And all of the endless gym pics with these suckers posing. EVERYONE does it now. It’s annoying and quite dull. And these pics are rampant on these dating “apps.”

Speaking of which, these apps are atrocious!!!!!! I don’t know where to even begin with that hot mess. For starters, it is very easy to misrepresent oneself on there. Can we say profile pics that are 30 years old?

Then you’ve got the ones who will CONSTANTLY, almost DAILY look at your picture. And you can tell because usually there is usually a visitors tab to see all the men who’ve viewed you. They look at your pic, yet NEVER say hello or cat, dog, kiss my ass or anything!

And in the middle of the madness, you actually DARE to say hello to any of them, and it’s like – cricket cricket chirp chirp. Nothing. No response. To me that equals rejection.

I can hear some of you now: Derek is BITTER! Easy buzzword to throw out there when it’s true what I’m saying! Just take a look around. You really have to distance yourself from the madness and rise above.

Or, again, as I like to say DETACH. My new favorite word.

And definitely go for it anyway if you feel that strongly. And never allow it to be a reflection of you or your worth.

Now rejection to me is like – “okay. Next?” If this one doesn’t work out, let me try the next thing and the next thing and so on and so forth. I will no longer allow it to rob me of my self worth.

And I most certainly will not allow it to stop me from going after what I want!

I think it’s almost like if you fall off a bike, you have to keep getting back on it.

Above and beyond anything else, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! Do something fun for YOU. Better yet, treat yourself as if you are “dating” YOURSELF!

Do YOUR thing. The right person will notice. 😊

That’s it for today.

BUT WAIT! Before you go, a word from our sponsor! 😂

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Come back next time as I delve into hypochondria! Oh I feel sick! 😁🤣😂

Until then, please be safe and mentally healthy – ALWAYS!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello and welcome back! As promised, I am keeping it light and airy for just a couple of weeks. And this week I am talking about soap operas! And the daytime soaps. If I delved into the nighttime soaps, we would be here all night!! 😂

Also please be forewarned that I will be speaking mostly about the ABC soaps, since they were the ones I primarily watched.

However, I became very interested in Another World, Days of Our Lives, and Young & the Restless, too!

And I do have a bit of knowledge about nearly ALL of them, the main ones anyway.

Now. I am going to take this time to answer my own question, which is the title of this post. Are soaps trash or revolutionary?

REVOLUTIONARY, BITCH!!! 🤣🤣🤣

They may be trash now, but back during their heyday – OMG!!! NOBODY missed the soaps!!! And I do mean NOBODY!!!

Housewives didn’t miss their soaps.

Kids out of school for the summer didn’t miss the soaps.

College kids across America scheduled their classes around the soaps. I don’t recall doing that, but then I got my first VCR in college and didn’t have to worry about it. College students caught the soaps in the student union, too!

And even husbands and men who worked night shifts, didn’t miss the soaps!!!

My mother brought in a portable TV on her job so she and her coworker could watch THE SOAPS!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣

People, no doubt, thought soaps were originally about the romance. However, there were MANY times soaps delved into some pretty heavy, real-life topics.

Back in their heyday, soaps were great storytelling vehicles, covering such topics as alcoholism, rape, sexual abuse, cancer, breast cancer, heart disease, eating disorders, DID (formerly known as multiple personality disorder), Alzheimer’s disease, the AIDS crisis, coming out stories, LGBTQ+ stories, prostitution, the mob, and the list goes on and on.

Soaps provided an opportunity to learn and talk about subjects we did not dare discuss. They taught us about certain diseases and ailments that were also happening to real people.

Okay. Don’t play with me, as y’all know at some point in time you watched them. And no doubt you even got hooked like I did. 😂

The whole legend of getting hooked on the stories because of your grandma is very true. That’s where I got my start. My beloved grandmother, Costella, would watch from 12:30 till about 5 p.m., watching both the ABC and NBC soaps. And whenever one of her gal pals would call or she was on the phone and her shows would start, she would ALWAYS end that call by saying, “I’ve got to go now. My stories ’bout to come on!!!” 😂😂😂

And my mother and aunt watched, too. Their soaps were mostly the CBS ones, and whenever they were together, they talked incessantly about Victor Newman, brilliantly played by Eric Braeden, from The Young & The Restless – Y&R. Oh boy, I will never forget what my mother would say about Victor Newman: “Victor can play some games.” 😂

As a child, I remember very vividly various scenes from the soaps. See if you remember or know what and/or whom I’m talking about:

Kim (played by the wonderful Kathryn Hays), from As the World Turns caught in a tornado!!!

Mary Kennicott (Susan Blanchard) visiting Jeff Martin (then played by her real-life husband, Charles Frank) in the hospital as a ghost on All My Children – AMC!!!

Victor Newman locking that poor man up in a secret room!! That poor man was Michael Scott, portrayed by Nick Benedict who played one of the Phil Brents on AMC and was a part of the whole Phil/Tara/Erica storyline!

YASSSSSS, HONEY!!! 😂😂😂

When I was a preteen, I began to think soaps were dumb and stupid. However, things took a dramatic turn (no pun intended) around 1980-81 when I was watching an episode of AMC, and Monique Jonvil (Gillian Spencer, who was the original Viki on OLTL!) was on the witness stand testifying in the Sybil Thorne murder case. In testifying, she revealed some things that made Nina Courtland (Taylor Miller, who has such gorgeous eyes) realize that she was not just her friend, but her MOTHER!!! And her father Palmer Courtlandt (the absolutely amazing James Mitchell) had lied to her all those years saying she was dead! I remember like it was yesterday Nina standing up, muttering “Mother?” and then collapsing!! Nina hit the floor in the wake of the news, y’all!! 🤣🤣😁😁

But it was the summer of 1981 watching General Hospital – GH – and the Ice Princess caper that truly got me HOOKED, when both Luke Spencer (yes, THAT Luke – Anthony Geary) and Robert Scorpio (sexy Tristan Rogers) shimmied across this rope suspended high above water to get aboard the Cassidine yacht!!!! Laura (the extraordinarily talented Genie Francis) had already snuck onboard. LOL

And the Cassadines wanted world domination, and to achieve their evil goal, they had plans to freeze the entire world, if necessary, starting with Port Charles, and Luke saved the day!!

So, soaps even delved into Sci-Fi!!!! Talk about revolutionary!!!

And from that moment on, I would catch both AMC and GH when I was out of school for the summer!! I skipped One Life to Live – OLTL because back then I thought it was dull, though I did catch some great moments when Marco (the incredible Gerald Anthony) and Karen Wolek, (played by THE Judith Light), hopped that train to go on the run in ’81!! 😁😊

Speaking of Karen Wolek and the phenomenally talented Judith Light, remember this iconic scene from below?? And what it was in reference to? And what Karen admitted to God and the rest of the world and all of Llanview??? There will be a clip of that at the end of this post. Tee hee.

And then there was the whole Echo DiSavoy mess on OLTL in 1983!!! That’s right, Kim Zimmer – yes, Reva Shayne – was on OLTL before she was on Guiding Light!!! Then decades later after GL ended, she returned to OLTL to cause more trouble for Clint, Viki, and Viki’s new husband at the time, Charlie Banks (sexy Brian Kerwin!!!)

My tune about OLTL changed during the summer of 1985 when Viki Buchanan (played by the PHENOMENAL ERIKA SLEZAK) turned into NIKI SMITH on the witness stand when Tina Clayton (the beloved Andrea Evans who just passed away 😓) was accused of murdering Harry O’Neill (Frank Converse)!!!!

See below:

As a matter of fact, I remember seeing bits and pieces of the Niki Smith saga unfold back in the day when Tina found the Secret Room underneath Llanfair, and she found out that she was not Viki’s ward, but in fact Viki’s half sister!!! And when confronted with the news, Viki remembered walking in on her father, THE great Victor Lord, in bed with her college best friend, Irene Manning, doing the deed! Ha!

This sent Viki into a tailspin and caused her to develop her split personality Niki.

In 1995, the story was rewritten to include several more personalities of Viki’s, and the true cause of her disorder was the fact that her beloved father, Victor Lord, MOLESTED her as a child!!! OUCH!

This revelation TRULY showed just how unbelievably and extraordinarily talented Erika Slezak is playing SIX different characters!!! And two of them were male!!

And Erika Slezak has won a total of SIX Emmy’s for her amazing work as Victoria Lord Gordon Riley Burke Riley Buchanan Buchanan Carpenter Davidson Banks possibly Buchanan again when OLTL ended in 2012!

So, to say I’m a Erika Slezak fanatic is an understatement!!

But I digress.

Soaps also brought us pure fantasy and things that people would consider “jumping the shark,” a phrase I HATE! It’s a damn TV show, so what the hell do you expect?

Um speaking of… look at the pic below. Guess who this is and what is happening and which show this is from? Tee hee

Soaps went from being conversations that centered around the kitchen table over a cup of coffee; all the way to underground cities; heaven; hell; being pregnant and going over a waterfall and surviving, both mother and child; and even going back in time!! 😂😂😂 OLTL was the main culprit of all this!!! 😊😉

Yes, hunty, OLTL took Viki to heaven, Dorian Lord to hell, Viki to the Wild West to bring Clint back, and yes, Viki and the gang even went to the underground city of Eterna, buried underneath a mountain!

Tina (Andrea Evans) was the one who went over the Iguazu Falls in Argentina, pregnant! She survived and then she later found out her baby survived too! Oy!

I must give honorable mention to the Casey space alien story GH undertook in 1990. Yes, little Robin Scorpio (Kimberly McCullough who LITERALLY grew up before our very eyes on the show!!!) met an alien from outer space!!

Honorable mention to:

The Kay/Marge storyline starting back in 1989 on Y&R! Kay’s double, Marge, took over her life back then! LOLOL Years later Marge came back not to hurt Kay this time, but to beg Kay for her help. There was a mixup and Marge died in an accident, but everyone thought it was Kay!! 😁 Anyway, Jeanne Cooper portrayed Katherine Chancellor Sterling from the beginning of the show (1973) until her death (2013). Katherine (and Jeanne) kept that show on its toes!! And the Kay/Jill feud! PHEW!!!!

Mac (the stellar heavyweight Douglass Watson) and Rachel (the incredible Victoria Wyndham) and Iris (the FIERCE Beverlee McKinsey) from Another World!!! Iris did NOT like the fact that her beloved father, Mac, married much younger, former troublemaker Rachel Davis. Talk about DRAMA! It was the whole daddy-married- an-evil-stepmonster-that-I-hate triangle! It was also done on OLTL with Victor, Viki, and Dorian.

The tortured, yet very adventurous love story of Luke and Laura (Genie Francis) from GH. And don’t get me started on how TPTB of ABC and GH RUINED their story later on!!!

And the tortured love story of Doug and Julie (played by real-life couple Doug Hayes and Susan Seaforth Hayes) from the early days of Days of Our Lives – DOOL.

And Oh. My. God. MARLENA’S POSSESSION TWICE ON DOOL!!!!! And you don’t get any more revolutionary than that! Something straight out of The Exorcist!

I am quite sure Deidre Hall had fun with that one!! (And later being a serial killer on Days, too!!!) Pictured here with sexy AF Drake Hogestyn as John Black.

And who can forget about the great, romantic SUPERCOUPLES?:

Luke and Laura. Luke and Laura’s wedding brought in over 30 million viewers on November 17, 1981!! Yes, Laura married her rapist!!! 😱😱😱

Bo and Hope. (Peter Reckell and Kristian Alfonso) from DOOL!

Clint and Viki.

Mac and Rachel.

Josh and Reva!!! (Robert Newman and Kim Zimmer) from Guiding Light!

Angie and Jesse. (Debbi Morgan and Darnell Williams) from AMC!

Greg and Jenny. (Laurence Lau and Kim Delaney) from AMC!

Cord (sexy John Loprieno) and Tina from OLTL!!!

And of course, I cannot leave this post without mentioning the grande divas of daytime – Erica Kane (Susan Lucci) from AMC and Dorian Cramer Lord (Robin Strasser) from OLTL!!!!!

And the soap themes!!!!! This may be John’s top soap themes, but they are not necessarily Derek’s top themes, in that order that is. But just to take us down memory lane. Haha!

In memoriam:

Sadly the soap world lost the amazingly talented and popular Jacklyn Zeman (who played Bobbie Spencer, yes, Luke’s little sister) from GH. Jackie had been on that show since 1977! Her character Bobbie went through a whole helluva lot on GH! Bobbie was a former teen prostitute who turned her life around and eventually became head surgical nurse at General Hospital and even married a doctor!

Andrea Evans (THE Tina Clayton Lord Roberts) from OLTL.

And John Aniston (yes, Jennifer’s dad), Victor Kiriakis, from DOOL.

Now for THE big scene featuring Judith Light (Karen Wolek on OLTL), when she testified on behalf of Viki Riley for murdering Marco Dane, which Viki didn’t do. And in testifying for Viki, Karen admitted on the witness stand that she was a prostitute for Marco!!! And her poor husband Larry (Michael Storm) and sister Jenny (Brynn Thayer) were sitting in the courtroom to hear this!! To say she shocked all of Llanview was an understatement. Well, Viki found out earlier that Karen was a housewife turned hooker for Marco Dane! 😊 Skip to 45:30 for the drama and the big reveal.

Please tell me what you used to watch in the comment section below.

Now before you go, click on the banner below to get your grub on – DOORDASH!!:

There is sooooooo much to write about the soaps that there is NO WAY I could cover it all in just one post. I am sure that down the road, I shall revisit this topic again.

At any rate, that is it for now. Next time, it is back to the harder subjects. Coming up soon, it’s going to be about rejection!!!!! Stay tuned…

Until then, please be safe and mentally well!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, dear readers and friends!!

Today’s post is designed to be “light and airy” and just talk about things you do to relax. I am going to list the things I generally do to relax and/or activities I engage in to take my mind off things. Now, this post may sort of be a redo of what I have posted before, but if you are new to my blog, then they will be new to you. 😊

There are a number of ways to relax:

Meditation.

Exercising (not my favorite).

Reading.

Facials!

Mud baths.

Manicures and pedicures.

A walk in nature or just being in nature.

Having cocktails with friends.

And I cannot stress enough how music is such a relaxing tool for me. Whether I am listening to it, or playing it on my instruments, it is a great way for me to forget what a stressful world this can be.

I MUST start my day with music. I stopped turning on the news first thing in the morning a long time ago when I realized all they were showing was depressing stuff. After all, I will find out about the horrors of the world at some point during the day anyway.

Well, I cannot mention music without mentioning watching TV. I am a YouTube fanatic. My YouTube is now actually connected to both of my television sets. I watch most of my stuff on YouTube, as well as listen to my music on that platform. I have so many playlists of both music and TV shows and movies, I can’t keep count anymore. 😁😂

Sitting outside on my “lanai” (Golden Girls reference) is certainly one of my best ways to relax. I start this process in the spring when the weather FINALLY makes up its mind to turn warm and stay that way. I put on my ear pods and listen to music on my iPhone. I usually write in my journal of Great Ideas while outside. I normally write ideas for my screenplays. Add a nice cold beverage of my choice, and I am in heaven. 🌈🍹🍸

Speaking of writing, that is certainly one of my preferred ways to relax. I immerse myself in a make-believe world of MY choice. And I absolutely LOVE and enjoy writing my blog. I get a kick out of writing my gay soap opera, and now my new miniseries! That is correct. One of my feature film scripts has now turned into a full-blown miniseries!!! 😁😊❤️

Working on my scripts is so exhilarating!!! Now talk about being transported! I lose myself in my screenwriting. Right now, I am working on three different screenplays. One is my longtime Fabulous And Gorgeous script, which starts off in 1977. So, that means a trip back in time to the 1970s and everything disco! LOLOL 🕺🪩

I have another script that is actually a prequel to Fabulous And Gorgeous (I call it FAG. That’s right. I am taking that awful word back!!) Anyway, the yet untitled prequel starts off in 1934 and will go to present day, without hopefully giving too much away about the FAG script, which will eventually take us forward in time. This particular script will focus mainly on other characters not necessarily in FAG.

And then there is my Social Murder screenplay, which has absolutely nothing to do with the other two. (Or does it?) Tee hee. This script is set in present day and is a dark comedy/thriller. And it has to do with social media.

Oh goodness! I hope I am not giving too much away! 😂🤣😂

Honorable mention to relaxing in bed watching TV, with more emphasis on being in the bed. LOLOL Sometimes I don’t even pay attention to what is on TV. As a matter of fact, I set my TV to a timer, and fall asleep. That way the TV can turn itself off once I do. 😂😂

And yes, taking a nap is another way I relax. I am quite sure a number of us can relate to that one. There are so many thoughts on napping. Some people say that you should only take a 15-30 minute “power” nap. Maybe 45 minutes. Others say don’t nap at all because it could mess with your nighttime sleep schedule. I usually nap for a couple of hours or more! And nope. It doesn’t interfere with my regular sleep sleep.

It’s all good since the idea is to promote better, overall mental wellbeing. Being able to relax, I mean really relax is so good for not just your mental health, but your overall physical health as well.

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That’s it for today. Thank you for stopping by. Next week, I’m going to talk about soap operas. That’s right. Keeping it light and airy for a couple of weeks before returning to the heavy stuff, such as REJECTION! Hint. Hint.

Until then, please be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, everyone who has dared to come back. Because the past couple of weeks have been a doozy talking about the NP – the narcissistic parent.

“A narcissistic parent will walk all over their family ― even their children ― to get their needs met.” – TRUTH!!!

This week I am going to talk about how to handle and/or deal with your NP.

Here are some ways you can deal with your NP, and in an effective way:

1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST! Make sure YOUR needs are taken care of. You’ve taken care of the NP long enough.
2. Realize they are narcissistic and what they are up to. I am saying you don’t have to call them out on their behaviour. By all means if you feel safe to do that, then do it. But again, you cannot change the NP.
3. Let them go!!! Or rather, let it go. Move forward and rise above.
4. Develop positive coping mechanisms and skills. Try deep breathing exercises. Mindfulness. Exercise. Music. Meditation.
5. Set clear and defined boundaries.
6. In a calm way, let them know that you will no longer put up with their behaviour.
7. Detach. This is one of my favorite ones.
8. LOVE YOURSELF!
9. Seek therapy if necessary.
10. If you haven’t already, find out who YOU are!!

And here are some other ways to deal with your NP:

I believe one of the most important things to remember in dealing with an NP is to not challenge or argue with them. That will definitely make things worse. Believe me, I ought to know. You may have to simply disconnect from them. I would even say, if necessary, cut them out of your life.

Limit your time around them. They are extremely toxic, and there is no need to further damage your mentality by being around them. Believe me when I tell you that I do not communicate with my NP as much as I do with other family members.

And I think above and beyond anything else, LOVE YOURSELF! Know and understand that THEIR toxicity has NOTHING at all to do with you!

Also, remember that narcissists do not take responsibility for themselves or their actions, and they most certainly do not believe they are wrong.

I have said it before in this post, and I will say it again: Love YOURself!! Take care of YOURself!!

That is all I have for you today. I hope that you have enjoyed my 3-part series on the subject of the NP. Come back next week as I discuss relaxation.

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Thank you for stopping by. Join me next week when I talk about relaxation. In the meantime, and as always, please be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Valuable sources:

Hello, everybody! Welcome back to Part 2 of my series on narcissistic parents.

Last week’s post started by describing the traits of the NP – narcissistic parent. Please click on the banner link below.

And if I didn’t mention in last week’s post, the NP DEFINITELY gaslights you!!!!!

Anyway, this week I am talking about how having an NP affects you and your mental health, and traits you can develop in life as a result.

Tell me, Derek, how does having an NP make you feel?

I feel unheard and unloved around my NP.

I feel very small and not like I am worthy of anything.

I don’t feel like an adult, but like a child, and a lost one at that.

I feel very angry around my NP.

I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around my NP.

I feel anxious and nervous sometimes around my NP.

I don’t feel like I am my own person around my NP.

I feel less than.

And yes, I do feel insecure, still, as a result of being around my NP.

You don’t want to speak up for fear of “rocking the boat” or making your NP mad. But this mentality also goes to other people and situations. In other words, you become a people pleaser in order to avoid confrontations and to keep the peace.

You feel invisible and like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.

And guess what? Some of the things I described above are exactly how other adult children (and children period) feel as a result of being raised by an NP!

Other feelings as either children or adults having been raised by or being around NPs:

1. Anxiety
2. depression
3. low self-esteem
4. self-doubt
5. self-blame
6. indecision
7. people-pleasing tendencies
8. difficulties with emotional intimacy
9. codependent relationships.

As I have touched on, yes, I do sometimes feel anxious around my NP. I do not feel depressed because of him, though, thankfully.

However, as far as the rest of the list, I do feel these feelings around other people, as well.

I believe my biggest ones are the people pleasing and the self-doubt. I realized that I really didn’t believe in myself as much as I thought I did. I thought I was pretty confident in certain areas of my life, but when I truly took a look at myself underneath, I had to realize that I didn’t believe in myself after all. I sometimes shied away from taking certain risks for fear of – wait for it – FAILURE! Or looking stupid or silly. Or embarrassing myself. And this is total junk we get from our NPs, because they made/make us feel that way!!!

And people pleasing. Well, I wanted to make sure I was liked. And I also wanted to make sure I didn’t make anybody mad. Hence, the reason why I kept my mouth shut about a lot of things.

YOU CAN’T SPEAK UP!! YOU DON’T DARE TO!!!

But wait, there’s more:

“Often, however, adult children of narcissists develop an insecure attachment style in relationships. Some shut others out with avoidant attachment while others respond to narcissistic parenting by avoiding emotional intimacy altogether. On the other hand, some adult children of narcissists desperately need attention and develop anxious attachment. Especially sensitive adult children can be people-pleasing to the extreme, revolving their lives around others’ needs.” 

I believe I developed, not necessarily insecure attachment styles, but obsessive and UNREALISTIC attachment styles, with regard to certain relationships, both romantic and platonic. It all goes back to the wanting to be liked and accepted, and I would just let any old body run all over me. And I would feel I had to emulate certain friends, i.e. adopt THEIR way of thinking, THEIR way of doing things, THEIR hobbies and interests, and totally disregard my own. And yes, I was in codependent relationships.

There is a good possibility that children of NPs will grow up to be NPs themselves. Or at the very least narcissistic. I can see it in myself in wanting to be the center of attention, and wanting my own way.

According to one of my sources, there is also a higher risk of developing mental health issues. HELLO! POSTER CHILD HERE!

In addition to living in a high state of anxiety and yes, depression, adult children of NPs can also develop:

1. bipolar disorder
2. obsessive compulsive disorder – OCD
3. borderline personality disorder
4. histrionic personality disorder
5. post-traumatic stress disorder – PTSD

Y’all, I have OCD and a bit of PTSD from my experiences with my NP.

So, as you can see having an NP is definitely no joke, and it can literally mess with your mind and overall wellbeing.

That is it for today. I will be coming back next week with Part 3 on how to effectively deal with all of this madness.

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Thank you for stopping by again. Remember to please come back next week for the third and final part of this series. Until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, everybody! I do hope all of you are doing well!

I have been wanting to write about narcissistic parents/caregivers, for a long time.

If you are not sure what that really means, then I shall define it as a parent who is EXTREMELY self-centered and thinks they are right about EVERYTHING. They also have an overexaggerated sense of self importance and totally disregard everyone else’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Everything is about THEM and everything centers around THEM. And there really is no arguing with them on any topic because, again, they are always right. Well, according to them.

If you don’t have a narcissistic parent, boy are you lucky. My father is ABSOLUTELY a narcissistic parent, hence part of the reason I am writing this post. I don’t really want to do an entire blog post about him. However, I will bring up the traits of this type of parent in this first part, and you bet your sweet tootsie I will be bringing up my father.

In part 2 of another blog post, I will discuss how it can affect you.

And in part 3, we will talk about coping strategies in dealing with these monsters. Because they are monsters.

I have described some of the traits and signs above already. But here are some more. Some may be repeated or expounded upon.

One thing I have noticed about my narcissistic father is that he MUST be the center of attention when around others. In other words, he monopolizes the conversation, normally talking about himself.

When confronted with anything, the narcissistic parent – from now on known as “NP” because I am too lazy to continue to type it out! 😁😁😁😊😊😊 – anyway, when anyone disagrees with the NP or the NP is confronted, they EXPLODE in anger! Oh boy, that is my NP!!! It has gotten soooooo bad, that I only call him on holidays and his birthday and try to get off the phone within 15 minutes to avoid an argument! And being around him during Christmas, well, the other members of my family are sitting on pins and needles hoping and praying my NP and I don’t get into a fight!

The NP is not a good arguer. Once again, the NP is RIGHT about EVERYTHING. You cannot have a difference of opinion with your NP. You MUST agree with EVERYTHING they say. (Notice how I am capitalizing the word “EVERYTHING!”) 😊

The NP constantly puts down their children, normally by taking cheap shots. For example (and now I will give a most recent example from my father), back in June, my family and I decided to visit my aunt in North Carolina, who is currently in an assisted living facility. When the visit was over and everyone was at their respective cars about to return to their respective states, I hugged my father and he said to me “oh and lose some weight.” Cricket. Cricket. Chirp. Chirp. Normally, I would have cussed him out. HOWEVER, I decided to – for once – take the high road. I said “Okay! On that note, goodbye everyone and safe travels.” And got in my car and left. But this is just an example of the kind of crap he has said to me my entire life. And for the record, for once, I did NOT let his hateful words bother me.

One thing about having an NP is that you are constantly feeling like you need to keep the peace, and that is normally by keeping your mouth shut. How many times was I told by my grandmother and aunt to not say anything back to my father? And this is coming from his own mother and sister! So, you can imagine how bad it was. Is.

But this is one of the ways you deal with an NP. You keep the peace. Or try at least.

And one of the NP’s favorite phrases is “you don’t listen.” Kinda hard to listen to someone who is yelling at you or constantly criticizing you. The NP says you don’t want to hear what they have to say. And guess what? NOBODY DOES!

And conversely, the NP doesn’t want to listen to you. They normally cut you off when you are trying to have a conversation with them. And especially in the middle of an argument.

Everything is YOUR fault! The NP does NOT take responsibility for anything. They are entirely blameless.

Also, the NP feels they are entitled and privileged. They have a rather exaggerated and grandiose sense of self importance.

Example from my own life with my NP: When my Aunt Sadie passed away years ago, my parents and brother came down here to Georgia for the funeral since she lived in Stone Mountain.

Following the funeral, everyone went to the repast, which was in another location. Well, my family was the first to arrive, and my father wanted to eat IMMEDIATELY. My mother, brother and I told him to wait until the rest of the family arrived. Oh but he wasn’t having that. As a matter of fact, when my brother tried to stop him, the two of them engaged in a brief shoving match!!!!! And this was actually in front of people, including a few family members!

Which brings me to another point, the NP is utterly shameless. They are shameless in terms of not caring where they are when they get aggressive and confrontational. They don’t care who hears and who sees because, again, they are always right. How many times has my NP “shown out” in front of others? There are too many embarrassing, shameless moments that my NP has engaged in to count.

The NP is competitive with, and sometimes jealous of, their own children. I was told on a number of occasions growing up that my father was actually jealous of me. And I really didn’t understand that or know why. But then I got it when I realized I had many more advantages than he had gotten when HE was a child. My grandparents and aunt lavished me with money, instruments (mainly the trumpet), birthday parties, school outings, etc. And these were things that he didn’t get. But what he needed to understand is that he came up in a different time than I did where some of those things weren’t available to him. Plus, I had more people, more family members to help me out.

And the biggest sticking point is the fact that I actually graduated from college, whereas he was thrown out for being lazy and not attending class!!!!

Speaking of graduating, when I graduated high school, my father didn’t congratulate me. Instead he told me that that was something I was expected to do. That it wasn’t a big deal. That hurt.

Also, my grandfather bought me a car before I even graduated high school. And my father told me that he was NEVER going to buy me one!

The NP also constantly criticizes and “jokes” with their child and not in a funny, good-natured way, but in a mean-spirited way. And once again, my NP CONSTANTLY did this to me and my brother growing up. And as evidenced by the weight loss thing, my NP still does.

The NP makes negative comparisons between you and your siblings. The NP will make such statements as “why can’t you be more like your brother?” Or – “Your sister would never do that. You must be adopted.” Or “Both your brother and sister went to college. What’s your problem?” Or something along those lines. You get the picture. My father used to say that I was jealous of my brother. And this started when he was a baby!!!! Projection much??

All right. This concludes Part 1.

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That is it for now. Next week in Part 2, I will discuss how having an NP makes you feel. So, stay tuned!

In the meantime, my dear friends, please be safe and mentally well!

Sources:

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my dear friends!

Pride ended two weeks ago, but I still feel led to write about it, and the dirty trick The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) pulled on the final day of Pride, Friday, June 30.

If you haven’t heard by now, on that day, SCOTUS decided that it was okay to allow businesses to discriminate against people of the LGBTQ+ community (and others), on the basis of it “going against your religion.” 🤬🤬🤬

“On the last day of its term, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that nondiscrimination laws could not be enforced against businesses that offer expressive products and services. The ruling significantly weakens laws that protect LGBT people and others against discrimination.

The case, 303 Creative v. Elenis, involved a web designer who wanted to make wedding websites but worried she would have to create them for same-sex couples because of a law that prohibited discrimination based on sexual orientation. The Court ruled that, because the conduct involved her expression, it was protected speech and the nondiscrimination law could not be applied to her.”

As you can see from the last paragraph, this web designer, Lorie Smith, in essence won the right to discriminate. But now I’m hearing that the story isn’t even true, about the web designer that is.

Well, I’ll get to that in a minute.

Let’s start with the Supreme Court of the United States. I like calling them simply “SCROTUM,” since they think they’ve got the balls to do such a mean thing.

It was definitely no coincidence they made their final ruling, pertaining to the web designer, on the final day of Pride. It was like a huge FUCK YOU to the gay community. I suppose they thought no one would notice. Ha! But believe me we did.

It isn’t enough to have so-called conservative Christians attack drag queens and ban drag shows. Yes. Banning drag. As well as books. Can we say George Orwell’s 1984? And taking a cheap shot by saying they “want to protect their children.” Bull. But now to blatantly allow businesses to discriminate against an entire community and group of people simply because of WHO THEY ARE, is absolutely outrageous!!!

As far as I’m concerned, this is exactly why we have Pride and why we march. Because of evil bullshit like this. When does it end??

It is just like Nazi Germany in the 30s, pre-WWII.

And this is the time for me to bring up the fact that Uranus is in Taurus. And what the heck does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, the last time Uranus was in Taurus was – guess when? – the time leading up to WWII!!

This is truly frightening, as far as I am concerned.

Thanks to SCOTUS, our rights are slowly but surely being taken away.

1. Roe v. Wade being struck down in 2022.
2. President Biden’s huge student loan relief plan was struck down by SCOTUS.
3. Affirmative Action was also recently struck down at UNC-Chapel Hill (my alma mater) and at Harvard, effectively saying that it is unconstitutional to admit someone based on their race.

But honorable mention goes to state and governor decisions:

1. The banning of books in schools and libraries in Florida, Texas, South Carolina, Utah, Missouri, and Wisconsin.
2. Banning drag queen shows in Tennessee!
3. Banning drag story time in certain libraries across the country!
4. And as much as I am not a fan of TikTok, they are now banning the app on state phones in Wisconsin and North Carolina, citing potential safety and security issues. Could the ban include private citizens next?

People, pay attention and WAKE UP!! Just because it isn’t happening to you or doesn’t affect you, doesn’t mean that down the road it won’t. It doesn’t mean that a ruling or a new law won’t come along that will eventually affect you. You had better get your head out of your collective arses and realize what is happening.

We have to stay vigilant!!! Okay. Stepping off my little soapbox. For now. 😉😊😁

And about the fake website thingy in the court case 303 Creative v. Elenis, it would appear that the plaintiff named in this case is… well, he claims he didn’t file any suit.

The particulars in a nutshell: A man by the name of Stewart, apparently approached Lorie Smith, the Colorado web designer, to build a website for his upcoming nuptials to his partner Mike.

This was back in 2016.

However, when this gentleman Stewart was approached recently, he claims that not only did he not approach this Lorie Smith to build a website for him and intended spouse “Mike,” but that Stewart is married to a WOMAN and has a child!

So, we don’t know what the KCUF is going on! It is now very possible that Lorie Smith fabricated the entire thing in order to file this lawsuit.

Or perhaps this Stewart guy is backpedaling and taking back his original claim.

According to the REAL Stewart, someone used his name, cell phone number and email address to request a wedding website, though he is married to a woman.

It’s all very confusing.

However, the bottom line is SCROTUM – er SCOTUS – is taking away women’s rights, gay rights, and civil rights. They are allowing discrimination across the country. When does it end????

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Once again, thanks for stopping by. Come back next week as I tackle narcissistic parents. Oh boy! In the meantime, please be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Sources: