And if I didn’t mention in last week’s post, the NP DEFINITELY gaslights you!!!!!
Anyway, this week I am talking about how having an NP affects you and your mental health, and traits you can develop in life as a result.
Tell me, Derek, how does having an NP make you feel?
I feel unheard and unloved around my NP.
I feel very small and not like I am worthy of anything.
I don’t feel like an adult, but like a child, and a lost one at that.
I feel very angry around my NP.
I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around my NP.
I feel anxious and nervous sometimes around my NP.
I don’t feel like I am my own person around my NP.
I feel less than.
And yes, I do feel insecure, still, as a result of being around my NP.
You don’t want to speak up for fear of “rocking the boat” or making your NP mad. But this mentality also goes to other people and situations. In other words, you become a people pleaser in order to avoid confrontations and to keep the peace.
You feel invisible and like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
And guess what? Some of the things I described above are exactly how other adult children (and children period) feel as a result of being raised by an NP!
Other feelings as either children or adults having been raised by or being around NPs:
Anxiety
depression
low self-esteem
self-doubt
self-blame
indecision
people-pleasing tendencies
difficulties with emotional intimacy
codependent relationships.
As I have touched on, yes, I do sometimes feel anxious around my NP. I do not feel depressed because of him, though, thankfully.
However, as far as the rest of the list, I do feel these feelings around other people, as well.
I believe my biggest ones are the people pleasing and the self-doubt. I realized that I really didn’t believe in myself as much as I thought I did. I thought I was pretty confident in certain areas of my life, but when I truly took a look at myself underneath, I had to realize that I didn’t believe in myself after all. I sometimes shied away from taking certain risks for fear of – wait for it – FAILURE! Or looking stupid or silly. Or embarrassing myself. And this is total junk we get from our NPs, because they made/make us feel that way!!!
And people pleasing. Well, I wanted to make sure I was liked. And I also wanted to make sure I didn’t make anybody mad. Hence, the reason why I kept my mouth shut about a lot of things.
YOU CAN’T SPEAK UP!! YOU DON’T DARE TO!!!
But wait, there’s more:
“Often, however, adult children of narcissists develop an insecure attachment style in relationships. Some shut others out with avoidant attachment while others respond to narcissistic parenting by avoiding emotional intimacy altogether. On the other hand, some adult children of narcissists desperately need attention and develop anxious attachment. Especially sensitive adult children can be people-pleasing to the extreme, revolving their lives around others’ needs.”
I believe I developed, not necessarily insecure attachment styles, but obsessive and UNREALISTIC attachment styles, with regard to certain relationships, both romantic and platonic. It all goes back to the wanting to be liked and accepted, and I would just let any old body run all over me. And I would feel I had to emulate certain friends, i.e. adopt THEIR way of thinking, THEIR way of doing things, THEIR hobbies and interests, and totally disregard my own. And yes, I was in codependent relationships.
There is a good possibility that children of NPs will grow up to be NPs themselves. Or at the very least narcissistic. I can see it in myself in wanting to be the center of attention, and wanting my own way.
According to one of my sources, there is also a higher risk of developing mental health issues. HELLO! POSTER CHILD HERE!
In addition to living in a high state of anxiety and yes, depression, adult children of NPs can also develop:
bipolar disorder
obsessive compulsive disorder – OCD
borderline personality disorder
histrionic personality disorder
post-traumatic stress disorder – PTSD
Y’all, I have OCD and a bit of PTSD from my experiences with my NP.
So, as you can see having an NP is definitely no joke, and it can literally mess with your mind and overall wellbeing.
That is it for today. I will be coming back next week with Part 3 on how to effectively deal with all of this madness.
Before you leave, though, please check out Sesame Care, which is an affordable and accessible direct-to-patient health care company. You don’t need health insurance, and you can schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home through telehealth!
I can vouch for them, as I use them myself! 😊
Click the banner ad below!
Thank you for stopping by again. Remember to please come back next week for the third and final part of this series. Until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
Welcome back, everybody! I do hope all of you are doing well!
I have been wanting to write about narcissistic parents/caregivers, for a long time.
If you are not sure what that really means, then I shall define it as a parent who is EXTREMELY self-centered and thinks they are right about EVERYTHING. They also have an overexaggerated sense of self importance and totally disregard everyone else’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Everything is about THEM and everything centers around THEM. And there really is no arguing with them on any topic because, again, they are always right. Well, according to them.
If you don’t have a narcissistic parent, boy are you lucky. My father is ABSOLUTELY a narcissistic parent, hence part of the reason I am writing this post. I don’t really want to do an entire blog post about him. However, I will bring up the traits of this type of parent in this first part, and you bet your sweet tootsie I will be bringing up my father.
In part 2 of another blog post, I will discuss how it can affect you.
And in part 3, we will talk about coping strategies in dealing with these monsters. Because they are monsters.
I have described some of the traits and signs above already. But here are some more. Some may be repeated or expounded upon.
One thing I have noticed about my narcissistic father is that he MUST be the center of attention when around others. In other words, he monopolizes the conversation, normally talking about himself.
When confronted with anything, the narcissistic parent – from now on known as “NP” because I am too lazy to continue to type it out! 😁😁😁😊😊😊 – anyway, when anyone disagrees with the NP or the NP is confronted, they EXPLODE in anger! Oh boy, that is my NP!!! It has gotten soooooo bad, that I only call him on holidays and his birthday and try to get off the phone within 15 minutes to avoid an argument! And being around him during Christmas, well, the other members of my family are sitting on pins and needles hoping and praying my NP and I don’t get into a fight!
The NP is not a good arguer. Once again, the NP is RIGHT about EVERYTHING. You cannot have a difference of opinion with your NP. You MUST agree with EVERYTHING they say. (Notice how I am capitalizing the word “EVERYTHING!”) 😊
The NP constantly puts down their children, normally by taking cheap shots. For example (and now I will give a most recent example from my father), back in June, my family and I decided to visit my aunt in North Carolina, who is currently in an assisted living facility. When the visit was over and everyone was at their respective cars about to return to their respective states, I hugged my father and he said to me “oh and lose some weight.” Cricket. Cricket. Chirp. Chirp. Normally, I would have cussed him out. HOWEVER, I decided to – for once – take the high road. I said “Okay! On that note, goodbye everyone and safe travels.” And got in my car and left. But this is just an example of the kind of crap he has said to me my entire life. And for the record, for once, I did NOT let his hateful words bother me.
One thing about having an NP is that you are constantly feeling like you need to keep the peace, and that is normally by keeping your mouth shut. How many times was I told by my grandmother and aunt to not say anything back to my father? And this is coming from his own mother and sister! So, you can imagine how bad it was. Is.
But this is one of the ways you deal with an NP. You keep the peace. Or try at least.
And one of the NP’s favorite phrases is “you don’t listen.” Kinda hard to listen to someone who is yelling at you or constantly criticizing you. The NP says you don’t want to hear what they have to say. And guess what? NOBODY DOES!
And conversely, the NP doesn’t want to listen to you. They normally cut you off when you are trying to have a conversation with them. And especially in the middle of an argument.
Everything is YOUR fault! The NP does NOT take responsibility for anything. They are entirely blameless.
Also, the NP feels they are entitled and privileged. They have a rather exaggerated and grandiose sense of self importance.
Example from my own life with my NP: When my Aunt Sadie passed away years ago, my parents and brother came down here to Georgia for the funeral since she lived in Stone Mountain.
Following the funeral, everyone went to the repast, which was in another location. Well, my family was the first to arrive, and my father wanted to eat IMMEDIATELY. My mother, brother and I told him to wait until the rest of the family arrived. Oh but he wasn’t having that. As a matter of fact, when my brother tried to stop him, the two of them engaged in a brief shoving match!!!!! And this was actually in front of people, including a few family members!
Which brings me to another point, the NP is utterly shameless. They are shameless in terms of not caring where they are when they get aggressive and confrontational. They don’t care who hears and who sees because, again, they are always right. How many times has my NP “shown out” in front of others? There are too many embarrassing, shameless moments that my NP has engaged in to count.
The NP is competitive with, and sometimes jealous of, their own children. I was told on a number of occasions growing up that my father was actually jealous of me. And I really didn’t understand that or know why. But then I got it when I realized I had many more advantages than he had gotten when HE was a child. My grandparents and aunt lavished me with money, instruments (mainly the trumpet), birthday parties, school outings, etc. And these were things that he didn’t get. But what he needed to understand is that he came up in a different time than I did where some of those things weren’t available to him. Plus, I had more people, more family members to help me out.
And the biggest sticking point is the fact that I actually graduated from college, whereas he was thrown out for being lazy and not attending class!!!!
Speaking of graduating, when I graduated high school, my father didn’t congratulate me. Instead he told me that that was something I was expected to do. That it wasn’t a big deal. That hurt.
Also, my grandfather bought me a car before I even graduated high school. And my father told me that he was NEVER going to buy me one!
The NP also constantly criticizes and “jokes” with their child and not in a funny, good-natured way, but in a mean-spirited way. And once again, my NP CONSTANTLY did this to me and my brother growing up. And as evidenced by the weight loss thing, my NP still does.
The NP makes negative comparisons between you and your siblings. The NP will make such statements as “why can’t you be more like your brother?” Or – “Your sister would never do that. You must be adopted.” Or “Both your brother and sister went to college. What’s your problem?” Or something along those lines. You get the picture. My father used to say that I was jealous of my brother. And this started when he was a baby!!!! Projection much??
All right. This concludes Part 1.
Before you split, though, here is a word from our sponsor. 😁😊😉❤👌
It goes without saying that Sunday rolls around and you get this dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach, and we all know what it is. Monday is just around the corner. But chase those Sunday Scaries away! But not just on Sundays, but ANY day of the week. It is safe and it works. I should know. 😁
Sunday Scaries offers an EXTREMELY wide variety of CBD products – everything from gummies to oils to candy and even dog treats! There are even vegan gummies available! All products are safe. Please click on the banner below!
That is it for now. Next week in Part 2, I will discuss how having an NP makes you feel. So, stay tuned!
In the meantime, my dear friends, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
Pride ended two weeks ago, but I still feel led to write about it, and the dirty trick The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) pulled on the final day of Pride, Friday, June 30.
If you haven’t heard by now, on that day, SCOTUS decided that it was okay to allow businesses to discriminate against people of the LGBTQ+ community (and others), on the basis of it “going against your religion.” 🤬🤬🤬
“On the last day of its term, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that nondiscrimination laws could not be enforced against businesses that offer expressive products and services. The ruling significantly weakens laws that protect LGBT people and others against discrimination.
The case, 303 Creative v. Elenis, involved a web designer who wanted to make wedding websites but worried she would have to create them for same-sex couples because of a law that prohibited discrimination based on sexual orientation. The Court ruled that, because the conduct involved her expression, it was protected speech and the nondiscrimination law could not be applied to her.”
As you can see from the last paragraph, this web designer, Lorie Smith, in essence won the right to discriminate. But now I’m hearing that the story isn’t even true, about the web designer that is.
Well, I’ll get to that in a minute.
Let’s start with the Supreme Court of the United States. I like calling them simply “SCROTUM,” since they think they’ve got the balls to do such a mean thing.
It was definitely no coincidence they made their final ruling, pertaining to the web designer, on the final day of Pride. It was like a huge FUCK YOU to the gay community. I suppose they thought no one would notice. Ha! But believe me we did.
It isn’t enough to have so-called conservative Christians attack drag queens and ban drag shows. Yes. Banning drag. As well as books. Can we say George Orwell’s 1984? And taking a cheap shot by saying they “want to protect their children.” Bull. But now to blatantly allow businesses to discriminate against an entire community and group of people simply because of WHO THEY ARE, is absolutely outrageous!!!
As far as I’m concerned, this is exactly why we have Pride and why we march. Because of evil bullshit like this. When does it end??
It is just like Nazi Germany in the 30s, pre-WWII.
And this is the time for me to bring up the fact that Uranus is in Taurus. And what the heck does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, the last time Uranus was in Taurus was – guess when? – the time leading up to WWII!!
This is truly frightening, as far as I am concerned.
Thanks to SCOTUS, our rights are slowly but surely being taken away.
Roe v. Wade being struck down in 2022.
President Biden’s huge student loan relief plan was struck down by SCOTUS.
Affirmative Action was also recently struck down at UNC-Chapel Hill (my alma mater) and at Harvard, effectively saying that it is unconstitutional to admit someone based on their race.
But honorable mention goes to state and governor decisions:
The banning of books in schools and libraries in Florida, Texas, South Carolina, Utah, Missouri, and Wisconsin.
Banning drag queen shows in Tennessee!
Banning drag story time in certain libraries across the country!
And as much as I am not a fan of TikTok, they are now banning the app on state phones in Wisconsin and North Carolina, citing potential safety and security issues. Could the ban include private citizens next?
People, pay attention and WAKE UP!! Just because it isn’t happening to you or doesn’t affect you, doesn’t mean that down the road it won’t. It doesn’t mean that a ruling or a new law won’t come along that will eventually affect you. You had better get your head out of your collective arses and realize what is happening.
We have to stay vigilant!!! Okay. Stepping off my little soapbox. For now. 😉😊😁
And about the fake website thingy in the court case 303 Creative v. Elenis, it would appear that the plaintiff named in this case is… well, he claims he didn’t file any suit.
The particulars in a nutshell: A man by the name of Stewart, apparently approached Lorie Smith, the Colorado web designer, to build a website for his upcoming nuptials to his partner Mike.
This was back in 2016.
However, when this gentleman Stewart was approached recently, he claims that not only did he not approach this Lorie Smith to build a website for him and intended spouse “Mike,” but that Stewart is married to a WOMAN and has a child!
So, we don’t know what the KCUF is going on! It is now very possible that Lorie Smith fabricated the entire thing in order to file this lawsuit.
Or perhaps this Stewart guy is backpedaling and taking back his original claim.
According to the REAL Stewart, someone used his name, cell phone number and email address to request a wedding website, though he is married to a woman.
It’s all very confusing.
However, the bottom line is SCROTUM – er SCOTUS – is taking away women’s rights, gay rights, and civil rights. They are allowing discrimination across the country. When does it end????
Before you leave, please check out my little advertisement below.
Stressed? Can’t sleep? Need to calm down and simply relax? Then Five CBD may be the answer for you. Five CBD are gummies infused with THC, with a 5:1 ratio of CBD to other powerful hemp compounds. These gummies have several delicious flavors, too! Click on the banner below!
Once again, thanks for stopping by. Come back next week as I tackle narcissistic parents. Oh boy! In the meantime, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
Welcome back, my dear friends and readers!!! We are just coming off yet another Pride Month. And I do hope yours was FANTABULOUS!!
🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
With the decks constantly stacked against us, especially where SCOTUS rulings and conservative Christians STILL attacking us, now more than ever, the LGBTQ+ community, particularly gay men need to come together to fight!
And considering last Friday when I posted my Stonewall/Marsha P. Johnson post, SCOTUS pulled a fast one and basically said it was okay for businesses to discriminate against the LGBTQ+ community based on religion. And on the final day of Pride!!! 😡😡😡
But anyway. I suppose when I came out, I expected it to be one big, grand GAY party. Lots of men, lots of sex, lots of love, and lots of support.
Um but that didn’t happen, not quite like that anyway.
I especially expected an immediate boyfriend, too. Definitely didn’t work out that way at first. Sure I most certainly have had my fair share of lovers and dates and boyfriends, but the support, though, that’s another thing.
There is nothing like having your “sisters” around you. And if you don’t know the gay lingo, ‘sister’ refers to your closest gay brothers. These are cisgender gay men. Just like when I say someone is “family,” that means they are gay, just like me/us.
And I have close “sisters” and gay friendships, plenty of those. But it seems, for example, when I am on certain gay platforms, okay like social media, the men are not supportive at all. Unless you look a certain way. In other words, if you work out in a gym daily, or the new thing is gray-haired gay men, and now long, Santa Claus-bearded gay men and Silverdaddies, etc., you’re in.
You receive all sorts of accolades related to LOOKS.
And before we go any further, this is NOT a crybaby post about how I don’t get any attention, because I get PLENTY of attention from men, thank you very much.
And I am trying not to make blanket statements. Forgive me if I do.
But I am talking about support that goes deeper than your looks or sex. I am talking about support where you need it most – and no not financially – but simply emotionally.
I will take that one gay group that I USED to belong to, as an example. Gay men would post innocent questions in the group, and I don’t believe they were seeking the typical validation. However, there were several very caustic and downright mean comments thrown at them.
And that wasn’t the first time I had seen rude comments like that.
I, myself, fell victim to it once when I posted a joking comment towards one of my gay friends also on this particular site. And someone I didn’t know, TRIED to make a mean comment to me. I simply laughed. Literally. 😂
And it isn’t just on social media or online forums.
We tear each other down, whether it is over looks, the gym, diet, our choice in fashion, our choice in dating.
And don’t get me started on the little subgroups I have noticed popping up over the DECADES since I’ve been out.
The bears. The twinks. The gym bunnies. The preppies. The chubby guys. The chubby chasers. The over 60 group. The under 60 group. The A-lister gays. And so on, and so forth.
It’s like this little hierarchy or categories we as gay men find ourselves in.
And honorable mention to gay men who find their loves and/or husbands. They act like no one else exists!
I am fortunate, because I pretty much stay off to myself these days! 😂😂😂
And when I do, I hang out with a group of great gay guys. But just like my dearly, departed friend Charles B. Enzor used to say – “keep it light and airy.” And I do.
And I think I see what Charles really meant now. Perhaps, the “keep it light and airy” attitude is to protect yourself.
But again, I am fortunate because there are a couple of gay men I know who are in my corner. And I am in theirs.
I do feel, though, like as a group overall, we as gay men can support each other more.
After all, once you leave the bars and the drinks behind, will your gay peeps really have your back if something horrible happens in your life? Think about it.
And the same applies across the board: Black people, women, lesbians, and the list goes on and on. We can ALL do better!
And gay men, remember we are more than our bank accounts, gym memberships, and penis size. We have a LOT to offer this world, and I really do believe this world truly needs us. And we are definitely STRONG ENOUGH!!!
Before you leave, though, please check out Sesame Care, which is an affordable and accessible direct-to-patient health care company. You don’t need health insurance, and you can schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home through telehealth!
I can vouch for them, as I use them myself! 😊
Click the banner ad below!
Thank you once again for stopping by. Until the next time and in the meantime, as always, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
I hope all of you are safe and well and celebrating Pride!
For Pride month, I am dusting off some old Pride posts from two years ago! (With some slight alterations 😊) And here we go!
I cannot believe that it has been 54 years since the Stonewall Riots happened. Now. I am sure many of you know about Stonewall or what it is and what it represents pertaining to the gay community. If not, here is a brief history lesson:
Way back in the day, starting in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, (I was only two years of age then, and clearly had no idea of what a Stonewall was), Stonewall Inn, which was then located in New York City on Christopher Street, was the site of riots, which led to the gay movement, which led to all of those Gay Pride parades that so many conservative Christians LOVE to try and infiltrate, interrupt, and protest. Ha!
Gay bars were subject to raids back then by the police – big surprise. But on that night/early morning of June 28, 1969, the gay community had had enough. And they pushed back. Hard. Fights broke out when the police arrived. Confrontations occurred within the bar, as well as outside on the street. The police arrested about 13 people, one being a lesbian who allegedly said to fight back. So, the already pissed-off crowd did just that, throwing all sorts of objects at the police. The pushback was so fierce that the police ended up barricading themselves inside the bar with some of the prisoners they had arrested. Some of the patrons outside, which by now included part of the neighborhood, set the bar on fire!! (There are accounts that say the police set the fire.) Fortunately, the police and prisoners were able to escape.
The fighting lasted for several days. But this led to what some call the beginning of the Gay Liberation Movement. The following year, on June 28, 1970, was the very first Gay Pride parade which occurred in Los Angeles. The Pride parades have continued to this day across the country and even around the world.
Marsha! Marsha! MARSHA!!!
And depending on whom you ask there is one name, in particular, that is given credit for the uprising on June 28, 1969. And that is Marsha P. Johnson, a fierce black drag queen, who was born Malcom Michaels, Jr. Some of the accounts seem to tell a different version of what happened that night and how Marsha was involved, but it is no doubt that her name has become synonymous with the Gay Liberation Movement.
“Johnson has been named, along with Zazu Nova and Jackie Hormona, by a number of the Stonewall veterans interviewed by David Carter in his book, Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked the Gay Revolution, as being “three individuals known to have been in the vanguard” of the pushback against the police at the uprising. Johnson denied starting the uprising. In 1987, Johnson recalled arriving at around “2:00 [that morning]”, that “the riots had already started” by that time and that the Stonewall building “was on fire” after police set it on fire.[11] The riots reportedly started at around 1:20 that morning after Stormé DeLarverie fought back against the police officer who attempted to arrest her that night.
Carter writes that Robin Souza had reported that fellow Stonewall veterans and gay activists such as Morty Manford and Marty Robinson had told Souza that on the first night, Johnson “threw a shot glass at a mirror in the torched bar screaming, ‘I got my civil rights'”. Souza told the Gay Activists Alliance shortly afterwards that it “was the shot glass that was heard around the world”. Carter, however, concluded that Robinson had given several different accounts of the night and in none of the accounts was Johnson’s name brought up, possibly in fear that if he publicly credited the uprising to Johnson, then Johnson’s well-known mental state and gender nonconforming, “could have been used effectively by the movement’s opponents”. The alleged “shot glass” incident has also been heavily disputed. Prior to Carter’s book, it was claimed Johnson had “thrown a brick” at a police officer, an account that was never verified. Johnson also confirmed not being present at the Stonewall Inn when the rioting broke out, but instead had heard about it and went to get Sylvia Rivera who was at a park uptown sleeping on a bench to tell her about it. However, many have corroborated that on the second night, Johnson climbed up a lamppost and dropped a bag with a brick in it down on a police car, shattering the windshield.”
And now that we are here at the 54th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, I am wondering what would have happened if Stonewall HADN’T occurred. Where would we, as an LGBTQ+ community, be today? Would the riots have eventually happened? Would they have happened elsewhere? Would police raids STILL continue?? Well, Atlanta sure saw one several years ago when the Atlanta Eagle was raided by police, which resulted in several lawsuits! THIS is part of why we do what we do!!
So, this is why Stonewall means a lot to me. I am touched by the fact that our community fought back instead of sitting on their behinds and taking the abuse straight society has perpetuated on us for EONS. We don’t want to fight you; we just want to be your equals. I know, to some, the parades are nothing but fluff, an opportunity to get drunk or naked and show off those gym-buff bodies or participate in debauchery, or whatever that means for you. However, there is always a deeper meaning, and I don’t want our community to ever lose sight of that meaning. And that is the freedom to simply be who we really are without fear, without judgment, without hatred. And without facing death.
And as much as I hate to say this, when it comes to thanking the military for my freedom, I don’t. I thank those wonderful people who led the way back in 1969, as well as the brave abolitionists and slaves who also had had enough!!!
And I don’t think we should ever take for granted how far we have come (marriage equality, etc.). We most certainly still have much farther to go. However, if it weren’t for the Marsha P. Johnsons and others on the night/early morning of June 28, 1969, we would still, no doubt, be harassed by the police and others without any consequences.
If you are wondering what does this have to do with mental health? PLENTY!! I cannot stress enough that it is very unhealthy and toxic to live in a world that caters to a majority, where there is no equality or a place for you at the table. So, in summation, however you celebrate Pride, remember to say a THANK YOU TO THE STONEWALL INN PATRONS for having the courage to risk their lives so that people like you and me can be free to be ourselves! HAPPY GAY PRIDE!!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
And remember, Pride is not just for one month, but ALWAYS!!!!!
BUT WAIT! Before you go, check this out!
Please check out Sesame Care, which is an affordable and accessible direct-to-patient health care company. You don’t need health insurance, and you can schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home through telehealth!
I can vouch for them, as I use them myself! 😊
Click the banner ad below! And in the meantime, please be safe, and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
For the rest of the month, I am dusting off some old blog posts from last year pertaining to Pride. Today’s post was originally entitled For the Love of Pride, Please Stop the Microaggressions Directed towards the LGBTQ+ Community! So, you will see the word “microaggression” used a lot in this post. And I’ve done some retouches.
But here is a word from our sponsor before we start. 😂😂😂
Stressed? Can’t sleep? Need to calm down and simply relax? Then Five CBD may be the answer for you. Five CBD are gummies infused with THC, with a 5:1 ratio of CBD to other powerful hemp compounds. These gummies have several delicious flavors, too! Click on the banner below!
Today’s topic pertains to the hatred and microaggressions that my LGBTQ+ community face.
And what is a microaggression? A microaggression is a big, fancy word that means “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority),” or in this case the LGBTQ+ community. In other, OTHER words, those little jabs and comments that str8 people make towards my community that are MEANT to be funny, but actually are not, but instead are very hurtful, harmful, toxic, misinformed, mean-spirited, downright rude, and just plain stupid. I see them as side, shady comments.
But at the end of the day, they are hateful and VERY prejudiced. And that is why I changed the original title to what it is.
And believe me, they take a toll on your mental wellbeing in having to either explain yourself over and over and OVER again. Or just simply having to hear them, making you feel less than or that you are not a real, worthy, or equal person (to your hetero counterparts).
I do not intend for this blog to be a finger pointer or a rant. (Okay, maybe just a little. 😂😂😂😂) But just some things for our straight allies to understand. So, you will have to forgive my tone. If it comes across as angry or “salty,” well, so be it. We’ll all survive. After all, the LGBTQ+ community has survived a lot of vitriol, hateful comments, and even death for eons.
I was inspired by the article by Huffpost entitled 14 Microaggressions LGBTQ People deal with All the Time. I have included the link at the end of this article as my source. But you know I had to include my own personal microaggressions.
There may be a crisscross between the Huffington Post list and mine, by the way. They listed 14, but I’m listing 16. (But there are MANY others!!) But, here we go:
Your “LIFESTYLE.” What the heck??? WHAT lifestyle? Is this The Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous with Robin Leach??? Because that is what I think of whenever a straight person says this, like we are making tons of money, living in fancy houses, and going on expensive vacations. It is totally ignorant and ridiculous. Is there a HETEROSEXUAL lifestyle? By all means, let me know. And it seems to be the go-to term to describe the LGBTQ+ community. However, I NEVER hear it when referring to straight people. It is rather tired and annoying.
From the conservative Christians or Christians period: “I love you. Just not your LIFESTYLE.” Again, what lifestyle? And do you know how condescending this is? As if anyone cares whether or not you LOVE us. All we ask is that you do not be condescending or cruel to us or, heaven forbid, hurt us. This implies that you are better than us, and that we should be pitied. You don’t have to “love us.” Just accept us for who we are, and that we most certainly aren’t going anywhere. Oh. And you don’t have to tolerate us either, which brings me to the next one.
I tolerate your LIFESTYLE or people like you. What are we? Annoying children that must be tolerated? Or perhaps we are your in-laws that must be “tolerated” whenever they come to dinner or come to visit. You have to put up with us?? Well, we’re not the majority. You are. So, who needs to tolerate whom???? Again, VERY condescending.
The gay bars. Here we go: Now, I remember inviting some of my straight female friends to go with me to the bars wayyyyy back when I first came out. I had one who flat out refused, because she “didn’t want to be seen in such a place.” Hey, that’s cool. Whatever. Over the years, I have certainly had my straight female friends, and even straight male friends, come with. Again, really cool. However, what I have seen over the past decade or so is that it appears to be a “straight invasion” into the queer bars. For God sakes’ WHY? It is nice to have visitors, but damn! You’ve taken over!!! Some people, especially the women, act as if they OWN the joint! I cannot tell you how many times I have witnessed straight women, particularly, coming in and trying to take over! They are loud, rude, and very, very obnoxious! And even “handsy,” if you know what I mean. Keep your bloody hands to yourself! And whenever a great song comes on and I am dancing or another gay man is dancing alone, why do they feel a need to join you without asking for permission? Very annoying. Look at it this way, when you are in your own bars and a straight man comes up and starts dancing with you that you don’t know, how does that make YOU feel? And especially if he starts touching you. Same thing in a gay bar. And heck, there are gay men that I don’t like touching me. So, why would I want a woman to touch me? And please find another venue for your bachelorette parties! I understand you feel comfortable in a gay bar. But you are starting to make us feel UNCOMFORTABLE. Oh and for the record, I am not saying stay out. I am saying BE RESPECTFUL!!! So, don’t even begin to think this is misogynistic in any way. We gay men LOVE our hetero female counterparts. Heck, we ARE you in a lot of ways. But how would you like it if we started coming into your bars and coming onto and being overly friendly with your husbands and boyfriends??? I’ll wait …
“Is that your preference?” YES! My God!! Is being straight yours???? Why are straight people not asked these insipid questions???? LOL
One that I am surprised has come up recently is “How do you know you’re ‘that way’ if you haven’t tried it?” Meaning if you’re a lesbian, being with a man or if you’re a gay man, being with a woman. Well, trust me you know!!! How do you know you’re heterosexual if you’ve never been with your same sex? Also, there are PLENTY of gay men and lesbians who have been with the opposite sex and did NOT like it at all. It just didn’t feel right. So, then there’s that.
Speaking of “that way,” what does that mean to say that someone is “that way?” Which way? Is this a direction? Are we going someplace??
“You’re gay, so you are not a ‘real man’ or a ‘real woman.'” Hmmm okay, so define what a “real man or real woman” is. I’ll wait. So, is it just based on biology or science or whether or not you can procreate or desire to be with the opposite sex?? Believe you me, I know PLENTY of LGBTQ+ peeps who are more of a “real man or woman” than a lot of heterosexual people I know, because of the fact that they are simply brave enough to be THEMSELVES by facing microaggressions, hate, scorn, ridicule, danger or even death.
“Why would you want to be ‘that way’ when there are soooooo many women/men out there?” Well, why would you want to be “that way” (str8) when there are sooooo many of your same sex out there to choose from? LOLOL And I guess here is where I have to say it: YOU ARE BORN “THAT WAY!”!
And that brings us to “You weren’t born that way. God didn’t intend for you to be ‘that way’!” Seems like “that way” comes up a lot, huh? For as long as I can remember, I felt different. Very different. All the other boys around me were looking at the girls, talking about them in a suggestive manner. And I NEVER felt that energy. I was looking at THEM, the boys instead! LOL So, yes, I was born “that way.”
“The right man/woman can CHANGE you!” Um no. They cannot. A woman would not be able to change me from gay to straight. She doesn’t have the right – um – stuff 😂🌈 Not to mention there is ZERO attraction there. Yes, I think there are sooooo many beautiful women out there, but that is as far as it goes, acknowledging they are pretty or beautiful. But I do not wish to have sex with or be with any of them.
“I never knew you were gay. You don’t act it.” Or even the opposite. There are sooooo many effeminate-acting men out there who claim they are NOT gay. And I have met many of them, and I don’t think they are. And just for the record, there is NOTHING wrong with “acting gay” or if you’re a lesbian “acting butch.”
Making assumptions about gay people that are quite frankly stereotypical. In other words, lesbians must LOVE sports or look or act a certain way, and are handy with tools. While gay men LOVE musicals, love fashion, love to shop, and have great fashion sense, oh and can interior decorate like nobody’s business. Just dumb, dumb, DUMB! We all like different things! And can do different things. So, does that mean that straight women can’t be handy with tools or love sports and not have any fashion sense? And believe me, I know plenty of gay men who LOVE sports! I have never liked them, but there are gay men out there who do. And I can’t stand musicals, and I definitely am not a slave to fashion. As a matter of fact, in the spring and summertime, I prefer a T-shirt, shorts, and flipflops wherever I go!!
No homo by the “bruthas” when they hug you. Ugh!!! So, this implies that gay men find EVERY straight man attractive. And that is definitely a big NO!!! And again, very condescending to make the assumption that even from a simple hug, that we would even want you. Please do NOT flatter yourself. So, every time you hug a straight female, does that mean you want her or vice versa??? Just curious ….
This is sort of an old one from back in the day, but “Who’s the man and who’s the woman?” WTF???? Do you mean who’s the top and who’s the bottom?? 😂 Okay, first of all, we are both MEN! And with lesbian couples, they are both WOMEN! Enough said. There are no switched gender roles. So sorry to disappoint.
16. And I am going to add one as an actor having played GASP! – gay roles. And I’m throwing Atlanta under the bus, because this is where I heard this garbage. And this has been said by str8 male actors here in Atlanta. “You were playing yourself.” Okay. You homophobic JACKASS! As a str8 actor playing a str8 role, were you playing YOURSELF??????? Again, I’ll wait.
So, those are my 16 personal microaggressions and hateful, prejudiced and ignorant comments seen and heard consistently by the LGBTQ+ community. What are yours? I definitely want to know and how it has affected you personally. Leave me a comment below!
Source/Inspiration:
That is it for today. Thank you so much for listening to my rant. Continue to celebrate PRIDE. Be proud of who you are, and until the next time, please be safe and mentally well! HAPPY PRIDE!! 🌈🌈
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
Welcome back, my dearest friends! And HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!!
🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
For all of my LGBTQ+ peers, I do hope your Pride is going extremely well!!
And that is what I wish to discuss this week. Actually, this is a redux of a post I previously published two years ago during Pride month. So, keep reading!!
Sissy!
Faggot!
Punk!
These were just a few of the names that I was called growing up in Wadesboro, North Carolina. These awful names hurt me. A lot. I was mocked and ridiculed by not only classmates and some of the neighborhood kids, but also in some cases teachers and other adults. And I didn’t know what I did to deserve it. Apparently, I acted like a “girl” when I was a child, which APPARENTLY warranted such abuse. But it wasn’t just the words that hurt. It was the attitude of society, of the entire world that may have hurt the most.
Trying to hide my identity was so mentally draining. I felt like Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman or rather Diana Prince, trying to hide the fact that she was actually Wonder Woman. I did everything I could to not let my secret be exposed – or rather – to try and prove everyone wrong, that I was NOT a sissy, faggot, punk! I didn’t do it by dating girls, though I did take one to my senior prom.
One thing I felt that I could do was pretend to like sports. So, I feigned an interest so that my then-best friend, who was really into sports, surely didn’t believe that I was queer. I NEVER liked sports. Well, that isn’t entirely true. I did like wrestling, because of the men in their tight trunks 🌈😂🌈😂🌈😂😂 I did develop a taste for basketball, mostly college basketball such as the UNC-Chapel Hill team and I, of course, later attended and graduated from UNC!
In secret, I would put a towel on my head and pretend to be a girl. I put on my aunt’s makeup and bra and heels and would parade around the house that way when no one was home. I worked the runway, honey, before it was a thing! But ahhhh the towel on my head thing. Let’s go back even further.
It started when I was very little. I don’t remember the exact age, but I would guess I was probably 6 years old. I would put a large bath towel on my head to represent my “long hair,” and then I would parade around the house and say “I’m a girl! Girl! Girl!” LOL I did this for YEARS! Well, at least for the first couple of years out in the open. I would even do it outdoors and walk around that way, and I didn’t care who saw me!!!! Heck, my aunt would even sometimes fashion the towel into a ponytail. I thought I was hot!! 😂😉😁😊
But the years went by, and I believe I was around 10 at the height of The Bionic Woman, (and yes, I definitely put my towel/wig on and pretended to be Jaime) when my grandmother and my aunt both started yelling at me to “take that mess off your head!” I felt hurt and crushed. So, I did what they asked. And that is when I started doing it in secret all the way through high school!!
When I look back on it, I wonder if they hadn’t stopped me and had encouraged me instead, if I would have become a drag queen or female impersonator. Or maybe transgender. 🤷♂️🤷🤷♂️🤷🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Taking a timeout for this brief endorsement.
Please check out Sesame Care, which is an affordable and accessible direct-to-patient health care company. You don’t need health insurance, and you can schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home through telehealth!
I can vouch for them, as I use them myself! 😊
Click the banner ad below!
Okay. And we’re back.
Religion/Christianity Apparently Doesn’t Like Us!
“You’re going to burn in hell if you’re gay!”
“Mankind shall not lie with mankind! It is an abomination unto the Lord!”
More damaging rhetoric. And, of course, it comes from religion. And, of course, I have to mention it.
And nothing has changed in terms of how some “Christians” feel about homosexuality. How many times have I heard from straight Christians “I love YOU. Just not your lifestyle.” Lifestyle????? What is this The Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous? Is heterosexuality a LIFESTYLE??? Because I have NEVER heard it called that. And do you know how condescending it is to hear someone say that? They love YOU but not your lifestyle, as if being straight is such a superior, wonderful thing to be. Well, straight people have their privilege. The privilege of being able to walk down the street holding hands without receiving any stares. (Or hateful comments. Or even death threats). The privilege of having the benefit of the doubt and the assumption that you are straight. The privilege of being able to have and adopt children freely and without question. The privilege for being automatically understood, accepted, loved and never judged just for being straight. And the list goes on and on.
One summer visiting my folks and brother in D.C., I saw this Christian pamphlet on homosexuality and how wrong and abnormal it was and sinful, of course. Mind you, the pamphlet was in my parents’ house. From what I remember, it told the story of a young boy who was “lured” into homosexuality by an older man in a park. How. Stupid. As if that is how it happens. But it made it seem that is how homosexuality starts, from a depraved older man preying on boys. In a park.
That is NOT how it happens!!! Either you are or you aren’t. Yes, you are BORN THAT WAY! There is no horrific event that “makes” or “turns” you gay. Is there a single event that makes or turns you straight? I’ll wait. But reading that pamphlet made me feel even worse about myself. I felt guilty and ashamed. And alone.
And for the Christians reading this who feel the need to pray over me and my “lifestyle,” save the prayers for YOUR ignorance, bigotry, and stupidity. Yeah. I said it.
Toxic Media Images – It’s the Straight way or the HIGHWAY!
Now, let’s talk about the images we, as gay people, see on television, in the media, magazines, and in the movies, etc.
Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Pretty much the end of the story. Boy and girl live happily ever after, and raise their little family. Blah, blah, blah. So on and so forth. Everyone applauds and approves of such a union. Growing up, I never saw boy meets boy. Or girl meets girl. Instead the images and portrayals of gay men were always about us being made fun of, beaten up, or even murdered. No happily ever after. None of that. Later on, we eventually became the best friend to the heroine. Or the comic relief. We were the hairdressers TO or the confidante OF the female bestie. We NEVER got true love stories or happily ever afters of our own, I suppose, because we were seen as the joke, the clowns, the deviants in our secret homosexual world with our sick and sordid backroom sexual antics that were never spoken of. Only in whispers and stares. But gee. I wonder who put us there. Hmmm … 🤔😔
The Big Secret
Being gay, you’re the big secret. The awful thing that struggles first with your identity, but then after you realize who you really are, you must decide whether to either continue to keep it a secret or to come out to your family and friends and tell them the truth about who you really are. It is VERY stressful, to say the least. And some gays and lesbians cannot deal with all of this and fall into severe depression and even decide to end their lives. Gee, how many straight people end their lives over being … straight? Again, I’ll wait. Cricket. Cricket. It is horrible to think that you don’t feel your life is worth living, because you feel that you cannot be your true, authentic self. And that really hurts and is quite damaging to your self-worth, psyche and mental wellbeing.
Yes, it does take a toll on your mental health. You cannot imagine what it is like having to deal with all of this. And the older you are, I would suspect the more trouble you had coming out. I do feel like things are easier now for the LGBTQ community in terms of coming out and being accepted. Goodness! You have CHILDREN coming out now!!!! But there are hordes and hordes of people out there who will NEVER accept who we are. And people who will forever remain in the closet out of fear. Again, this is very damaging to your mental health and wellbeing.
In summation, growing up gay in a straight world was NOT easy. And yes, it really, REALLY SUCKED!!! The mental and emotional toll it took on me (and countless others) was devastating. This is why I encourage people to be themselves. I am a huge supporter of transgender rights and for people to be called or referred to whatever they wish to be called or referred to. You know, it is not for any of us to try and understand or judge. Just let people be and accept – not tolerate because that implies dealing with something repugnant and/or putting up with something you don’t really care about in the first place – people for who they are. Just embrace and accept people as you would expect them to do for you.
Stressed? Can’t sleep? Need to calm down and simply relax? Then Five CBD may be the answer for you. Five CBD are gummies infused with THC, with a 5:1 ratio of CBD to other powerful hemp compounds. These gummies have several delicious flavors, too! Click on the banner below!
Thank you for stopping by. And I do hope to see you all again soon. In the meantime, as always please be safe and mentally well!!!
Wait!!! And one more thing, do what you want, be what/who you ARE!!! 😊😊😊
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
Welcome back, my dear friends! I hope everyone is doing well and everything is going according to your plan!
“Feelings!!! Nothing more than FEELINGS!”
I am pretty sure many of you have heard the song, sung and covered by NUMEROUS artists. However, it first became famous because of Morris Albert back in 1975. (Though there is the controversy that he stole it from LouLou Gasté and was subsequently sued!!) But check it out anyway: 😂
The reason I am bringing this up is because for most of my life, I have been told that my feelings and emotions are bad. Rather, the negative ones are bad – such as anger, sadness, and yes, bitterness and hate.
But why are people so afraid of feelings and emotions, even their own?
We are given all sorts of mixed and rather toxic messages about our feelings and emotions, starting even in childhood.
As a child, when I was spanked, and started to cry, I was told “stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” Um well, you are inflicting physical pain upon me that hurts. So, yes, I am going to CRY!!! PLUS you are ALREADY giving me something to cry about in the first place!!! DAMN! Make up your mind!
Little boys are often told “don’t cry. Crying is for sissies.” Another horrible, toxic message given to boys and men.
Even young girls are being told to “toughen up. It’s a man’s world. So, you gotta show how strong you are. Show no weakness. Be and act like a MAN!!”
And then you get older, and you are told to not show your anger. “Don’t let things bother you. Don’t get mad. Are you mad? Why are you mad?” It’s ridiculous.
And don’t get me started on the whole hate thing. Okay, so definitely hating people, especially specific groups of people who are different than you, is NOT a good thing. However, if someone does something to you that is horrible, it is normal to hate what they did and even hate that person. You are allowed to feel that way. These are YOUR feelings! And there is nothing wrong with that!
I would say don’t get stuck in that feeling, though. But it is okay to feel how you want to feel. Just figure out a way to work through it.
As adults, we are constantly told “to be strong.” “Never let them see you sweat.” Blah, blah, blah. But I’m really wondering why these stupid things are said? Is it to better help the person feeling this way to cope or “feel” better?
OR is it because it makes others FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE??????????
So, this is a good timeout to do a little endorsement. So, please bear with me.
Stressed? Can’t sleep? Need to calm down and simply relax? Having negative feelings you can’t shake? Then Five CBD may be the answer for you. Five CBD are gummies infused with THC, with a 5:1 ratio of CBD to other powerful hemp compounds. These gummies have several delicious flavors, too! Click on the banner below and check it out!
Okay. Endorsement over. 😉😊❤️
Yep. Methinks that is what is mostly behind why people are against “certain” things, emotions, and yes, even people. THEY don’t want to feel uncomfortable.
It’s like people would rather see a train wreck (or car accident on the highway), rubbernecking and breaking their neck to see what happened – than to deal with someone who is expressing a “negative” feeling or emotion.
How many times have I been told – no LABELED – that I’m angry. I’m bitter. I’m letting something bother me. I’m complaining. ????
Honestly, this is how I tell a story! LOLOL I am very animated and dramatic (another of my labels). I feel like a fiery Italian (no offense at all to Italians!) telling a story, but others see it as bitterness, which is stupid. I don’t know how to tell a story without putting some PASSION behind it. I think it’s funny, but people take it TOOOOOOO seriously! Damn!
There are people, I know, who express themselves in the same way. As a matter of fact, they go even further than I do. BUT their friends and loved ones applaud them for “telling it like it is.” Me? What do I get? You’re angry. Okay. Thanks, a lot. Bitch. 😂😂😂
And don’t even be really enthusiastic or happy about something either, because people think you’re crazy, high or on something!
I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I know there are those of you who have been dismissed and, perhaps, STILL being dismissed or rather gaslit into believing that what you feel is not valid or correct or just in YOUR mind and not true or real. I say how you feel is how you feel. Doesn’t make you wrong or bad. It simply means you’re HUMAN.
And going back to the original question – why are people afraid of their own feelings?
I think it’s because they are afraid of showing any kind of weakness or deficit. Because if they show that, then they open themselves up to potential criticism, shame or ridicule.
And as a result, we have been conditioned to walk around like zombies, i.e. that we don’t let anything bother us. And to an extent, I can agree with that. But certainly not to the detriment of your mental health.
We don’t want to cry when we feel like crying. We don’t want to vent when we’re angry. We don’t want to say how we really feel. Why? Because we ALWAYS want to appear as though we ALWAYS have it together. And also, because we don’t want to come across as vulnerable. But guess what? We are.
I think experiencing negative feelings is a good thing. Maybe it means something in your life needs to change, including yourself.
I have learned that when there is something or someone bothering me, perhaps it is time to move on. Change something, even if that something is me.
Feelings are NOT bad!! Sure, hanging onto certain feelings isn’t a good thing. However, allow yourself to feel that emotion, and then deal with it and yes, move forward and upward. (If you have read other blog posts of mine, you know I HATE the phrase “get over it!!!!)
I am not suggesting you wallow in your feelings or get lost in them or stay in them. What I am saying is ALLOW yourself the opportunity to FEEL them. You never know what you might learn – about yourself.
That’s it. Off my soapbox now. 😁😉
Before you leave, though, please check out Sesame Care, which is an affordable and accessible direct-to-patient health care company. You don’t need health insurance, and you can schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home through telehealth!
I can vouch for them, as I use them myself! 😊
Click the banner ad below!
Thank you very much for coming back, my dear friends and readers. Next week, I am going to talk about PRIDE!!!! Gay that is. 😉 Stay tuned.
Photo attribution: Courtesy of Unsplash. Artists: Amin RK, Brock Wegner, Clay Banks, and Mubariz-Mehd Izadeh.
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
Greetings, everyone! I do hope you are all well! Welcome back!
I am going to start things off with a little endorsement. So, please bear with me.
Stressed? Can’t sleep? Need to calm down and simply relax? Then Five CBD may be the answer for you. Five CBD are gummies infused with THC, with a 5:1 ratio of CBD to other powerful hemp compounds. These gummies have several delicious flavors, too! Click on the banner below and check it out!
I’m back! Okay, that wasn’t so bad, now was it? 😁😉
Today, I am pondering whether or not it is possible to develop friendships on social media, particularly on Facebook.
I cannot believe that I am about to give social media its props, considering the number of bad things I can – and have said about it. But yes, I do believe it is possible.
And let’s face it, with everything going on right now in the news and the media, we could all use a friend wherever we can get one.
And with COVID still in place, it may even be safer to socialize – sometimes – online.
There are several people on Facebook, for example, that:
I have either gotten closer to after years of knowing them, though we were not close before.
Or friends and family who live at a distance.
To people that I have never even met, but yet we have formed a bond and a connection based on our communication on Facebook.
Sometimes it starts with a like or a love, or perhaps a message or funny video is sent via Messenger. Maybe it is the comments based on common ground, especially funny stuff. Or TV shows you have in common. Or music. After all, music makes the world go round. 😂
We bond over politics, music, TV shows, nutty and funny memes, and even serious issues. And it’s all good!
So, yes, you are forming bonds with people over shared goals and interests, which is excellent!
And as much I hate to admit it, I also became really good friends with people who are completely on the opposite side of the political spectrum than me!! GASP! 😮😮😮
Proof that really great music – hello, 70s and 80s – and amazing TV shows from the past, can bring people together, even if it is online.
And even people I went to high school with and even college, we’ve kept in touch on Facebook because of our shared love of music, TV, and the crazy memes I post!! If funny memes don’t connect people, then I don’t know what will. 😂😂😂
And I have been told that my posts give them life and make them laugh. GOOD!!!!
And as far as connecting it to mental health, I will speak for myself personally, the exchanges I have with my social media buddies actually make me LOL, and you know what they say – “laughter is the best medicine.”
And let’s face it, when you laugh you are giving your brain and mood a much needed boost.
In summation, I have formed some pretty close bonds with people online. And no, they are not unhealthy or toxic, but fun and free. We even correspond in some form or fashion daily, and I really love that.
Now, I know that for better mental health, it is probably good to take social media breaks every now and again. But when I do, I miss the interactions with my Facebook friends.
As a matter of fact, my Facebook friends have even told me that they miss me whenever I take a break from social media. And when they do likewise, I feel the same way. I miss them and their posts.
So, in my opinion, I think it is VERY possible to become closer with your peeps on social media!
And that’s a wrap for today, folks!
Before you leave, though, please check out Sesame Care, which is an affordable and accessible direct-to-patient health care company. You don’t need health insurance, and you can schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home through telehealth!
I can vouch for them, as I use them myself! 😊
Click the banner ad below!
Thank you so much for joining me today in this brief post. I will see you all very soon. Please take care, and as always, be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
Before we get started, I want to talk about an affiliate program I have joined. So many Americans are not insured. It’s funny how we are forced to have car insurance to basically protect ourselves from others in the unfortunate event of an accident. However, when it comes to insuring ourselves, we are left to fend for ourselves, usually paying very high premiums and deductibles. This is where Sesame Care comes in.
Sesame Care is NOT insurance, but it is a direct-to-patient health care company making quality healthcare more accessible and affordable. Sesame connects healthcare providers to patients directly, separate from health insurance, to offer virtual + in-person appointments. And guess what? You don’t have to have health insurance!
You can even be seen virtually by a doctor for as low as $19! And I can personally vouch for them, as I use their services. Check it out by clicking on the banner below!
Now on with the show.
I am sitting back enjoying the Spring weather, and my little brain went to this topic about open relationships. To be honest, I have pondered this topic many times before.
But as I like to say, let’s take a deeper dive into the world of OPEN RELATIONSHIPS!!
Before I go any further, you will have to excuse me if I sound preachy or judgmental on the subject. It is not my intention. Believe me. I am simply giving my thoughts and opinions on the subject, and we all know what opinions are worth. At the end of the day, we will all do what we feel is right for us.
Also, please forgive me if my thoughts appear disorganized and rambly. I am doing this strictly in stream of consciousness style. 😊😉
“Essentially, we’re trying to find the perfect blend of intimacy, passion and commitment. To some people, the pros and cons of an open relationship are so balanced that they feel fulfilled in all three of those areas.”
Back in my gay day, there was no such thing as open relationships. Or rather we didn’t call it that. From what I recall, everyone I knew was trying to be in a monogamous relationship, myself included. I didn’t want to be with Tom, Dick, AND Harry. Or in my case Javier, Darrell, AND Israel at the same time. No, ma’am.
And of course, I’m exaggerating in terms of open relationships not being a thing, even back when I came out in 1989.
As a matter of fact, I want to say the first time I started hearing the term “open relationships,” particularly with regard to gay men, was in the late 90s/early 00s.
Though the terminology was new, well to me anyway, the concept has been around for a long, long time. I even remember back in the 70s, when I was a child, hearing about “swingers” and even seeing it on TV. One such program that tackled it rather humorously was the show Maude.
And the episode featured str8 people, of course.
I like the term “swingers” better than “open relationships,” by the way. The term “swingers” is so 70s, and if you know me, you know I love everything 70s. 😁😂
But no doubt someone along the way got offended by the term and wanted to change it. Le sigh.
And speaking of str8 people, in doing a little research, I learned that the idea of open relationships was first mentioned in a 1972 book entitled Open Marriage by George and Nena O’Neill.
Apparently, the O’Neills created a bit of a monster, because their intention was actually NOT to promote a sexual relationship necessarily outside of marriage, but rather that it was healthy to develop outside FRIENDSHIPS with other couples and/or individuals.
They did, however, discuss in one chapter in the book that open marriage COULD include SOME forms of sexuality with other couples.
However, people back then took that concept and really ran with it, and I believe this is where we get the idea of what is now known as an open relationship, whether gay, straight or bisexual.
So, back this up a bit, perhaps gay men got this concept from str8 people. I don’t know. That is surprising, though, since there are so many gay men who do not wish to emulate or copy anything str8 people do.
I personally don’t believe in open relationships. I have a saying:
If you can be committed to your job, your pet, going to the gym, your family, then you can certainly be committed to one person. Just my opinion.
Also, why not just remain single and play around?
I’m going to be bold to say that it all sounds like people are afraid to be alone.
There. I said it. PLEASE feel to agree or disagree in the comment section below. I truly want to start a dialogue on this.
And I am leaving out lesbians, because I honestly have never heard of any lesbians in open relationships, and that is not meant to be stereotypical. The lesbians I know who are in relationships, theirs are monogamous. But again, please enlighten me.
I can only speak from the gay male perspective since I am a gay male.
The Benefits of Being Open
To be fair, I am going to discuss what I believe to the pros of being open. Okay, so from what I am understanding one of the benefits IS actually sexual. If one person isn’t into sex that much or no longer wants to have sex with their partner, then the partner is free to be with other people.
It is possible to develop other interests and friendships outside of the relationship without jealousy or fear of losing the other person.
Some people say that it actually strengthens their relationship.
You can always return to home base safely without recrimination or fear of the other person walking away or leaving you. In other words, you will always have someone to go home to. So, you are never alone.
You have more of a variety to choose from. So, you’re not looking at the same face and body night after night after night. What is it they say that variety is the spice of life?
Perhaps it enhances your existing relationship and makes it more exciting.
The needs that your primary partner can’t give you may be fulfilled in someone else, and your primary partner is understanding about that.
No need to lie about what you’re doing. The partner already knows. So, it’s not like you’re cheating.
Let’s be honest, it’s really about sex. I know there are those who will argue with me on that. But you get to play out your fantasies, and you also get to have ALL of your sexual needs met, especially if your partner is unable to perform or doesn’t want to perform anymore, i.e. has lost interest, isn’t interested sexually in the things you are, and God forbid your partner is sick.
Monogamy? Ye or Nay?
I am finding more and more gay men who prefer open relationships. Some feel that it is close to impossible for men to be monogamous. And that monogamy is not a realistic goal.
I don’t think it is impossible to be monogamous or that it is unrealistic. As I stated earlier, if you can commit to your job, your pet, your workout routine, then you can commit to one person. But no judgments here. To each his own.
Other gay men say that it helps their relationship, and it even improves it.
So, I am going to try and be objective, though I am team monogamy.
But what if in an open relationship, emotions get involved and things become rather sticky and unpleasant when a third or more people are brought in?
I know of a gay couple who brought in a third person, and it ruined and, eventually, ended their relationship. One of them actually attempted to have a romantic relationship with the third-party person, and that eventually ended, too!
So, I just wouldn’t enter into an open or even a polyamorous or polygamous relationship unless I was fully prepared mentally and emotionally to do so.
Before I would ever enter into such a relationship, I would certainly lay down some ground rules and have certain boundaries. And some gay men in open relationships do set the “rules.”
If it were me, I would only “play” TOGETHER, and there are those open-minded couples who will only do that. They never go out on their own.
Secondly, I would insist on not sharing finances or even living space. Sorry, but no thanks. Because if we are open, I don’t see how we are in a relationship.
And most definitely, I would keep emotions and feelings out of it, including the relationship itself, but of course especially where the third-party people are concerned. I think in an open relationship, once someone falls for an outside person, then the game is over.
And also from what I understand, there are a lot, and I do mean a LOT, of sexless relationships out there, which is something else I don’t understand. Say one partner is just not interested in sex anymore at all, then they allow their person to go out and have their fun. But is that fair to you? Because, again, jealousy could come into play, no pun intended. And as much as people like to say they are not jealous, I really don’t believe them.
Come on, we’re human!
For me personally, I prefer to say that I am “open with myself.” That means, I am not interested in a romantic or emotional relationship with anyone at all. I wish to date around, which to me is a throwback to what I consider a 60s/70s attitude. There were PLENTY of people who were not committed to any one person. They “played the field,” which even as a child I thought was a good idea.
Why limit yourself? And why tie yourself down to one person?
Sounds to me like a case of wanting your cake and being able to eat it, too. And I know. I know. It’s cake. So, why not eat it?
Potential Risks
I think you’re taking some pretty big chances being in an open relationship. Hello! DISEASE!
I can hear the boos now.
No offense to anyone, but think of the risks you are taking, and I am thinking unwanted STIs and of course, once again, the emotional aspect of it.
Of course, there are prevention methods, such as condoms (which a lot of gay men prefer NOT to use. Can we say bareback? No thanks!) and now PrEP or Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, which is a medication designed to prevent the contraction and exposure to HIV.
So, when opening the relationship, just what are you opening it up to?
Only you can decide.
That is it for now. But I am already thinking there needs to be a part 2, since this is such a huge and very broad subject!
Again, these are MY OPINIONS! I apologize if any of you reading this feel that I am denigrating you. That is not my intention.
But you know there are open relationship-minded people who VEHEMENTLY condemn monogamy. So, then there’s that.
I do not think any less of anyone who makes the choices they make in their own life.
Before you go, by all means please check out the Five CBD ad listed below. Five CBD are CBD+THC gummies that are vegan (pectin based) and contain all-natural ingredients. With a 5:1 ratio of CBD to other powerful hemp compounds, this gummy is a delicious way to take your daily dose.
Click on the banner to get 40% off + free shipping if you subscribe!
Each gummy container contains a mix of different fruity flavors that are listed below.
Buzz: Blue Razz, Redberry, Lemon, and Orange
Buzz Sour: Sour Blue Razz, Sour Redberry, Sour Lemon, and Sour Orange
Original: Blue Razz, Berry, Lemon, and Orange
Sleep: Berry
Sour: Sour Blue Razz, Sour Redberry, Sour Lemon, and Sour Orange
Try them out by clicking on the banner below! (or above to get 40% off when you subscribe!!)
Until next time, please be safe and mentally well!
DEREK’S DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals. These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance. Thanking you in advance!
I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here.
AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER: There are products on this page. By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you. However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).
