Category: mental health and well-being

Hello, all of my dear friends! I do hope your Spring is coming along well!

As the title says, I would like to discuss why we allow other people’s rude and bad behaviour to continue.

I think part of the reason why we allow it to go on could be due to several reasons:

1. Fear. We are afraid of starting an argument or even worse – the confrontation leading to violence.
2. We don’t believe the offender will ever change – and perhaps you are correct in that assertion.
3. We are told and conditioned “that that is the way they are,” which goes along with perhaps they will not change.
4. Not wanting to make waves and hold these people accountable, which goes back to the fear of speaking up.

And possibly a whole host of other reasons why.

Regardless of the reasons, never, EVER blame yourself and think it is something you did or said or even didn’t do or say!!!

Before we go any further, I am going to include this very helpful video about not making excuses for other people’s rude and/or bad behaviour. Please click below!

And what is the old saying – “you are only teaching someone how to treat you.”

Oh and for the record, rudeness doesn’t have to be something that is tempered with anger or meanness. It can even be the quiet and little, subtle jabs that can sting just as badly and linger the longest.

Which brings me to insightful video number 2, about the sneaky ways people can disrespect you. Please watch!

Now, I have written a great deal of posts about people – my darling little Earth Things – for quite some time now. I suppose I’m doing it to try and understand their behaviour. Because as someone once said to me, “human beings are messy.” And that is certainly an understatement. Messy and complicated and just downright meh.

And of course, we have all run into people who are just downright rude and toxic, whether they are strangers or friends or even members in your own family.

And that is exactly where I’ll tell my own personal story – about my own family.

I am not going to say who it is, for once, but I will say that it is a rather close family member, whom I shall call Ted. Ted is rather disagreeable and can be downright mean. I have witnessed this behaviour all my life; however, it seems Ted has gotten worse.

And Ted has directed this negative energy in my direction more times than I can either count or remember.

Ted is also a full-blown – say it with me folks: NARCISSIST!!

Other family members who live with this demon have tried in the past to set boundaries and limits, with SOME success. However, Ted continues to cross those boundaries and say and even commit such heinous atrocities.

The only person who can truly keep Ted in check, as they say, is a person whom shall be referred to as Marion. Marion sets the law down with Ted, and Ted actually backs down.

As stated above, I have engaged in heated battles with Ted in the past, but it, of course, has done no good. I was told by other family members, on more than one occasion, to just not say anything where Ted is concerned. And I have learned to do just that. Keep my mouth shut. But is that doing any good? I mean, sure it keeps the peace. But is that good for everyone else’s mental health in the long run?

I can tell you that the other family members who live with Ted go on trips WITHOUT him, which I don’t blame them. They now only travel together when necessary and for family emergencies and special occasions.

I don’t even want to be around this person, because they are so toxic.

When it comes to phone calls, I just don’t call. I will call other members of the family, but not him. In the past, the phone calls would just erupt into fierce arguments.

And speaking of rudeness and toxicity, I am reminded of a post I did a couple of weeks back pertaining to rude coworkers. Please click on the link below for that post:

Stop Enabling Rude, Toxic Workplace Bullies

There should absolutely be no fear in dealing with these individuals. And I know a great many of you keep silent, myself included. But again, I ask the question is that doing anyone any good? Is that good for our overall mental health?

And as several of my posts this year, and in the past, have been stating, it is okay to steer clear of these individuals. Detach from them, my favorite new word to use in situations like what I am describing.

This isn’t a “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” sort of thing. But quite the opposite. “If you can’t beat ’em, delete ’em!!”

It may be easier said than done, particularly when it comes to family. But I am a firm believer in protecting your mental wellbeing at all costs, even if that means excluding certain family members.

And remember, if you feel that you cannot cope with toxic people and their extremely rude and impertinent behaviour, be it family or friends, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Now, if online therapy isn’t for you and the cost is too high, then a much simpler route is trying CBD/THC-infused gummies. Please click on the banner below for Five CBD+.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

PHOTO ATTRIBUTION: Jonathan Borba

Hello! Hello! My dear friends! Welcome back to another round of what goes through Derek’s head! 😂😂😂

Stop assuming friendship with people, because they don’t care. And, therefore, why should you?

Having friends is wonderful, especially those you can count on. However, there are some people who don’t value friendship or it just doesn’t mean the same to them as it does to you.

And, in my opinion, it is time to back away – detach as I discussed in a previous post. And if necessary, cut them loose altogether.

It is Okay to Detach from People

I know, I get it. As we grow older, our needs change. Our priorities change. We get “busier” or that is at least what we tell ourselves and others. We just don’t have the same time as we did when we were younger or our friendship circle changes.

However, when you have been friends with the same group of people for years and suddenly they don’t seem to have time for you when they are not that busy. Or you are not getting the phone calls – sorry – the text messages, you used to, time to ask what’s up?

And I also get that people just simply grow apart for whatever reason, because of time or distance or what have you.

I have also had friends who thought they could walk all over me, because they assumed friendship. And I stupidly allowed them to do it in the name of said, so-called friendship.

Try that shit now, and I can promise you you’ll get your feet cut off. 😂😂😂

But I digress. I am going to tell another one of my boring tales to give you an example of when I assumed friendship when I shouldn’t have. And believe me I have more than one story.

This tale is about — well, let’s just call the bitch — Mother Devereaux. Several of you arleady know the story. So I will, for once, try and make it brief. 😉

I moved in with Mother Devereaux back in the summer of 2019, and I thought it was going to be a wonderful experience. I thought and ASSUMED this person would be the perfect roommate, because of their easy-going demeanor. We had known each other for over 20 years.

Oh this is actually a gay man, by the way, but I like to call him Mother Devereaux because of Golden Girls. I won’t explain further, as you can Google it. 😉

Well, things got rocky during Christmas of 2019. You see, I went to see my parents and brother in D.C. that Christmas. And at that time, the movie The Irishman, starring my main man Robert De Niro, had just come out on Netflix. And I figured that holiday would be a perfect time to watch it since I would have plenty of free time.

So, I went to D.C. armed with Mother Devereaux’s Netflix password so I could watch Mr. De Niro. Now, mind you, she GAVE it to me upon moving in. And she never told me that I couldn’t use it elsewhere. Plus I was paying for half of the bill.

So, on Christmas Day, I settled down to watch, when I suddenly got a text from Mother Devereaux, asking if I had used his password to log into Netflix. I texted back saying, ‘why yes I did. I’m about to watch The Irishman.’ I thought nothing of it, because I ASSUMED that he was checking to make sure. However, it went downhill from there.

He texted back asking didn’t my parents have a Netflix account, and I responded with no. That is when he told me that he didn’t want me using his password unless it was in the apartment. And I texted back saying that I didn’t think it was a big deal, because when he gave me the password, I ASSUMED I could use it anywhere. He hadn’t made any stipulations.

And he texted back saying something along the lines of he didn’t want his information stolen since he had already been through identity theft twice, which I knew about. And that it was a no-no for me to use his password info anywhere else.

I was beginning to simmer at this point, though. I texted him telling him that I was going to make sure that before I left to return to Atlanta, that I would erase his password and login info out of the Netflix account at my parents’ house. However, he still didn’t want me to use it. Okay, and so this is when I got mad.

On Christmas Day 2019, I called Mother Devereaux, who was actually at work, and cussed her out.

I told her that my family are not thieves and that NOBODY in my family was about to steal anybody’s password or identity. And that I ASSUMED that after knowing each other for over 20 years, that you would know and trust me better than that.

Besides, as I stated above he hadn’t told me that I couldn’t use the damn password wherever, and I could log in anywhere I wanted to. If I was going to dole out my password and login info to my roommate (and I now have another one), I would have a stipulation that you can only use it in the apartment. Duh!!!

Needless to say, after I finished letting her have it, I hung up the phone. I ended up watching my movie. And when it was time to return to DumbLanta, I erased all of the info out of Netflix so , heaven forbid, my mother or father or brother would decide to STEAL someone’s identity!!!!!! I mean, after all I am related to a den of thieves. Rolling my eyes fiercely!

So, upon my return to this wasteland called Atlanta, I got my own Netflix account and other streaming services, which is what I should have done in the beginning. I know. I know. Lesson learned.

I stopped paying for his bullshit, including Netflix and Disney and a few other things, too. I was just going to pay my half of the utilities and the rent, obviously, and that was it.

And when you fuck with my Christmas, you fuck with me, and THAT is a no no!!! Bitch. Just ask another former roommate.

But anyway, my point is I ASSUMED friendship. And I realize what a mistake I made. You should always ASK and not ASSUME.

Because how many times – HOW MANY TIMES – have FORMER friends ASSUMED friendship with me and did things or told me things without ASKING??? So, I am putting the “blame” about the above situation on myself, as well.

Friendships can be a trip and a half without the Louis Vuitton luggage. However, if you feel that you cannot cope in dealing with said friendships, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Well, that is it for today. I could go on and on AND on, on the subject of friendship. But we would be here all year.

At any rate, thank you for reading, and please join me the next time. In the meantime, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Photo attribution: Many thanks to Kitti Incendi-Haj, Rostyslav Savchyn, and Serhii Tyaglovsky.

Hello, everyone! I hope all of you are well!!

This week’s topic is one, I am very sure, all of you have dealt with at some point in your working lives. Perhaps you are currently dealing with it.

On the job, there is always that one person (or persons) who think they know it all. Or who bring the party down with negative comments. They think they’re being funny, but they are mean and sarcastic.

Or that one person (or persons) who is “intimidating.” Or unapproachable or just plain rude.

You know the type.

Well, it is time to discuss these horrid people and figure out how to deal with them effectively.

I have been working steadily since 1985, after I graduated low school. I started out working, what was referred to as, work-study jobs when I was in college, and overall it was a very pleasant and groovy experience for me. The people I worked for and with, were super nice.

However, when I started my first “real” part-time job off campus in 1989 at A Southern Season, it quickly became a different story.

There was one particular character who ALWAYS had some smart-ass comment to make, and normally it was directed towards me. And it turns out, he was a gay man!! Well, that explains a lot right there.

And believe me, it didn’t stop with him on other jobs.

I encountered characters, over the years, who were just downright mean.

I won’t name names or corporations (well, I guess I did above – ha!). Just give some very basics. SO, GET READY!!!

And perhaps you have encountered some of these same types.

The Religious Bitch

Picture it. Durham, N.C. A tiny paper and products store, an offshoot of a much bigger conglomeration.

She was tall, thin and bony and very mouthy when it came to proclaiming her Christianity. Everything was of the Devil, including and especially Halloween. One day, she even accused the Devil of stealing her keys. 😂🤣

She once said to me that if she had anything to say to me, she’d say it to my face. And she said it very rudely. Gee, how Christian of her. (Rolling my eyes.) This was my boss.

Teaching SUCKS!!!

My principal was a nightmare. The kids were a nightmare. Enough said.

The principal HATED me for some reason. He even once tried to fight me. Literally.

He was VERY unapproachable, to say the least.

Administrative Assistant Really Means Admini Ass

Although she wasn’t my overall boss, she was in charge of our department, and we were administrative assistants. Essentially, we were gophers and the pee-ons for everyone else in the company, particularly the sales department.

She was a miserable person who, at that time, was living SEXUALLY with her first cousin. Yep. You heard me right.

She was horrible, as she was always correcting me and the other girl who worked in the department, and over trivial stuff.

So, Screaming and Shouting Gets You What You Want on the Job!

Ah yes, the military company I worked for. One of my coworkers was living with a woman who already had four children by four different men. I. Kid. You. Not. While employed there, he ended up getting her pregnant, too. Big surprise there.

But he was a very disturbed individual with a LOT of mental issues. It was not unusual for him to scream at our boss, who was also quite the toxic individual himself. Our boss was an idiot who relied heavily upon his employees, as he didn’t know what the KCUF he was doing.

Yet he considered himself an “entrepreneur” and had a lot of money. Entre-manure is more like it.

Anyway, this other person screamed at me, and of course I screamed back. 😂😁😁😁😂🤣

Which by the way, if the leadership is weak, then 9 will get you 10, the rest of the company is, too. Please see the next example.

This is Supposed to Be a Fun Job. NOT!!!

Which brings me to the LAST (and hopefully last) toxic job of my life. Because I absolutely WILL NOT return to the hot mess I have described above.

I used to work for a place that was designed for fun, yet it was anything but.

There was one character who was just plain AWFUL to everyone. This lady had been there longer than anyone at that point and, therefore, she thought she was deserving of all the respect in the world. She felt that she was royalty, THE Queen Bee. And that everything should go her way or else the highway, and the rest of us should just bow down. And when it didn’t and we didn’t, she would complain to our boss (who by the way was very weak and ineffectual, as I described above). This woman would say VERY mean, condescending and unprofessional things in front of everyone.

She was the epitome of a bully.

I had a couple of run-ins with this person, myself, and it was brutal. I remember one time, in front of everyone, including our boss, I shut this person up quickly and told them “you can sit there and roll your eyes at me all you want to, I don’t care.”

All in all, this person who was also the oldest employee in our little group, acted the most childishly. She had to have her way at EVERY turn.

However, I hear that TPTB eventually fired this person. LOLOLOL

And a lot of people finally had had enough and left.

Oh. And don’t get me started on the people who tried to tell me that I didn’t want to be there. Well, first of all, neither did you.

Secondly, it’s none of your business.

And third and finally, when you are in a toxic environment, HELL NO you don’t want to be there! Why would you?? Your bad and negative energy is affecting me and others. Because I am here to tell you, that when you are on a job that respects you and wants you there and listens to you, you bring your very best.

I am happily in such an environment, where YOU are valued. And the higher ups WANT you there, and the leadership is VERY strong. And everyone is actually NICE!!! And it isn’t gossipy.

However, when you are in a despicable and even hostile work environment, where people are miserable and try to foist that misery upon you, and then blame you, you don’t care. No, you don’t want to be there. Tell me I’m wrong?

From the above scenarios, I hope you got the message.

And overall, you do NOT have to put up with this type of behavior. Ever.

On my current job, fortunately we don’t have these types of personalities. There are a couple of people who try to be bossy sometimes, but only a couple. However, the situation has been addressed, and the offenders have been dealt with.

So, if you’ve got a strong support network at work, utilize it. Let someone know. Complain. Hell, it is better than putting up with it. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

If you have a strong HR department, go to them!

Now, speaking of one of the current coworkers who received a little lecture, this brings me to another point that another coworker brought to my attention.

It was explained that this person “is just that way.” Well, the former coworker I was discussing at the so-called fun place, well that was the explanation for their behaviour, too. “That is just how they are.” And other employees who were, I am quite sure afraid of this person, enabled them. Big time.

Okay. So, I cry fowl (and bullshit) over the “that may be how you are in your own personal life,” but you don’t have to be an asshole on the job. There. I said it.

So, the current coworker and friend asked “why does everyone else have to cater to and bow down to someone else because that is the way they are?”

Good question. And I say, you don’t.

I would suggest calmly telling the offender, “I would like to talk to you for a minute.” Or “may I have a minute of your time? There is something I wish to discuss with you.” And then in the most gentle way possible, without anger (because I used to be dripping in anger like a poisoned dart – 😂😂), tell the person the problem. I actually just did this with one of my bosses!

Please check out this very insightful video on how to effectively deal with workplace bullies and nasty coworkers. There are actually TONS of videos like this on YouTube. Click on the link below:

Don’t put up with workplace bullies. It isn’t your fault that they don’t have a life and you do, because normally that’s where the problem is. They don’t have any real power in their personal lives, so they feel they can take it out on you in the workplace and on the job.

As I bring this post to a close, remember that we are not on our jobs to be belittled, aggravated, bossed around, pushed around, talked down to, walked all over or bullied. Hell no!! Advocate for yourself!! We are there to do a job. And it is understandable that everyone has a bad day every now and then. But don’t take it out on someone else.

Oh and sexual harassment of ANY kind, is NEVER to be tolerated whatsoever!!!!

As the above video states, in the end, you cannot change another person, which is also extremely important to remember.

A point to consider is that if you cannot cope with that annoying, toxic coworker and you need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Thank you once again for reading. I greatly appreciate the support. I really, really do. Please keep reading! And until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs, videos, or photos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my dear friends! I am back with something that has been weighing on my mind lately.

I have decided it is time to stop chasing after people, stuff, things, etc. Because I realize that it has gotten me nowhere. And I’m quite honestly sick and tired of it. And it has wreaked havoc on my mental faculties.

I have written about letting go of “stuff” and people in the past. However, I want to tailor this blog post to more specifically detaching and letting go of people.

The Art of REALLY Letting Go!

To an extent, as a child, I wanted to be liked. Didn’t we all? And I wanted to be part of a group; I wanted to belong. Again, didn’t we all?

When you have been disappointed by people as much as I have, and you have been burned enough in that department – not to mention counting on people for certain things and they let you down – and even assuming friendship or assuming certain things about your friendship, you truly get sick of it. And so it is with great pleasure that I announce I am totally sole/soul alone!! 😁

The reason I call it “soul alone” is because of the Daryl Hall SOLO album, of the same name. Great album. Here’s the opening track – “Power of Seduction.”

Daryl, from time to time, felt the need to detach from John Oates, and that’s okay.

But I digress.

I have been doing a lot of affirmations surrounding no longer chasing after things and people and just relaxing and allowing things to just be as they are.

This is coming from a place of having too many expectations from people, and not having any of them met or fulfilled. I know that that is the death of your mentality to always want something from people, aka Earth Things, and particularly Earth Things you know, even your friends.

Well, I am at a place in my life where I am okay with being alone, with doing things on my own. Ha. I rhymed. 😂😁

This detachment is more of an internal detachment. It isn’t really a “leave me the fuck alone; I’m totally staying away from people” sort of thing. Well, not necessarily. Because obviously (and sometimes unfortunately) you have to deal with Earth Things at some point in time.

But cutting down on my interactions with them, and certainly cutting out the expectations and assumptions and presumptions is VERY good for my mental health. And I’ll bet it will be good for yours, as well.

Otherwise, you’ll be left waiting. Waiting for someone to do something for you.

Waiting for love.

Waiting. Just waiting.

Check out Madonna’s song about the subject of “waiting.”

When you detach or separate yourself, you truly are at peace. You create that space within yourself to rely on YOURSELF which is what we all should do anyway.

You not only create peace, but resilience and strength. Because people (or Earth Things as I like to call us), are all over the place. We have our own stuff to deal with, and it is fair to say that we are not always available, emotionally or otherwise.

When you detach, you cut out any hard feelings.

You protect yourself and your own mental wellbeing.

And you are happier.

Because being dependent upon someone else can be the pits.

But I think you gain so much more strength and maturity by simply detaching yourself from others, temporarily. Or just pull a Stevie Nicks and tell people to “STAND BACK!” 🤣😁😂

And it’s not like it has to be forever. Again, it certainly can be a temporary thing, because, again, there are times when we do need each other.

And this DEFINITELY applies to detaching from bad relationships!!!

I don’t wish to tell other adults what to do, but it goes without saying that if you are stuck in a toxic or dead-end or, heaven forbid, abusive relationship, to quote the Jordan Peele movie “GET OUT!”

Find the strength somehow to walk away and to let go – rise above and move forward.

I would suggest doing the same with toxic friendships, toxic family members, and toxic organizations and jobs. You get the idea.

It is, of course, easier said than done to “detach” from people and to walk away. But remember, if you feel that you need the strength and conviction to do so and you need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Thank you all so much for diving into today’s topic. Please stay tuned for more posts. In the meantime, please be safe and, as always, be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, everyone! Thanks for checking in.

This week’s topic is dealing and healing from years of trauma and drama. And what type of trauma do I mean? The trauma perpetuated on us by people, of course.

I know this sounds like another weepy, wimpy, you-can’t-handle-life kind of post, where it’s YOUR fault that you allow people to hurt you, walk all over you, or traumatize you.

However, when you realize in life that you are a people pleaser or, let’s say, come from a family who constantly puts you down or is toxic, and then that toxicity translates over into adulthood and others show up in your life who are just as toxic or equally pernicious, then you know EXACTLY what I mean.

These traumatic experiences can be anything negative that knocks you off your center, that you relive over and over and over again even if it is unintentional. It can mess with your mind and your personal security. You may feel low-esteem as a result or feel unworthy, off balance, afraid, nervous and anxious.

I also believe you can be traumatized for simply keeping your bazoo zipped and not saying anything to these virulent nutjobs, because you want to keep the peace and not make any waves or cause confrontations with said nutjobs.

Yep. We are going to start in childhood, because let’s face it – that’s where a lot of this junk starts. At least that was the case for me.

Bullying

Now. You know that I was going to go THERE.

First of all, being bullied is traumatic in and of itself. A bullied child may experience sleep disturbances, mood swings, insecurity, fear and anxiety.

And more often than not, these symptoms of trauma carry over into adulthood.

But there are other traumas, too, that can happen to a person later in life: Illness, a traumatic event such as rape or, heaven forbid a mass shooting, which I covered last week.

Mass Shootings = Massive Fear, Anxiety and Trauma

Other traumas can, unfortunately, include some type of ongoing abuse, such as spousal abuse or child abuse.

And there is the workplace. Let’s face it, but a lot of trauma can occur right there. A toxic workplace. A difficult boss. Difficult coworkers. Job loss. Threat of losing your job.

I think you get the picture in terms of different traumas.

But the question is – how do you cope? How do you heal from all this?

I think one of the first steps is realizing that you have, indeed, been traumatized by something or someone or some event.

Throughout a great deal of my adulthood, I was a very, very angry person. And I had no problem showing others that anger and vitriol deep within me. It actually wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized that I was dealing with my pain body.

I go into what the paid body is in length in this previous post. Please click the link below.

What The Heck is a Pain Body?

The pain body is years and years of accumulated, unresolved hurts and disappointments that one carries around with them, without realizing it. And the slightest incident can trigger that person into venting all of these bottled up feelings in a torrent of pain, anger and malevolence. And yep. I was doing that. I don’t do that (as much) anymore now that I realize what it was. Hey, I’m an Earth Thing and still a work in progress. 😁😋

And that pain body can most definitely start in childhood. Oh yes, the childhood crap, such as neglectful parents, growing up and living in an environment where you are blamed for everything, growing up in an environment where you are constantly talked down to, feeling unsafe and unsure in your environment.

Please click the link below for the post I wrote on that.

Family Secrets and the Destruction of our Psyche

What people don’t realize is that we are a cumulation of years of drama, disappointments, and trauma, making us who we are today.

But a lot of people don’t believe that and/or refuse to believe it or do something about it.

So, step one is acknowledging that you were traumatized.

I would say the next step in healing is figuring out what works for you in your healing process and journey.

Here are some ideas:

1. Journaling and/or writing about what happened to you and acknowledging it. Give space and honor to the fact that dammit – I’m in pain from X, Y, Z. NEVER let ANYONE tell you to just GET OVER IT. No. Acknowledge it! Own it! No, you don’t have to stay stuck in it.
2. Which brings me to another thought. Getting unstuck. Figure out those triggers. I think when you do that, you’ve already won half that battle.
3. Suggestions: I will always but always suggest meditation. Sit quietly and reflect on your past and what happened. And then begin to make peace with the fact that you cannot change that past. You cannot change the people involved. And tell yourself you did NOT deserve the trauma and the pain that went with it.
4. Another suggestion: Music is soooo helpful.
5. So, are affirmations. For me, affirmations are now like breathing or drinking water. I find them very necessary to start my day and put me in a more relaxed and peaceful mood. Affirmations are like my gas to get this 55-yo vehicle going! 😎😅
6. FORGIVE YOURSELF!! People are always running around saying to forgive others. Yes. Do it IF YOU CAN. It is sometimes easier said than done. I prefer to say RELEASE THEM. But definitely love and forgive yourself first and foremost, I say.
7. Know that you, yes YOU are a valuable person worthy of everything wonderful and good in this world, and that no one has the right to tell you otherwise. They can, but screw ’em. 😉

And remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it, my dear friends and readers. Come back next time as I discuss detaching from people. Woo hoo! Talk about a way to heal from your trauma and drama. 😀

Until then, please be safe and mentally well!

SOURCES:

Photo attribution: Simran Sood

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my dear friends and readers!

TRIGGER WARNING: As the title suggests, I will be talking about mass shootings, gun violence, and death.

Ripped straight from the headlines.

“67 Mass Shootings in the U.S. so far in 2023” – Fox 13 News

“7 Dead in Shootings in Half Moon Bay” – New York Times

“2 Taiwanese Americans among the dead in Monterey Park mass shooting, officials say” – Focus Taiwan

“Authorities identify 72-year-old man as suspected gunman in Lunar New Year mass shooting” – Yahoo News

And the most recent: “3 students killed and 5 wounded after shootings at Michigan State University” – NBC News

67 shootings in 2023. In America, thus far. And it’s only February.

I hate to say this, but God knows how many more will happen by the time I post this.

This is pure INSANITY!! How much more are we supposed to take?

I just wonder how this mass shooting hysteria is affecting our mental health. I will bet you, not very well.

I feel like I am now on high alert whenever I go anywhere, but particularly the grocery store. The. Grocery. Store. In decades past, how many times have I gone to the grocery store as a child, a teen, a young adult, an old fart like I am now? And NEVER once did I think about a mass shooter or active shooter or whatever you choose to call them, coming into said store and shooting up the place like the O.K. Corral.

It has now gotten to the point that I pray for my safety (and the safety of my family and closest pals) whenever I/we go to the grocery store. THE GROCERY STORE!!

Let’s skip over grocery stores.

How about SCHOOLS????

I was fortunate to get through elementary, middle, junior and high school and college without a murderous incident occurring. Sure, back in the day, we had bomb threats when I was in secondary school – mostly it happened when I was in junior high – but they were just threats. Other kids trying to create chaos for no reason other than sheer boredom. But never once did I fear for my life because of school. Hell, whenever we had the bomb threats, that meant class was interrupted until the bomb squad arrived to check things out, of course without finding a doggone thing. And we had to evacuate the buildings and go outside and sit or stand in the grass. We LOVED it!

Anyway, it never crossed our minds, sitting out on that grass waiting for the bomb squad to give the okay signal, that a shooter could come into our schools and massacre us. Because it wasn’t happening on a near daily basis like it is now. It didn’t happen at all.

But our children today. How do they feel going to school knowing that it could happen to them? Are they living in fear? Because the headlines are one thing. The reality is totally another. And I cannot imagine going to school not only having fire drills and tornado drills. But an active shooter drill? Come on!

I mean, these kids must be frightened out of their minds. I know I would be. And if they are scared, the parents, I am sure, are besides themselves with terror, not knowing if this will be the day it happens at THEIR child’s school. To their child. Will their baby return home safely? FROM SCHOOL!

As much as I hate the term “new normal,” it would appear that this is our new normal. Unless something is actually done about this hideous problem.

Amongst the fear and anxiety surrounding these mass shootings, my BIGGEST fear is that we are becoming absolutely desensitized to the problem.

Oh. Yet another mass shooting. Let me pour my coffee. Return to my latest reality TV show. Scroll through Facebook or TikTok. Oh gotta get to work.

It didn’t happen to me. So, it doesn’t affect me. (Rolling my eyes.)

Not trying to throw out any conspiracy theories here, but what if that is the “plan?” Make everyday citizens so numb to this horror that we just continue in the endless cycle of our hamster-wheel lives and not do a bloody thing about it.

We become so blind to it all that we just accept it and stay stuck in this mess.

The thought is ‘Oh well. Nothing is going to be done. So, let me arm myself, too, like it’s the Wild, Wild West.’

What I wonder is how those, who have survived a mass shooting, are feeling. How are they coping? ARE they even coping?

Check out the source reports below that detail survivors of gun violence and/or people in general, who have experienced recurrent nightmares of a traumatic event.

And it is not unusual for people to turn to drugs and alcohol as a coping strategy in the wake of a horrifying incident.

Children, particularly who are affected, can also suffer from PTSD, eating disorders, interrupted sleep patterns, and anger, along with persistent fear. And, of course, an overall feeling of helplessness.

Even suicidal ideation.

And you know what? It isn’t just the children.

I think in order to return some semblance of sanity in the aftermath of an insane event such as a mass shooting, it actually may be necessary to seek therapy.

Or at least talk to someone about how you are feeling. Maybe even a group of people who have had similar and/or shared experiences.

And of course, heaven forbid, if you have lost a loved one due to gun violence, please talk to someone.

I do hope this madness stops so OUR madness over it can stop.

This was a tough one to write, and I am sure for all of you to read. We hear about it all the time in the news. So, thank you for allowing me to pontificate on the reality of such a horrible state of where things are now.

Reading and hearing in the news about yet ANOTHER mass shooting can either desensitize you or it can send you down the rabbit hole of fear or anxiety, wondering if you are next. However, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it for now. I hope to see you all back next time. Until then, and as always, please stay safe and mentally well.

Sources:

Effects of Gun Violence on Mental Health

Photo Attribution: Thanks to Colin Lloyd, Simran Sood, Nsey Benajah, and Pablo Arenas for the photography.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my dear friends and readers! I do hope this New Year is going well for you thus far.

One of the things that has always plagued me my entire life is fear of rejection, something I KNOW a lot of us have dealt with or perhaps are currently dealing with.

I call it being rejected and dejected.

When you put yourself out there at an early age and then find that people either laugh at you or reject or make fun of you, it is very easy to climb back into your shell and not do anything at all.

And it most certainly is no barrel of laughs when it happens to us in adulthood.

This can apply to everything under the sun from a special talent you have.

To someone you are attracted to.

And it hurts like heck to not be a part of something or someone.

And it hurts like a prickly porcupine when you want something – or someone – and you are turned down. You don’t get that job. Or that hot and potential suitor. Or an audition if you are an actor or singer for a part you really and truly want. Etc. Etc. and Etc.

Rejection is UNFORTUNATELY a part of life. And some ways it can be a good thing.

But when you feel hurt or depressed from it, it’s the pits.

And when it affects your overall self-esteem and mental wellbeing, then that’s the time to evaluate things.

Again, rejection itself actually is a normal thing. Well, not if you feel that way as a child. Totally different.

But as adults, it is definitely going to happen. But it is how we handle it that makes the difference. Are we going to move on and not let it bother us? Or are we going to sink into a deep hole of feeling not just rejected, but feeling worthless?

Will the rejection keep us from trying again?

That is how I feel about the rejection I have experienced in my life, particularly with regard to romantic relationships. I just didn’t want to try anymore. I was afraid to put myself out there. I suffered from the “why bothers.”

Why bother when I am going to be rejected anyway?

Why bother when I am going to lose?

Why bother when I am only going to be told no anyway and not get what I want? Again.

Surface level rejections can most certainly turn into a deep, festering wound of past rejections that linger over time.

Why do we feel rejected? Why do we feel bad about it? I think because we think it is a reflection on us, and that we feel we are not good enough!!!

The times I have been rejected or felt rejected, it carried itself over to later things and/or events in my life, leading me to give up before I even start.

So, yes I allowed the past rejections to rob me of trying again.

I also started feeling that everybody else can have something, but apparently not me.

But you know what I say now? Detach. Go for it anyway if you feel that strongly about something. And never allow it to be a reflection of you or your worth.

In 2022, I faced not one, but TWO romantic rejections. The first was at the beginning of 2022, and someone I had dated 13 years prior who came back into my life. And yes, I think it was during a mercury retrograde, and I’m just going to leave that right there.

The second occurred at the end of 2022, when after initially meeting someone for coffee, he told me right then and there that there wasn’t a sexual spark. Well, I never!! I wasted a trip out, especially when I was going to leave anyway when I thought he had stood me up!

Then I remembered what someone told me once that rejection means not you, not at this time. I suppose that lessens the blow a bit.

Or you can look at rejection as a good thing, that perhaps the thing you want isn’t good for you after all.

In the above two “romantic” situations, I now consider it a good thing. 😊

In summary, the way I look at rejection now is – “okay. Next?” If this one doesn’t work out, let me try the next thing and the next thing and so on and so forth. I will no longer allow it to rob me of my self worth.

And I most certainly will not allow it to stop me from going after I want!

Rejection of any kind on any level flippin’ sucks. But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it, my darlings. Thank you for reading. I greatly appreciate it. And I shall see you soon. But until then, please be safe and mentally well!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my dear friends and readers!! Happy NEW YEAR 2023!!! Or as I like to say – Happy NEW QUEER! 🤣😊😁😉

I do hope the holidays were good for all of you, and that you were/are happy and safe and loved and above all else, mentally well!

So. Another New Year. Another Auld Lang Syne – as the Barry Manilow song suggests.

And so now what?

New Year’s Resolutions?

A promise to lose that weight?

Get healthy?

Start that business?

Get a better job?

Look for that special person to settle down with?

These are the typical things, I suppose, one may think about at this time.

Or is it just going to be the same old thing? Same old habits?

I grew tired of making New Year’s resolutions AGES ago. Instead, I really try very hard to make it a practice to incorporate what I want to do in my DAILY life. And I feel that it has worked out for me.

Is my life better? In many ways, yes. And then I feel like, no it’s not. I suppose it is all in the eye of the beholder, as one would say. No, I am not where I would like to be in life. However, I am building, what I would call, a solid foundation of at least specifically what I want out of life. Or at this age – THE REST OF MY LIFE! 😁😁😁😁 And a path and/or journey towards working on my goals.

I would like to encourage anyone reading this to do one thing. Just pick one thing this year, perhaps, you have ALWAYS wanted to do. And just focus on that for the entire year. If you feel you can handle two, then go for it. Three, have at it. And so on. The reason I say one, is just make it easy on yourself and don’t overdo.

And whatever that one thing is, perhaps consider that as your resolution. Or your personal change.

Or in my case – BUCKET LIST!! 🤣😁😉

Also, I would start by looking at your overall, current life and examine it and see how you feel about it.

Then see what is working for you and what isn’t.

Then I would start with the “what isn’t working for me” part and see what I could do to fix that, change that, or get rid of it altogether.

Because let’s face it, if something or even someone, such as a relationship or a friendship has outgrown its usefulness, then perhaps it is time to detach from it. (Notice I didn’t say the overused phrase “let it go!”) 😁😁😁

And again, just do one thing at a time.

Staying on track and keeping resolutions are tough. We have all tried and failed to keep them. But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or your problems go deeper than resolutions and you need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it. Short and sweet. Next week it’s all about the fear of rejection and how it affects our mental wellbeing. Until then, and as always, please be safe and mentally well! And the best wishes for a FABULOUS 2023!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Merry After Christmas/The Holidays/Post Season’s Greetings/Post Whatever you celebrate or don’t celebrate, etc. etc. etc.

I do hope you are all well during this time, that you are healthy and happy and doing your very best to survive.

Today’s topic – taking a break from social media, and the benefits behind it.

I decided over a month ago, that I was going to take a break from Social Murder. You know it as Social Media. LOLOL

I call it Social “Murder” because it seems to do just that, murder any chance of actually being social. To me social means carrying on conversations with each other, not plastering your life all over the place to get likes and emotional reactions.

I decided to take a break, because I was feeling icky over the whole thing. And yes, I was getting bitter over seeing everyone else go on vacations (mind you, I was in Europe in the Spring! 🤣🤣🤣) or get in a new relationship or a new job.

And also, it had gotten boring. I was seeing the same old shit. And I was posting the same old shit.

It was tiring and duller than watching a reality TV show. Yeah. I said it.

It is so easy to get caught up in the social media thing by either posting or simply scrolling through all the pictures and the likes and the posts of your so-called friends (I mean, are they really your friends if they simply depend on your likes?).

In taking my break, I learned a lot about myself. One thing I learned is that I don’t actually need it or really care what goes on in the lives of everyone on a daily basis, unless they are close friends. And even then I don’t need to know and see everything. I don’t want anything bad to happen to anyone. However, must I have everyone’s life shoved down my throat at every turn?

I mean, what did we do before social media? Did we not see each other in REAL time rather than on a platform that is potentially designed to breed jealousy and bad feelings towards others and yourself for not living up to the fake scenarios and standards we see on a Facebook? Let’s face it, all that glitters is not gold.

And if anyone says that they don’t feel the slightest bit or twinge of jealousy when they see something really wonderful happening to someone else on social media, they would be lying. I feel it from time to time, not gonna lie.

It’s natural. I can feel that twinge, that jab to the gut and yet still be deliriously happy for my friends at the same time. I jokingly say I hate you right now, but I am so exquisitely happy for you. Of course, I don’t really hate someone for having something great happen to them.

But I was starting my morning on Facebook as soon as I woke up, trying to see what I missed, reading the “news feed” like the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

What’s going on? Who did what to whom? Whose life is falling apart? Who got married? Had a new baby? Moved away? Who’s in the hospital? Got a new job? Whose relationship status changed from single to complicated?

By the way, I was also ending my night the same way – all the scrolling before bed.

It was damaging my mental wellbeing.

I was on sensory overload. It was overwhelming, and definitely not in a good way. Going to Disney World and being “overwhelmed” by ‘okay, which ride do I ride first?’ is normal and a good overwhelm. You are like a kid in a candy store.

Social murder, though, not so much.

One other thing I must share, too, is the negative comments and even fights I would engage in with people on Facebook, ON MY OWN WALL!! People who do not engage with you EVER until you post something they disagree with. They don’t even wish you a Happy Birthday, yet they can disagree with you on something you have posted. And I know we have all experienced that one!

And so I blocked and/or unfriended them, because I will do it in a hot North Carolina minute!! Who needs that kind of negativity?

Who needs fake friends in an already toxic environment?

And let’s not even go there over politics on social media! Ugh! No place for it, imo.

But during my break I rediscovered myself. I rediscovered that I was just as valuable a person whether I had good things happening to me all the time or not. Or better yet, whether I posted about those good things or not.

I realized I am still worthy of good fortune, and that I am not less than because I don’t post happy pictures all the time of what is going on in my life.

Not being bothered with trying to keep up with everyone’s life has been so damn refreshing. I can tell you that there has been a peace that has come over me as opposed to before when I was trolling Facebook and other social media.

What do people get out of treating other people’s lives as news? Who CARES??????!!!

I have heard many times how people love to live vicariously through others. How absolutely pathetic! You have a life of your very own. So, try living vicariously through your own life. How about using that Facebook time to do things for yourself, WITHOUT feeling a need to “share” with the rest of the world?

And here is what has been filling up my time:

1. Watching more YouTube LOL Heck, is that any better?? LOLOL
2. Cooking more. I LOVE to cook!
3. Reading more interesting articles online.
4. Formulating a plan for the rest of my life.
5. Discovering that there are things I wish to try. Suddenly, I want to learn the violin!
6. I know COVID is still a bear, but I want to go to festivals and symphonies and other outings I wouldn’t normally do.
7. And yes, writing more. I have the concept for two new screenplays that actually have to do with social media. Stay tuned.

It has all been very productive. And again, I don’t miss social media.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll take more breaks from it. Or stay off it altogether … 🤔

Check out this song by Pet Shop Boys on the subject. Very telling.

It isn’t easy out there keeping up with the Joneses, as they say, on social media. But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it for this week, my friends. Come back next week when I discuss what does a New Year really mean to you.

Until then take care and be well! AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2023!!!!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).