Category: mental health and well-being

Greetings my dearest friends! Welcome back! I do hope you are all doing well or as well as can be.

I hope to keep this short and sweet. Ha! That’s a hot one.

I really feel a need to discuss the current political climate in the wake of what is/has been going on.

This is intended to be a rant/stream of consciousness post.

As of this writing, the November 8 election has already taken place.

And I am proud to say that the “Red Wave” wasn’t a wave. More like a drizzle. 🤣🤣🤣

The Democrats are maintaining control of the Senate. The House is controlled by the Republicans (unfortunately), meaning Speaker Nancy Pelosi will have to step down and hand the gavel over to Rep. Kevin McCarthy. Ugh!

But I want to talk about how all this political garbage – and it is GARBAGE – starting way back when a certain reality TV star rose to the Highest Office in the Land and thoroughly mucked it up. Starting in 2016 on that dreary particular November night, this country lost its soul. It really did. And we haven’t gotten it back since, even with President Biden being in office.

So, hang on, because I am not going to sugar coat things. I am going to get VERY political, and I don’t mind stating off the bat that I am true blue, if you know what I mean.

This post is really coming from a mental health standpoint.

This country has descended into absolute madness over this shit.

The most recent is the attack on Paul Pelosi, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi’s husband. And yes, we all know now that it was politically motivated. I don’t need to go into all the details about it, but just a quick recap, a rather unhinged trump supporter (oxymoron), somehow got into the Pelosi home and attacked Paul. With a hammer. This individual kept shouting “Where’s Nancy?” over and over and again. He arrived with zip ties with an intent to take Nancy hostage and break her kneecaps. Yes. You heard that right. Anyway, fortunately, Paul was able to get on the phone with 911 and contact the police. They arrived and caught this nut, and Mr. Pelosi was taken to the hospital and is now recovering, thankfully.

So, is this where we are in the grand old USA? We are now physically attacking politicians who do not agree with us? We are now inciting violence and threatening people? The Republinuts are showing up at polling places with GUNS (and knives) to intimidate voters?? And this is all coming from the so-called “right,” the MAGA Republican Party.

This MAGA nonsense is like a cancer in the soul of this country. I am sorry – not sorry – but when you have to lie and cheat and threaten and attempt to steal an election and demand a recounting of votes over and over and OVER AGAIN, claiming that the election was stolen from you, when you know doggone well you lost, you need therapy like yesterday. You need to seek help and free yourself from this CULT, because that is what it is. You have truly lost your mind.

There are people in this country, right now, who are literally frightened for their lives because of this mess. People of color, the LGBTQ community, Jewish people, women, etc. who feel that they do not have standing or a voice or security or safety in this country anymore. It is truly a horrible time, in my opinion, to live here. The level of hatred in this country is mindboggling and sick.

I am quite frankly sick of seeing and hearing about certain politicians and former so-called politicians. They are doing NOTHING (well, that too) but inciting this propaganda and rhetoric and instigating this cult mentality.

And speaking of cults, I wrote extensively about them back in the spring. Please click on the link here:

To me, that is exactly what is going on. I feel we are in the age of a cult mentality in politics where it is all or nothing at all, do or literally die. Follow one leader blindly no matter what he or she says or does. No right anymore. Just a whole bunch of wrong. And that is such a dangerous way to live. To say that our democracy here is at stake is definitely an understatement.

And how has this affected me (and others as I am learning)?

1. My hostility has risen.
2. My trust of others has taken a deep dive.
3. I have lost longtime friendships over this.
4. I am fearful. A bit. But really I am more angry that this sort of thing has been allowed to continue with hardly any repercussions.
5. I have become more political than I ever have in my life!!!

So, let me actually start with number 5, becoming more “political.” For all of my life up until 2016, I never paid that much attention to politics. I did vote, but I was like whatever. I sort of half paid attention to the presidents throughout my lifetime. I paid more attention as an adult as I started voting on what their issues were, etc. But until #45, past presidents weren’t talking hate or nonsense or utter foolishness. Not to mention they knew what they were doing and how to run office!!! They were not being divisive until 45. Bush was a total idiot, don’t get me wrong, I was never afraid for my personal safety as a result of him being in office. I wasn’t fearful until 45. It was like seeing the Rise of Hitler all over again. I swear to God after that thing, that malignancy was elected, I was afraid to even leave my house at first. I have NEVER felt that way in my life ever!!! Afraid to leave my house?? Hell no!

But back to being more politically aware. I became aware that yes, apparently democracy IS a fragile thing. That I should REALLY pay attention to EVERY candidate. Pay attention to what I believe in. Pay attention to what is being said. And definitely get out and vote!!

And perhaps that is the lesson from all of this. Or at least part of the lesson. Voting and being aware that freedoms over in the Grand Ole U.S. of A can be taken away.

But I am sure those of you reading this are just as sick and tired of all of this as I am. Will we ever get back to normal? Probably not, unfortunately.

When politics becomes a mental illness in and of itself or you are starting to become mentally imbalanced because of politics – just like religion – that is a problem. A huge problem.

Better yet, when it becomes an out and out CULT, that is a serious problem and HUGE red flag.

And dangerous. Don’t forget dangerous. With the political violence and the threats and the armed nutjobs at polling stations. When is enough enough?????

And who storms the U.S. Capitol of the United States???? Was it worth it? Was it really? I think not.

But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it for today, my friends. Come back next time as I keep it light and airy and delve into my 25 things I am grateful for, since it will be the Thanksgiving holiday. Until then, please be safe and mentally well.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hi this is your boy/girl Derek back with another dope post on mental imbalance. (Pardon my attempt to sound hip. 😉) I hope you are all taking care of yourselves, both mentally and physically.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I dove into the fascination with serial killers, horror movies, and the true crime genre. See link below:

This week I am deep diving into families. But more specifically, how family secrets and turmoil can destroy your psyche and mental wellness.

I am just going to go there and state my own personal story. So hang on for a wild, yet possibly familiar, ride.

When I was about 20 years of age back in 1987 and home for summer break from UNC, my grandmother sat me down and told me the truth of what had been going on in our household for decades and, yes, since I was a child. What she would reveal would be so shocking and disturbing that it would destroy me and push me into indescribable anguish, torment, and mental illness.

This story actually goes back to the 70s. So, we shall start there.

I was absolutely fascinated that my grandfather worked at McLeod Plywood & Company in Wadesboro, North Carolina. For some unknown reason, I referred to it as “the box factory.” So, as a child I would go around saying that my grandfather worked down at “the box factory.”

So, natch, I was thrilled when my grandfather would take me there. And I believe he only took me there maybe once or twice, and I met several of his coworkers, including a woman named Millie Rae Johnson. Mille Rae seemed nice enough. I remember her having very dark skin and wearing thick, coke-bottle type glasses.

Well flashforward to the late 70s/early 80s. I ended up going to school with a kid named Zane Johnson starting in 6th grade in 1978. Zane was pretty quiet, but nice. I liked him, and that isn’t an easy thing for me to say about anyone I went to school with back then, especially anyone from the 6th grade. Let’s just say 6th grade was particularly tough for me.

Anyhoo, Zane and I would go on to become friends and classmates throughout junior high and high school, and we graduated together. As a matter of fact, we shared several A.P. (advanced placement) classes, especially in high school.

Now along comes Jason Johnson. (As you will see the Johnson name fits quite prominently in this story). I do remember Jason from junior high because of band. Jason also played the trumpet like me. And Jason was one grade above both me and Zane. And it turns out that Zane, though one year younger, was actually Jason’s uncle. 😱 Hey, it happens. Oh. And Mille Rae Johnson was Jason’s mother. I never knew how Zane was related to Millie Rae, though.

By the time we all got to high school, Jason and I began to get closer because of our shared band and trumpet connection. And by my junior year/Jason’s senior year, we were pretty tight. We shared so many laughs out on that marching field in Wildermuth Stadium, which figures prominently in today’s story, too. We played next to one another as a matter of fact. One of Jason’s favorite phrases was “the Gap Band” referencing the huge gaps in the clarinet section during practice when they weren’t getting the moves right. 😂🤣

Me in one of our MANY parades in Wadesboro.

But I digress.

And finally to cement this little picture that I am setting up, enter little Alexander. Now, Alexander was actually Jason’s younger brother and, therefore, also nephew to Zane, my classmate and the younger son of Millie Rae. And Alexander was one year behind me and Zane. So, at one point in both junior high and high school, all four of us were in school together. Me, Jason, Zane, and Alexander.

Did you get all of that? Okay. On with the rest of the story.

While I was close with both Zane and Jason, I wasn’t close at all with Alexander. As a matter of fact, I found Alexander a bit odd, especially his behaviour towards me. He didn’t call me the homophobic names the other kids had called me. I mean, he may have behind my back. But he just seemed to always try and ingratiate his way into my life, well at school anyway. Whenever I was around Zane and/or Jason, Alexander would sort of saddle up to me and try and have a conversation, but he always seemed rather glib, as if he knew something I didn’t. And boy would that turn out to be true.

The strangest of the strange came when Zane and I graduated from low school in 1985. It was tradition that the graduation ceremony was to be held in Wildermuth Stadium where we played all of our home games. And it was a very, VERY nice stadium! Huge! And I was looking forward to it. However, it rained, and the ceremony had to be moved to the gymnasium at the last minute. (One of the many reasons why I loathe rain to this day).

In the event of inclement weather, each graduate had only four tickets to use, because our gym wasn’t going to hold everyone whereas the stadium would. And my grandfather, aunt, mother, father and brother were in attendance. (Grandmother didn’t attend because of problems with her legs and her fear of climbing those stadium steps). But that would still mean one of my family in attendance wouldn’t be able to see me graduate. Damn! All those years of torture in school and someone was going to miss me getting the hell outta there. FINALLY!

However, everyone was able to see me graduate that night, because Alexander gave his ticket to my grandfather, which I thought was thoughtful, yet strange. Why would he do that? He didn’t know my grandfather did he? Well, I suppose so since he was Millie Rae’s son. I suppose they met that way. But didn’t that mean he would also miss out on seeing his Uncle Zane graduate?

So, now that I have set up the backstory, flashforward back to that dreadful summer of 1987, when my grandmother – as the Gap Band song suggests – “dropped a bomb on me.” She told me to get my senior yearbook, which I did, because she had something to tell me. I got the yearbook, and she told me to turn to the page that had Alexander on it. And so I did, but I had to ask why. My grandmother said something that would forever rock me to my core:

MY GRANDDADDY WAS ALEXANDER’S FATHER!!!

PAUSE. CRICKET. CRICKET. CHIRP. CHIRP.

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID SHE JUST SAY????

“Whaddya deaf? I heard her from here!” (Golden Girls’ Sophia quote 😂😂)

My grandfather was actually Alexander’s biological father. Not only that, but there was a girl named Maddie, too, that was his daughter. I couldn’t believe what my grandmother was saying to me.

And Millie Rae, his coworker, was the mama, which meant my grandfather had had an affair with this woman, his coworker!!

My grandfather, who raised me, had been having affairs behind my grandmother’s back for YEARS!! And I never knew it.

When my grandmother found out all of this, she was LIVID naturally! As a matter of fact, she told me about a confrontation she had with this Mille Rae person on a shopping trip to Belk’s uptown Wadesboro. My Aunt Eva was with her at the time and from what I understand, she had to hold my grandmother back, if you catch my drift. LOLOLOL

Part of the hilarious exchange between the two, that my grandmother always told me, went something like this:

Millie Rae: You got any proof! You got any proof! [That the children are my grandfather Frank’s].

Costella: Yeah, them bastards you have to look at!

Ouch! My grandmother didn’t play, honey! 😂😂😂

Afterwards, it all made sense. The fights between my grandparents. (She went after him with a butcher knife, she threw hot water on him, and she went after him with a broom)!! The strange things that were said in that house, i.e. my aunt saying “if I ever see her in that car, I’ll snatch her out of it myself!” So, it turns out that this mystery woman who was going to get snatched was Millie Rae!

You see watching my grandparents go at it like it was the Friday night fights made me think growing up that that is what you do in a relationship, and so when I was older and in personal romantic relationships, that is what I did: I yelled and screamed. I resorted to harsh words, sarcasm, manipulation, and even physical violence! I was horrible. And I know that now. But I learned it at home.

Also, when I was a child and my grandfather and I would go somewhere together, upon our return, my grandmother always asked me “Did he take you to his girlfriend’s house?” I always thought she was joking. She always said funny stuff. But apparently she was NOT joking about this.

She even went on to describe in painful detail how he had inflicted her with syphilis on at least three different occasions!!! Dear GOD IN HEAVEN!! Perhaps a nearly 20-year-old me shouldn’t have been told any of this, but it was like watching my very own soap opera unfold in my own house right in front of me!!

Anyhoo, after my grandmother’s confession, I felt sick and stunned. And angry. Very, very angry with my grandfather. Putting all the pieces together, I realized why my grandmother was always on edge and fearful and anxious. And well, angry towards my grandfather. I always found it quite strange that she would just blow up at him for no reason. Well, now I knew the reason.

I hated my grandfather after that. I mean, there were other reasons to hate him before for the way he had treated me over the years. But this was the straw that finally broke the proverbial camel’s back, so to speak.

I felt betrayed. I felt that my life was a lie at this point. Though he was a mean sonofagun, I thought my grandfather was righteous, at least in his own way, and that he wasn’t capable of infidelity. Boy, was I wrong. I mean, he was the deacon of our church, and he kept his Bible open at his place at the table. Always.

And so, this was the beginning of me turning against religion. That fall of 1987, I left that horrible cult I was in. But it didn’t end there. (Please see the links to those posts below).

And I know. I know. “But it isn’t religion’s fault.” No, it isn’t. But I get so sick and tired of hearing how pious people are or try to act, and they have these skeletons in their closet. Just come out and admit you are human and, therefore, fallible like the rest of us. You are NOT God or Jesus or Buddha, etc.!!!

Starting in 1989, I came out. But I also began to dissociate from myself. I “split” into other selves much like Viki did on One Life to Live upon finding out about her father’s sins. I was a walking Three Faces of Eve and Sybil all rolled into one. And it was in 1989, that I started going out to the gay bars and calling myself Nick or Daryl.

My alters came about as a coping mechanism. I also drank a lot back then after finding out the truth.

I was a mess.

But I know that I am not the only one, because it happens when you believe your family life is one way when it is entirely different.

My grandfather would NEVER come out and admit to me what he actually did. It all came from my grandmother, whom I suspect could not take it any longer. You see all my grandfather would say to me about it is “I know I did wrong. But my family never suffered.” The hell we didn’t!!!! My grandfather’s double life caused such horrendous STRESS in our household. My grandfather’s sick secret damaged the mental wellbeing of our entire family, particularly my grandmother, my aunt, and me.

My grandmother was depressed. A lot. She seemed to be fine one minute and the next, she seemed to be quite the Debbie Downer. I often felt that she was just miserable, and I never knew why. I take that back. I even sensed as a child that my grandmother was unhappy because of my grandfather. And now I know exactly why.

My aunt to this day cannot handle the truth of what my grandfather did. She refuses to acknowledge it or even discuss it.

My father decided that he wanted to speak with his baby sister, the illegitimate one. So, he obtained her number somehow and contacted her. They met and had lunch or whatever, and I believe, according to my mother, met one more time because I think she and my brother were there. And according to my mother, it was a disaster because my father ran his mouth about all kinds of stupid, unrelated things. After that, my new aunt never contacted him again, and my mother believes it was because of him.

My aunt got on the phone with me one Sunday and told me about my father’s meeting with this girl, etc., and she just was NOT having it. She kept going on and on about why my father felt a need to dredge up the past. Apparently, both the son and the daughter came to the house in Wadesboro wayyyy back in the day, and my aunt threw them out. Oh and another thing, the story now goes that Alexander was NOT my grandfather’s child and, therefore, not my uncle. I find that hard to swallow, because when my grandmother pointed him out in my high school yearbook, she noted the resemblance to my grandfather, which was undeniable, in my opinion.

Living in that house, I thought the reason why everyone was so angry and miserable was MY fault. THIS IS ANOTHER ASPECT OF HOW SICK FAMILY SECRETS CAN AFFECT YOU!! You blame yourself.

My point is that keeping such secrets can make YOU feel sick. You feel out of your body, which is exactly what I felt back then, which led to me splitting off from myself.

And I am using this platform to tell all, because I am not protecting anyone’s secrets anymore, meaning my family’s. This is not about revenge, but to tell how this affected me and how it can affect all involved.

My grandparents are now dead, and I am sure those of you reading this are asking why bring this up now? My need to bring this to light is, again, NOT about revenge, but about healing. Mine. And my family’s. This revelation hurt me and my family in more ways than you can even imagine.

My overall point, if I haven’t driven it home by now, is that family secrets do NOTHING but hurt all involved. Discuss it. Talk about it. Admit you are wrong if you are the culprit behind or harboring a huge family secret.

And let me just say in summary about my situation, that if my grandfather had been totally transparent, I could have gotten to know my new uncle and new aunt. We could have all had a wonderful relationship all these years, but I was robbed of that chance. Could I contact them now? I could. But I really don’t see the point now. I don’t know. Maybe too much time has passed. Or maybe one day I will.

I have struggled all these years to forgive my grandfather, but it is very hard to do so because of the collateral damage.

I am totally ripping from the below article/source 5 Reasons Why Keeping Family Secrets Could Be Harmful. OMG! I fit every single one!!! Please read! As well as 7 Dangers of Keeping Family Secrets.

If you see yourself in this very revealing article, please don’t suffer alone. If you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Thank you so much for joining me on this very personal journey. I will be back next week with another article, about politics. YIKES! But in the meantime, as always, be safe and mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my dearest friends who may (or may not) be struggling with mental imbalance.

Last week was a happy and positive post. This week – um – not so much.

Ted Bundy.

John Wayne Gacy.

Dennis Rader aka The BTK Strangler.

Jeffrey Dahmer.

First of all, I hope my opening montage of some of the world’s most famous and heinous serial killers wasn’t too triggering. And yes, this is what this post is about, our collective fascination with such monsters.

I decided to write this post following the popularity of the Netflix docudrama, entitled Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story, with Evan Peters brilliantly cast in the title role. So, it goes without saying that lots of people, and I do mean LOTS, have been watching this Netflix documentary of sorts depicting the life of Jeffrey Dahmer, the convicted serial killer who murdered and dismembered 17 young men, and yes, even cannibalized some of them. His reign of terror lasted from 1978 to 1991, with an approximate 10-year break between 1978 and 1987.

Down the Rabbit Hole of the Macabre

But my fascination started before all the Dahmer stuff. It started with the typical Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, Halloween, and of course Friday the 13th both the movie AND the series all as a teen and young adult.

Years later, it was all about American Horror Story on FX. Then watching a LOT of horror movies on Netflix and Hulu. Halloween comes and I will go down that scary movie rabbit hole once again.

Then that transferred over to true horror stories on YouTube, which led me to Mr. Nightmare and then Mr. Ballen and other true scary/haunted podcast stories on YouTube. I even set my TV timer and fall asleep to them. Yes. I know. I’m weird.

And now it’s the true crime stories on YouTube. I am absolutely hooked! And I don’t really know why. But now I’m stuck.

And now all of this has landed me in the land of the serial killers. WTF??? And I have now landed in Dahmer’s backyard, so to speak. (And no pun intended).

That Damn Dahmer

I ended up binging it in three days I was that hooked on the Netflix docudrama. I even skipped over Strangers Things season 4 (I am soooo behind) and Cobra Kai season 5 and Handmaid’s Tale season 5 to jump on the Dahmer bandwagon, so to speak.

And yes, I do remember the case back in the day. I was a young gay then, and the crimes Dahmer committed were beyond heinous, horrific and disgusting. Cannibalism??? You only hear about that kind of stuff in books and or movies. NEVER in real life, but here we are.

Now, my focus isn’t on Dahmer, per se. And I am not going to rehash what he did, the victims, etc. You can do your own research on that if you don’t already know the story. BUT I want to discuss our fascination with serial killers and even true crime stories.

But is all of this really good for me? For us? And most importantly why are we attracted to such horrid people and events?

Why on Earth do we Watch this Madness?

Curiosity. I think at the root of all of this is curiosity. And what I call the “train-wreck syndrome.” We can’t help but watch. We know it’s horrible. We know it’s bad. And we may even see something we don’t wish to see, but we do it anyway. Just like when passing an automobile accident on the highway, and we rubber neck to see what happened and who got it as we pass by, while at the same time thanking our lucky stars it isn’t us.

We want to know what makes these sick individuals tick, at least I do. I absolutely abhor what they do, but I am interested from a mental health standpoint what made them do the things they did.

How are they going to kill? What is their method? Will it be gruesome? And will I be able to stomach it? And so on and so forth.

I like what criminologist Dr. Scott Bonn says: “The appeal of consuming true crime media is simple: Serial killers excite and enthrall people, much like traffic accidents, train wrecks, or natural disasters. People don’t want to look, but they can’t look away.”

Dr. Bonn and I are in agreement, like I said above, it’s like a train wreck. We can’t help but look, though we probably shouldn’t. I guess in a lot of ways it is when we see a naked body. As Blanche from Golden Girls said once “Dare I peek?”

Can we learn anything from watching??

We get to experience serial killers in a safe environment, i.e. the comfort of our own homes, watching documentaries or movies or interviews about them without actually experiencing them up close and personal, if you catch my drift.

And it also teaches us how to avoid situations like this, to look for any warning signs of these horrible creatures, heaven forbid we come across one.

Perhaps we learn to be super vigilant and aware of what goes on around us. We learn to look for patterns of strange behaviour in someone. After all if someone is acting rather odd, that could be a potential red flag.

And again, what makes serial killers tick? And maybe in studying and learning about them, prevent this sort of thing from happening to others.

In watching the Netflix Dahmer, there were so many clues that everyone missed, especially police. If we are going with the story presented to us on Netflix, the father especially had an opportunity to find out what was going on with his son. But when Jeffrey seemed ready to admit something was wrong with him, Lionel (the father) abruptly changes the subject when it gets a bit too uncomfortable for him. His suggestion in one scene? Go to college! Jeez!

But do these kinds of documentaries, movies can they/do they affect us mentally? Let’s see.

The Possible Effects of Watching Such Creatures of Crime

Some psychologists point out that perhaps staying focused on this type of media or genre, though they can keep us vigilant and watchful of what goes on around us, they can make us too aware and even instill fear within us. It could make us afraid to be social or afraid to even leave our house. Or even paranoid. I don’t know if I agree with that or not. I mean, I am certainly hooked on them, and I don’t feel that it has increased my fear or distrust of the world. And I don’t even have nightmares about the stuff I watch, but then again everyone is different.

There is even the suggestion that watching shows such as the ever-popular crime procedural drama Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and Organized Crime (with stud daddy Christopher Meloni!!! WOOF!!!) could have a negative effect on you. Now, SVU is my absolute favorite show, and I have been watching now since nearly the beginning when it started wayyy back in 1999. And I have NEVER been triggered or had a problem watching.

Some doctors and psychologists go on to say that watching this type of genre constantly can make you become very suspicious and afraid to even be at home. You become extra wary of people around you, thinking maybe THEY are a serial killer or rapist or murderer. All of this, of course, points to paranoia. But what is our other favorite mental disorder? Anxiety!

I do agree that if you are one of these people who are feeling anxious all the time, having feelings of a rapid heartbeat or having difficulty breathing because your mind is hyperfocused on these types of things, then perhaps it is time to seek help. Nothing and I do mean, NOTHING is worth your mental health. If you can handle it, then you can handle it, and I wouldn’t say you have anything to worry about. But if you feel that behind every corner is a serial murderer or something bad is going to happen or normal everyday people you encounter are the boogeyman, then help is what you may need.

You can always speak with a professional, and online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Though it doesn’t affect me in such a way that I feel like I am paranoid, I even take breaks. I watch something else. A comedy or my soap operas or an old movie. Our minds are a very strange thing. Things can just get stuck there, and we can imagine all kinds of terrible scenarios. But it is manageable, believe me.

That is it for today. Again, I hope this didn’t trigger any of you. I know the above images can be disturbing to some. It even shocks the hell out of me to see them.

But do please come back next week as we delve into family secrets and how they can keep us mentally unwell. Until the next time, please be safe and, as always, mentally well.

P.S. Let’s end on a happy note. Here is a group picture of cute dogs. 😀❤️❤️❤️

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Sources:

Hi friends who are struggling, et al. I’m back!

This week I have decided to “keep it light and airy,” since these past several weeks I have delved into some pretty heavy duty stuff, such as – I don’t know – death.

So, I am just going to do some stream of consciousness fun stuff to help with your mental issues, if you have any.

I sort of blogged on this topic eons ago about how just taking it easy on your mind and getting lost in music or reading or watching TV or movies or Netflix or baking or cooking or needlepoint — you get the picture — is very good for your overall mental wellbeing. It relaxes your mind and puts you in a more peaceful state.

Here is an example of one such previous blog post. Click on the link below:

And as my lead picture suggests, you can try the following:

1. Deep breathing.
2. Calming music.
3. Meditate.
4. Relaxing videos (and yes, this includes TV and movies!).
5. Slow down.
6. Stretching.
7. Tea.
8. Yoga.

Deep Breathe your way to Relaxation and Calmness

Taking deep breaths can be VERY healing and therapeutic. It really does work as a way to center yourself and your mind, especially if your thoughts are racing.

I like to start the day with this technique. I do it lying down, but by all means you can sit up or heck, I don’t see a reason why you cannot stand LOL. The idea is to breathe deeply and slowly into your diaphragm or lower stomach, and I allow my stomach to protrude when I do it. I even tell myself to just breathe. The idea is even calming. So, try it!

Music Makes the People Calmer!

Music will ALWAYS be my go to!!! I have definitely blogged on this topic extensively before as a way to relax your mind and body. And yes, my needle gets stuck on a particular song – no pun intended – and can stay there for weeks or even months! I MUST hear that song!! Click on the link below for a blog post on this particular topic:

Meditate Your Way to Relaxation

This is almost a no brainer. But believe it or not, people find it difficult to simply sit still and meditate to relax. Sometimes it is hard for me. But the idea is to clear your mind – as much as you possibly can – and simply sit quietly. You can bring your attention to something soothing, like perhaps picturing a lake or a forest or clouds. These are just examples. By all means pick your own. And this is where deep breathing comes into play as you meditate. They can most certainly go hand in hand.

Some people whisper a prayer as they meditate, and I think that is wonderful. You can even say affirmations to yourself as you do so.

Relaxing Videos and TV – It’s All Good!

I definitely enjoy TV and especially YouTube. YouTube is like my go to for whatever I want. I watch old soaps on there, particularly One Life to Live from the 80s. Give me Viki/Niki anytime!!! 😉😂🤣

My confession? I also LOVE watching True Crime stories on YouTube, especially the true murder stories/mysteries. And everyone is like WHOA!! But doesn’t that affect your mental state? And the answer is no, it doesn’t bother me. Yes, all of these stories are downright horrible, but I am also a writer. So, it actually gives me ideas to put in my scripts should I choose to do so. Don’t judge!

And I have a strong fascination with this right now, and I really have no idea why. But I will discuss this in the next blog topic. Hint. Hint.

But as I pontificated in the previous blog post above about watching television and movies to escape to another world, it does just that – take us away from our own dreary lives. We don’t think about the bills and our responsibilities and our families when we simply indulge in one of the oldest pastimes in America. I don’t judge people for what they watch. Well, except for reality TV. 😂😂😂But hey, if it gets your mind off things, then go for it. Some people say mindless TV watching is not good for you, but I disagree. If it gives you comfort and relief, then I say why not? I wouldn’t suggest being glued to the TV 24/7, as if that is even possible for most of us. But we need some sort of escape from everyday life.

Take It Slow!

Slowing down is something I am learning to be okay with. It is absolutely okay to not try and do everything and to just take a break from your usual routine. This past week alone, for a couple of days I just allowed myself to take time off from my regular routine. Yes, I did work, but instead of getting up at the crack of dawn to write or blog, etc., I stayed in the bed a little longer. I took longer naps. I allowed myself to just be and relax.

Spill the Tea!

Drinking tea is a wonderful way to relax your mind, especially a nice, hot cup of tea. It can be very, very soothing to just sit and sip. I find this takes me to another place, as well. Especially when I pretend I am sipping tea with the now deceased Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace. Yes. I am weird. But hold up. I am not imagining having tea with her dead body, just to be clear. Because that would be weird. 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Or I like to sit on my balcony and sip my tea.

Stretching/Yoga – i.e. Work that Body!

I wanted to include both stretching and yoga together here, because imo it is all leading towards the same goal: Stretching and working your body towards flexibility.

I have been hearing more and more about how you should actually start the day with a good series of stretches to limber up your body. After all, you have been sleeping all night long – that is if you don’t suffer from insomnia. But the point is, your body has been prone probably for several hours, and you will need to stretch those muscles to get them moving.

And I did return to yoga earlier this year, which I actually prefer to working out. As stated above, the body should be stretched on a daily basis. We spend a lot of time sitting. I know I do, and it is good to get your body moving. By stretching and doing yoga poses, you are giving great blood flow and oxygen to parts of your body, especially your brain and mind.

The Write One

But it is the writing that brings it all home for me. For the first time, I am going to share a bit of that writing with you. And yes, it is copyrighted. So, don’t try anything! 😂😉😀

MABEL

Henry!  Henry!  Come here quick!! 

Henry enters the living room. 

HENRY

What is it, Mabel?  I’m trying to eat my lunch.

MABEL

Forget your lunch.  I think that’s that Hank Peters fighting with Danny Price outside Candy Crump er I mean, Desiree Montgomery’s apartment building!  Look! 

Henry takes a look out the window. 

HENRY

So, it is.

MABEL

Oh for gosh sakes, Henry!  Get your Polaroid and go down there and take a picture. 

HENRY

I will not.

MABEL

Get the camera, Henry!  Maybe we can sell it to The Inquisitor and make some money.  I hear they pay pretty good.  And you do want that new TV set with the remote control.  So, you can ignore me and watch your precious games.  So, get the camera, Henry Walker!!!   

HENRY

Oh all right. 

Henry exits the living room.

MABEL

Oh too bad we don’t have one of them video recorders.  That would be even better. 

Just a little fun scene from my web series Fabulous and Gorgeous, set in the 70s.

I enjoy getting lost in fantasy. I admit it! Whenever life just gets on my nerves, I allow my mind to take me to another place. Another World. No pun intended. And it definitely helps me. I pretend that I am very rich and am married to the most handsome man and living in a huge mansion surrounded by beautiful mountains and forests. And the nearest neighbors are about two miles down the road!!

And of course I cannot forget my two fur babies, (dogs) Bronson and De Niro named after the actors respectfully.

I really would like to know what are some of your favorite ways to unwind your mind. Leave me a comment in the comment section below.

But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

So, today’s post took a break from the terrible and the horrible and the ugly. Be forewarned next week’s post is going to be a killer, no pun intended. So, until then be safe and well, and as always, be mentally well.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Good day, all my pals! I do hope you are doing well.

So, much has happened since my last blog post.

The Queen of England has died.

A longtime friend of mine died.

ANOTHER friend’s child died suddenly.

I figured it was time to have a discussion about the thing that probably frightens most of us: Death.

Death. Mort. Defunct. Gone. Deceased. Passed away. What can I say? These words and terms are loathsome, frightening, daunting, terrifying. No one truly knows what happens at the moment someone passes from this world into the next – if there is a next world. Sure, there are people all over the Internet with claims that they “died” for several minutes and either went to the Pearly Gates or the fiery depths below and returned to tell the tale. But why don’t we ask those who have actually been dead for sometime what it is like and where you go?

And it is not that I don’t believe the individuals who have claimed to have passed to the other side. But I was also thinking – like many others perhaps – that it was just a dream. Who knows? We will not surely know until it is our turn.

But this isn’t a post about dying itself and the afterlife, etc. This is actually about what happens to the rest of us when someone we care about dies.

Ye Olde Grim Reaper will undoubtedly visit all of us someday. I do not wish to turn this into a religious post about the hereafter – blah, blah, blah. And this post is not about one’s personal belief systems on the subject.

I actually desire to converse on not happens when we die, but what happens to those of us who are left behind once someone beloved has passed away.

What are the feelings and emotions?

How do we cope?

What do we say to those people who have lost loved ones?

Red is Dead

Death makes you realize that, yes, life can end suddenly and without warning, which is exactly what happened to a longtime friend. There was an overwhelming sense of numbness and pathos associated with this particular death, because this friend collapsed at home. His roommate rushed him to the hospital, but sadly it was too late.

I shall call him Red. To say that Red was a character, who exemplified being totally in-your-face with his life, is an understatement. Sporting a colorful mohawk – mostly purple, as I think that was his favorite color – he would take to the Atlanta gay bars in his tight, equally colorful leggings. And EVERYBODY LOVED Red and his zany sense of humor.

I forget the year I met Red and which bar, but he was so much fun and spirited in an unassuming way. I suppose his outfits and hair took care of that. He was also a very talented songbird, and he did drag. But those weren’t his only interests. He was also a member of the Atlanta Bucks, the rugby team for gay men.

My best memory of Red – other than us trading videos on Facebook of Krystle Carrington and Alexis Carrington Colby duking it out on Dynasty – was around Halloween 2014, we took to Hideaway dressed up as Charlie’s Angels. More specifically, from the “Angels in Chains” episode. And yes, that meant that we, along with another longtime friend and former roommate, were all chained to each other all night long! It was hilarious to say the least.

So, when I learned of his death, oddly enough on September 11 (he passed away the night before), I was shocked and in total disbelief. I had seen him a couple of times a few weeks prior at the Hideaway, one of his fave hangout spots. We shared a hug and talked and laughed and cut up and had a ball. Learning of his passing was tough, considering it really just happened out of the blue.

Everyone was completely devastated over his death. On September 11, of all days, I had to sit and process the fact that the gay community’s beloved Red was gone. And at my age of 55. He was to turn 56 in December.

End of a Queenly Era

As for the Queen, well she was up there in age, 96 years in fact. So, it is of no surprise that she passed away. And I don’t mean that callously. However, age certainly doesn’t preclude the lachrymose feelings someone may have over someone’s death. Queen Elizabeth II left behind children and grandchildren, after all, and she was a much loved grand lady.

Though she was 96, still finding out about the Queen was a shocker, mainly because she had been around for so long you just take it for granted that she would still be with us for a while. I honestly didn’t think Charles would go from being Prince to King – well, so quickly. But here we are. Prince Charles is now KING Charles.

Everyone around the globe is still mourning her death. She reigned for over 70 years! And in my opinion, she was quite a gracious lady. And she even had a robust sense of humor!

And I am so thankful that I FINALLY got a chance to visit England this spring for my birthday. I have plenty of pics and video of Buckingham Palace and the Changing of the Guard. I am smiling now from the wonderful memories. Le sigh …

The Changes Following a Death

A death ALWAYS brings about some sort of change.

There is that emptiness, that void, that canyon of “what do I do now?” And those changes are certainly different for everyone. Again, Prince Charles is now KING CHARLES.

Perhaps there is property to deal with, money, estates, inheritances, children left behind, etc. But I think that biggest change always comes back to this feeling of emptiness, loss, and even loneliness. And yes, uncertainty. Uncertainty of what do I do now? How do I go on?

I can almost guarantee that a great majority of people who experience losing a loved one or a friend or family member is privately and silently asking themselves those key questions.

And I am afraid I don’t have the answers. And this post, unfortunately, will probably not offer any answers, I’m afraid. Simply because everyone is different in their approach to coping with someone’s death.

The Coping

I kid you not when I say that when my beloved grandmother, Costella, passed away in February of 1998, the night following the funeral, I went to Raleigh to the Capital Corral and partied! (I even ran into Javier that night). I am sure numerous individuals are absolutely appalled at the notion of doing such a thing. But I did what I felt I needed to do in order to cope with losing her. She was a second mother to me, after all. And me going to the club was NOT a celebration or a “Yayyy I’m glad she’s dead” kind of thing at all. It was my RELEASE of intense emotions and sadness. I needed to be around people OTHER than family, other than the grief. I needed to be around dancing people and damn good music. And yes, ALCOHOL!!

I am not defending my choice; I am just stating every person is different in their approach to handling the unthinkable and unimaginable concept called death.

It is understandable that people would turn to a Higher Power or God and/or religion. As previously stated in my recent series on religion, having a spiritual life can offer some comfort to those faced with the loss of a loved one. Solace can be found through prayer and comfort from an emissary or representative of God, such as a priest or a pastor and simply other members of a church, synagogue or mosque. Many do find comfort through these avenues during such a difficult time.

The Unexpected Loss of a Child

Unexpected deaths just plainly suck. You are not at all prepared for them like in the case of someone of very advanced age or what I call lingering illnesses. The unexpected deaths are shattering, and you are not at all prepared. And this was the case with my grandmother. Her death was unexpected. Actually, both of my grandmothers were that way. One minute they were here and the next they were gone.

But the worst unexpected death, in my opinion, is the loss of a child. Actually, losing a child period is the worst, I would imagine. First of all, I have no idea what that is like since I have no children. However, I know of two people who are most recently enduring such a horrific circumstance.

One is a coworker and the other is a high school classmate. The coworker lost their child due to police violence. And before I go any further, I will divulge that the coworker’s child, who was in their late 20s, was unarmed. It was a mental health issue actually, which of course is the purpose of my blog. I cannot begin to imagine the pain, frustration, anger, and grief my coworker is going through, and especially the way her child perished senselessly. It is unconscionable. This was a case of the police, ONCE AGAIN, shooting first and asking questions and getting the facts after. And I shall not apologize for my bias on this issue.

As for my classmate, her child was only 18 years of age. And from what I understand, he died in his sleep. The crushing heaviness of such a blow is understandably devastating. Again, I have no idea what this would feel like, but to lose a child in this way is also unthinkable. Again, to lose a child PERIOD is unthinkable. One minute fine and active and happy and in this case, in their first year of college, and then suddenly gone.

YOUR feelings – whatever they may be!!

You are numb. You are angry. You are lost. You are without words. You are in a cesspool of soul-sinking grief. The tears just won’t stop!

You feel like your mind is going to snap. You feel like it already has. You feel you have nowhere to turn.

Perhaps you are tired of hearing everyone say how sorry they are or that they offer their condolences, etc. Nice to hear but it certainly isn’t going to bring your person back. They mean well. But honestly, none of us knows exactly what to say. There are people who try and say “oh, well they are in a better place.” And how would you know WHERE they are?

In the case of a lingering illness, others may say “it’s for the best” or “they’re at peace and no longer suffering,” or even “they are with so and so now.” I honestly try and stay away from assumptions like this, because again, we really don’t know.

But what DO you say???

Maybe the best way to approach someone who is suffering a loss is to just offer to be there for whatever. A sounding board. An opportunity to vent. Cry. Scream. Remember fondly. Talk. Get their mind off things. And yes, to bring food. This is certainly a tradition for a lot of people and cultures, actually, to bring food so the bereaved don’t have to worry about things like that.

Or if that person has lost a spouse, and there are young children left behind, perhaps offering to take the children for a bit or take the children out to the park or the movies, etc.

By the way, silence is okay. It may feel awkward or uncomfortable, but sometimes all a grieving person needs is your physical presence without words. That is definitely okay. Be okay with sitting in silence with the bereaved.

Again, everyone is different.

What Does Grief Do to Your Brain/Mind?

But speaking of the mind, what does grief do to your brain? Your mind? Your mental health?

Well, some people may have what is considered, I suppose, a “normal” grieving process – whatever normal means for them. Some may need more time than others. Therefore, I hesitate to put a timeframe on grief, though I feel there are certainly stages of grief – disbelief, sadness, anger, acceptance. However, if someone is gravitating towards full-on depression, then that could be a problem. Or if that person, let’s say, can’t get out of bed or is having a difficult time handling their responsibilities or distancing themselves away from family or friends or loved ones, then we are talking serious issues.

I truly believe anyone going through a grieving process needs a lifeline to someone else. No one should go through a loss alone, and anyone who vows to stand by that person should be prepared for whatever the grieving person needs as stated earlier.

And I think anyone going through the loss of a loved one or friend should take time to grieve. Make that time for yourself. Yes, absolutely be alone if you need to do that. But make time for others when you feel ready. You’ll know when you are ready for that. Again, everyone deals with their grief in their own way.

However, if it is taking an inordinate amount of time or you are turning to unhealthy choices in order to cope or, heaven forbid, you feel like you want to join your loved one in death and you are having suicidal ideation, please seek help. And online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

This is a pretty heavy-duty topic, and I know I have discussed a great deal in relation to death and dying, yet I feel I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface. By all means if you feel led to do so, please leave me a comment below.

And I also wish to add that two of the most poignant deaths for me personally are my grandmother Costella and my friend Charles Baxter Enzor. I have honestly NEVER gotten over losing them and miss them to do this day. However, I do go on since it has been YEARS since their passing. But I do have all the fond memories, thankfully.

Well, that’s it. I thank you for reading. Until the next time and in the meantime, please be safe and, as always, mentally well.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello, my friends! Welcome back!!

I have a confession to make: Big surprise here to those people who know me – NOT! – but I realize over the years I have become easily irritated.

I am, again, going to be as transparent as possible. And as always, hoping to connect with others like me and trying to figure out a way to deal with or handle or even fix the problem, which has always been the purpose of my posts.

So, why do I get so easily irritated? And can I fix this?

Of course, one can become irritated with friends and family and loved ones and children and spouses and coworkers and crowds and sitting in traffic etc., for many different reasons. Okay. I should have just said one can become irritated with human beings. And I had to realize that is normal, actually.

But what if you become bothered and irritated over every little thing?

Oh and I think I get so easily irritated because I am constantly thinking, ‘why did so and so do that?’ Or ‘why did so and so do it THAT way?’ There is a better way. And I am always thinking that people are being so thoughtless, thinking the entire world revolves around them.

All this time I am thinking I am just a bitter person. There is something wrong with me. But after reading a couple of articles, I began to realize that perhaps my irritation really comes from simply not getting enough sleep.

So, maybe it’s not just that I am tired of people and life. Maybe I’m just TIRED.

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in AGES! Even after having bought my brand-new bed a couple of years ago, I still don’t feel I am as rested as I should be. I toss and turn all night and have the strangest dreams. Well, the strange dreams is nothing new, but in the past, I have at least been able to sleep mostly through the night and feel somewhat rested. But not anymore. Also, I get up early in the morning to accomplish my tasks, such as writing this blog. 😊

And I end up napping later in the day, sometimes for a couple of hours. (Maybe I’m interrupting my own sleep pattern by doing this.)

So, regurgitating all this word salad to say that no wonder one would feel irritable if you haven’t had a good night’s sleep. I’m a real BITCH when I first get up, tumbling out of bed and stumbling to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of ambition 😂🤣 Nine to Five 🎶 – (actually, it’s the bathroom first to pee. THEN the kitchen for the coffee! 😁)

And it goes without saying that this can certainly affect not only your mood but your mental health. When you are tired, you can’t focus or concentrate. And other studies report that there could be underlying stress, anxiety and depression related to all of this.

I can see the connection now. It is almost like a circle or a cycle. Life is stressing you out. You feel anxious about something or circumstances. This could potentially keep you up at night and, therefore, cause you to not get the proper amount of sleep or rest. You are tired the next day, which can make you quite irritated with those around you, which in turn can cause even more stress.

And then you add possible depression on top of all that, which could be a cause for the irritability.

But let’s not forget about the potential or underlying physical symptoms associated with the stress and the anxiety and the depression, such as:

• A racing heartbeat.
• Excessive sweating.
• Nausea and even vomiting.
• The aforementioned difficulty concentrating.
• Muscle tension.
• Headaches.

Boy what a mess! The causes and the symptoms seemingly rolling into one big ball of caca. And it is true.

I wish to state that, of course, if you feel your irritability is extreme, then perhaps seeking the attention of a medical professional is recommended. There could be other underlying medical causes than just a lack of sleep, such as hormonal changes or low blood sugar levels or even chronic conditions such as diabetes or even heart problems.

So, yes see a doctor if this persists.

But what can you do in the meantime to help with your sleep or the lack thereof?

Simply saying get more sleep is not an answer. I mean, that is obvious. But what can you do to help you sleep better?

I know a lot of people who have taken to using supplements, such as melatonin. (Melatonin is actually a natural hormone in your body that controls your sleep-wake cycle.) I tried that and it didn’t work for me. I even tried sleeping pills, and I have to be careful with those because if I take two tablets, I am soooooooo drowsy the next day. Others swear by CBD oil.

I would suggest before taking any sleep aids, PLEASE CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN!!

However, rather than relying on over-the-counter medications and supplements, there are other things you can do to give you better sleep.

It has been suggested to turn your TV off about an hour before bed. And to do the same with your phone. Our eyes are especially glued to our phones all day long. The blue light from your phone screen actually inhibits your body’s natural melatonin.

And I am soooooo guilty of both!

However, what I have found that is beginning to work for me is actually having my TV on, but not actually looking at it. I set a sleep timer for my TV to turn off in about an hour. I find myself quickly falling asleep and staying asleep for hours.

Also make sure your room is completely dark.

Soft music has been known to help, too.

Try flipping your bed’s mattress, as well. Depending on the age and type of your mattress, it is suggested that you flip or rotate your mattress anywhere from 1 to even 5 times per year!

I realize I am only scratching the surface here when it comes to sleep. There are obviously other things to try in terms of getting a better night’s rest. And certainly reducing stress, as much as humanly possible, from your life is the way to go.

I hope some of these work for you. Better sleep means better concentration and better mental health!

But remember, if you feel that your irritability is out of control and you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it today, my friends. So, until next time, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

SOURCES:

Greetings, my friends!

“Are you tired? Run down? Listless?”

“Do you poop out at parties??” LOL Taken from I Love Lucy. Check it out. It’s funny, and let’s face it – we could ALL use a laugh!

I am starting with one of my jokes to ease the fact that I am totally suffering from COVID and monkey pox and/or the new virus/disease of the century fatigue!! And I am totally over it!

So, consider this my little rant. And this is NOT a political post for or against vaccines, by the way.

How do you cope with COVID and monkey pox fatigue?!! In other words, how do you cope with being totally sick and tired of hearing about and living with the latest disease or pox of the day? The “Disease du Jour” (Disease of the Day), as I like to call it.

Okay. So, we are nearly 2-1/2 years into the COVID-19 pandemic. And I am BEYOND sick of it! I feel like I need to surgically attach the mask to my face.

The New Pox Upon Our Houses

All of this is making mincemeat of my mental health. It was bad enough to worry about – and still worry about – COVID. And if that isn’t bad enough, now we are seeing this new virus called monkeypox that comes along as if to say “hold my beer.” I mean, as soon as you get used to living in a COVID world, here comes the latest pox upon our houses – the monkeypox.

You experience fever, rash, chills, headaches – you know, like the flu – with monkeypox. But the most distinguishing sign of monkeypox is the horrible rash that spreads across your body, particularly on your face. They look like these God-awful blisters. Doctors and scientists say you can recover from monkeypox and it isn’t a death sentence. But still …

What next? I guarantee you there will be some new germ to fixate on by the end of the year or the first of the New Year!

Monkeypox was actually first discovered in 1958. As the name suggests, it first affected monkeys, but then the first human case came about in 1970. Typically, the virus was found in humans in central and western African countries. And I think it goes without saying, that it won’t be long before this is politicized and used as a stigma against these countries and, heaven forbid, monkeys!

The scientists are already suggesting that the virus is being spread quite rapidly through the gay community. Okay, cue and flashback to the AIDS crisis of the 80s. Stigma much?

Step Right up and Get your Latest Vaccine!!

We not only have the COVID vaccines, but now the monkeypox vaccines. And there seems to be an almost panic with trying to get the monkeypox vaccine. And yes, I am both COVID vaxxed and twice boosted (though now it seems that because of the new variants, this may or may not do any good after all!). And I have now received the first of two doses of the monkeypox vaccine.

But I am so sick and tired of all of this. I feel like I am starting kindergarten all over again, you know, back in the Stone Ages when you had to be vaccinated against everything before you were allowed to start school.

Now, of course you have anti-vaxxers who cry foul over having their children vaccinated. And who will not get vaccinated against COVID at all, and they no doubt will not get vaccinated against monkeypox. Oh. Well.

The Effects of Disease Du Jour on your Mental Health

Thanks to COVID, I feel like I shouldn’t touch any surfaces other than my own at home, that I need to wipe EVERYTHING down. And now because of monkeypox, I also feel like I cannot or should not hug anybody, friends included. I feel like I am living in some sort of Twilight Zone-type, post-apocalyptic world. And it is very tiring. Tiring to worry about your health and germs constantly. Tiring to remember to wear a mask. Tiring to worry whether you are going to catch something so horrible by doing something so innocent.

This sort of mental anguish places one in a high state of panic and anxiety, and that is not good. And especially for someone like me who already suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and intrusive thoughts, it is downright torture.

Cope, Baby, COPE!

So, how does one cope with this madness?

1. I do the best I can to stay healthy.
2. And yes, I get the vaccines. It is, of course, your choice if you don’t. No judgments.
3. Distractions such as music and TV and, of course, blogging and writing help me.
4. Staying positive and focused.
5. Not focusing on it so much.
6. Exercise, if that is your thing.
7. Try NOT to stress eat!! (see my link below on that subject!)

I have written extensively on positive coping mechanisms, and this is a good time to bring them back up in the face of this BS we are all currently going through:

1. First of all, it’s NOT the end of the world. I think there may be the thought, particularly by Bible thumpers, that we are all doomed. That Armageddon is upon us. I don’t believe that. I think it is a wakeup call to a lot of stuff that is going on in our world, though.
2. Do yourself a favor and get vaccinated (if you believe in vaccines). I am not here to preach for or against. But you know what is best for you.
3. But, yes, do your own research on these vaccines! Again, if you feel skeptical, by all means research what could potentially be going into your body.
4. Practice mindfulness. I have also “preached” extensively on this topic. What is mindfulness? It is when you choose to empty your mind of all thoughts, especially bad ones. Easier said than done, right? But doable. There are several techniques to this. One technique is to imagine your thoughts in a balloon floating away. I feel it is best to listen to guided meditation tapes, any of which you can find on YouTube. You can also choose what you wish to focus on, like the beach. Or the sun. Or a quiet and peaceful place.
5. Music! Music! And more music! I am a HUGE advocate of listening to music to chase away the fears and the blahs and mental boogeymen. So, crank up your favorite tunes!
6. And you may even want to dance when doing so, which brings up another good one – dancing!! I live for 80s nights at the Heretic here in Atlanta. But of course you can always choose to … wait for it …
7. EXERCISE! Working out, running, biking, etc. – some form of physical activity to get your mind off things and to boost your endorphins, which is a mood enhancer and aids in fighting anxiety and depression.
8. Read a book!! Heck, just read! But I personally like the old school reading of a good book or a novel. I would suggest reading a good self-help book, too. I also love biographies and autobiographies of my favorite celebrities. Reading about someone else’s life helps you forget about the miseries in your own.
9. Any hobby will do. Pick up something fun and interesting and entertaining to do to keep your mind focused on something else. Cooking, sewing, martial arts, playing an instrument, etc.
10. Lose yourself in TV. That’s right TV. A good movie or TV show can certainly get your mind off of worrying about COVID, monkeypox or anything in general.

The above list, with the exception of the first 3, can apply to anything that is bothering/worrying you.

But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Dealing with the disease du jour can be taxing. But stay positive. And I don’t say that lightly. Thank you all for listening to my little rant. Please feel free to leave me a comment below. And stay safe, healthy, and as always, be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

I’m backkkkk! I hope you all are doing well!

So, what is it like to work for a company or an organization that not only pays you well, but values you as a person???

Many of you may be thinking, ‘I have no clue.’ Don’t worry. You are not alone in that regard.

First of all, no job or career is without its problems or headaches. But when you work in a toxic work environment, it can most certainly wreak havoc on your mental health and wellbeing. Take it from one who has been there more times than I have fingers and toes to count!

In my 37 years of punching a timeclock:

• I have worked under a Christian boss, who was anything but.
• I have worked in the school system in the 90s. Enough said about that.
• I have worked for an entrepreneur who was a scatterbrain and had no clue how to run his own business. He also had a very angry employee that he couldn’t control.
• I have worked for a place that was supposed to be fun, considering it was geared towards children, but it was anything but. The height of toxicity. I mean when you let the nuts run the farm. Just sayin’ …

When I worked for temporary companies, I had no problems. At least not with the companies themselves.

But after 37 years of working and doing all sorts of jobs, I have FINALLY found work that values me. But it isn’t just the job: It is also the people.

At the end of the day, a job is just that – a job. Some jobs are obviously tougher to do than others, just simply by their nature. But it is the people who can make that job either bearable, loads of fun, or a nightmare in pure hell. And I guaran-damn-tee you, that in every scenario I briefly described above, the people on these jobs made my life and the lives of its employees like the Battle of Armageddon!

And you’re stuck with these jive suckers all day and all week long. Every. Damn. Day. 52 weeks out of a year.

That is not the case now. And what is this mystery job of mine? I work as a standardized patient.

And what pray tell is a standardized patient? This is a person who role plays with medical students in a safe environment where they can practice their skills. The standardized patient or SP, is trained to portray all sorts of characters/patients in a wide variety of different medical situations. We are talking about everything from portraying a patient with a simple head cold to someone who is being told a loved one has just died. And yes, it can get intense, but it is all designed to give the medical students an opportunity to not only practice their clinical skills, but to also practice their communication skills, as well. The communication is what the SPs mostly grade the medical students on. In other words, was the medical student empathetic with the SP? Did they establish a rapport? So, it basically boils down to “bedside manner” and how the medical student made you feel as a patient. It is an extremely valuable role, and so much fun!

The staff that I work with is friendly, fun, talented, knowledgeable and very personable.

The director of the program is the person who makes the department run smoothly. Our director is very positive and friendly. She always has a smile, and you can even tell through the mask. 🤣😂

She always wants to know how YOU are doing. As a matter of fact, she recently “called me to her office,” to check in with me. At first, I was like ‘uh oh. I’m in trouble.’ But I really should have known better. You see, she had noticed I had been working a lot over the past six months and was worried that I was getting burned out. You see, this is independent contractor work and, therefore, not a fulltime job.

I was honestly happy that she checked in with me. She started by asking how my aunt was doing. You see, my aunt – the one who helped raise me – has been in the hospital since June! And it was quite kind of her to ask.

She had also sensed that I was a little frustrated, and I jokingly said that I always try and hide that. And that is when she told me that I should NEVER do that! Let her or someone there know if something is bothering me. Wow. Wow! And Wow!!

I have NEVER heard a boss say that to me. Ever! It was always MY FAULT, particularly from the job that was supposed to be “fun.” And since that HORRIBLE experience, I felt that I had to hide my true feelings and fake feelings that I didn’t feel, which I HATE to do. That is NOT good for your mental health!

Speaking of this particular past job, they gaslit a number of us to pretend to be happy when we weren’t. And if we weren’t happy, it was OUR fault, because THEY were perfect and did no wrong. (Gee, sounds like a particular political party.) I was actually even accused of “acting like I didn’t want to be there,” when they were the ones making me feel that way! No, I don’t want to be somewhere where I am not valued as an employee. Imagine that.

To say I worked with a bunch of narcissists in an EXTREMELY toxic environment is an understatement. And all of this wreaked havoc on my mental health BIG TIME! Until I finally had had enough and walked out!

I am rambling to say that when you work for a company or an organization that TOTALLY supports you, stay with it! And it goes without saying to make sure you are paid well. 😉

When you work in a happy work environment, you feel:

• Valued.
• Supported.
• You don’t mind being at work.
• Heck, you even look forward to going to work.
• And when you feel all of the above, you take ownership of what you are doing and do your best!

And again, it’s about the people. When you work with fun, positive people – and not that faux positive crap – but real people with real problems, but who always bring their best to the job, with a great sense of humor and laughter, you want to stay and bring YOUR best to the job!!

It goes without saying that a happy worker is a productive worker.

Oh and check out my blog post from way back about working from home. I think you’ll find some interesting gems there, too.

And if you don’t work for a supportive organization and you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it, my darlings. Until the next time, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Greetings, all my friends! I hope you are faring well during these trying times.

I should have blogged on this topic a long time ago: Stress eating!

I can just eat ANY TIME! I LOVE to eat! Unfortunately, a lot of times it is the wrong types of food, you know, the chips and the burgers and the greasy stuff, etc.

And I finally had to realize that over time I am not just a stress eater, but an emotional eater, as well.

I eat when I am:

• Happy.
• Sad.
• Excited.
• Frustrated (definitely this one).
• And, of course, stressed.

You get the picture. I realize that I don’t eat when I’m mad, though. I drink instead 😂🤣

Anyway, I feel that food solves ALL my problems. But of course, it doesn’t. Sure, it is a temporary patch or a Band Aid to what ails me at the moment, but it doesn’t necessarily solve any of my problems. And I would imagine if you’re in the same boat as I, it doesn’t solve your problems either.

And it goes without saying that eating a lot of unhealthy foods can lead to all sorts of health problems down the road, such as obesity, heart and kidney problems, as well as psychological problems!

So, then why do we stress eat?

I think it has to do with control. We cannot necessarily control the triggering event that brought us to the need to stress eat. But we can control our REACTION to it. And we can also control what we place in our mouths. We control what we eat, how much we eat, and when we feel we’ve had enough. It satisfies some need deep down inside of us. And yes, it temporarily makes us feel better. But then after the feeling has passed, we realize the problem is still there.

But what is the problem?

Furthermore, how can we control it or even stop it?

What is the Underlying Problem?

Well, obviously the problem or problems vary from person to person. Maybe it is job related. Or family related. Or the big one – MONEY related – or the lack thereof. Whatever it is, though, is there something deeper? Like fear? Or fear of failure? Loss of control or loss of something? Loss of ourselves? Or simply life in general?

Life can be a real BITCH! This we know. And figuring out how to cope with life has actually been quite a mystery. I am sure people have their ideas.

In my case, my underlying problems are a mixture of things: Being totally transparent, it is because I absolutely LOVE TO EAT! That is the first and foremost thing for me. As far as what I am hiding or avoiding by eating, I think it is because I am not in a relationship and haven’t been for years. And there is the fact I am so damn tired of working. And that I feel like my dreams have not been totally realized. And then there’s the money – or lack thereof. Wahhhh cry me a river, I know. Because the above scenarios are general for just about everybody. And whose life is perfect? No one’s! And the grass is always greener, yada yada yada.

But I am trying to understand my particular whys.

I do honestly think it goes back to the sheer love of eating and the control factor and the emotional part of it. Food offers me comfort. It offers me relief when I am stressed. It offers me something I can control. There’s that word again. It offers me hope, and it is almost like I am in a relationship with it, like you would be in a relationship with an actual person. And as an old friend jokingly told me a long time ago – Food doesn’t lie. It doesn’t abandon you. LOLOL

How do we stop it, control it, or find substitutes?

Trying to stop something like this, I would imagine, is TOUGH as hell! How do you stop something or try to control something that gives you so much dang pleasure???

Please give me your thoughts and ideas in the comment section below!

I am going to go out on a limb here and give my suggestion as don’t stop it. That’s right. But find a way to deal with it or work around it instead.

I have decided not to immediately grab for the food. At least not yet. I ask myself, can I wait to eat? Or do I feel a need to reach for the chips now?? (And of course, keeping certain foods out of your house is helpful!) If I feel I can wait to eat, like until I am actually hungry, then I will do it then. But then to me it is no longer stress eating. I am actually eating because my body needs it. The psychological games I play with myself!

The other thing I ask myself is where am I when the stress hits. Am I at work? Then if I am at work, chances are I am not able to stress eat. Sure, they may have some snacks at work, but where I work, 9 times out of 10, I don’t want that stuff! LOL

If I am at home, then that might be a problem, because I have Ye Olde Refrigerator stocked with all kinds of goodies.

So, then it goes back to can I wait to eat?

But then this is where the substitutes come into play.

Substitutes for Stress Eating

This will obviously vary from person to person. But after a lot of thinking, I realized that one substitute for me is to simply take a nap. That’s right, sleep off the stress!!

I know some people may call this unhealthy, that this is bordering on depression. But I don’t care. I would rather have a nap than stuff my face with unhealthy food choices. So, for me, it’s a win!

I know others work it out, i.e. through exercise or “stressercise!” LOL That is so not me.

Another substitute could be get your mind off of the stressful event by talking to a friend. Or maybe reading or listening to music. These are great options, as well.

More substitutes – healthy food swaps!

So, why not choose healthier foods to stress eat on? Like, here it comes, FRUITS AND VEGGIES! LOLOL But it’s true. Pick a fruit or vegetable you like. Surely, everyone has some type of fruit or vegetable they don’t mind eating or snacking on.

I basically love the typical apples, oranges, DEFINITELY bananas. And during the summer months, it’s all about peaches, plums and nectarines, which were huge staples in my house growing up during the summer months.

My go-to vegetables are broccoli and carrots. I also dig salads! Tomatoes are a huge fave of mine. Yes, I know they are a fruit. 😊👌 I LOVE CAULIFLOWER!! I put mine in the oven and roast them. I do the same with my broccoli. And they are so delicious that way!

And for ice cream, I have chosen yogurt with fruit mixed in it! I generally cut my own fruit up and put it in there.

And speaking of the fruit, I prep it ahead of time not just for stress eating, but as a general snack anyway. So, it is definitely a win/win.

I have covered a rather interesting, yet real issue. But regardless, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional not just on this topic but on anything, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

In summation, when it comes to stress eating, also know your triggers. What sort of stressful events send you over the edge? Knowing that is half the battle. Then be armed with healthy foods and/or healthier substitutes instead of the fried chicken, potato chips, burger or fries. And as I learned when I was an artist-in-residence for elementary schools here in Atlanta, those foods are SOMETIMES foods not EVERY DAY foods. 😉

Well, that will do it for today. Goodness! I’m hungry LOLOL So, until the next time, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hi, It’s me. Stan. Ha! Kidding! Hope some of you got my Golden Girls reference. 😂

At any rate, welcome back to another mental health journey by yours truly. Today’s topic is labeling people and how toxic that is!!!

It is one thing when I label myself something, i.e. – Sexy. Gorgeous. Hot. Deranged. Stupid. Silly. Talented. And the list could go on and on and on . (And, of course, it goes without saying that labeling YOURSELF in a NEGATIVE way is VERY toxic and not helpful to your mental health.)

But when someone else does it, it is unbelievably horrible and not at all helpful, and can cause serious damage to the person being labelled.

Why I’m Writing this Post

Please allow me to give you an example from my own recent personal experience, and what got me thinking on this subject. And therefore, my decision to put my thoughts into a post:

Earlier this year, I was at a social gathering of about five people, all gay men (trouble right there), myself included. The evening started off “light and airy.” Until stupid me (I just labelled myself!) started going down a rabbit hole of personal stuff and opinions. Part of the subject was music and to be honest, I don’t remember the rest.

However, at the end of the evening, one particular person labelled me as being “bitter” and that “I needed to let it go,” (a phrase I HATE!), whatever it was that I was supposed to let go, which I am not even quite clear on that. And I am not even sure this person was clear on what I needed to “let go.”

I was taken aback, because for one, I was not in any way, shape or form trying to make it about me. But apparently this person, I suppose, took it that way and proceeded to offer me this unsolicited advice.

I know that when I tell a story, I can become VERY passionate and appear to be angry, which is not my intent at all. And I suppose this is how I came across that evening at this little gathering, when I was actually trying to be dramatic and funny. More labels.

Regardless, the damage had already been done.

So, I started thinking about my dear friend Charles, whom I blogged about in a previous post. Please see below:

And how he drilled into my head over and over and over again to keep things “light and airy.” But I just wouldn’t listen, thinking I could share myself with others. But sadly, you cannot with everyone.

Anyway, on this particular dark night of the soul, I felt unfairly labelled and judged And how it made me feel.

It didn’t make me feel bad about myself, no. It made me feel very, very angry. Angry with this person and yes, angry with myself for not “keeping it light and airy.” Because how dare anyone do that. And I know what some of you may be thinking: LET IT GO! Who cares what this person or others think? Etc.

Well, it does matter to the extent that WE ALL DO IT – we label people unjustly! And it needs to stop!

The Bitter Angry Bitch of Atlanta

So, that night I dubbed myself the Bitter Angry Bitch of Atlanta (as a joke), much like how Reva Shayne from Guiding Light stripped down next to nothing, stepped in that pool, and dubbed herself the “Slut of Springfield!” LOLOL

My childhood labels

From a LinkedIn article by Leigh Aguirre.

“Labels from childhood might affect future potential and how we see ourselves. Negative labels can stem from trauma at any point in your life. After leaving an abusive relationship, you might carry the names you were called and believe you are unworthy or damaged.”

Please see the full article at the end of this post.

• Sissy. Faggot. Punk. (my labels from childhood from other children).
• Smart.
• Gifted.
• Hard headed. (from childhood and mostly from my grandmother and aunt.)
• Lazy. (from my grandfather when I was a child. His exact words were “you’re going to grow up to be sorry.”)

These negative labels cut me to the core and caused severe damage to my self-esteem and self worth. I definitely felt unloved and unworthy and that I did something wrong. And that I was bad.

My adult labels

• Mean.
• A bitch.
• A mean bitch LOLOL
• Angry.
• Bitter.
• Dramatic.
• Emotional.

So according to these people, that is all there is to me: Being angry, bitter, dramatic, emotional, etc. Apparently, these things are at my heart and soul and core and center of me as a person, according to them.

And I don’t know what was worse, the childhood ones or the ones above.

And I am here to tell you these labels hurt, with the exception of the smart and gifted thingy LOLOL

Even the “positive” labels can backfire

But even being labelled something good can backfire when you always believe that you are that positive label – i.e., the smartest or the prettiest or the best at something, and then someone comes along who is SMARTER or PRETTIER, etc.

For example, with me being labelled smart, I thought that I could just coast through college. But it definitely didn’t work out that way. Or thinking of yourself as being the best because people always told you that. For me, it was the trumpet. Well, as you find in life, there are a WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE who are just as good, if not so much better, at things than you are!!!

We All Place Labels on Things and People!

I suppose we cannot help but place labels on things and people. We have all done it and since the beginning of time. So and so is:

• Beautiful.
• A hard worker.
• Mentally challenged.
• Ugly.
• Smart.
• Kind.
• Fat.
• Too thin.
• Mean.

But are these labels fair or even necessary? Or even true?

And how many times have you and I judged a book by its cover?:

• We see a person with a lot of tattoos or piercings, and we assume that they are heavily into drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Or that they are the members of a gang. Or just flat out mean.
• We see obese people and assume that they eat a lot or that they are very lazy.
• We see an effeminate male and we assume that they are gay. But what if they are gay? Then we assume they are weak. Or that they love fashion. Interior decorating. Or musicals. I am not into any of those things, and I am definitely gay.
• We see a goth person, you know, someone dressed in all black, and we assume that they are depressed or mean or evil or worship the Devil.
• Or a woman who wears tight, revealing clothing with plenty of cleavage – she must be easy, a tramp, a whore.

I think you get the point.

It is rather unhealthy to label people when you do NOT know their story or their history or their reasons why. Or who they really are. As human beings (earth things), we are not ALWAYS one thing or another or one way or another.

The same with feelings and emotions. We don’t always feel the same emotionally. We all can change like a fart in the wind. But according to society, you mustn’t be angry. You mustn’t show weakness or vulnerability. You mustn’t show any emotions whatsoever. OMG you are so “emotional” or “dramatic!” Again, this is soooooooooo unhealthy to label people in such an unfair fashion!! Toxicity at its highest!

Wouldn’t it be better to say, “you are ACTING – insert label here”? In my opinion, you are labeling the BEHAVIOUR not the PERSON.

But I also realize that labeling people makes other people feel better. About themselves. Because they don’t have to take responsibility for their OWN behaviour. And understandably, we wish to be around people who make us feel comfortable. In other words, I don’t wish to be around someone who appears to be gay, because that makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean, what if they come on to me? Or embarrass ME somehow? You get the picture.

Oh and to show that I am not even bitter or angry writing this post, I am currently jamming to this as I type:

Because things WILL get better. I always have hope of that.

Okay. Enough of the musical interlude. 😂

Anyway, as I like to end every post, if you feel that you cannot cope with your mental health issues, there is hope. Please click on the link below. Help is on the way in the form of online therapy, which means you don’t even have to leave your house. 👌😊

In closing, do yourself a favor and before you judge a book by its cover or label someone unjustly, think they are human just like you and me, and that we don’t know the whole story. And perhaps you should ask before you judge.

Also, to those of you who have been unjustly labelled and judged just because, continue to be the fabulous you, that you are. Everyone else can and WILL adjust. Or simply – as I am told – they can get over it. Ha!

That will do it for now. Until the next time, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).