Category: mental health and well-being

Good day, all my pals! I do hope you are doing well.

So, much has happened since my last blog post.

The Queen of England has died.

A longtime friend of mine died.

ANOTHER friend’s child died suddenly.

I figured it was time to have a discussion about the thing that probably frightens most of us: Death.

Death. Mort. Defunct. Gone. Deceased. Passed away. What can I say? These words and terms are loathsome, frightening, daunting, terrifying. No one truly knows what happens at the moment someone passes from this world into the next – if there is a next world. Sure, there are people all over the Internet with claims that they “died” for several minutes and either went to the Pearly Gates or the fiery depths below and returned to tell the tale. But why don’t we ask those who have actually been dead for sometime what it is like and where you go?

And it is not that I don’t believe the individuals who have claimed to have passed to the other side. But I was also thinking – like many others perhaps – that it was just a dream. Who knows? We will not surely know until it is our turn.

But this isn’t a post about dying itself and the afterlife, etc. This is actually about what happens to the rest of us when someone we care about dies.

Ye Olde Grim Reaper will undoubtedly visit all of us someday. I do not wish to turn this into a religious post about the hereafter – blah, blah, blah. And this post is not about one’s personal belief systems on the subject.

I actually desire to converse on not happens when we die, but what happens to those of us who are left behind once someone beloved has passed away.

What are the feelings and emotions?

How do we cope?

What do we say to those people who have lost loved ones?

Red is Dead

Death makes you realize that, yes, life can end suddenly and without warning, which is exactly what happened to a longtime friend. There was an overwhelming sense of numbness and pathos associated with this particular death, because this friend collapsed at home. His roommate rushed him to the hospital, but sadly it was too late.

I shall call him Red. To say that Red was a character, who exemplified being totally in-your-face with his life, is an understatement. Sporting a colorful mohawk – mostly purple, as I think that was his favorite color – he would take to the Atlanta gay bars in his tight, equally colorful leggings. And EVERYBODY LOVED Red and his zany sense of humor.

I forget the year I met Red and which bar, but he was so much fun and spirited in an unassuming way. I suppose his outfits and hair took care of that. He was also a very talented songbird, and he did drag. But those weren’t his only interests. He was also a member of the Atlanta Bucks, the rugby team for gay men.

My best memory of Red – other than us trading videos on Facebook of Krystle Carrington and Alexis Carrington Colby duking it out on Dynasty – was around Halloween 2014, we took to Hideaway dressed up as Charlie’s Angels. More specifically, from the “Angels in Chains” episode. And yes, that meant that we, along with another longtime friend and former roommate, were all chained to each other all night long! It was hilarious to say the least.

So, when I learned of his death, oddly enough on September 11 (he passed away the night before), I was shocked and in total disbelief. I had seen him a couple of times a few weeks prior at the Hideaway, one of his fave hangout spots. We shared a hug and talked and laughed and cut up and had a ball. Learning of his passing was tough, considering it really just happened out of the blue.

Everyone was completely devastated over his death. On September 11, of all days, I had to sit and process the fact that the gay community’s beloved Red was gone. And at my age of 55. He was to turn 56 in December.

End of a Queenly Era

As for the Queen, well she was up there in age, 96 years in fact. So, it is of no surprise that she passed away. And I don’t mean that callously. However, age certainly doesn’t preclude the lachrymose feelings someone may have over someone’s death. Queen Elizabeth II left behind children and grandchildren, after all, and she was a much loved grand lady.

Though she was 96, still finding out about the Queen was a shocker, mainly because she had been around for so long you just take it for granted that she would still be with us for a while. I honestly didn’t think Charles would go from being Prince to King – well, so quickly. But here we are. Prince Charles is now KING Charles.

Everyone around the globe is still mourning her death. She reigned for over 70 years! And in my opinion, she was quite a gracious lady. And she even had a robust sense of humor!

And I am so thankful that I FINALLY got a chance to visit England this spring for my birthday. I have plenty of pics and video of Buckingham Palace and the Changing of the Guard. I am smiling now from the wonderful memories. Le sigh …

The Changes Following a Death

A death ALWAYS brings about some sort of change.

There is that emptiness, that void, that canyon of “what do I do now?” And those changes are certainly different for everyone. Again, Prince Charles is now KING CHARLES.

Perhaps there is property to deal with, money, estates, inheritances, children left behind, etc. But I think that biggest change always comes back to this feeling of emptiness, loss, and even loneliness. And yes, uncertainty. Uncertainty of what do I do now? How do I go on?

I can almost guarantee that a great majority of people who experience losing a loved one or a friend or family member is privately and silently asking themselves those key questions.

And I am afraid I don’t have the answers. And this post, unfortunately, will probably not offer any answers, I’m afraid. Simply because everyone is different in their approach to coping with someone’s death.

The Coping

I kid you not when I say that when my beloved grandmother, Costella, passed away in February of 1998, the night following the funeral, I went to Raleigh to the Capital Corral and partied! (I even ran into Javier that night). I am sure numerous individuals are absolutely appalled at the notion of doing such a thing. But I did what I felt I needed to do in order to cope with losing her. She was a second mother to me, after all. And me going to the club was NOT a celebration or a “Yayyy I’m glad she’s dead” kind of thing at all. It was my RELEASE of intense emotions and sadness. I needed to be around people OTHER than family, other than the grief. I needed to be around dancing people and damn good music. And yes, ALCOHOL!!

I am not defending my choice; I am just stating every person is different in their approach to handling the unthinkable and unimaginable concept called death.

It is understandable that people would turn to a Higher Power or God and/or religion. As previously stated in my recent series on religion, having a spiritual life can offer some comfort to those faced with the loss of a loved one. Solace can be found through prayer and comfort from an emissary or representative of God, such as a priest or a pastor and simply other members of a church, synagogue or mosque. Many do find comfort through these avenues during such a difficult time.

The Unexpected Loss of a Child

Unexpected deaths just plainly suck. You are not at all prepared for them like in the case of someone of very advanced age or what I call lingering illnesses. The unexpected deaths are shattering, and you are not at all prepared. And this was the case with my grandmother. Her death was unexpected. Actually, both of my grandmothers were that way. One minute they were here and the next they were gone.

But the worst unexpected death, in my opinion, is the loss of a child. Actually, losing a child period is the worst, I would imagine. First of all, I have no idea what that is like since I have no children. However, I know of two people who are most recently enduring such a horrific circumstance.

One is a coworker and the other is a high school classmate. The coworker lost their child due to police violence. And before I go any further, I will divulge that the coworker’s child, who was in their late 20s, was unarmed. It was a mental health issue actually, which of course is the purpose of my blog. I cannot begin to imagine the pain, frustration, anger, and grief my coworker is going through, and especially the way her child perished senselessly. It is unconscionable. This was a case of the police, ONCE AGAIN, shooting first and asking questions and getting the facts after. And I shall not apologize for my bias on this issue.

As for my classmate, her child was only 18 years of age. And from what I understand, he died in his sleep. The crushing heaviness of such a blow is understandably devastating. Again, I have no idea what this would feel like, but to lose a child in this way is also unthinkable. Again, to lose a child PERIOD is unthinkable. One minute fine and active and happy and in this case, in their first year of college, and then suddenly gone.

YOUR feelings – whatever they may be!!

You are numb. You are angry. You are lost. You are without words. You are in a cesspool of soul-sinking grief. The tears just won’t stop!

You feel like your mind is going to snap. You feel like it already has. You feel you have nowhere to turn.

Perhaps you are tired of hearing everyone say how sorry they are or that they offer their condolences, etc. Nice to hear but it certainly isn’t going to bring your person back. They mean well. But honestly, none of us knows exactly what to say. There are people who try and say “oh, well they are in a better place.” And how would you know WHERE they are?

In the case of a lingering illness, others may say “it’s for the best” or “they’re at peace and no longer suffering,” or even “they are with so and so now.” I honestly try and stay away from assumptions like this, because again, we really don’t know.

But what DO you say???

Maybe the best way to approach someone who is suffering a loss is to just offer to be there for whatever. A sounding board. An opportunity to vent. Cry. Scream. Remember fondly. Talk. Get their mind off things. And yes, to bring food. This is certainly a tradition for a lot of people and cultures, actually, to bring food so the bereaved don’t have to worry about things like that.

Or if that person has lost a spouse, and there are young children left behind, perhaps offering to take the children for a bit or take the children out to the park or the movies, etc.

By the way, silence is okay. It may feel awkward or uncomfortable, but sometimes all a grieving person needs is your physical presence without words. That is definitely okay. Be okay with sitting in silence with the bereaved.

Again, everyone is different.

What Does Grief Do to Your Brain/Mind?

But speaking of the mind, what does grief do to your brain? Your mind? Your mental health?

Well, some people may have what is considered, I suppose, a “normal” grieving process – whatever normal means for them. Some may need more time than others. Therefore, I hesitate to put a timeframe on grief, though I feel there are certainly stages of grief – disbelief, sadness, anger, acceptance. However, if someone is gravitating towards full-on depression, then that could be a problem. Or if that person, let’s say, can’t get out of bed or is having a difficult time handling their responsibilities or distancing themselves away from family or friends or loved ones, then we are talking serious issues.

I truly believe anyone going through a grieving process needs a lifeline to someone else. No one should go through a loss alone, and anyone who vows to stand by that person should be prepared for whatever the grieving person needs as stated earlier.

And I think anyone going through the loss of a loved one or friend should take time to grieve. Make that time for yourself. Yes, absolutely be alone if you need to do that. But make time for others when you feel ready. You’ll know when you are ready for that. Again, everyone deals with their grief in their own way.

However, if it is taking an inordinate amount of time or you are turning to unhealthy choices in order to cope or, heaven forbid, you feel like you want to join your loved one in death and you are having suicidal ideation, please seek help. And online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

This is a pretty heavy-duty topic, and I know I have discussed a great deal in relation to death and dying, yet I feel I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface. By all means if you feel led to do so, please leave me a comment below.

And I also wish to add that two of the most poignant deaths for me personally are my grandmother Costella and my friend Charles Baxter Enzor. I have honestly NEVER gotten over losing them and miss them to do this day. However, I do go on since it has been YEARS since their passing. But I do have all the fond memories, thankfully.

Well, that’s it. I thank you for reading. Until the next time and in the meantime, please be safe and, as always, mentally well.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hello, my friends! Welcome back!!

I have a confession to make: Big surprise here to those people who know me – NOT! – but I realize over the years I have become easily irritated.

I am, again, going to be as transparent as possible. And as always, hoping to connect with others like me and trying to figure out a way to deal with or handle or even fix the problem, which has always been the purpose of my posts.

So, why do I get so easily irritated? And can I fix this?

Of course, one can become irritated with friends and family and loved ones and children and spouses and coworkers and crowds and sitting in traffic etc., for many different reasons. Okay. I should have just said one can become irritated with human beings. And I had to realize that is normal, actually.

But what if you become bothered and irritated over every little thing?

Oh and I think I get so easily irritated because I am constantly thinking, ‘why did so and so do that?’ Or ‘why did so and so do it THAT way?’ There is a better way. And I am always thinking that people are being so thoughtless, thinking the entire world revolves around them.

All this time I am thinking I am just a bitter person. There is something wrong with me. But after reading a couple of articles, I began to realize that perhaps my irritation really comes from simply not getting enough sleep.

So, maybe it’s not just that I am tired of people and life. Maybe I’m just TIRED.

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in AGES! Even after having bought my brand-new bed a couple of years ago, I still don’t feel I am as rested as I should be. I toss and turn all night and have the strangest dreams. Well, the strange dreams is nothing new, but in the past, I have at least been able to sleep mostly through the night and feel somewhat rested. But not anymore. Also, I get up early in the morning to accomplish my tasks, such as writing this blog. 😊

And I end up napping later in the day, sometimes for a couple of hours. (Maybe I’m interrupting my own sleep pattern by doing this.)

So, regurgitating all this word salad to say that no wonder one would feel irritable if you haven’t had a good night’s sleep. I’m a real BITCH when I first get up, tumbling out of bed and stumbling to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of ambition 😂🤣 Nine to Five 🎶 – (actually, it’s the bathroom first to pee. THEN the kitchen for the coffee! 😁)

And it goes without saying that this can certainly affect not only your mood but your mental health. When you are tired, you can’t focus or concentrate. And other studies report that there could be underlying stress, anxiety and depression related to all of this.

I can see the connection now. It is almost like a circle or a cycle. Life is stressing you out. You feel anxious about something or circumstances. This could potentially keep you up at night and, therefore, cause you to not get the proper amount of sleep or rest. You are tired the next day, which can make you quite irritated with those around you, which in turn can cause even more stress.

And then you add possible depression on top of all that, which could be a cause for the irritability.

But let’s not forget about the potential or underlying physical symptoms associated with the stress and the anxiety and the depression, such as:

• A racing heartbeat.
• Excessive sweating.
• Nausea and even vomiting.
• The aforementioned difficulty concentrating.
• Muscle tension.
• Headaches.

Boy what a mess! The causes and the symptoms seemingly rolling into one big ball of caca. And it is true.

I wish to state that, of course, if you feel your irritability is extreme, then perhaps seeking the attention of a medical professional is recommended. There could be other underlying medical causes than just a lack of sleep, such as hormonal changes or low blood sugar levels or even chronic conditions such as diabetes or even heart problems.

So, yes see a doctor if this persists.

But what can you do in the meantime to help with your sleep or the lack thereof?

Simply saying get more sleep is not an answer. I mean, that is obvious. But what can you do to help you sleep better?

I know a lot of people who have taken to using supplements, such as melatonin. (Melatonin is actually a natural hormone in your body that controls your sleep-wake cycle.) I tried that and it didn’t work for me. I even tried sleeping pills, and I have to be careful with those because if I take two tablets, I am soooooooo drowsy the next day. Others swear by CBD oil.

I would suggest before taking any sleep aids, PLEASE CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN!!

However, rather than relying on over-the-counter medications and supplements, there are other things you can do to give you better sleep.

It has been suggested to turn your TV off about an hour before bed. And to do the same with your phone. Our eyes are especially glued to our phones all day long. The blue light from your phone screen actually inhibits your body’s natural melatonin.

And I am soooooo guilty of both!

However, what I have found that is beginning to work for me is actually having my TV on, but not actually looking at it. I set a sleep timer for my TV to turn off in about an hour. I find myself quickly falling asleep and staying asleep for hours.

Also make sure your room is completely dark.

Soft music has been known to help, too.

Try flipping your bed’s mattress, as well. Depending on the age and type of your mattress, it is suggested that you flip or rotate your mattress anywhere from 1 to even 5 times per year!

I realize I am only scratching the surface here when it comes to sleep. There are obviously other things to try in terms of getting a better night’s rest. And certainly reducing stress, as much as humanly possible, from your life is the way to go.

I hope some of these work for you. Better sleep means better concentration and better mental health!

But remember, if you feel that your irritability is out of control and you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it today, my friends. So, until next time, please be safe and, as always, mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

SOURCES:

Greetings, my friends!

“Are you tired? Run down? Listless?”

“Do you poop out at parties??” LOL Taken from I Love Lucy. Check it out. It’s funny, and let’s face it – we could ALL use a laugh!

I am starting with one of my jokes to ease the fact that I am totally suffering from COVID and monkey pox and/or the new virus/disease of the century fatigue!! And I am totally over it!

So, consider this my little rant. And this is NOT a political post for or against vaccines, by the way.

How do you cope with COVID and monkey pox fatigue?!! In other words, how do you cope with being totally sick and tired of hearing about and living with the latest disease or pox of the day? The “Disease du Jour” (Disease of the Day), as I like to call it.

Okay. So, we are nearly 2-1/2 years into the COVID-19 pandemic. And I am BEYOND sick of it! I feel like I need to surgically attach the mask to my face.

The New Pox Upon Our Houses

All of this is making mincemeat of my mental health. It was bad enough to worry about – and still worry about – COVID. And if that isn’t bad enough, now we are seeing this new virus called monkeypox that comes along as if to say “hold my beer.” I mean, as soon as you get used to living in a COVID world, here comes the latest pox upon our houses – the monkeypox.

You experience fever, rash, chills, headaches – you know, like the flu – with monkeypox. But the most distinguishing sign of monkeypox is the horrible rash that spreads across your body, particularly on your face. They look like these God-awful blisters. Doctors and scientists say you can recover from monkeypox and it isn’t a death sentence. But still …

What next? I guarantee you there will be some new germ to fixate on by the end of the year or the first of the New Year!

Monkeypox was actually first discovered in 1958. As the name suggests, it first affected monkeys, but then the first human case came about in 1970. Typically, the virus was found in humans in central and western African countries. And I think it goes without saying, that it won’t be long before this is politicized and used as a stigma against these countries and, heaven forbid, monkeys!

The scientists are already suggesting that the virus is being spread quite rapidly through the gay community. Okay, cue and flashback to the AIDS crisis of the 80s. Stigma much?

Step Right up and Get your Latest Vaccine!!

We not only have the COVID vaccines, but now the monkeypox vaccines. And there seems to be an almost panic with trying to get the monkeypox vaccine. And yes, I am both COVID vaxxed and twice boosted (though now it seems that because of the new variants, this may or may not do any good after all!). And I have now received the first of two doses of the monkeypox vaccine.

But I am so sick and tired of all of this. I feel like I am starting kindergarten all over again, you know, back in the Stone Ages when you had to be vaccinated against everything before you were allowed to start school.

Now, of course you have anti-vaxxers who cry foul over having their children vaccinated. And who will not get vaccinated against COVID at all, and they no doubt will not get vaccinated against monkeypox. Oh. Well.

The Effects of Disease Du Jour on your Mental Health

Thanks to COVID, I feel like I shouldn’t touch any surfaces other than my own at home, that I need to wipe EVERYTHING down. And now because of monkeypox, I also feel like I cannot or should not hug anybody, friends included. I feel like I am living in some sort of Twilight Zone-type, post-apocalyptic world. And it is very tiring. Tiring to worry about your health and germs constantly. Tiring to remember to wear a mask. Tiring to worry whether you are going to catch something so horrible by doing something so innocent.

This sort of mental anguish places one in a high state of panic and anxiety, and that is not good. And especially for someone like me who already suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and intrusive thoughts, it is downright torture.

Cope, Baby, COPE!

So, how does one cope with this madness?

1. I do the best I can to stay healthy.
2. And yes, I get the vaccines. It is, of course, your choice if you don’t. No judgments.
3. Distractions such as music and TV and, of course, blogging and writing help me.
4. Staying positive and focused.
5. Not focusing on it so much.
6. Exercise, if that is your thing.
7. Try NOT to stress eat!! (see my link below on that subject!)

I am THE Biggest Stress Eater in the World!

I have written extensively on positive coping mechanisms, and this is a good time to bring them back up in the face of this BS we are all currently going through:

1. First of all, it’s NOT the end of the world. I think there may be the thought, particularly by Bible thumpers, that we are all doomed. That Armageddon is upon us. I don’t believe that. I think it is a wakeup call to a lot of stuff that is going on in our world, though.
2. Do yourself a favor and get vaccinated (if you believe in vaccines). I am not here to preach for or against. But you know what is best for you.
3. But, yes, do your own research on these vaccines! Again, if you feel skeptical, by all means research what could potentially be going into your body.
4. Practice mindfulness. I have also “preached” extensively on this topic. What is mindfulness? It is when you choose to empty your mind of all thoughts, especially bad ones. Easier said than done, right? But doable. There are several techniques to this. One technique is to imagine your thoughts in a balloon floating away. I feel it is best to listen to guided meditation tapes, any of which you can find on YouTube. You can also choose what you wish to focus on, like the beach. Or the sun. Or a quiet and peaceful place.
5. Music! Music! And more music! I am a HUGE advocate of listening to music to chase away the fears and the blahs and mental boogeymen. So, crank up your favorite tunes!
6. And you may even want to dance when doing so, which brings up another good one – dancing!! I live for 80s nights at the Heretic here in Atlanta. But of course you can always choose to … wait for it …
7. EXERCISE! Working out, running, biking, etc. – some form of physical activity to get your mind off things and to boost your endorphins, which is a mood enhancer and aids in fighting anxiety and depression.
8. Read a book!! Heck, just read! But I personally like the old school reading of a good book or a novel. I would suggest reading a good self-help book, too. I also love biographies and autobiographies of my favorite celebrities. Reading about someone else’s life helps you forget about the miseries in your own.
9. Any hobby will do. Pick up something fun and interesting and entertaining to do to keep your mind focused on something else. Cooking, sewing, martial arts, playing an instrument, etc.
10. Lose yourself in TV. That’s right TV. A good movie or TV show can certainly get your mind off of worrying about COVID, monkeypox or anything in general.

The above list, with the exception of the first 3, can apply to anything that is bothering/worrying you.

But remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

Dealing with the disease du jour can be taxing. But stay positive. And I don’t say that lightly. Thank you all for listening to my little rant. Please feel free to leave me a comment below. And stay safe, healthy, and as always, be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

I’m backkkkk! I hope you all are doing well!

So, what is it like to work for a company or an organization that not only pays you well, but values you as a person???

Many of you may be thinking, ‘I have no clue.’ Don’t worry. You are not alone in that regard.

First of all, no job or career is without its problems or headaches. But when you work in a toxic work environment, it can most certainly wreak havoc on your mental health and wellbeing. Take it from one who has been there more times than I have fingers and toes to count!

In my 37 years of punching a timeclock:

• I have worked under a Christian boss, who was anything but.
• I have worked in the school system in the 90s. Enough said about that.
• I have worked for an entrepreneur who was a scatterbrain and had no clue how to run his own business. He also had a very angry employee that he couldn’t control.
• I have worked for a place that was supposed to be fun, considering it was geared towards children, but it was anything but. The height of toxicity. I mean when you let the nuts run the farm. Just sayin’ …

When I worked for temporary companies, I had no problems. At least not with the companies themselves.

But after 37 years of working and doing all sorts of jobs, I have FINALLY found work that values me. But it isn’t just the job: It is also the people.

At the end of the day, a job is just that – a job. Some jobs are obviously tougher to do than others, just simply by their nature. But it is the people who can make that job either bearable, loads of fun, or a nightmare in pure hell. And I guaran-damn-tee you, that in every scenario I briefly described above, the people on these jobs made my life and the lives of its employees like the Battle of Armageddon!

And you’re stuck with these jive suckers all day and all week long. Every. Damn. Day. 52 weeks out of a year.

That is not the case now. And what is this mystery job of mine? I work as a standardized patient.

And what pray tell is a standardized patient? This is a person who role plays with medical students in a safe environment where they can practice their skills. The standardized patient or SP, is trained to portray all sorts of characters/patients in a wide variety of different medical situations. We are talking about everything from portraying a patient with a simple head cold to someone who is being told a loved one has just died. And yes, it can get intense, but it is all designed to give the medical students an opportunity to not only practice their clinical skills, but to also practice their communication skills, as well. The communication is what the SPs mostly grade the medical students on. In other words, was the medical student empathetic with the SP? Did they establish a rapport? So, it basically boils down to “bedside manner” and how the medical student made you feel as a patient. It is an extremely valuable role, and so much fun!

The staff that I work with is friendly, fun, talented, knowledgeable and very personable.

The director of the program is the person who makes the department run smoothly. Our director is very positive and friendly. She always has a smile, and you can even tell through the mask. 🤣😂

She always wants to know how YOU are doing. As a matter of fact, she recently “called me to her office,” to check in with me. At first, I was like ‘uh oh. I’m in trouble.’ But I really should have known better. You see, she had noticed I had been working a lot over the past six months and was worried that I was getting burned out. You see, this is independent contractor work and, therefore, not a fulltime job.

I was honestly happy that she checked in with me. She started by asking how my aunt was doing. You see, my aunt – the one who helped raise me – has been in the hospital since June! And it was quite kind of her to ask.

She had also sensed that I was a little frustrated, and I jokingly said that I always try and hide that. And that is when she told me that I should NEVER do that! Let her or someone there know if something is bothering me. Wow. Wow! And Wow!!

I have NEVER heard a boss say that to me. Ever! It was always MY FAULT, particularly from the job that was supposed to be “fun.” And since that HORRIBLE experience, I felt that I had to hide my true feelings and fake feelings that I didn’t feel, which I HATE to do. That is NOT good for your mental health!

Speaking of this particular past job, they gaslit a number of us to pretend to be happy when we weren’t. And if we weren’t happy, it was OUR fault, because THEY were perfect and did no wrong. (Gee, sounds like a particular political party.) I was actually even accused of “acting like I didn’t want to be there,” when they were the ones making me feel that way! No, I don’t want to be somewhere where I am not valued as an employee. Imagine that.

To say I worked with a bunch of narcissists in an EXTREMELY toxic environment is an understatement. And all of this wreaked havoc on my mental health BIG TIME! Until I finally had had enough and walked out!

I am rambling to say that when you work for a company or an organization that TOTALLY supports you, stay with it! And it goes without saying to make sure you are paid well. 😉

When you work in a happy work environment, you feel:

• Valued.
• Supported.
• You don’t mind being at work.
• Heck, you even look forward to going to work.
• And when you feel all of the above, you take ownership of what you are doing and do your best!

And again, it’s about the people. When you work with fun, positive people – and not that faux positive crap – but real people with real problems, but who always bring their best to the job, with a great sense of humor and laughter, you want to stay and bring YOUR best to the job!!

It goes without saying that a happy worker is a productive worker.

Oh and check out my blog post from way back about working from home. I think you’ll find some interesting gems there, too.

Returning to Work (after working from home) is a Real BITCH!!!

And if you don’t work for a supportive organization and you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it, my darlings. Until the next time, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Greetings, all my friends! I hope you are faring well during these trying times.

I should have blogged on this topic a long time ago: Stress eating!

I can just eat ANY TIME! I LOVE to eat! Unfortunately, a lot of times it is the wrong types of food, you know, the chips and the burgers and the greasy stuff, etc.

And I finally had to realize that over time I am not just a stress eater, but an emotional eater, as well.

I eat when I am:

• Happy.
• Sad.
• Excited.
• Frustrated (definitely this one).
• And, of course, stressed.

You get the picture. I realize that I don’t eat when I’m mad, though. I drink instead 😂🤣

Anyway, I feel that food solves ALL my problems. But of course, it doesn’t. Sure, it is a temporary patch or a Band Aid to what ails me at the moment, but it doesn’t necessarily solve any of my problems. And I would imagine if you’re in the same boat as I, it doesn’t solve your problems either.

And it goes without saying that eating a lot of unhealthy foods can lead to all sorts of health problems down the road, such as obesity, heart and kidney problems, as well as psychological problems!

So, then why do we stress eat?

I think it has to do with control. We cannot necessarily control the triggering event that brought us to the need to stress eat. But we can control our REACTION to it. And we can also control what we place in our mouths. We control what we eat, how much we eat, and when we feel we’ve had enough. It satisfies some need deep down inside of us. And yes, it temporarily makes us feel better. But then after the feeling has passed, we realize the problem is still there.

But what is the problem?

Furthermore, how can we control it or even stop it?

What is the Underlying Problem?

Well, obviously the problem or problems vary from person to person. Maybe it is job related. Or family related. Or the big one – MONEY related – or the lack thereof. Whatever it is, though, is there something deeper? Like fear? Or fear of failure? Loss of control or loss of something? Loss of ourselves? Or simply life in general?

Life can be a real BITCH! This we know. And figuring out how to cope with life has actually been quite a mystery. I am sure people have their ideas.

In my case, my underlying problems are a mixture of things: Being totally transparent, it is because I absolutely LOVE TO EAT! That is the first and foremost thing for me. As far as what I am hiding or avoiding by eating, I think it is because I am not in a relationship and haven’t been for years. And there is the fact I am so damn tired of working. And that I feel like my dreams have not been totally realized. And then there’s the money – or lack thereof. Wahhhh cry me a river, I know. Because the above scenarios are general for just about everybody. And whose life is perfect? No one’s! And the grass is always greener, yada yada yada.

But I am trying to understand my particular whys.

I do honestly think it goes back to the sheer love of eating and the control factor and the emotional part of it. Food offers me comfort. It offers me relief when I am stressed. It offers me something I can control. There’s that word again. It offers me hope, and it is almost like I am in a relationship with it, like you would be in a relationship with an actual person. And as an old friend jokingly told me a long time ago – Food doesn’t lie. It doesn’t abandon you. LOLOL

How do we stop it, control it, or find substitutes?

Trying to stop something like this, I would imagine, is TOUGH as hell! How do you stop something or try to control something that gives you so much dang pleasure???

Please give me your thoughts and ideas in the comment section below!

I am going to go out on a limb here and give my suggestion as don’t stop it. That’s right. But find a way to deal with it or work around it instead.

I have decided not to immediately grab for the food. At least not yet. I ask myself, can I wait to eat? Or do I feel a need to reach for the chips now?? (And of course, keeping certain foods out of your house is helpful!) If I feel I can wait to eat, like until I am actually hungry, then I will do it then. But then to me it is no longer stress eating. I am actually eating because my body needs it. The psychological games I play with myself!

The other thing I ask myself is where am I when the stress hits. Am I at work? Then if I am at work, chances are I am not able to stress eat. Sure, they may have some snacks at work, but where I work, 9 times out of 10, I don’t want that stuff! LOL

If I am at home, then that might be a problem, because I have Ye Olde Refrigerator stocked with all kinds of goodies.

So, then it goes back to can I wait to eat?

But then this is where the substitutes come into play.

Substitutes for Stress Eating

This will obviously vary from person to person. But after a lot of thinking, I realized that one substitute for me is to simply take a nap. That’s right, sleep off the stress!!

I know some people may call this unhealthy, that this is bordering on depression. But I don’t care. I would rather have a nap than stuff my face with unhealthy food choices. So, for me, it’s a win!

I know others work it out, i.e. through exercise or “stressercise!” LOL That is so not me.

Another substitute could be get your mind off of the stressful event by talking to a friend. Or maybe reading or listening to music. These are great options, as well.

More substitutes – healthy food swaps!

So, why not choose healthier foods to stress eat on? Like, here it comes, FRUITS AND VEGGIES! LOLOL But it’s true. Pick a fruit or vegetable you like. Surely, everyone has some type of fruit or vegetable they don’t mind eating or snacking on.

I basically love the typical apples, oranges, DEFINITELY bananas. And during the summer months, it’s all about peaches, plums and nectarines, which were huge staples in my house growing up during the summer months.

My go-to vegetables are broccoli and carrots. I also dig salads! Tomatoes are a huge fave of mine. Yes, I know they are a fruit. 😊👌 I LOVE CAULIFLOWER!! I put mine in the oven and roast them. I do the same with my broccoli. And they are so delicious that way!

And for ice cream, I have chosen yogurt with fruit mixed in it! I generally cut my own fruit up and put it in there.

And speaking of the fruit, I prep it ahead of time not just for stress eating, but as a general snack anyway. So, it is definitely a win/win.

I have covered a rather interesting, yet real issue. But regardless, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional not just on this topic but on anything, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

In summation, when it comes to stress eating, also know your triggers. What sort of stressful events send you over the edge? Knowing that is half the battle. Then be armed with healthy foods and/or healthier substitutes instead of the fried chicken, potato chips, burger or fries. And as I learned when I was an artist-in-residence for elementary schools here in Atlanta, those foods are SOMETIMES foods not EVERY DAY foods. 😉

Well, that will do it for today. Goodness! I’m hungry LOLOL So, until the next time, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Hi, It’s me. Stan. Ha! Kidding! Hope some of you got my Golden Girls reference. 😂

At any rate, welcome back to another mental health journey by yours truly. Today’s topic is labeling people and how toxic that is!!!

It is one thing when I label myself something, i.e. – Sexy. Gorgeous. Hot. Deranged. Stupid. Silly. Talented. And the list could go on and on and on . (And, of course, it goes without saying that labeling YOURSELF in a NEGATIVE way is VERY toxic and not helpful to your mental health.)

But when someone else does it, it is unbelievably horrible and not at all helpful, and can cause serious damage to the person being labelled.

Why I’m Writing this Post

Please allow me to give you an example from my own recent personal experience, and what got me thinking on this subject. And therefore, my decision to put my thoughts into a post:

Earlier this year, I was at a social gathering of about five people, all gay men (trouble right there), myself included. The evening started off “light and airy.” Until stupid me (I just labelled myself!) started going down a rabbit hole of personal stuff and opinions. Part of the subject was music and to be honest, I don’t remember the rest.

However, at the end of the evening, one particular person labelled me as being “bitter” and that “I needed to let it go,” (a phrase I HATE!), whatever it was that I was supposed to let go, which I am not even quite clear on that. And I am not even sure this person was clear on what I needed to “let go.”

I was taken aback, because for one, I was not in any way, shape or form trying to make it about me. But apparently this person, I suppose, took it that way and proceeded to offer me this unsolicited advice.

I know that when I tell a story, I can become VERY passionate and appear to be angry, which is not my intent at all. And I suppose this is how I came across that evening at this little gathering, when I was actually trying to be dramatic and funny. More labels.

Regardless, the damage had already been done.

So, I started thinking about my dear friend Charles, whom I blogged about in a previous post. Please see below:

Me and Charlie B.

And how he drilled into my head over and over and over again to keep things “light and airy.” But I just wouldn’t listen, thinking I could share myself with others. But sadly, you cannot with everyone.

Anyway, on this particular dark night of the soul, I felt unfairly labelled and judged And how it made me feel.

It didn’t make me feel bad about myself, no. It made me feel very, very angry. Angry with this person and yes, angry with myself for not “keeping it light and airy.” Because how dare anyone do that. And I know what some of you may be thinking: LET IT GO! Who cares what this person or others think? Etc.

Well, it does matter to the extent that WE ALL DO IT – we label people unjustly! And it needs to stop!

The Bitter Angry Bitch of Atlanta

So, that night I dubbed myself the Bitter Angry Bitch of Atlanta (as a joke), much like how Reva Shayne from Guiding Light stripped down next to nothing, stepped in that pool, and dubbed herself the “Slut of Springfield!” LOLOL

My childhood labels

From a LinkedIn article by Leigh Aguirre.

“Labels from childhood might affect future potential and how we see ourselves. Negative labels can stem from trauma at any point in your life. After leaving an abusive relationship, you might carry the names you were called and believe you are unworthy or damaged.”

Please see the full article at the end of this post.

• Sissy. Faggot. Punk. (my labels from childhood from other children).
• Smart.
• Gifted.
• Hard headed. (from childhood and mostly from my grandmother and aunt.)
• Lazy. (from my grandfather when I was a child. His exact words were “you’re going to grow up to be sorry.”)

These negative labels cut me to the core and caused severe damage to my self-esteem and self worth. I definitely felt unloved and unworthy and that I did something wrong. And that I was bad.

My adult labels

• Mean.
• A bitch.
• A mean bitch LOLOL
• Angry.
• Bitter.
• Dramatic.
• Emotional.

So according to these people, that is all there is to me: Being angry, bitter, dramatic, emotional, etc. Apparently, these things are at my heart and soul and core and center of me as a person, according to them.

And I don’t know what was worse, the childhood ones or the ones above.

And I am here to tell you these labels hurt, with the exception of the smart and gifted thingy LOLOL

Even the “positive” labels can backfire

But even being labelled something good can backfire when you always believe that you are that positive label – i.e., the smartest or the prettiest or the best at something, and then someone comes along who is SMARTER or PRETTIER, etc.

For example, with me being labelled smart, I thought that I could just coast through college. But it definitely didn’t work out that way. Or thinking of yourself as being the best because people always told you that. For me, it was the trumpet. Well, as you find in life, there are a WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE who are just as good, if not so much better, at things than you are!!!

We All Place Labels on Things and People!

I suppose we cannot help but place labels on things and people. We have all done it and since the beginning of time. So and so is:

• Beautiful.
• A hard worker.
• Mentally challenged.
• Ugly.
• Smart.
• Kind.
• Fat.
• Too thin.
• Mean.

But are these labels fair or even necessary? Or even true?

And how many times have you and I judged a book by its cover?:

• We see a person with a lot of tattoos or piercings, and we assume that they are heavily into drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Or that they are the members of a gang. Or just flat out mean.
• We see obese people and assume that they eat a lot or that they are very lazy.
• We see an effeminate male and we assume that they are gay. But what if they are gay? Then we assume they are weak. Or that they love fashion. Interior decorating. Or musicals. I am not into any of those things, and I am definitely gay.
• We see a goth person, you know, someone dressed in all black, and we assume that they are depressed or mean or evil or worship the Devil.
• Or a woman who wears tight, revealing clothing with plenty of cleavage – she must be easy, a tramp, a whore.

I think you get the point.

It is rather unhealthy to label people when you do NOT know their story or their history or their reasons why. Or who they really are. As human beings (earth things), we are not ALWAYS one thing or another or one way or another.

The same with feelings and emotions. We don’t always feel the same emotionally. We all can change like a fart in the wind. But according to society, you mustn’t be angry. You mustn’t show weakness or vulnerability. You mustn’t show any emotions whatsoever. OMG you are so “emotional” or “dramatic!” Again, this is soooooooooo unhealthy to label people in such an unfair fashion!! Toxicity at its highest!

Wouldn’t it be better to say, “you are ACTING – insert label here”? In my opinion, you are labeling the BEHAVIOUR not the PERSON.

But I also realize that labeling people makes other people feel better. About themselves. Because they don’t have to take responsibility for their OWN behaviour. And understandably, we wish to be around people who make us feel comfortable. In other words, I don’t wish to be around someone who appears to be gay, because that makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean, what if they come on to me? Or embarrass ME somehow? You get the picture.

Oh and to show that I am not even bitter or angry writing this post, I am currently jamming to this as I type:

Because things WILL get better. I always have hope of that.

Okay. Enough of the musical interlude. 😂

Anyway, as I like to end every post, if you feel that you cannot cope with your mental health issues, there is hope. Please click on the link below. Help is on the way in the form of online therapy, which means you don’t even have to leave your house. 👌😊

In closing, do yourself a favor and before you judge a book by its cover or label someone unjustly, think they are human just like you and me, and that we don’t know the whole story. And perhaps you should ask before you judge.

Also, to those of you who have been unjustly labelled and judged just because, continue to be the fabulous you, that you are. Everyone else can and WILL adjust. Or simply – as I am told – they can get over it. Ha!

That will do it for now. Until the next time, please be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

My friends, hello and greetings and salutations! Thank you for joining me on my 5th and final part of my series on religion and its effects on mental health and wellbeing.

Thus far, in case you missed it, I have given you, basically, the good , the bad, and the ugly about organized religion. Please see below what you have missed, thus far, in previous posts on the subject:

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 1

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 2

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 3

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 4

I shall endeavor to make this final part short and sweet! Actually, I could go on and on AND ON for days on this topic.

I do not have a particular subject for this one. This is more of a summation. I hope I have shown you, if nothing else, the effects that organized religion can have on mental health and wellness overall.

I think one thing I forgot to say, and make VERY abundantly clear, is that if a particular religion makes you feel bad or messes with your head in a very negative way, then I would absolutely question that religion. Others may disagree. In my case, it WORSENED my already existing OCD, which I didn’t know at the time.

Also, when organized religion is in the hands of the wrong people who use that religion to hurt people, then that is very toxic and potentially even dangerous. Religion should make you feel GOOD and uplifted. And it should never, ever be used as a weapon to belittle or hurt others.

For example, judging people for their looks or what they wear or their hairstyle or how they choose to live their life, especially when they are not hurting anyone.

Reminds me of the song Prince wrote for Patti Labelle entitled “Love 89,” that adequately covers what I am trying to convey. Check it out:

I also do not think religion should be used to run a town, city, government, or a country. No matter what anyone’s religious beliefs are, religion should stay out of government and politics. However, we are seeing the rise of right-wing Christian extremism in this country, for example. Funny, how we are not seeing a rise in Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist extremist ideology in the U.S.

Everyone does not believe the same, obviously, and to say that a nation should allow the government or governing bodies to be run based only on any religious doctrine is insane. You cannot and should not force someone to believe what you believe.

To me, that is a mental illness when you believe you have the right to do so.

Organized religion in the hands of the uneducated and the powerful can be an extremely toxic and even deadly thing. But don’t take my word for it. Just research history.

This series was in no way designed to get ANYONE to drop their religious beliefs. However, one should, again, think that if there is ever a moment when you feel your religious beliefs are harmful to you or to anyone else, perhaps you should rethink them.

I would offer this to any religious and/or devout person:

• First of all, you don’t need a religion to make you a good person. Read that again and take all the time you need.
• Secondly, just because you consider yourself a religious and/or devout person does NOT make you a good person. By all means read that again, and take all the time you need.
• In MY opinion, if you as a religious person are not trying to help make this world a better place for someone, and you are just proselytizing and breathing fire and brimstone, and you are just seeking heaven’s gate, no pun intended, then I do not believe your beliefs are worth much. We need your SERVICE not your LIP SERVICE!
• And for goodness’ sakes, please do not use your religion to hurt, belittle or denigrate anyone! The lasting effects on someone’s mind and psyche can be quite harmful, destructive, and devastating!
• And abortion and the LGBTQ community is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Yes, I went there! And speaking of homosexuality –

Another “rant” on homosexuality and religion. It is unconscionable the negative effects on mental health and the psyche that religion and PEOPLE professing certain organized religions have to say on the subject. I am talking words, tenets and beliefs that have hurt the LGBTQ community and quite honestly have caused MANY of my LGBTQ and nonbinary brothers and sisters to self harm and even to commit suicide. Once again, WORDS MATTER! And this kind of destructive hate towards the LGBTQ in the name of religion and/or God, etc., is EXTREMELY HARMFUL AND TOXIC AND ABHORRENT!

After all, homosexuality is certainly nothing new. Just do a little research and history, and you will see that it was the “Christians” who came along and ruined an otherwise natural – YES, NATURAL – comingling of men with other men, and women with other women.

And if there are any of you who are struggling with your homosexuality or bisexuality, etc., AND your religious beliefs, I want you to know and understand that your feelings are VALID. And you should NEVER feel ashamed for who and what you are, regardless of how you were raised or any religious doctrine. I am not your Higher Power or God or any of that, but believe me, I’ve been through all of this when I was in my own cult of hell. And do not suffer the way I did, mentally and emotionally, over the “taboo” subject of homosexuality and the Church. You are how your Higher Power made you. And in my opinion, NO RELIGION IS WORTH YOUR SANITY! Enough said.

Okay. NOW I’m done with my rant. 😊

I do realize this could be a multi-part series in and of itself – homosexuality and religion or homosexuality VERSUS religion or however you wish to look at it. Perhaps down the road.

As I close out this series, remember if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

So, to answer the original question of is religion helpful or harmful and toxic – I think it can be both, if not handled properly.

And that wraps up my series on religion and mental health. Please feel free to leave me a comment below. So, come back next week as I discuss what happens when you unjustly label someone. Until then, and as always, be mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Welcome back, my friends! Are you ready for Part 4 of our favorite topic – religion??? Stay tuned …

TRIGGER WARNING!! Part 4 is going to REALLY deep dive into the very TOXIC and DARK side of religion. The stories and some images you may find disturbing. As a matter of fact, I am going to be quite transparent: This part was so disturbing for me, that that is part of the reason why it has taken me so long to post part 4. This literally makes me sick to my stomach.

But I digress. So, far I have given you Parts 1 and 2 of my experience with organized religion.

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 1

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 2

Then I gave you a lot of positives in Part 3.

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 3

Now, it is time for the truly dark side.

But before we begin, I wish to also add that it isn’t religion’s fault (though some tenets of religion appear to be stricter than others). It is the PEOPLE, who follow these particular religions and who take them to the EXTREME.

And yes, one of the most harmful ways that religion can be toxic is if it goes into extremism, i.e. when it turns into a cult. Or you feel frightened to do or say anything for fear it will upset your God and send you to hell. Or when you feel that your religion is the only and correct way to God. Or you think God wants you to do something horrible for his love. Or heaven forbid, you feel the need to hurt yourself or others. Killing in the name of religion is just pure sick.

Get ready, because we are going to deep dive into religious CULTS!!

Cults – Jacked Up Jonestown

And I am going to start with something from the past that I have always found truly disturbing: The Guyana Jones Tragedy.

The first movie – that I remember – on the subject was released in 1980, starring James Earl Jones and Powers Boothe as Jim Jones.

I remember it in real time. And it started with one of my 6th grade teachers, Mr. Smith, way back in November of 1978 who, in graphic detail, described the events that surrounded the actual mass suicide. If you have never heard of any of this, then let me back up.

• His name was Jim Jones. He started off as a small-time minister in Indiana.
• It didn’t take long before his ministry grew, and quite large, too.
• He was very charismatic, to say the least. Now, as a child I do remember hearing about him in the news, but I don’t recall being alarmed about him. It wasn’t until he moved his entire church to Guyana in South America, where things began to take a decidedly dark and deadly turn.

• Jim Jones built his temple in Guyana and named it Jonestown, of course. These people were made to work hard to build this temple and keep it going.
• Rumors began circulating of Jones physically, mentally and even sexually abusing his parishioners. I am telling you these people would do ANYTHING for him.
• Things only got worse from there as he dissolved all the marriages in Jonestown. Some people thought this was okay; others did not. Anyone who resisted were severely punished. And Jones took advantage of this by having sex with some of the women, even impregnating some of them.
• But it didn’t end there. He also had relationships with some of the men, too.
• News of this traveled around the world, and we began to see all of this unfold.
• In November of 1978 , Senator Leo Ryan from California and newscasters went to see all of this for themselves.
• They questioned Jones and some of his parishioners, who claimed that everything was fine. They did offer the parishioners an opportunity to return with them if they were not happy or if they were being mistreated in any way. And some of them took them up on their offer.
• This did NOT sit well with Jones. So, he did the unthinkable. He ordered them killed as they were leaving, including Senator Ryan. Some of his men went to the airfield just as Senator Ryan and others were about to board their plane and shot and killed them, including those who wished to return with them.
• But that wasn’t the end of it. He ordered the rest of his parishioners to drink poisoned Kool-Aid to end their lives and meet him in Glory. And they did.
• And this is where the phrase “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid” or so and so “Drank the Kool-Aid” comes from. Now you know.

And my 6th grade teacher, Mr. Smith, told us horrible tales that day in class surrounding this. He even told us of a little boy who refused to drink the Kool-Aid. He was beaten until he threw up, and he was forced to eat his own vomit. I have no idea how Mr. Smith would even know something like that. But let’s just say that that day in class, I was thoroughly shocked and disgusted.

Cults – Hellish Heaven’s Gate

And do you remember the outer space cult where that weirdo said that some spaceship was coming to get the members? And they, too, drank some sort of poison and laid down in their beds to die and wait for said spaceship?

• Quick backstory: Back in the 1970s, Marshall Applewhite was a music professor, who allegedly engaged in a homosexual affair with a student. He was fired.
• It was after this that he met Sharon Nettles, whom he had a strong connection with, and whom he later stated was his platonic soulmate.
• They even eventually ended up living together, that is after she left her husband and children.
• They bonded over their shared belief in UFOs, spirituality, and the New Age movement.
• Soon, Applewhite began spreading his beliefs with Nettles by his side.
• It was long after that they felt they were two witnesses mentioned in the Bible in Revelations. (I am assuming they believed they were two of the 144 witnesses mentioned, but I digress).
• Before long, they also believed that they were Supreme Beings – aliens. They even changed their names: Applewhite became Do and Nettles became Ti.
• As most cults do, his following grew – to about 100.
• In 1983, Nettles passed away.
• Applewhite explained this as her passing on to the Next Level, and that she had ascended to a spaceship and received a new body and that he and his followers would do the same. He “symbolically married” his followers, and later stated that they were to look at him as Jesus Christ.
• Flashforward into the 90s, where Applewhite’s group took on several changes, including surgical castration as Applewhite believed that sexuality bound beings to their bodies and kept them from ascending to the Next Level. He also made his followers adopt short haircuts and unisex clothing to reinforce a nonsexual identity.
• In October of 1996, Applewhite and his followers rented a mansion in California. They learned that the Comet Hale-Bopp was soon approaching. Applewhite believed that Nettles was aboard a spacecraft that was following the comet, and her plan was to meet up with them.
• In March of 1997, Applewhite and his followers began recording, essentially, goodbye videos in which their intention was to commit suicide in order to join the passing comet.
• Most members took alcohol laced with barbiturates and then placed bags over their heads.
• They wore Nike shoes (said to be Applewhite’s favorite shoe) and black uniforms with patches that read “Heaven’s Gate Away Team.”
• A bag that contained a few dollars and a form of identification was placed beside most bodies.
• The deaths occurred over three days; Applewhite was one of the last four to die. Three assistants helped him commit suicide, then killed themselves.

Cults – Wacky Waco

And let’s not forget Waco, Texas. And Vernon Wayne Howell, aka David Koresh.

• In 1981, Vernon Wayne Howell moved to Waco, Texas, after being thrown out of his church congregation for trying to convince the pastor of his church in Houston that God wanted him to have his daughter for a wife.
• In Waco, he joined the Branch Davidians, a religious movement founded in 1955 by Benjamin Roden.
• In 1983, Howell claimed the gift of prophecy. He also stated that God wanted him to father a child with Lois Roden, whose deceased husband Benjamin had been the leader of the cult. Lois was in her late 60s.
• In 1990, Howell legally changed his name to David Koresh.
• As with all cult leaders, he began to state that he was some sort of Messiah. In Koresh’s case, he thought of his himself as a spiritual descendent of King David from the Bible.
• Koresh was able to establish his headquarters at the Mount Carmel Center after a rather lengthy and strange battle with George Roden, the son of Benajmin & Lois Roden.
• In the early 1990s, allegations of sexual and physical abuse of children began.
• Much like Jim Jones a decade plus before him, Koresh dissolved marriages and began having sex with the women, including underage girls, although he was legally married to Rachel Jones – and impregnating them.
• He forced the men to be celibate while engaging in sexual activity with their wives.
• It was reported that Koresh had fathered over 13 children, several with underage girls.
• A siege began on February 28, 1993, when over 70 agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms came to the compound to inspect under suspicion of illegal arms and weapons.
• A shootout ensued.
• A fire was started – allegedly by Koresh – which caused the compound to burn to the ground.
• Koresh was shot and killed. It is reported he died by his own hand.
• Over 20 people perished in the compound, including women and children, mostly by gunshots.

Sexual Abuse in the Church

And don’t get me started on the sexual abuse that has occurred in the Catholic Church with priests and young boys and girls! Heck, the Catholic Church isn’t the only one.

I am reminded of the story of a former friend who was sexually propositioned by her preacher when she just 13 years old!!

And you have already read for yourself the sexual abuse in the cults listed above.

And again, it is not just the Catholic Church. The following is taken from an NPR broadcast of Terry Gross this year – 2022 – about a scandal in the Southern Baptist Church:

“This is FRESH AIR. I’m Terry Gross. A sexual abuse scandal has shaken up the Southern Baptist Church. A report issued just over a week ago confirmed that survivors who came forward alleging they were sexually abused by church leaders, ministers, workers and volunteers were ignored or silenced by church leadership and often disparaged. Meanwhile, the church kept a secret list of over 700 offenders. The list was even kept secret from most of the church’s leaders. This new report was commissioned by the Southern Baptist Convention in response to a series of articles investigating widespread sexual abuse in the church. The series titled “Abuse Of Faith” was published in 2019 after a six-month investigation by a team of reporters from the Houston Chronicle and the San Antonio Express-News, a team headed by John Tedesco and my guest Robert Downen, a reporter for the Houston Chronicle. “

My Religious Grandfather and His Effect on My Mental Health

I have already talked about my experiences with religion in college. Well, I need to go even further back than that.

So, I was forced to go to church growing up. Sorry, but there is no other way to put it. For as long as I can remember living with my grandparents and aunt, I went to church every Sunday in some form or fashion. I revealed an old saying in Part 1 that my grandmother would always say – “As long as you live in this house, you are going to church.” And I did.

Where does my grandfather fit into all of this? Well, he would have his Bible wide open at his spot at the kitchen table. Good thing, right? Sure if that is your thing. However, I considered my grandfather to be the meanest thing walking!!

Oh my God where do I start:

1. He belittled me at every turn.
2. His favorite phrase to my grandmother was “that boy is going to be sorry when he grows up,” meaning I was going to amount to nothing.
3. When I got my license, he grew tired of driving grandmother to get groceries. So, his new favorite phrase was “why don’t you get your grandson to take you?”
4. Speaking of licenses and driving, he made it a pure nightmare when he taught me. He made me so frightened to even drive. It took me a while before I was truly comfortable behind the wheel. Talk about being a backseat driver!!
5. But all of the above is nothing compared to the fact that my grandmother revealed in 1987 that he had had an affair with one of his coworkers that produced not one but TWO children, one of which I went to school with and didn’t even know it!
6. She also revealed the fact that he gave her syphilis and had had other affairs!!

And I could go on and on and on and ON! My point is that for someone who was the deacon of our church – DEACON! – and so religious and God fearing, he was a mean, nasty, cheating son-of-a-gun. (And I haven’t even delved into his plotting against me!) And my other major point is that he made me feel unloved and unheard. I felt as if I was this thing that he tolerated and that I was bothering and inconveniencing him, which caused my self-esteem to plummet. He made me feel small and less than.

And to this day, I STILL feel at times that I am inconveniencing people or that I am unheard, like nobody is listening to me. Or that I do not matter. Wahhhhh! I know sob story. No not at all. I am definitely looking for no sympathy. It is what it is. Because I know I am a goddamn beautiful DIVA!!! 💕

Homosexuality

Well, you can just forget about any religion accepting same-sex relationships. In pretty much all of them, it is forbidden, taboo, and considered sinful – despite the fact that homosexuality is found in the animal kingdom!! Also, based on most religions, homosexuality is considered “unnatural.” Yeah, try convincing the typical homosexual, bisexual or lesbian of that.

For some reason, homosexuality has been considered THE greatest sin. To this day, I have no idea why homosexuality is often preached against and talked about when it comes to religion. Funny how we hardly hear anyone preaching from a pulpit the evils of child molestation or abuse, despite mounting and voluminous evidence of seeing it, especially in the Catholic Church. Just sayin’.

The Effects of Organized Religion on Mental Health

In a great number of organized religions, human beings are thought of as being sinful, evil, good-for-nothing creatures with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, except to follow and practice said religion and worship said God. Over time, this could cause some individuals to feel like they are unworthy, have poor body images, and extremely low self-esteem. And this was definitely part of my problem.

Sometimes practicing a particular religion can lead to obsession, anxiety and depression. In my case, it was true. I was always worried about going to hell. I became obsessed with mental thoughts that popped into my head about the Holy Spirit and my fear that I had blasphemed against it. I also know for a fact that I was depressed in some way because of these fears and obsessions.

Other examples of negative effects of religion:

• Some other often overlooked negative effects of religion could include being more judgmental of others and stacking them up against your own religious views.
• There is a possibility of having a more myopic view of others. In other words, through your judgmental religious lens, you are more likely to see things as just black and white, without seeing the gray areas in certain things, i.e. being narrowminded.
• And there is the possibility of not empathizing with other people, because of your narrow religious view.

And the damage done by horrible religious experiences can be long lasting and quite devastating. Reports have shown that some people from strict religious backgrounds are suicidal. Others turn to drugs and/or alcohol and even sexual promiscuity to cope with the demons – no pun intended – from being a part of a religious household or cult.

I split into several identities to help me cope.

The Results of being in a Toxic Church

Also, in some religions, it is a God all or nothing at all. In other words, EVERYTHING must be geared towards that religion and its God. Nothing secular allowed – from music to television shows to the way you dress. And just forget about having sex, unless it is within the boundaries of marriage – between a man and a woman, of course. I don’t know about other religions, per se, but I can tell you that this is extreme Christianity right here.

Some of the resulting damage from being involved in a toxic church is the view that you think you need to separate yourself from others because you believe you are too good to be around them. In other words, the whole “you are of this world and, therefore, a sinner and you are not good enough to be around me.”

Rebellion and Exodus from Organized Religion

There are reports and studies that show that people raised in extremely religious homes, rebel against their upbringing, because it was too strict. I have a friend who is the same age as I, whose father was a minister. And in their household, they were not even allowed to have a TV! They couldn’t listen to secular music (sound familiar?). And his mother could not wear pants or makeup!!

When his father died, the mother immediately went out and bought a television set, makeup, and pants! LOL

Well, that is going to do it for this rather difficult topic. I do hope if you are a person who is a former or even current religious person, that you have not been too triggered. And if so, always remember that there is help for you. Please click on and follow the link below:

Next time, I will conclude all of this with a 5th and final part to this ongoing saga. Feel free to leave me comments down below. And until then, and as always, please be mentally well.

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

SOURCES:

https://www.verywellmind.com/anxiety-and-the-formation-of-religious-beliefs-5186485

https://www.biography.com/crime-figure/david-koresh

https://www.biography.com/crime-figure/marshall-herff-applewhite

Hello, my dear Mind Benders! Welcome back for Part 3 of a very taboo subject: RELIGION!

NOTE: I will not be speaking about any particular denomination or branch of religion, i.e. Islam, Christianity, Judaism, etc. But I shall, instead, keep it very broad. Thanks!

As I have already discussed in both Parts 1 and 2 on the topic of religion, I delved into MY personal story about religion. Keep in my mind that my story may be different from yours. These two parts state my journey and personal experience. And my experience, quite honestly, was horrific. Please see the links below:

Part 1

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 1

Part 2

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 2

So, to be fair, I want to now touch on the positive benefits of practicing a particular religion.

There are people in this world who rely on religion for comfort and peace, as well as to connect with others and to have a sense of belonging or even a social outlet. And there isn’t anything wrong with that.

They do not force their religion on others, and it honestly makes them better people. Some religious-minded people rely on prayer for guidance and not necessarily to ask for anything for themselves. And aside from lay people, you do have priests and nuns, preachers and other religious folks who truly are good people. It is too bad that the really evil ones sometimes overshadow the good ones.

Aside from the fanatical and mean (yes, mean!!) religious people I have known in my life, there have been those whom I have seen a light glowing brightly within or around them. Well, not literally. But they are so gentle and peaceful, the way I envision religious people SHOULD be. They are almost like angels, and you want to be around them. You even feel safe around them. Unfortunately, I can probably count on one hand the number of those religious people I know personally.

Ex-President Jimmy Carter – A Great Example of a True Christian (imo)

One such individual I consider to be a religious and good man, and an example of a true Christian, is ex-President Jimmy Carter. When he was President, the poor man was maligned and walked over, in my opinion, by everyone. He was disrespected and was not thought of as a good President. The worst of his presidency was, no doubt, the Iranian Hostage Crisis that began in 1979 and ended in 1981, and that subsequently ended his presidency.

However, many years after that nonsense, we see that Jimmy Carter truly is what you would call a Man of God. Everything from him building houses to his peacefulness and calm demeanor exemplify what a Christian really is. He is nothing like the fire and brimstone, dramatic, over-the-top, hateful, showman-type charletans that we see today. And it is the latter that actually turn a lot of people off from religion.

Religion Can Play a Role in Better Physical Wellbeing and Mental Health Overall

There are studies that show that practicing a religion can play an important part in promoting overall good mental and physical health. Prayer and meditation are the keys to feeling an overall sense of wellbeing. People state that religion gives them a sense of comfort, peace and hope, all of which connect to the brain and mind which in turn gives you a boost of positivity and a feeling of happiness. This in turn boosts relaxation in your body which is always a good thing for you. People with a healthy dose of spirituality have less stress and generally overall good health.

Furthermore, people who have a HEALTHY view of religion and spirituality, actually seem to live longer, are more compassionate, and healthier. There is nothing at all wrong with possessing a good spiritual life. Turning to prayer and meditation can be very, very helpful.

There is also the notion that the practice of religion (or spirituality) can reduce suicidal ideation, as well as reduce drug and alcohol abuse. This all goes back to promoting an overall positive and healthy mental wellbeing.

Sense of Belonging and Structure

Religion can bring a sense of community, where you are around like-minded individuals. And that is a good thing when you feel that you are part of a group who understands and gets you. This gives you a sense of belonging.

The rituals often associated with religious practices can provide structure, as well as routine. Also in the middle of all of this, one is better able to deal with difficult life situations, which is something religion has often provided for individuals, a sense of comfort during the most difficult and trying times.

Meditation and Mindfulness

One of the components of religion that I actually like is the practice of meditation and even mindfulness. Prayer can, of course, accompany this practice, and I don’t just mean prayer where you are simply asking for “things.” But prayer for peace for yourself and others. Prayer for comfort to those who may be going through a difficult time – SUCH AS UKRAINE!! Or the families of the children slain in UVALDE, TEXAS!!!

And going back to meditation, meditation is certainly a very helpful tool in simply allowing you to clear your thoughts. It can also be helpful to just sit in silence and not think anything. You would be surprised how much guidance you can receive by just being quiet.

I’m in Heaven

One of the most obvious positives of practicing a religion is the belief that when you die, you get to go to heaven or have some eternal reward for following said religion. This seems to be the most widely accepted notion across the board regardless of what type of religion you are practicing. Get through this life, follow the rules and rituals of said religion, and then when you pass away you get to live in paradise. It is very possible that this is the main reason people practice religion. My thought (and opinion) is that so many people practice religion simply for what they can get out of it for themselves, i.e. the eternal reward.

Hope and Inner Guidance

I am also going to say that another huge positive benefit of religion is guidance. Sometimes you can’t get the answers from another person. You have to turn inward to yourself or better yet, to whomever or whatever your Higher Power happens to be. A lot of people find comfort and solace in this, again, especially during horrendous, difficult times.

I also call this hope, which I mentioned earlier. Religion can give you that, as well as peace. Again, when life seems like it is falling down around you, and you do feel powerless, turning to your religion of choice can be that one thing that gives you some hope that things will get better. And that leads to inner peace.

Well, that is it for now. I do hope you found this post helpful. As always, please leave a comment below, if you so desire.

And remember, if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

I do hope you will join me for Part 4 of this series on religion as we delve into the dark and even dangerous, harmful side of it. Until then, as always be safe and stay mentally well!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).

Sources:

Welcome back my friends, who are battling some form of mental imbalance!

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

We are discussing religion, picking back up from Part 1 from last week. See link below:

Religion: Helpful? Or Harmful and Toxic? Part 1

The Voices Start

NOTE: I am about to dive into some EXTREMELY personal stuff. I have never told anyone else in my life what I am about to reveal – except to medical professionals. So, here we go!

As I began last week, after having joined this cult back in 1985 – United Fellowship of Christians or UFC for short – I began experiencing the strangest thing: I was hearing voices. When I look back upon it, I wonder if I was going through some sort of schizophrenic break. Very possible. For example, whenever I would see a woman, in my head I would call her a bitch. I wouldn’t mean to; it would just pop out!! I wouldn’t say it out loud like Tourette’s Syndrome, thankfully, but I was still absolutely mortified!!! I had always looked upon women as my greatest friends, since I felt such a strong kinship towards them, not romantically, but like … sisters. So, color me surprised when this detestable phenomenon began occurring. It was the beginning of my OCD and intrusive thoughts. And it was about to get worse.

Did I uninentionally blaspheme the Holy Spirit????

In the midst of all of this, my thoughts began to center on a particular song that I really enjoyed, secular of course. The song is a Culture Club song entitled “Dangerous Man.” See part of the lyrics, that my OCD brain focused on, below:

“Martin (meaning Martin Luther King, Jr.) had the Devil just like anyone can. He spoke words they were frightened to mention.“

At the time, it just so happened that we were studying about blasphemy of the Holy Ghost in the Bible and that how if anyone does this, you were damned to hell for eternity. Well, when I thought about how much I loved and sang that song, my brain twisted it into I was blaspheming the Holy Ghost, because a man as reverent and religious as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. did NOT have the Devil. He had God in him. I was so frightened over this that I went to Pastor G for help and guidance. He assured me that was not what I was doing. But it really bothered me to think that.

So, the blaspheming thing was settled, but my mind continued to call women bitches, which sent me further into a tailspin.

I got to a point where I couldn’t even look at women for fear that these awful thoughts would pop into my mind. Much like today with the bisexual OCD, which I will be discussing at length coming up.

My Family Becomes Annoyed With My Christian Conversion

And as if all of the above wasn’t bad enough, over time even my own family got sick and tired of me being so religious.

I would come home on break and preach to them about what they watched on TV and what music they listened to. (It’s a wonder I didn’t talk about the food they ate!!) And if you can imagine, that didn’t sit too well with ANY of them!!! Especially my grandmother who sort of set this whole thing in motion to begin with. When I began preaching to her against watching soap operas, she basically let me have it LOLOL And rightfully so!

It got so bad that everyone in the family began to say that this church was taking advantage of me and Big Daddy, and that we were being brainwashed. And that they were taking our money (yes, I was tithing my 10%). They were now “preaching to me” that this church was not good for me and to find someplace else to go!!

I believe I also began to question whether they were real Christians since they didn’t seem to be as “strict” and as in line with “the Word” as this particular church. I think this was the absolute last straw for them. They were now preaching to me to leave this church – IMMEDIATELY!!

They weren’t the only ones. Other close friends of mine at the time began telling me the same thing, particularly Teresa. As a matter of fact, she and some of her witch cronies accosted me over religion. And I didn’t appreciate that to say the least. But I digress …

At one point, I even tried to convert my Jewish friend, Becca, to Christianity! LOLOL When I look back upon this period of my life, I was truly obnoxious. I mean more so than usual 😉

The Entrance of From Luxury to Heartache

Oh but wait. Sometime in the Fall of 1986, Culture Club released their From Luxury to Heartache album. And I just had to have a listen. At the same time, Culture Club appeared on an episode of The A-Team entitled “Cowboy George.” Well, I just had to see the episode, too, which I did. In secret. And I just had to buy the cassette, especially since in the episode, Culture Club debuted two new singles: “God Thank you Woman” and a single they had already released entitled “Move Away.” And both were HOT!!!!

To show you just how sick I was, I would buy the cassette (from Record Bar — yasssss!!!), listen to it in secret – (Big Daddy mustn’t find out!) and then I would feel so guilty that I would snip it up and throw it away. And repeat the process, because I loved the cassette so damn much!! It was soooooo good! Some of their best work since Colour By Numbers! So, why WOULDN’T I want to have it????

Big Daddy Trades Church Sunday for Basketball Sunday

After nearly two years of this insanity, Big Daddy began to not go as much, which was totally a surprise. Mr. “I’m going to live right from now on.” He traded in all of those Sunday services for Carolina Tarheel basketball Sundays as some of the games conflicted with church. Can’t say I blame him. During all of this time, we tried to make all of the UNC basketball home games. As I recall some were on Sundays. The football games we always made since they were all on Saturday. Funny how sports was okay with God but not secular music and television programs. Hmmmm 🤔

It was also around this time that Big Daddy started hanging around different friends who were NOT a part of our church or any church for that matter. I remember one such character whom we shall call Teddy. Teddy would come to our room and hang out. There were even a couple of times I would come home to find him sprawled out on my bed, which I didn’t like.

Big Daddy began to slowly but surely pull away from the church and do his own thing. Again, I can’t say I blame him. I think it was all wearing thin for him. But I felt stuck, because at this point I was so knee deep into the hoopla that I had even started going to morning prayer at 6 fricking o’clock in the fricking morning!! And I had long since been a member of the praise band, switching back and forth between trumpet and clarinet. I was REALLY stuck.

It All Falls Apart and Comes Tumbling Down
So, after two years of this nonsense, I realized I had had enough. I had had enough of Big Daddy and his bullshit. (There were other problems, too, believe me – such as him coveting my belongings and food!!) I had had enough of that church. And I had even had enough of pursuing my major, which was pharmacy.

So, the first thing was I decided I did not want to live with Big Daddy any longer. So, when it came down to choosing housing situations, I applied for a single room. I wanted to live alone, which I should have stuck to all these years, but THAT is another story!

Big Daddy didn’t seem to balk at the idea. As a matter of fact, I think he wanted to move in with his new sports buddy Teddy, and I think they did.

I ended up moving clear across to the other side of campus in a single room in Old West, the northern part of the campus this time. Far, far away from Morrison, and that church, and the madness I had endured for the past two years.

I even changed my major from pharmacy to music education.

Mass Exodus

In the beginning of the new school year, back in the Fall of 1987, I decided to attend a back-to-school party that my old dorm Morrison was throwing. So, I was able to visit with Big Daddy and Teresa, who both still remained there. When visiting Big Daddy, the subject of the church came up, and Big Daddy told me that he wasn’t going back. Not only that but his sister Betty and her friend and a couple of other people weren’t either. I was shocked, to say the least. Not so much with Big Daddy since he was practically absent most of the previous year. But Betty was a shocker.

I told Teresa the news, and she was elated to hear that, to say the least.

So, no more of that church. No more cult. No more pharmacy as a major. But a new major instead, music education.

And that is the end of this particular story. Needless to say, the next two years at Carolina were MUCH freerer and a helluva lot more fun. But then again, in the fall of 1989 I came out, but you already know that part of the story. 😉

Oh and I continued my love of secular music. ❤️😂 And yes. I bought back my cassettes and tapes!!!

That will do it for this time. But I will be back with a Part 3 of religion. Because don’t just listen to my story or the bad side. Let’s hear some good.

And always, remember if you feel that you cannot cope or need to speak with a professional, then online therapy may be the way to go. You can do this in the comfort of your own home without having to get in traffic to drive to an office. Check it out by clicking on the link below:

That’s it for now. So, until the next time, please be safe and mentally well!!

DEREK’S DISCLAIMER:  I am not a medical professional, neither am I giving any medical or legal advice. If you are seeking help from a doctor or an attorney, please consult said professionals.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings on the subjects discussed, and my blog is my own personal experiences and journey with mental imbalance.  Thanking you in advance!

I do not own the copyright to any songs or videos listed here. 

AFFILIATE DISCLAIMER:  There are products on this page.  By clicking on the links, you will be redirected to that page at no cost to you.  However, I will receive compensation if you purchase something (which I hope you do 😊).